Becket hurried over.
“You look pissed. What happened?”
“Fucking Cade Elgin,” Selena said.
“You didn’t?”
“Of course not.”
Really, there was no of course about it.
“Take ten,” Becket called to the members of the Fierce Lovely burlesque troupe who were waiting for her direction. She sat on a brocade sofa across from Selena and picked up a crystal decanter from one of the many liquor-laden carts. The Aviary was always ready for a party.
“Zenobious’s latest.” Becket poured her a shot.
Selena took a sip. It tasted like Everclear and cilantro.
“There’s a learning curve.” Selena puckered her lips. “He’ll get it sometime.”
“What happened?” Becket asked again.
“I can’t work with Cade. She’s going to ruin the store. She wants to change everything.” Selena draped her legs over the arm of the settee and staired at the high ceiling. “She wants to take out all of Ruth’s stuff, like the breathing kittens. Just throw them away like trash.”
Becket cleared her throat. “You know those kittens are creepy as fuck, right?”
“Ruth loved them.” They were creepy. “I just want Cade to save the store without ruining everything, and I could help her, but she won’t listen to any of my ideas. She’s just like, We need to streamline. Get rid of everything.” Selena sat back up. “She wants to make it look like Target.”
“I’d go to that Target,” Becket said.
“Don’t laugh.”
“I’m sorry.”
“She hates everything Satisfaction Guaranteed stands for.”
“It stands for those taxidermized cats?”
“They’re real fake fur.”
“Doesn’t help.”
“She thinks we should just sell sex toys. Nothing else.”
“And that’s a bad thing because?”
“It wouldn’t be Ruth.”
“I know.” Becket’s face gentled. “If you really think Cade’s wrong, put your foot down. Say, We’re doing this. Period.”
“I did.”
“That’s great. See? You got this.”
“I called her a soulless capitalist,” Selena said.
Becket suppressed a smile. “That’s kind of what you need right now. Your passion, her soulless capitalism.”
Selena sat up and poured herself another shot of Zenobious’s creation.
“What if Cade’s right? What if it’s not enough and we lose everything?”
The thought swirled through her mind like a black cloud.
“You’ll be back where you expected to be three days ago. On my couch. Embraced by the love of your friends and looking for a job. But that’s why you have to work together, so you don’t end up on my couch.”
Selena swirled the flecks of green in her drink.
“You’re thinking,” Becket said.
“I thought this was going to be fun,” Selena said. “I liked her. She seemed nice.” Selena paused. “She held me in the rain.”
It sounded like a Hallmark movie.
“What?” Becket drew out the word.
“The night after the funeral. I was going to take a shower. She was exercising. I was sad.”
Becket would never let up about her vow now.
“She just held me and told me it was okay to cry. It wasn’t a big deal.” It had felt like a big deal. At least it had felt special. That made Cade’s cold efficiency harder to take. “We fought about sea cucumbers.”
“You what?”
“Do they bite or not?”
“You fought about cucumbers?”
“Sea cucumbers.”
“An important distinction?”
Becket’s next thought was interrupted by one of the artists stopping by their settees on his way to the bank of sinks on the other side of the floor.
“Beautiful Adrien needs your help,” he said to Selena. “He says he’s deep in alizarin crimson, and he knows it’s wrong, but he’s lost his vision.”
Selena knew the feeling. She shook her head.
Becket stood up. “You should help him.”
“Okay,” Selena said reluctantly, “but I don’t know what I can do.”
Becket snorted.
They got up and headed for Beautiful Adrien’s station. Selena hugged him and gave him a chaste peck on the lips. He was the last person she’d slept with before taking her vow. Neither of them planned on doing it again, but it had moved their friendship from long-and-amiable to something deeper.
“Selena, my savior,” he said. “What am I doing wrong?”
It was easy to see the problem. A teenage girl posed for him in a sweatshirt and jeans. He’d painted her in shades of red. They screamed like writing in all caps.
