“Blue?”
It was the first time Mathias had spoken to me since we left Altnabreac. And, the first time he almost sounded like his old self in far too long. I stroked the horse’s nose as she lipped at my sleeve. “What else would I call her?”
“Her name is Ailsa.”
I still couldn’t bring myself to look at him and instead continued stroking Ailsa’s nose. “As though I would have any way to know their names.”
There was no response and I bent my head. Perhaps I shouldn’t have made the remark. Then, Mathias’ gloved hand covered Ailsa’s nose right above my own hand. His presence was warm against my side, but his voice was soft and low as he quietly said, “Sometimes silence is necessary for protection.”
Before I could think of a response to that odd pronouncement, Mathias spoke again. “The big black is Artair. He’s Ailsa’s mate. The grey gelding is called Fife.”
As he spoke, his hand came down so it now covered my fingers as well as Ailsa’s nose. The contact was so small and yet it zinged through me with painful awareness. I peeked at him out of the corner of my eye, curious if he was . . . feeling anything really. He seemed completely unaffected and focused on the Fae pony. Which was a good thing . . . It had to be a good thing because now was not the time to be distracted by this attraction I had for him.
With that in mind, I carefully slipped my hand out from beneath his. Clearing my throat, I leaned away from where he was crouched next to me in an attempt to subtly distance myself from his warmth. It was far too distracting right now. Maybe we had been stuck with each other too long. “Do you, umm, do you know how much longer we’ll be travelling?”
“Yes, I know. I didn’t bring you into the Flow Country without an idea of when to leave.” The almost familiar nuances in his voice were a thing of comfort. Then Mathias stood up. I watched him walk over to Artair and Fife, checking their feedbags, and tried not to feel too much about him. As happy as I was that he was talking to me again, I still didn’t want to get caught up in my feelings for him while on the run. It was, well, it was quite frankly stupid of me to let my heart get so involved.
I wrapped my arms around myself and tried not to shiver as the wind picked up. More sleet began falling from the dark clouds threatening to completely cover the moon. Aisla wandered back over to her mate and they both moved closer to Fife. Mathias came back over and handed me a folded blanket. “Get some rest.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll be fine.”
I hesitated but Mathias was already moving to the far side of the tarp. He stretched out on his back and folded his hands on his stomach. No blanket or any attempt to protect himself from the elements. Maybe he was one of the paranormals who weren’t as affected by the cold or he was just being a typical male and in denial that he had any need for extra protection. I unfolded the blanket, which was definitely wide enough for two. Shaking my head, I resigned myself to the inevitable. “Mathias? We should sleep together.”
As soon as the words left my mouth, I choked. Mathias sat up and looked at me so fast it was a wonder he didn’t get whiplash. My face was so hot that I could only be grateful that it was night and clouding up fast. “That’s not how I meant it! I only meant I don’t want the guilt of you freezing to death because you decided you’re too macho or something ridiculous with your male ego to make the practical decision. We don’t have all the blankets and it is freezing out here. Therefore, it makes the most sense for us to combine body heat.” I grimaced realizing that didn’t sound much better. “Sleeping next to each other will let us share the blanket. That’s all I meant.”
I finally clamped my lips together stopping the word vomit. Aaaand, I was no longer averse to being dragged into the brackish water by a hungry kelpie. I wanted to bury my face in my hands, but that would be a touch too undignified with Mathias watching me with that same stunned expression on his face. Finally, I just lay down and pulled the blanket up to my chin, over half of the material fluttering down on the tarp beside me. Lord, just take me now. Heaving a sigh, I closed my eyes. Maybe a kelpie would eat me while I slept.
The blanket moved and my eyes popped back open. After a moment, I turned my head. Mathias was settling down on his back a scant hands breadth away from me. He looked over at me and for the first time in a long time, the corner of his mouth turned up in a half smile. “I’m assuming this is the offer you meant.”
