by Fanny Finch
“That is a fair point,” Maria said to Edward.
Edward sighed. “I think that you do not need marriage, Georgiana. I will provide for you all of my life. I will set up a stipend so that if I am to die before you do, you will still have an income and will be taken care of properly.”
“You can live with us as long as you like,” Maria added. “Truly. I will miss you when you are gone, if you do choose to go.”
“Society will not be so kind to me as you are,” Georgiana pointed out.
“There are plenty of women and men who have managed to make it while not fully complying with the expectations of society,” Edward said.
“I think,” Maria added, quietly, “that in the end, you will be happier alone and enduring the occasional gossip, than you will be married to a man whom you do not love.
“Some women can pull it off, yes. And I have nothing but respect for them. But you have proven yourself to not be one of those women.
“You warned me not to follow in your footsteps and not to be imprudent, back when I was unsure if my lord would return my affections. You knew then that you could not marry someone for whom you did not hold the deepest of affections.
“Remember that now. And do not do either yourself or this Mr. Tomlinson a disservice by marrying him. It would make you both unhappy, I promise you. It is in your nature to only truly be yourself with the people that you love. And if you do not love him, how can you truly be yourself?
“That, I think, is the greatest sadness of all. To not be able to be one’s self. And Mr. Tomlinson would note it. He would know that you were holding your true self back from him. And that would, I should think, wound him deeply.
“And you deserve to be all that you can be and all of who you are. And you can be that on your own more than you can be that when entwined so intimately with someone you do not love. Or at least, it is so in your case.”
“I will ensure that nobody dares to breathe a word of disregard in your presence,” Edward added, his voice a low rumbling growl like impending thunder.
Georgiana had no doubt of that. Edward had inherited their father’s stubbornness and his inclination towards being too condemning. If anyone could halt an entire tide—or ninety percent of the tide—of gossip, then it would be Edward.
“You are too sweet,” she told her brother. His grumpiness really did come from the compassion that he felt for others, and from his frustration at humanity not living up to the high standards of which he knew they were capable.
“You will think on what we have said?” Maria asked. “We do not want you to be unhappy, Georgiana. Whether Captain Trentworth proposes to you or not—and I am in agreement with my lord in thinking that he shall—you will not be happy with Mr. Tomlinson.
“It is that simple. And when you are in a position such as the one that my lord is offering you… why not take it? Why force yourself to be unhappy simply because it is what society wants?
“You are not doing anything scandalous by remaining single. Your brother will provide for you. Truly, Georgiana, it will not be so bad. It will be worse to share the house of a man who slowly grows to resent you for your inability to return his love.”
“My friend Miss Weston said rather the same thing.”
“Miss Weston strays too close to the manner of a troublemaker for my liking,” Edward said. “But she is an intelligent and observant woman. And I am inclined to agree with her and with Miss Worthing on their assessment.”
“It is three against one,” Maria said triumphantly.
Georgiana let out her breath slowly.
Edward said that Captain Trentworth wanted to apologize to her. That he had behaved as a man in love would.
Could she take that risk?
Could she be brave, as she had not been all those years ago when the choice was first presented to her?
Of course, back then she had not had her brother able to support her. She had her father threatening to destroy her. But now… now she had a support system.
She had Julia and her family, who would always keep her in society by inviting her to parties. She had her brother, who would support her and defend her. She had Maria, who would make sure that Georgiana was always necessary and would have Georgiana help to plan all her events.
It seemed that she did have a safety net after all: the people who loved her. They would help her to be brave.
“It appears,” she said quietly, “that I have to write a letter to Mr. Tomlinson. I must arrange for us to meet. I will not reject him through writing. That would be unkind.”
Maria and Edward looked at one another, beaming happily.
“This does not mean that I agree with you and think that the captain is going to propose,” Georgiana warned them. “It is only that I have decided that you are right, and I should not marry a man whom I do not love.”
Mr. Tomlinson would get over it in time. She hated, whether she intended it or not, to have led him on. But she had faith that a man of his disposition would move on with a little patience.
Maria jumped up from her chair and hugged Georgiana again. “I am so happy for you!” she declared. “I am certain that soon you will be announcing your wedding and going through all that I have gone through. Or rather what you have already gone through in helping me, but you will be doing it as the bride this time.”
Georgiana smiled. She really had done half of the work in organizing and planning this wedding.
“Perhaps you can help me,” she said as Maria pulled back and sat back down again.
“I know that you are in jest so that you might ease your heart,” Edward said quietly. “But we have faith. Even if you do not. Even if you are unsure of yourself—be sure in us. Trust in us and what we see in you.
“After all, we did not see that we loved each other. You figured it out long before I did, and certainly the rest of society did as well. I was completely in the dark.