“Alizarin crimson’s hard,” Selena said. “You get in and you can’t get out. It’s the Hotel California.”
“I know. I only meant to use a tiny bit.”
Selena took a brush from Beautiful Adrien’s collection and mixed the right shade on his palette. She missed the feel of oil paint gliding beneath a brush. She missed the way time disappeared. She missed working so late she fell asleep beside her easel, dreaming in colors that didn’t exist yet. She looked back and forth between the canvas and the girl. If it were her painting, she’d darken the background to black, so the girl’s face shone like a Caravaggio painting by moonlight. If it were her painting, she would…freak out, decide it was worthless, cry, fuck someone, strip the canvas, regret doing it, cry, and gorge on tater tots. But it was easy to fix other people’s paintings.
“Her soul is light blue,” Selena said without taking her eyes off the girl. “It’s in her eyes. Red locks her into who she is now. But she’s still becoming the person she’s going to be.”
A smile of agreement flickered on the girl’s lips.
“You needed the red to get the light here, but it’s only for the gradient, not for the color.” She eased a palette knife along the canvas, loving the way it scraped gently like a lover’s teeth on a bare shoulder. “And here.” She dabbed a dark blue into the background. “You’ll mix it like this.” She chose a brush and showed Beautiful Adrien how to do it, then stepped back.
“You’re amazing,” he said.
They all studied the painting.
“You know, we’ve always got a painting station for you,” Beautiful Adrien said.
“Nah,” Selena said. “I was never any good.”
“Come on,” Becket and Beautiful Adrien said together.
Becket put an arm around Selena, still looking at the painting. “You were the best,” she said, squeezing Selena’s shoulders.
Were.
“So,” Beautiful Adrien said, his perfectly sculpted lips opening in a teasing smile, “I heard you were having trouble with the roommate. Lovers’ quarrel?”
“Adrien,” Becket scolded.
“I like her for Selena,” Beautiful Adrien said. “I talked to her a bit outside the funeral. She’s cool.”
“Are you betting on when I’ll break my vow?” Selena asked. “Do you know how #metoo that is?”
“No one is betting, we’re conjecturing,” Beautiful Adrien said. “Becket wants to put you in a little bubble and keep you safe forever. I think the answer to too much isn’t nothing, it’s balance.”
“You’re so spiritual.” Becket smiled at Beautiful Adrien and shook her head.
Beautiful Adrien grinned. “And she’s hot. I’d swipe right.”
“Don’t listen to Adrien,” Becket said, “but maybe you should give Cade a chance with the store. Self-preservation. You need her. Don’t give her a hard time.”
And maybe she doesn’t deserve it, Selena thought as she headed back down the clattering staircase. Selena remembered Cade’s arms around her. Then she flashed back to Cade’s hunched shoulders. You’re picking up dildos like they’re going to bite you. Selena was a sex educator. She didn’t shame people about their sexual
ity. She worked at a sex toy store. Her job was telling people they were okay. Everyone had anxieties. There was no normal to strive for, just consensual and happy. And there was Cade, looking so pulled together in her genderqueer, boardroom outfits and doing push-ups like a marine, and Selena hadn’t stopped to think what Cade might be feeling underneath all that. Before her vow, Selena would have tried to seduce her; at least now she could have said something kind.
Selena got on her motorcycle and pulled her riding gloves out of her bag, but before she put them on her phone rang. Alex. She let it go to voice mail. When she played the voice mail, it was nothing new. Alex wanted to see her. Just a coffee date. Blah. Blah. Blah. But every word made Selena’s stomach clench. She hit delete.
How could she have gotten herself into a relationship like that? Alex had never been gentle with her. It was always, You’re a genius or You’re wasting your talent. She’d never said, It doesn’t matter if you’re a good painter; I love you. She’d never even given Selena her old paints, even though Selena had worked three jobs to pay for supplies. And Alex’s staticky voice mail still made her sweat. Ridiculous. Selena was a feminist. She was going to be a business owner. She was empowered. But none of that seemed to matter when it came to Alex, so even if she had, for just a second, felt a little love-hate attraction to Cade, Selena was celibate. Shit-together goal number one.
