Satisfaction Guaranteed

by Karelia Stetz-Waters

  And with that thought, there it was: reality.

  Sales at Satisfaction Guaranteed were getting better and better, but it wasn’t nearly enough. There was no way they’d make the money they needed. The grant was the longest of long shots. And so little time left. Even if Cade threw in her savings, they wouldn’t be close. She’d have to go back to New York. She couldn’t stay in Portland hoping that one day Selena would be ready. Even if Cade found an excuse to stay and Selena was ready, there was still the matter of six times, no orgasm, and got-kicked-out-of-bed-for-poor-performance. There was still the matter of even-my-mother-thinks-I’m-boring. Cade wouldn’t hold Selena’s interest for long. She sighed. Amy would say encouraging things about long-distance relationships, dating while they were celibate, growing as a couple.

  Don’t hope too much.

  Cade’s body was still glowing from the pressure of Selena’s leg between hers. She crawled under the blankets, unbuttoned her pants, and slipped her hand between her legs. She tried a variety of touch and pressure. It was all right, nothing like Selena’s body against hers. She got up again and got a vibrator out of the bag of merchandise she’d taken from Satisfaction Guaranteed. They all came fully charged. (Cade had emphasized that feature to customers in hopes that they wouldn’t ask about anything else.) She turned it on and pressed it to about where her clit was.

  Fine.

  She increased the vibrations.

  Okay.

  She switched to one of the twelve patterns of vibration. It felt like Morse code, but she wasn’t getting the message, until…there.

  There it was. Right there. Twenty-nine years and she hadn’t, but now…yes…that was it…a little harder.

  But what if she couldn’t? The pleasure of the vibration faded a little. She increased the vibrations again. A car passed by the house. They were driving too fast. Could someone see her from the road? Selena probably masturbated in broad daylight. Was it wrong to masturbate in her aunt’s bed? Thoughts popped into her mind like the notifications on her phone. The pleasure she’d felt faded into the dull ache of need. She turned the vibrator off and tossed it in the bedside table drawer. Apparently, she wasn’t ready yet either.

  Chapter 22

  Cade wandered into the kitchen the next morning around six. Cade’s head was still spinning. She hadn’t slept. She felt elated and rejected at the same time.

  She texted Amy.

  We kissed but she doesn’t want anything.

  Amy called instantly.

  “You kissed? When? Where? Did you sleep with her?”

  Cade could hear Amy tucking her phone under her ear as she tended to something in the food cart.

  “It wasn’t that big a deal.” The lilt in Cade’s voice made her a liar. There was no feigning cool. “She was teaching a class, and afterwards we were just playing around, painting vulva, except she painted me, and I painted a mandala, and then she showed me her vulva on her phone, and I kissed her.” She sounded like a teenager. “She’s amazing.”

  “Hold on. You were painting your vulva?” Amy asked. “Naked?”

  “On paper. With clothes. But she’s celibate, and she said she wasn’t ready.” Cade sat down at the table. “And I’m leaving. We were drinking boxed wine. It really wasn’t anything.”

  She knew Amy wouldn’t let her get away with that.

  “You like her.” Cade heard Amy slap the food cart counter with satisfaction. “You. Cade Elgin. A crush. Finally.”

  “There’s no finally about it.”

  “When was the last time you crushed on someone?”

  “High school.”

  Amy let out her big, loving I-told-you-so laugh.

  “And maybe she can help you with your…problem.”

  Cade picked up a cat-shaped saltshaker and poured out a pile of salt. If Selena decided to break her vow and Cade was the first person she was with…what a sad reentry into sex.

  “Anyway, it’s nothing, but I wanted to tell you,” Cade said, “so you wouldn’t think I was totally frigid.”

  Cade heard Selena cough behind her. Cade spun around. Selena was never up this early.

  “I’m sorry,” Selena said.

  Selena’s moonlight robe swung around her hips, and her dark hair was loose. She looked like a pin-up girl and an angel all at once.

  “Let me talk to her,” Amy said.

  “Why?!”

