Selena looked at Cade, her face suddenly serious.
“Are you okay with this stuff?” Selena asked. “If something happened to you, if this brings up past stuff, you don’t have to work the floor. I can do it if you don’t want to.”
“No,” Cade said. “I’m lucky. Nothing bad has happened to me like that.” She paused. “I just never had much luck with sex toys.”
She was surprised. It was easy to say. Not a big deal. The elliptical didn’t give her a good workout. Cilantro tasted like soap. And sex toys weren’t her thing.
“That’s okay,” Selena said.
“But I always felt like I was a bit of a fail. Everybody likes them. I want to like them,” Cade admitted.
She felt comfortable telling Selena. Not comfortable enough to tell her the whole story, but comfortable.
“You’re never a fail because you don’t want to do something you don’t like,” Selena said. “You don’t have to be anything you’re not.”
Cade didn’t realize how much she wanted to hear those words until Selena spoke them.
“You’re perfect,” Selena said.
Their eyes met. Cade was suddenly aware of how dim the store was without the overhead lights. It was just them and their eyes locked and the giant, neon clitoris.
And Cade had to admit it; she had a crush so big she felt like her heart filled the whole room. Selena. Cade turned away, closing her eyes, trying—and failing—to hold back the wave of longing that washed over her. She hadn’t had a crush like this since she was a teenager. And even if Selena had touched her lips and given her a cherry, it was all impossible. Selena was celibate. Cade had a return trip ticket to New York on her Delta app. It would be fun to flirt with Selena for the few weeks they’d be together, to dream, to pretend, but Cade liked Selena more than that, and the happiness she felt was mixed with something bittersweet. Don’t hope.
“And if you want to like them, you can practice,” Selena said. “And we sell books with exercises. Or you could find someone to help you.”
“You’re a good teacher,” Cade said, realizing a second too late that it didn’t sound like she was talking about sales techniques. “I…I didn’t mean…”
Selena walked past Cade to the counter. As she went by, she trailed her fingertips across Cade’s lower back, just a whisper of a touch.
“I know what you meant.”
Chapter 19
A few days later, Selena sat beside Cade on the Tri-met, watching the streets whiz by as they headed to the Sexpo. Cade held the box of flyers Selena had made. She opened it for the third time.
“These look great,” Cade said. “You’re just so good at this.”
Her words made Selena’s heart sing. Design had never been Selena’s specialty, but she’d taken classes. She had an eye.
“The colors here.” Cade pointed to the stylized clitoris Selena had created as a logo for the store. “The curve here. Brilliant.”
Selena’s heart floated above the train like a kite. Cade thought she had talent.
“You’re the opposite of Alex,” Selena said.
Cade was the opposite of Alex. Kind when Alex had been mean. Encouraging when Alex had been critical. And Selena loved Cade’s dry sense of humor. Every time Selena had joked with Alex, Alex had taken her seriously, which made whatever Selena had said sound stupid.
Selena probably shouldn’t have said it though. Alex was her ex, and Cade was her friend…coworker…co-inheritor. Something.
“Sorry, that’s weird,” Selena said.
“I want to be opposite to her.” Cade looked at Selena with kind eyes. “She’s an asshole.”
Selena looked down at the flyers. “I’m glad you like these.”
Cade ran her finger down the flyer. Selena tried not to notice the perfect architecture of her hand. Like Rodin marble. Those hands could…Selena stopped herself. Her mind had been turning toward Cade’s hands, Cade’s lips, Cade’s everything. And it wasn’t because she was celibate and the idea of anyone’s hands on her body was enticing. It was Cade.
“But the calendar.” Cade’s finger came to rest on the calendar of events. “It goes through June.”
“We can move the dates around if we need to.”
“Yes,” Cade said tentatively. She put the lid back on the box. “But we’re not doing as well as we need to. I called Swing Set. I think they’ll work with us. But the others…We shouldn’t get our hopes up.”