Chapter 11
The next few days were no better. Selena was charming to the customers and icily polite to Cade. Cade texted a litany of complaints to Amy even though Amy was totally unsympathetic. Cute! Amy texted back to a picture of the mermen ornaments. She’s just sad, Amy texted when Cade complained about Selena’s petulant behavior.
At five o’clock on day four, Cade stood behind the counter ringing up a leather thong and bubblegum-scented candle. The third sale of the day. She ran the customer’s card for the fifth time, then gave up and typed the number into the system. At the Elgin Gallery, they had a metal disc on which customers set their Visa Platinum cards. The receipt was a contract of authenticity signed by Cade, the customer, and the gallery’s attorney. The Satisfaction Guaranteed register began spitting out yards of register tape.
It was going to be a long month.
Amy called a few minutes later.
“Just checking up on you,” Amy said. “How’s the store? How’s everything?”
Pots and pans clattered on Amy’s end. Cade could almost smell the tofu roasting. In the background, she heard the Doomsday Man. He walked by the cart every day proclaiming that the world would end at midnight.
“I wish I was back in New York,” Cade said.
“But you’re having an adventure.”
“You sound like my parents.”
“Thank you. So how is it?”
“I was looking for grants last night. I found this grant from something called the Gentrification Abatement Coalition. They’ve got a Small Business Revival Grant. Long fucking shot but maybe.”
“How’s the co-owner?” If it was possible to waggle eyebrows across the phone, Amy did it. Every eligible woman that crossed Cade’s path was a potential romance in Amy’s mind. “I googled her. She is Instagram-influencer hot. Is she single?”
“She’s celibate.”
“And you know that.” Amy sounded delighted. “You guys have been talking.”
They had talked before the whole thing with streamlining inventory. For a moment, Cade had thought this month might be fun, but then they’d gotten down to business and Cade had become the bad guy.
“She’s the kind of person who tells everyone anything,” Cade said.
“Open. Talkative. Not repressed. I like her for you.”
“Amy, please.”
“I’m serious.”
“She’s celibate.”
“That doesn’t mean she’s not interested in a relationship. You’re pretty celibate too.”
“We’re in business. No one is thinking about that except you.”
“So you work together and you get close. You talk about not having sex…”
“She’s not even here,” Cade grumbled.
That wasn’t fair. Selena had told Cade she wanted to help her friend Beautiful Adrien build a stage for some artists’ co-op auction. Cade had said it was fine. She could handle the store. How hard could it be to wait on three people in eight hours? Now she resented Selena’s absence. As always, Cade had to do everything.
“She’s the one who cares about the store,” Cade said. “She wants me to do everything.” Cade sighed. “I mean, she did say she’d teach a class where you paint your vulva.”
Please let that have been a joke.
“Fun,” Amy said.
“You’re supposed to be on my side.”
“Okay. Fine. Can you run the store without this woman?”
Cade sat down on the stool behind the counter. “I can run it better without her. I mean, if she was embezzling, this place would still be in better shape. At least an embezzler would try to make it look like things were okay. But this…I don’t know how you could mess a store up this bad and still be in business. And Selena’s just like my parents with these crazy ideas. She wants to plan a party, not run a shop.”
There was a crash of pans on Amy’s end. Someone yelled, “The quinoa is on fire!”
“You have to go,” Cade said.
“On my way,” Amy called to her crew. “I love you. You can do this,” she added. “You never fail.”
Cade ended the call and set her phone down. Twenty-six more days. They’d salvage what they could, then they’d sell.
“I would never steal from the store.”
Cade spun around. Selena had come in through the back room. The door to the back room opened onto the space behind the counter, so they were close, Selena standing with her feet planted wide, Cade wishing she could spin the stool around three times, make a wish, and be back in New York.