  “I want to get to know her, the woman who got you out of your tax books.”

  “You cannot talk…” Cade didn’t finish the sentence.

  Selena looked at her, a slight smile pulling at the corner of her lips.

  “I need to go,” Cade said.

  “Just tell her I’m your ride-or-die and I want to say hello,” Amy said.

  “I love you and no way.” Cade hung up and put her phone on silent.

  “Hey,” Selena said. “Sorry. Do you want some cereal?”

  Cade needed a protein shake and two hours at the gym to clear her head.

  “You’re up early,” Cade said.

  Selena sat down across from her, looking more serious.

  “I wanted to talk to you. Are you okay? Last night…” Selena trailed off.

  “Of course?” It came out as a question. Who wouldn’t be okay with kissing Selena Mathis? But then who would be okay with Selena Mathis not wanting to kiss them again?

  “I told you I was celibate,” Selena began.

  And Cade had kissed her anyway. And after that, she’d been so excited and flustered and happy. She hadn’t even thought about what she’d done to Selena. They sold T-shirts that read CONSENT IS MANDATORY. She was a creeper, one of those people who didn’t listen to women when they said no.

  “I am so sorry.” Cade covered her mouth. “Shit. I wasn’t thinking. I can go. Do you want me to go?” She started to stand up. “I know you’re celibate, and then I just…you didn’t want that. You didn’t give me any sign—”

  Selena caught Cade’s hand before Cade could stand all the way up. The touch rushed through Cade’s body.

  “If I weren’t celibate,” Selena said, “I would eat you like a peach.”

  Cade froze, half standing. Selena’s grip on her hand softened, but she didn’t let go.

  “I gave you every sign,” Selena said. “The only sign I could have given you that was more obvious was a text saying please kiss me now.”

  Cade sat back down. Did that mean…?

  “I thought I was ready.” Selena released her hand.

  No. It didn’t mean.

  “Last night,” Selena said. “For a second. I had this moment, with all those students, I thought, I’ve got my shit together. But I don’t. Not like you. There’s things I need to figure out.” She gave a little laugh. “I lied to my ex about being engaged to Cadence Elgin. That’s not shit-together territory. I didn’t mean to lead you on.”

  Cade felt hurt and giddy at the same time. She stirred a heart in the salt on the table, realized what she’d done, and erased it. Selena sat on her hands, waiting for a response.

  “I know what it’s like to like someone and have them play games,” Selena said when Cade failed to speak. “Not that I think you like me.” She rushed the words out in half a breath. “Just, I like you, not like that, I mean…not that I wouldn’t like you like that…but we’re coworkers, roommates…sort of roommates…and I’m celibate, and I knew that, and I hope you don’t feel like I took advantage of you.”

  Selena hung her head, her messy black hair falling over her face. Cade stared at her.

  “Forgive me?” Selena said. “I have a way of fucking things up. Did I?”

  Cade replayed the kiss in her mind. Not hard to do since she’d been playing it on repeat all night.

  “You didn’t take advantage of me,” Cade said. “I kissed you first.”

  It was hard to believe but true.

  Selena looked up, a smile lighting her face.

  “You did.” Then in a breath so quiet that Cade barely heard her,
Selena whispered, “I was so into it I couldn’t remember.”

  And Cade melted into a pool of lust and longing and confusion and delight.

  “We’re cool?” Selena asked.

  “Of course.”

  “Good. You can wear mine.”

  Cade hadn’t even noticed the two motorcycle helmets on the table. Selena put her hand on one.

  “I borrowed Becket’s spare,” she said. “Now you can ride with me.”

  Half an hour later they were dressed and standing in the driveway. Selena had changed into pleather leggings and her purple fake fur, but she held an armload of leather.

  “These things are terrifying.” Cade eyed the bike.

  “Don’t worry.” Selena winked. “I started riding dirt bikes when I was four.”

  “For real?”