My face was burning, but I still managed to nod. Mathias turned his gaze back to the sky and adjusted his flat cap to shield most of his face from the sleet. At first, I thought he had immediately fallen asleep but then he spoke again. “I wanted you to know that I appreciate your concern for my well being, Hope.” He paused and then added in a far too casual tone, “Do you need me to kiss you good night?”
“Shut up, Mathias!” I hissed, finally provoked into responding. I turned my face away from him and rearranged my shawl to better shield my too hot cheeks. From the sleet. And, perhaps, the impossible 10 now laying beside me. At least we weren’t touching.
The thought of touching Mathias immediately set off visions of him kissing me. Good night. Hello. Forever. I stifled a groan as I squeezed my eyes shut. I did not need this right now. At all. Somehow, I finally fell asleep without dying of sheer embarrassment.
When I woke up, it was to the sound of horses’ snorting. I was curled on my side and my head was resting on . . . Mathias’ chest with my hand gripping his coat . . . again. I was pressed up against his side with his hand resting just above my hip. I blinked in the gloom and carefully leaned up pushing myself away from Mathias’ chest. This was twice now I had found myself clinging to Mathias in my sleep. Fortunately, he was still asleep.
Half sitting, half laying next to him, my efforts to get out of the awkward situation slowed as my gaze was caught by his sleeping face. He looked . . . younger, still handsome, but the weight and coldness that had been carving its mark on him was missing. I caught myself just before my gloved fingers touched his cheek. What was I doing?
Scolding myself, I carefully moved Mathias’ hand off my waist and wriggled away from him. I forced myself to crawl away until I could stagger to my good foot again. Ailsa was nosing the grass but abandoned it in favor of coming over to me, allowing me to brace myself against her withers.
Almost at once, there was a rustle of movement behind me and I glanced back to see Mathias was sitting up, his eyes on me. The expression on his face was completely unreadable. Had he been awake when I pulled away?
I couldn’t bring myself around to asking, to humiliating myself even further. Instead, I busied myself with Ailsa. Mathias settled Fife first with the bags as well as covering them back up with the tarp. Then, he came to me and for a moment we stood face to face as I stared up at him. A muscle in his jaw twitched. “Lauren . . .”
“We, uh, we shouldn’t put too much thought into it,” I blurted out. My cheeks were heating again as I added, “It wasn’t anything . . . to think about, right?”
He didn’t respond right away, then he nodded. “You’re right. Although, I should apologize for teasing you. It was rather rude of me.”
I caught myself just before I protested I hadn’t thought him rude. With the way things had been going, I would have slipped up and said I would’ve liked his kiss. Things were awkward enough as it was without adding that to the mix. So, I only offered a little nod. “There’s nothing to forgive. It’s forgotten.”
I still caught my breath when he slipped his hands around my waist. For a moment, I imagined him tugging me closer and even kissing me . . . Then he stepped back, instead of pulling me toward him, and lifted me onto Ailsa’s saddle. Definitely no kissing here.
The entire second day was filled with silence. I was too embarrassed to even look at Mathias much less try to make small talk. And Mathias was . . . back to being cold. Maybe he regretted bringing me along. I couldn’t force myself to ask or to apologize for inconveniencing him. The second night we slept back to back, and
Mathias was up before I was so I could only hope I hadn’t snuggled up to him in my sleep again. Even the glancing idea of asking him if I had was far too embarrassing. It was a relief when we finally left the blanket bog behind in favor of venturing into the moorland. If only because I hoped we would stop soon.
We were in the moors for three days before we entered a valley. About halfway down from its mouth, I could make out cairns and toppled stone walls that marked the perimeter of a tiny village. Mathias chirruped to Artair urging the stallion to move faster toward the haunting stone buildings. Some of which were tumbling down or covered in either grass or lichen.
