by Derek Landy
“Actually, I was going to ask that you go easy on me; I’m feeling kind of tender today.”
Serpine stood, opened his left hand in front of the detective. “This is your one chance. Tell me where the key is.”
“Okay.”
Serpine raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
“No, only joking. Do your worst.”
Serpine laughed and his fingers started moving and the detective started screaming.
Sixteen
WHAT’S IN A NAME?
STEPHANE SOAKED HER elbow in the sink. She had broken off a piece of the rock Tanith Low had given her and dissolved it in the water, filling the sink with bubbles and the library’s restroom with a pungent odor. Whatever the rock was, it was doing its job. The bruises on her arms were receding.
She dried herself with a spotless white towel, let the water gurgle into the drain, and allowed herself to sag against the wall.
Her body may have been tired, but her mind was alert and racing, surging with anger. She was still furious at herself for being unable to disobey China’s instruction. How could China have done that to her, to Skulduggery? After he had trusted her?
No, she reminded herself. He hadn’t trusted her. That had been her mistake, not his. And because she went to China before the Elders, or even Ghastly, now it could be too late to do anything. And it was all her fault.
What had Tanith Low called Stephanie? A warrior? That was laughable. No matter what Tanith thought she had seen in her, she was wrong. There was nothing warriorlike about her. She ran straight into trouble without thinking, without one moment of hesitation. Not because she was brave or heroic, but because she was stupid. Because she didn’t want to be left out, because she didn’t want to wait. She didn’t have a plan, she didn’t have a tactic, all she had was a penchant for raising Cain.
It came to her then. Her eyes widened and she stood up straight, a new strength coursing through her limbs.
And just like that, China’s command over her was broken.
She needed Ghastly. She didn’t really know where he lived, so she needed his address, and there was only one way she could think of to get it. She left the restroom, passing the window, realizing that it was morning already. She crossed the hall to China’s apartment and knocked. No answer. She knocked again.
China wasn’t in. Stephanie looked at the door. Nothing special about it. She hadn’t noticed anything unusual about it on the other side either, no chains or bolts or extra locks. There could be a locking spell placed on it, and if there was, then she’d be wasting her time, but she didn’t think there was. Skulduggery had said a locking spell needed to be dismantled every time a door is opened, then cast again. She doubted China would have the patience to do that on a daily basis.
Stephanie took a step back. An ordinary door. An ordinary, flimsy door. It was possible, she knew it was possible. She was tall, and strong. This door was all that stood between her and saving Skulduggery. She had strong legs. Her legs were muscled, a swimmer’s legs. They were strong. The door was weak. She could do it. She had to do it. She had to save her friend.
Her boot slammed against the door. She kicked again … and again … and again. …
Her legs were strong. She couldn’t fail. Desperation lent her strength. The door was weak, and it burst open.
She hurried in, moving right for where she had seen the address book. It wasn’t there. It wasn’t on the small table. Where was it?
She looked around. China had moved it. Where? Why? Had she known Stephanie would be looking for it? No, there was no way she could have predicted that. Then she had moved it for some other reason, some other ordinary, average reason. She had put it away, she had put it back. Yes, she had put it back in its usual place.
Where would she keep an address book?
Stephanie went to the desk, opening the drawers and rifling through them. Papers, letters, no address book. She turned, eyes searing the room, aware that China could walk through that broken door at any time. She went to the shelves. No address book. Where?
She moved into the bedroom. There, on the nightstand, was the address book.
She snatched it up, found the B’s; her finger moved down the page. Bespoke Tailors. She memorized the address, dropped the book onto the bed, and turned to go.
“Hello, dear,” China said.
She walked in and Stephanie stepped back, wary.
“I saw your handiwork outside,” China said. “What did my poor door ever do to you? Did you break anything else while you were here? A vase? A teacup, perhaps?”
“Just the door.”
“Ah, well, I suppose I should be thankful for small mercies. Did you find what you were looking for, child?”