Selena had been trying not to. Cade had a return trip ticket. She had a life in New York. The thought was starting to make Selena sad, a kind of sad that kept her up at night staring at the lights strung across her ceiling.
Selena pulled herself out of her thoughts.
“We’ll make it work,” she said. “We’re handing out a thousand flyers, so everyone knows that Satisfaction Guaranteed is Portland’s best sex toy store.”
“I am going to give a thousand people a picture of a clitoris,” Cade said with mock distress. Then she added, “A very well-designed clitoris.”
“Only five hundred. We’ll share.”
“We’re not going to split up in there?”
“We’ll get out faster if we do.”
“How could you leave me?” Cade clasped a hand to her chest.
How could you leave me? Leave the shop? Leave Portland? How silly to even think about wanting Cade to stay. They hadn’t known each other a month. But still…
The train’s automatic message announced their stop and they got off with the rest of the crowd. People streamed toward the expo center, dressed in everything from fleece to full bondage gear.
“You’ll love it,” Selena said.
Selena liked the way Cade rolled her eyes.
“They have live demonstrations.” Selena raised her eyebrows.
“Oh, god,” Cade said.
“You could volunteer.”
“You learn something new every day,” Cade said.
“You’d be a wonderful subject.”
Selena was flirting. She shouldn’t. It was just so tempting. She loved the way Cade tried to hide a smile, the way she ducked her head and hid behind the perfect sweep of her blond hair. Cade was gorgeous, and she was Cadence Elgin of the Elgin Gallery, but somehow it seemed like she was always surprised when Selena complimented her, like Selena was the first woman to pay attention to her. It made her want to lavish Cade with her attention. The wrong choices were always so much more attractive than the responsible ones.
“What do you want to know?” Selena said. “I could teach you.”
Cade blushed.
Do not flirt.
Selena looped her arm through Cade’s. They were both wearing coats, but the touch still gave her a thrill.
“Come on. Let’s get in there,” Selena said. “You’re going to beg me to stay all day once you see what it’s like.”
“Optimist.” Cade gave her a little shove with her shoulder, then pulled her back, their bodies almost touching as they strolled in arm in arm.
Inside, Selena led Cade to the check-in table. They took their place at the end of the registration line. It was more of a registration cluster. A man knocked into Selena. The crowd pressed them together. It was wonderful. But too soon they were through the line. Inside, the space was filled with stalls selling sex products. Some stalls played porn on big screens behind their stuff. Famous porn stars signed autographs for fans. Nearby a maker sold handmade purses that looked like vulvas.
Cade’s eyes were wide.
“Okay, it’s a lot,” Selena said. “But it really is cool. It’s an experience.”
“Everyone likes an experience.” Cade looked at a stand of blow-up dolls. “Wow.”
“Want to give me my flyers?”
Cade split the stack in two and handed half to Selena.
“You ready to tell everyone how fabulous we are…the store is?” Selena asked.
“Yes.” Cade looked like she was trying on a power pose: shoulders back, chin up. “We are f
abulous.”
“You got this.”
There was a map of the conference on an easel nearby. Selena walked over and studied it. “We could meet up at the Bouncy House of Breasts in, say, two hours?”
“Of course. Everyone meets at the Bouncy House of Breasts.” Cade shook her head with a look of amused disbelief.
She looked adorably formal in her starched shirt and overcoat, all gray. Formal and hot. People would notice her. They’d hit on her. For sure. And that was none of Selena’s business, and she shouldn’t mind. At all.
“Thank you for doing this,” Selena said.
Selena rose up on her toes and planted a kiss on Cade’s cheek with a loud smack. She’d kissed Becket like that a thousand times. But this was different. Their eyes locked for a second. Cade opened her mouth but said nothing.
God, you’re lovely.
“Now go,” Selena said. “Talk about the clitoris.”
“I’m doing this for you,” Cade said over her shoulder as she walked away. “Appreciate it.”
Selena did, and she watched Cade’s back until Cade disappeared into the crowd.