It looked prime for haunting stories. Foreboding, gloomy, and a little creepy, there was a heaviness in the air. A sadness, almost. The same heaviness settled over me, and I knew one thing with absolute certainty — I didn’t want to stay here. But with Ailsa eagerly stretching her neck out and taking the bit in her teeth, I had little choice save to reluctantly follow Mathias.
He headed straight for the largest of the cottages in the center of the village. He was already off his horse when I arrived with the pack pony following behind me. He entered the cottage without looking back. I sighed knowing he wasn’t going in there just to get directions. There was no life in the ruined village, no sign of creatures either, which was rather odd.
Mathias came out of the cottage and strode over to me. He lifted me down from the saddle and released me almost as fast as he could manage without knocking me off my balance. I kept one hand on Ailsa’s neck as I watched Mathias stride away from me without even a single word. He pulled my crutches from Fife’s pack and brought them back to me. As he returned to unloading Fife’s bags, I looked around the desolate little village. It seemed we had arrived at our destination.
I watched Mathias striding back into the cottage, a bag in each hand. That man had some explaining to do as soon as I could pin him down long enough to even get the answers.
* * *
Chapter Seven
Mathias
The snow crunched beneath my boots as I continued my survey of the village’s perimeters. No one had followed us into the Flow Country or out of it. Thus far it appeared my plan was working. The glamour over the village had faded with time and disuse due to my people’s absence. But there was still enough here that most walking past would find it difficult to detect anything beyond tumbled ruins. As long as we didn’t stay too close to the village border, we should remain undetected. Lauren would be safe.
After finishing my sweep, I returned to the stable. The Fae ponies were munching on the flakes of hay I had carried with us and seemed content to huddle together for further warmth. The beasts had stout hearts and steady dispositions, just as their owner had promised. I stayed in the stable with the Fae ponies for a little longer attempting to gather my courage enough to go back to the cottage.
Lauren had been . . . annoyed with me when I didn’t take the time to explain things to her. Again. She didn’t understand that there was so little time left. Or, that every conversation threatened to strengthen the pull toward her due to both my misspoken vow and her own draw. Far better to risk her annoyance than to continue treating her as a confidante.
Although she had not acted nearly so annoyed the first night we camped in the Flow Country . . . A low groan escaped me as my mind easily offered up the memory of waking to find Lauren pressed so close against my side, offering a distracting and too soft source of heat that seeped through layers of clothing to burn my skin. I had considered getting up and moving, but I had selfishly wanted the experience to last as long as it could so I had stayed still. Other than wrapping an arm around her to keep her there just a little longer.
Fife whickered and I tried to refocus my attention on brushing down his shaggy winter coat. But, my mind flickered back to that night. A hint of a smile curled my lips as I recalled the way Lauren’s dark eyes had widened when her first attempt to keep me from freezing sounded like a rather tempting proposition. Recalling the way her green shawl haphazardly framed her face and the wavy hair escaping her bun, the way her lips had parted slightly as she realized what she had said, and the faintest darkening of her creamy tan complexion as she blushed, my smile widened. Lauren Hope was extremely beautiful when flustered. And when she had kept talking in a strained attempt to correct her mistaken offer, I had wanted nothing more than to silence her with a kiss.
My smile faded as I remembered why I had forced myself to sit still instead of kissing Lauren into silence. I wouldn’t have been content to just kiss her and let her go. Kissing her that night would have led to a confession I couldn’t risk. And, it would have cemented the pull I felt toward her to the point that I would have given into the instinctive urge to take her with me to my people’s ancient homeland to complete the rites.
That was something I simply could not do . . . not to Lauren. I clung to that knowledge with the desperation of a drowning man as I finished tending to the horses and finally left the stable. But thoughts of Lauren still filled my thoughts. The moment she had objected to riding when I first brought the Fae ponies to her, I had been certain she would accept my offer to take her to Wick and part ways. Then she had suddenly softened and concern had filled her dark eyes in the faint light cast by the moon and gas lamp. And, she had spoken of not letting me do something foolish.