Stephanie tightened her fist. “Don’t call me that.”
China laughed. “That look in your eye is almost scary.”
“Have you done anything to help Skulduggery, or are you still too busy helping yourself?”
“He inspires loyalty, doesn’t he?” China said, an eyebrow raised. “You can’t be around our Mr. Pleasant without liking him, without wanting to fight alongside him. You should have been there during the war, you know. You should have seen him then.”
“I just can’t understand how you’d betray him like this.”
For the first time since Stephanie had met her, China’s eyes turned cold. “I haven’t betrayed him, child. I may have failed him, but I haven’t betrayed him. To betray is to act against. I just haven’t acted at all.”
“Whatever,” Stephanie said.
“Not interested in semantics?” China asked, her smile returning. “But of course not. You’re a straightforward kind of girl, aren’t you?”
“I’m leaving now,” Stephanie said as she headed for the door.
“Straightforward,” China continued, “but not too bright. Stephanie, would you be a dear and stop?”
Stephanie stopped.
“I admire your courage, child, I really do. But rallying a cavalry to go after Skulduggery is just too risky. Too much could go wrong. Now sit in the corner there, like a good little girl.”
Stephanie nodded and walked for the door.
“Stop,” China ordered. “I said the corner.”
Stephanie reached the door and looked back. China was frowning. “I don’t understand. How are you able to do this? Stephanie, answer me!”
“I’m not Stephanie,” Stephanie answered. “And if you want to keep me here, then you’d better be ready to kill me.”
China’s frown disappeared. “I don’t want to kill you, my dear,” she said, and the hint of a smile appeared. “So you’ve finally chosen a name.”
“Yeah. And I’m leaving. Right now.”
“Maybe you stand some chance after all. Before you go, will you do me the honor of introducing yourself?”
“Of course,” Stephanie said right before she walked out of the apartment. “My name is Valkyrie Cain.”
Ghastly opened the door, saw Stephanie, and nodded.
“I’m sorry if I upset you yesterday,” he said. “I realize I have no right to tell you what you can and cannot do, but please believe that I was acting in your best—”
“They have Skulduggery,” Stephanie said, interrupting him.
“What?”
“Serpine has him. Last night, he came in with his paper men and they attacked him and took him away with them. We need to tell the Elders.”
Ghastly tried a smile to see if she’d return it, to see if she’d admit her joke. She didn’t smile back.
“You don’t know if I should be involved in any of this,” she said. “That’s fine. That’s your opinion, and that’s fine. But let’s forget about opinion. Let’s look at facts. Serpine has Skulduggery. He’s broken the Truce. He believes the Scepter is real, and he has proved that he’s willing to kill to get to it. He has to be stopped, and I need your help to stop him.”
“You saw this? You actually saw Serpine do this?”
“I was t
here.”
He looked at her and nodded. “Then I suppose it’s a very good thing you decided to stick around.”
They took Ghastly’s car, and Stephanie told him exactly what had happened as they sped through the streets to the Sanctuary. The windows were heavily tinted, but even so, he had a scarf wrapped around his face and a hat pulled low over his eyes.
The Waxworks Museum hadn’t opened yet, so they let themselves in the back and hurried through the darkness. Ghastly searched the wall for the switch, found it, and the wall parted. Stephanie was the first to reach the bottom of the stairs, and she strode into the Sanctuary. The Administrator hurried up to her, frowning.
“I’m sorry,” he said, “you do not have an appointment.”
“We’re here to see Meritorious.”
“The Elders cannot be disturbed,” the Administrator insisted. “I must ask you to leave at once.”
“It’s an emergency,” Ghastly said as he joined her, but the Administrator still shook his head.
“All requests to visit with the Elders must go through the proper channels,” he said, but Stephanie had heard enough. She barged past him, heading for the corridor. Suddenly there was a flash of gray and a Cleaver was before her, holding the blade of his scythe to her throat.