  “Yeah,” Selena said a little defensively. She hugged the leathers to her chest. “It was normal back home.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that.” Cade allowed herself to look at Selena and really take her in. Her glittery boots. Her hair pulled back in a knot that looked utterly untangleable. The mischievous asymmetry of her smile. “That’s cool. I wish I’d seen you as a kid.”

  Selena’s face softened instantly.

  “I was an awesome kid. Come on. Let’s get you dressed.” She laid the leathers out over the bike. “Chaps. Jacket. Gloves.”

  Cade gave her a look. “I’m wearing that?”

  “Yes. And please don’t say I have to wear all this too because we are just going around the block. If you knew what I’ve ridden in. But I’ve reformed. No high heels. No short shorts.”

  “Have you ever crashed?”

  “Of course.” Selena handed Cade the chaps. “Plenty. Don’t worry. You don’t want to ride with someone who hasn’t. You don’t want to be their first crash.”

  Cade blew out a breath. She was going to do this. No point in dragging her feet. She struggled into the chaps. The concept was obvious. Getting her legs through the right holes while standing up was harder. But soon she was dressed. The leather was heavy but supple, like Selena had worn it for years. The thought made Cade tingle.

  Selena put her hands on her hips, accentuating every curve.

  “You look like a prep schoolboy gone bad,” she said.

  Cade spread her arms. “A look I’ve always wanted.”

  Selena laughed.

  “Let me give you a tour.” Selena identified the parts on her bike.

  Cade knew a quarter of the words Selena used.

  “Now when we ride,” Selena went on, “I’ll get on first. Then you’ll swing your leg over like this.” She demonstrated with a graceful swoop of her leg. “Now when we’re riding, it’s a lot easier for me to keep my weight upright, so you can lean into me. I can hold us both. You don’t ride with someone if they can’t hold you. Make sure you always have at least one arm around me. And if our helmets bump, that’s my fault for being too jerky.” Selena mounted the bike. “And I’m used to riding fast, so one tap on my shoulder means slow down. Two means stop soon. Three means stop now.”

  Cade didn’t ask if there was a tap to speed up.

  “I’ve been a lot of people’s first ride. I got you.”

  For a second, they were silent, as though they were both about to speak or both saying something without words.

  “Ready?” Selena said quietly.

  She picked up one of the helmets that had been dangling off the handlebars and stepped toward Cade. For a second, Cade thought Selena would kiss her, but Selena placed the helmet on Cade’s head and pulled it forward. The black sphere covered her face. The foam inside hugged Cade’s cheeks. It smelled of Selena’s perfume and her shampoo. Selena took the helmet in both hands and adjusted it.

  She was so close. Black glitter sparkled on her long eyelashes. Her lipstick was a perfect burgundy. She shifted the helmet on Cade’s head, then ran two fingers along the inner edge of the foam where it pressed against Cade’s neck. She was checking the fit, but Selena’s touch made Cade’s knees tremble and her head expand. As long as Selena was touching her, Cade didn’t care if her parents bought an alpaca farm or ran the Elgin Gallery into the ground. She didn’t care if she lost her QuickBooks password or never saw her walk-up apartment again.

  Selena rubbed her fingertips gently against the back of Cade’s neck.

  “Don’t be tense.”

  Cade thought she might faint.

  “Remember, you can always tell me to slow down or stop.”

  With that, Selena mounted her bike and patted the seat behind her. Cade got on. The seat angled down. She slid forward. Her chest pressed against Selena’s back. Her thighs touched Selena’s ass. Yearning lit like a match. She didn’t know this feeling. This pressure. Her legs open. She pulled back, resisting the slope of the seat.

  “Scoot forward.” Selena reached behind her and tugged Cade’s waist. Put your arms around me.” Selena’s helmet muffled her voice. “You’re your own seat belt. Don’t be shy.”

  And with that, Selena engaged some clutch, and the bike rumbled to life. Cade locked her hands in front of Selena. Selena clasped her hand over Cade’s.

  Cade half expected Selena to tear off in a smear of rubber, but she puttered down the street so slowly Cade wasn’t sure how the bike was still upright.

  “This okay?” Selena asked.

  Cade gave her a thumbs-up.