Selena arrived at the Bouncy House of Breasts twenty minutes early, which was good because it was a twenty-minute wait to get in. Cade arrived as Selena was nearing the front of the line, handing her last flyer to a random person as she joined Selena.
“How was it?” Selena asked.
Cade raised her arm over her face. “I know how to talk about art.”
“Sex is the sacred human art.”
“Not the kind of art you can wrap in bubble wrap and ship to the Hamptons.”
“Whatever works for you. There’s nothing wrong with a little bubble wrap,” Selena drawled, delighting in Cade’s blush. “I’m sure you did great.”
“Is this what I think it is?” Cade nodded toward the large, pink bouncy house ahead of them.
“It’s here every year.”
“Full of breasts?”
“Giant inflatable breasts.”
Cade groaned.
“You’re secretly having fun,” Selena said.
“Now that I’m back with you.”
You’re celibate. Don’t flirt. The smile Cade gave her weakened Selena’s resolves.
“Next!” the man at the entrance called.
“That’s us.”
The bouncy house manager glared at them for not taking their shoes off while they were still in line.
“No sharp objects in your pockets. You get two minutes. If you panic, call for help.”
They crawled through a plastic flap into the bouncy house. Inside, it was like being in a cloud of giant bubbles, only they were breasts. Different colors. Different nipples. Inflated like a backyard party bouncy house except so very different. The light in the house came from the soft, pink glow of the ceiling.
“I can’t believe someone made this,” Cade said, stumbling against a dark brown breast.
Cade looked around.
“Bounce.” Selena jumped on the springy floor, feeling like a kid.
Cade jumped too, her perfect hair flying around her. The young CEO letting loose. It was the cutest thing, and hearing Cade laugh, Selena felt like she’d done something wonderful, something she wanted to do again and again: make Cade happy.
“One minute,” the bouncy house master called in.
It went so quickly.
Cade launched herself off one of the breasts. Selena bounced off another. The inflatable breasts sent them toppling in different directions. Then before she realized where she was going, Selena collided with Cade, losing her footing and falling backward. Cade grabbed her to steady her, but the floor shifted, and Cade fell forward. She caught herself at the last minute, bracing her whole body in a push-up, hovering above Selena, her body swaying as she held her pose on the shifting floor.
She was so strong. She would be a wonderful lover, strong enough to hold Selena down, gentle enough to lift her up. Kind. Attentive. Thoughtful. All the things people forgot to look for when they looked for lovers. All the things Selena had never had with Alex. And Selena’s whole body cried out for Cade’s weight on top of her.
And for once the universe agreed to give her exactly what she wanted. The bouncy house quivered. The floor sunk beneath them. Cade lost her hold, and she collapsed on top of Selena, the whole length of their legs touching, their hips pressed together.
“Oh, my god, I’m sorry,” Cade said. “I’m sorry. I…”
Selena put her arms around Cade’s waist before she realized what she was doing. She heard Cade gasp, but Selena had been with enough people to know the difference between distress and delight.
“I’m sorry,” Selena breathed, but she didn’t let Cade go and Cade didn’t struggle.
Selena felt like time froze. Surely outside the bouncy house everyone had turned into a statue. Her breath sounded loud in her ears. She could feel Cade’s heartbeat.
Kiss me.
“You’re done,” the bouncy house manager called out. “Next.”
Cade seemed to remember where she was. She tried to scramble away, blushing furiously, but the floor pushed them together, like sinking into the middle of a mattress. It felt right.
“You get two minutes with the breasts. If you don’t share the breasts, there will not be enough breasts for everyone,” the manager called out.
Cade burst into laughter. It was contagious. And suddenly, Selena was laughing so hard she could barely catch her breath. Cade got hold of a nipple and pulled herself up. Cade pulled Selena to her feet.
“Out!” the manager yelled.
“Are we going to get a ticket for spending too much time with the breasts?” Cade was still laughing. “Can I contest it in court?”