Stephanie froze. There was movement all around her, sound all around her, and the only still things in her world were herself and the Cleaver. She could hear Ghastly threatening the Administrator, threatening the Cleavers, and the Administrator protesting and insisting they leave. Ghastly’s voice was rising, becoming angry, telling the Cleaver to lower the weapon, but the Cleaver was still and silent, a statue. Stephanie could see her burnished reflection in his visor. She didn’t dare move.
Before the situation could spiral out of control, before Stephanie’s head became separated from her body, the Administrator gave in and agreed to ask Meritorious if he would take visitors.
At a nod, the Cleaver stepped away and swung the scythe down by his side and behind him, making the mere sheathing of the weapon into an art form.
Stephanie backed off, moving slowly, but the Cleaver had returned to his post as if nothing had happened.
They stayed in the foyer while the Administrator hurried off, and presently they heard footsteps approaching. Eachan Meritorious entered, and he looked mildly surprised when he laid eyes on Ghastly.
“Mr. Bespoke,” he said, coming forward. “Will wonders never cease?”
“Grand Mage,” Ghastly said as they shook hands. “You’ve already met Valkyrie Cain, I think.”
“So you chose a name after all,” Meritorious said with a slightly disapproving look. “I hope your Mr. Pleasant knows what he’s doing.”
“Skulduggery’s been captured,” Stephanie blurted. “Serpine has him.”
“Not this again.”
“It’s true,” Ghastly said.
Meritorious peered at him. “You saw it yourself?”
“Well,” Ghastly said, hesitating, “no, but—”
Meritorious waved his hand. “Skulduggery Pleasant is an excellent detective, and we value his help and his expertise on many difficult cases. But when it comes to Nefarian Serpine, he does not have his usual detached perspective.”
“Serpine has captured him!” Stephanie insisted.
“My dear, I like you. And I can see why Skulduggery likes you. You are a frighteningly up-front person, and these are qualities to be admired. However, you are new to our culture, and our ways, and you have heard a decidedly skewed version of our history. Serpine is not the villain he once was.”
“I was there,” Stephanie said, struggling to remain calm. “Serpine came with his paper creatures and they took him.”
This made Meritorious pause. “Paper creatures?”
“Well, it looked like they were made out of paper.”
He nodded slowly. “Hollow Men. Minions of Serpine. Terrible things, bloated by stink and evil.”
“Now do you believe me? We need to get him back.”
“Grand Mage,” Ghastly said, “my friend is in danger. I know you don’t want it to be true, but the Truce has been broken. Serpine and the sorcerers allied with him will waste no time in seizing power. The Elders must act now.”
“On what authority?” Meritorious asked. “On the word of a girl I barely know?”
“I’m not lying,” said Stephanie.
“But you may be mistaken.”
“I’m not. Serpine wants the Scepter, and he thinks Skulduggery can get it for him.”
“The Scepter is a fairy tale—”
“The Scepter is real,” Stephanie said, cutting him off. “It’s real enough that Serpine is after it, and he killed the two men you had spying on him so that you wouldn’t find out about it until it was too late.”
Meritorious hesitated for a moment. “Miss Cain, if you’re wrong, and we move against Serpine now, then we are starting a war we are not ready for.”
“I’m sorry,” Stephanie said, seeing the trepidation in the Elder’s eyes and speaking softly now. “But the war has already started.”
The paper clip lay on the tabletop and didn’t move. Stephanie focused, flexed her fingers, and then thrust her palm toward it, trying to genuinely believe that thin air was nothing more than interlocking objects. The paper clip still didn’t move. She nudged it, just to make sure it wasn’t stuck or anything. Ghastly entered the room.
“We’re ready to go,” he said. “You’re sure you want to do this?”
“Very sure.” She put the paper clip into her pocket and nodded toward the door behind him. “Is there an army out there?”
“Uh, not quite.”