  “Faster?”

  Thumbs-up.

  The turns were frightening, but when they’d circled the block and Selena asked if Cade wanted to go again, Cade did. Selena made a wider sweep of the neighborhood. Then they tried busy MLK Boulevard.

  Finally, Selena pulled into a gas station parking lot. She pulled off her helmet, shaking out her dark hair.

  “You’re a natural. You should get a bike.”

  Cade struggled out of her own helmet.

  “It’s not as terrifying as I thought it’d be.”

  “I told you I’d take care of you.”

  If only Selena would take care of her the way Amy kept suggesting. Cade shut the thought down quickly. Selena was celibate. Cade accepted that. Really, she did.

  “Do you want to try the freeway? Just one exit up?”

  Cade would have tried a drag race just for the chance to lean her helmeted head against Selena’s shoulder. She nodded.

  “One for slow down. Two for stop soon. Three for stop now,” Selena reminded her. “And squeeze my shoulder for keep going.”

  Riding on the freeway was so much faster than riding on the roads, it wasn’t even the same thing. The streets were a moving sidewalk. This was a roller coaster. But Cade didn’t tap Selena’s shoulder. Selena gestured thumbs-up, middle, and down. Cade returned thumbs-up and squeezed Selena’s shoulder.

  Selena accelerated. The engine roared. And they were off, Selena weaving through traffic like it was standing still, taking the curves at an angle that felt like it defied the law of centrifugal force that held them upright. Cade should have been screaming, Stop! but she felt utterly at peace. It was like rowing. Maybe it was like being flogged in a non-sexual way.

  Selena slowed down as they crossed a soaring bridge. She pointed left. Cade could see all of Portland, shimmering blue and green like an underwater city.

  When they finally returned home, Selena said, “You were amazing.”

  “You are amazing,” Cade said.

  She felt a pang of something much bigger than any crush she’d ever felt before.

  You’ll be my first crash.

  Chapter 23

  The next day was all work. Probably for the best. Cade got an email from the Gentrification Abatement Coalition saying they liked her application but had concerns because of the “unique” nature of the store. They wanted to see an in-person presentation. She skipped her workout to start putting together the financials.

  When she arrived at the store around noon, Selena was juggling three customers at the same time, and there were four more perusing the shelves.
Some had heard about the Pour and Paint class. A trio had received bridal shower gifts from Satisfaction Guaranteed. Several people had met Selena at the Sexpo. The rest of the day was almost as busy. The last customer left after closing time.

  “I never thought I’d say this,” Cade said, “but lock the door before anyone else comes in.”

  “That was great.” Selena grinned.

  It was the first moment they’d been alone together since they returned from their motorcycle ride.

  Selena glanced at her phone.

  “Becket’s having a movie night,” Selena said.

  Was that an invitation or a statement?

  “Her movies are terrible,” Selena added. “But in a good way. She collects film reels. Russian cartoons from the eighties. Sexploitation films. Black-and-white Swedish porn.”

  “Who doesn’t like black-and-white Swedish porn?”

  “So, you’ll go with me?”

  If there were a thousand alternate universes there wouldn’t have been one in which Cade said no.

  They rode together on Selena’s motorcycle. Cade loved the way Selena patted Cade’s hands as Cade clasped them to Selena’s belly.

  “Lean into me,” Selena said as they took off. “I can hold you.”

  Please hold me.

  Becket’s house did not look like the home of a burlesque performer. A low wire fence circled the small house. A few rangy plants sagged in the yard. But music poured out of the open door, and Cade could see people moving around inside. Selena flung open the door without knocking. Inside, the house looked like a cross between a costume shop and a gamers’ lair. Enormous monitors filled one side of the living room. Two sewing machines and piles of fabric occupied another.

  “Mathis!” Selena’s friends called out.

  Cade thought she heard someone say, and the roommate, in a way that didn’t sound like they thought Cade was Selena’s roommate.

  People milled around drinking from Solo cups and balancing plates of food.

  Selena took Cade’s hand and pulled her in.