The thought made me frown. Foolish was behaving as though Lauren had no effect on me. Of pretending that watching her expression change from soft as she reached out to touch me to a cautious wariness or even fear before she desperately tried to creep away from my side hadn’t cut me deeply. Acting on those same feelings that had prompted me to tease her about kissing her good night. All those things would have been foolish. Hunting down Weard’s hunters to pull their attention away from Lauren as she escaped on her own would have been . . . far less foolish. There would have been justice in hunting them. And, in protecting her that way. Even if it meant I would not escape the ice burning through my veins as I had hoped.
I shook the confusing thoughts away as I entered the cottage. I wanted to prepare myself for the onslaught of questions. No doubt, Lauren was more than ready for me to explain why I brought her to this place. Only the tide of questions never came. Instead, I was greeted by utter silence.
For one achingly long moment, I feared she had left the safety of the cottage. There were still protections forming a border around the village but if she crossed over them, it wouldn’t take much for one of the local predatory paranormals to detect her presence. They always knew when someone was injured in the moors and glens. If not for the Fae ponies’ ability to follow the fae paths through the Flow Country, I never would have dared to bring Lauren that way. It would have been far too dangerous to risk attracting the various predators.
I was poised to run out of the cottage to find her when a slight noise broke through my rising panic. I turned and was greeted by the sight of Lauren huddled on a bench in front of the crackling fire. I drew closer and realized she was asleep. I rested a hand against her shoulder. “Lauren.”
She mumbled something in her sleep and tried to pull away from my touch. I barely kept her from rolling right off the narrow bench. It seemed I would not be having a conversation with her. Something that did not give me the relief I would have expected. Instead, there was almost a sense of . . . disappointment.
Rubbish. I forced the feeling away even as I moved away from Lauren. I checked the extra pack of supplies I purchased when bargaining for the horses. Food, fresh water, and plenty of blankets . . . ones Lauren probably would have preferred to use whilst we were in the bog, but I had only chosen the heaviest of our blankets to ensure we wouldn’t leave all our supplies behind should we need to escape any hunting parties. The fact that Lauren and I ended up sleeping so close together as a result had been an unexpected reward. I shook the distracting thought away as I looked over the extra pack once more. It would be enough to sustain us for a little while at least. Long enough to shake the hunters off
our trail.
I busied myself with preparing the only bed left in the cottage. Tucked in the back corner of the house was a small room with a bed just wide enough for two. At one point there had been beds in the main room, which probably would have been warmer at the moment, but it was better to sleep in a defensible position. I added several layers of blankets to the bed to provide warmth beneath and then I went back into the main room. Digging further into the supplies, I extracted a warming pan. It would do. I filled the pan and then tucked it between the blankets as I added more on top.
Only when I was certain the blankets were comfortably warm did I return to Lauren. She was still curled up on the bench. I picked her up and carried her to the bed. Setting her down, I worked off her boot and then stepped back. When she still shivered despite wearing her coat, I unbuttoned my own coat and spread it over her before tucking the blankets around her. The cold no longer troubled me. Not when ice already flowed through me.
For the span of a single heartbeat, I considered staying with her. Allowing her warmth to reach past the cold and daring to hope . . . I leaned close to her wanting to speak but not even knowing what to say. Unable to fully stop myself, I pressed a kiss to her cheek and then forced myself to take a step back. Then another. Then another. Until I retreated through the doorway and shut out the sight of her.
Standing in front of the fire, I folded my arms over my chest as I struggled against the pull. The urge to go back in there and wake Lauren up so I could explain to her what was happening, what feelings she stirred in me, sharpened like a burning knife methodically slicing through me. But I couldn’t give in. I kept my silence forcing as much emotional distance between us as I could without physically separating myself. Yet the pull to complete the vow, to dare make Lauren my—
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