“How many?”
He hesitated. “Two.”
“Two? He has an army of Cleavers and he gives us two?”
“Sending any more would arouse suspicion,” Ghastly said. “Meritorious needs a little time to contact Morwenna Crow and Sagacious Tome and convince them that action is necessary, and until he does, this rescue mission is strictly unofficial.”
“Please tell me they’re as good as Skulduggery said they are?”
“Both their uniforms and their scythes can ward off the majority of magical attacks, and there aren’t many deadlier in close combat.”
“Close combat?” she said with a frown. “What about throwing fireballs and stuff? Are they Elementals or Adepts?”
Ghastly cleared his throat. “Neither, actually. Magic corrupts certain people, and Cleavers need to be seen as completely impartial, so …”
“So they’re not magic? At all?”
“They have some magic, but it just adds to their combat abilities. They’re quite strong, and very fast.”
“So what are they going to do? Run around Serpine until he gets dizzy and falls over?”
“If it all goes according to plan, Serpine won’t even know we’re there.”
“And what are the chances of that happening?”
He looked at her, and for a moment he held his ground. Then he looked away. “They’re not great,” he admitted.
“Exactly.”
He looked up again. “But Mr. Bliss has offered us his help.”
“He’s coming?” Stephanie asked, unsure. She didn’t like the idea of going anywhere with Mr. Bliss.
“Not him,” Ghastly said, “but he’s sending someone. Five is a good number; we can sneak in, grab Skulduggery, sneak out. Simple.”
The door opened behind them and Meritorious was there. “I have arranged your transport,” he said.
They followed him up out of the Sanctuary and exited the Waxworks Museum from the back, where a large van was parked. As soon as Meritorious emerged into the sunlight, two Cleavers walked forward. They took the scythes from their sheathes before they climbed in. Stephanie hoped the van didn’t go over any potholes, or she’d be skewered before they even reached Serpine’s castle.
Another person walked forward, a person she recognized from the library.
“Tanith Lo
w,” Meritorious said, “this is Ghastly Bespoke and Valkyrie Cain.”
“We’ve met,” Tanith said, giving Stephanie a polite nod. She carried a sword in a black scabbard, its lacquered surface crisscrossed with nicks and marks.
“Mr. Bliss sent you?” Ghastly asked.
“He did. He thought I could be of use.”
“That’s quite a recommendation.”
“He just wants this business to be over with as soon as possible,” Tanith said. “I’m at your disposal for the duration.”
“Then let’s go.”
Tanith climbed into the van, and Ghastly got behind the wheel.
“Good luck,” Meritorious said to Stephanie as she was about to join them.
“Thank you.”
He shrugged. “You’ll need it.”
Seventeen
A FABULOUS RESCUE INDEED
THE RESCUE TEAM stood by the side of the road and looked up at the wall surrounding Serpine’s land. It was maybe three times as tall as Stephanie. Beyond it lay woodland, and beyond that the castle.
It occurred to Stephanie that if they didn’t get Skulduggery back, it was all over. Serpine would get the Scepter, and the Faceless Ones would return. The fate of the entire planet rested on the shoulders of a skeleton, and on the five people sent to rescue him.
“What if we do go up against Serpine?” Stephanie asked, fighting to keep the dread out of her voice. She had to remain strong. She couldn’t let them see that she was just an ordinary twelve-year-old. “What if we can’t just get in and get out without anyone noticing? Do we have a plan if we have to face him?”
“Oh,” Ghastly said, considering it. “No, not really.”
“I’m going to try and cut him with my sword,” Tanith said helpfully.
“Right,” Stephanie said. “Excellent. What about guards? Do you think they’ll be expecting us?”
“Serpine is used to the Elders taking forever to make their calm, thought-out decisions,” Tanith said. “So he won’t be expecting anything as amazingly rash and reckless as this.”
Ghastly nodded. “That’ll teach him to underestimate stupid people.”