“And we’ve done paint your vulva before and everyone loved it.” Selena’s voice was ice cold.
Now she showed up to work. Cade sighed. Selena looked beautiful and fierce in a leather skirt and thigh-high fake-fur boots, but she looked hurt too. Cade wanted to say, Don’t sneak up on people if you don’t want to hear what they’re saying.
The image of Selena delivering her terrible eulogy flashed through Cade’s mind. Selena dressed like a dominatrix. Shaking with nerves. Her little page of notes clutched in one hand. So wrong and trying so hard. Suddenly, Cade felt a deep desire to put her arms around Selena the way she had on Ruth’s back patio. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Let me hold you.
“You weren’t supposed to hear that,” Cade said.
“I would never embezzle from Ruth,” Selena said.
“I don’t think you did.” Cade ran her hand through her hair. “I said the store would be in better shape if someone had.”
Selena was holding two coffees. Now she slammed them down on the counter. She’d brought one for Cade. Cade felt bad. Selena had been thinking about her. She’d brought a peace offering.
Selena pulled her dark hair back and wrapped it in a messy knot on top of her head. She flexed her hands.
You are not going to try to girl-fight me.
“You are not open to a diversity of viewpoints.” Selena glared at Cade.
“We are not talking politics. We’re running a business.” Cade motioned to the back room. “There is a box full of unopened bills labeled Chardonnay, Clitorises etc. It should be labeled We’re Fucked. But I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. I’m just…” Tired. Frustrated. Lonely. “I’m an asshole.”
Selena removed the lid on her coffee and managed to suck the whipped cream top aggressively.
Cade lifted the other coffee. “For me?”
“Yes,” Selena said sullenly.
Cade took a sip. Selena had remembered that she took it black. No whipped cream. It was strong as swallowing a mouthful of coffee beans.
“Thank you,” Cade said.
; They stood in silence, Cade wishing things hadn’t gone wrong. Selena was supposed to be glad she was there. And Cade had even thought they might have fun together. That had been a dream.
“You don’t even want my help,” Selena said.
Because selling dildos at a midnight sidewalk sale is not helpful…and probably not legal.
“The Chamber of Commerce is putting on a presentation on small business inventory management.” Maybe if Selena understood what Cade was doing. “Let’s go together.”
As soon as she said it, Cade realized how much she needed Selena to say yes. I want a team. She hadn’t felt that since she rowed crew. Now she was just rowing frantically for everyone else. By herself. With no one to say, Take a break, or Let me take over.
Please.
Selena put her hands on her hips. “If you go to the Sex Industry Expo with me.”
“Okay.”
“And hand out flyers.”
Why was this her life? Cade wished she could think of a reason why advertising a sex toy store at a sex expo was a bad idea, but it wasn’t. Obviously.
“Yes,” Cade said reluctantly. “I will go to the expo and hand out flyers.”
“We’ll have fun.”
Not Cade’s idea of fun.
“Okay,” Cade said.
Selena rewarded her with a genuinely warm smile.
“I love the Sexpo,” she said. “Now I’ve got to run. I’m just stopping by for a sec to grab a few vibrators. Are you still good by yourself here?”
“I’m good,” Cade said. “Good luck with your…”
Just stopping by to grab a few vibrators. Of course. Everyone stopped by work to grab a few vibrators. Selena was supposed to be building a stage. What were the vibrators for? Cade had a vision of Selena in her tight skirt, with a vibrator, on a stage… That thought did not belong in her mind. She felt heat rise in her cheeks. She hoped Selena didn’t notice, but the twinkle in Selena’s eyes said she probably did. Of course Cade noticed her. Surely everyone noticed Selena. Cade felt like a little sister caught admiring a big sister’s boyfriend.
“Well, go,” Cade said. “Your vibrator stage isn’t going to build itself.”
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