They crawled out of the bouncy house through a pink tube with an inflatable vulva on the outside.
Cade looked back, grinning. “Think we could get one of those for the backyard?”
“We could.” Selena was so focused on Cade she nearly walked into a man in a condom costume. Cade caught her around the waist and guided her out of his way.
“You’re actually thinking about it,” Cade said.
“We could throw a party.”
“Okay. We’ll throw a bouncy house party, maybe for Arbor Day.”
Selena laughed. “Don’t you think Valentine’s Day would be more traditional?”
“Too obvious.” Cade raised her eyebrows. “No one expects the Bouncy House of Breasts on Arbor Day. It would be an experience.”
Of course they wouldn’t have an inflatable-breast-house party for Arbor Day, but it was fun to pretend. And dangerous, a voice in the back of Selena’s mind whispered. She really would like to throw a party with Cade. She could picture it, just like the parties Ruth threw. Food and drinks and lights and music, her and Cade standing on the sidelines admiring the festivities. She couldn’t remember when Arbor Day was exactly, but it was not in the next few weeks before Cade left. What day was Cade leaving? Had Selena forgotten or had she pushed it out of her mind? Whatever. She pushed the thought away again.
They walked toward the train in perfect step with each other.
“Do you think anyone really panics in the bouncy house?” Cade asked.
“Maybe.” Selena laughed. “If they’re claustrophobic or they’re afraid of women. Female power and all that. Everyone’s got their phobias. I’m afraid of amusement park rides.”
“Riding a motorcycle is more dangerous.”
“But I’m in control. Back in Tristess, there were these traveling fairs that’d show up in an empty lot. Overnight. There they were. You could see there were lights burnt out on the rides. The paint was coming off. I don’t know that the guy who runs the Zipper wasn’t drunk last night.”
Cade laughed. “I would have thought you’d love rides.”
“What are you afraid of?” Selena asked.
“Plane crashes. Climate change. The usual stuff.” Cade put her hands in her pockets. “Dying alone and being eaten by
my cat.”
“Sociopath?”
“He’d eat me before I was dead if I didn’t move fast enough.”
Cade’s voice was light, but when Selena glanced over, Cade’s brow was furrowed.
“Are you really afraid you’ll die alone? Sorry. That’s heavy.”
Cade shrugged.
“My friend Amy says I don’t have enough fun, don’t go out enough. My parents say I’m old before my time, and I need to meet someone.” She smiled ruefully. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Why don’t you go out?”
“I do go out, and I do meet women.”
Selena felt a sting of jealousy.
“But it’s always for work,” Cade added. “And they’re not interested in me, just the gallery and my parents.”
Selena doubted that.
“Do you like working for your parents?” she asked. “If it takes up so much of your life?”
Cade looked over with mild surprise.
“I don’t work for them. I own a third of the gallery.”
She owned it, part of it. The thought made Selena’s heart sink a little. Cade was even more tied to the gallery than she’d realized and even more über professional.
“I do more than a third of the work, though,” Cade said, “and I like it. I’d love it if I could run it without fighting with my parents over alpacas or whatever. If I could just work with someone responsible, who did what they were supposed to do, and didn’t make crazy decisions because the Spirit of the Universe told them to.”
That was to say, Cade didn’t want to work with a person like Selena. Selena let out a tiny sigh.
They’d reached the train stop. Cade scanned the tracks.
“And I love the art,” Cade said. “I love the opening where everything is perfect. The work is amazing. I get to see the artist go from some guy who paints on plywood in an attic to…a star. It doesn’t always make them happy to be famous, but at least they’ll never wonder what if. And people get to see great work. You know what’s dumb, though,” Cade said, still staring into the distance. “They transferred a third of the ownership to me when I turned twenty-one. I get a third of the gallery’s profits. It was a huge gift. But I didn’t want it. Spoiled kid, right?” She turned back to Selena. “I just didn’t want it yet. I felt like…” She trailed off.
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