“If that can happen to me, then I think you can possibly try to accept that there might be things happening of which you are not yet aware, either. And that I just might be right about the captain.
“I am your older brother, you know,” Edward added, a teasing note in his voice.
Georgiana smiled at him, finally reaching for her tea. She felt as though she could eat properly for the first time in weeks. “That you are,” she told him. “That you most certainly are.”
It was time to be brave.
Chapter 24
Georgiana was glad to hear that Mr. Tomlinon would be going to London on business anyhow. She would hate to ask him to come up to the city on a special trip, only for her, and then only so that she might reject him.
She felt terribly, but she no longer felt sick to her stomach. She felt only so awful for Mr. Tomlinson’s sake. She hoped that he would soon find someone else upon whom to bestow his affections.
But as for herself, she no longer felt that horrible, sickly, twisting feeling in her stomach. She felt overall much calmer than she had previously.
That told her that she had made the right decision. It was a risk, yes. And she would have to be prepared for possible ridicule and comments behind her back the rest of her life should Captain Trentworth not propose as her brother believed.
But she would rather endure those comments than trap herself and Mr. Tomlinson in a marriage that might make miserable monsters of them both.
Maria went with her to meet Mr. Tomlinson at the park. She would be painting and sketching, which was fortunate. Maria was an observant girl at all times, except for when she was deep in her art.
Edward liked to tease that an earthquake could happen, and if Maria was in the middle of a painting, she would not notice but would carry on as always.
While Maria did her art, Mr. Tomlinson and Georgiana could talk and she could give him her answer.
He met them at Maria’s favorite bench, for it gave her an excellent vantage point over the lake with the swans. Mr. Tomlinson seemed to be in good spirits.
<
br /> She hated to have to destroy those spirits momentarily. But it was important that she let him know as soon as possible. That way he could begin to heal and move on as soon as possible.
“Miss Reginald. And this must be Miss Worthing, your future sister-in-law.”
“Only a few days now,” Maria said, beaming. She practically vibrated with excitement whenever someone mentioned the wedding. She was especially joyful, Georgiana knew, because her father was still alive and well enough to walk her down the aisle.
Maria then went about getting her paints and all set up.
Georgiana took a deep breath and focused on Mr. Tomlinson.
“Sir, I hope that you will not mind my asking you here on such quick notice. I am glad to hear that you are already in London. For what I am about to say could not fairly be said through paper and pen.
“I know that I told you I must wait until after the wedding, but circumstances and my own heart have contrived to change that.
“You are a charming man. An educated man. And, most importantly, a good man. I know that any woman who marries you will be happy in your care.”
Mr. Tomlinson’s eyes lit with understanding, and he nodded. “Ah. But that woman is not to be you.”
She shook her head. “No, it is not. I have received your attentions with great appreciation. And my first inclination, I must admit, was to say yes to your proposal.
“But while I respect you and find you most amiable, I do not love you. And I fear that your affections for me outweigh mine for you.
“I know that some would say that I am foolish for rejecting a man such as yourself. Especially at my age. However, despite the security of a marriage with you… I could not subject you to a union in which you loved someone who did not love you in return.
“That struck me as too unfair. Too unkind of me. And while one could say that I would grow to love you, I cannot make decisions based upon a distant, future hope, one that may not even come to pass.
“I can only make decisions based upon what I know and understand in the present moment. And in the present moment, I feel no such passions for you as you feel for me.
“Perhaps if you cared for me less I would be more inclined to accept. For we would then be on more even footing. But I would not for all the world join with you when I could not give back to you all the love that you gave to me.”
Mr. Tomlinson listened to her carefully, and then nodded. “I think that your judgment is unexpectedly compassionate. I would not expect anything less from you, of course. But I know what straits you must be under.
“For you to set aside any fears and think of my wellbeing in the matter, and to be so honest with me… it is a rare woman who can do such a thing.
“I cannot pretend that this does not cause some ache in me. But you are correct in that I would not wish to give someone my heart without receiving theirs in return.”
He bowed to her. “I wish you the best of luck, Miss Reginald. For you deserve a man who will cherish you. I hope that you find him and that you cherish him in return.”
“Believe me, sir, I wish nothing but the best for you as well. You are a most amiable man and deserve a lady who will love you with all the joy and affection that you will undoubtedly bestow upon her.”
Mr. Tomlinson gave her a wry smile. “Were there ever two people more amicable about the turning down of an engagement?”
Georgiana smiled in return. “I highly doubt so, but I am glad of it. I feared greatly how I should tell you, for I knew it would hurt you and that was the last thing that I wished for you.”
“Well, there is plenty of time yet and plenty of women who are in the world,” Mr. Tomlinson replied. “I will not let myself sink into despair. That is not in my nature.”
“Nor indeed would I expect it to be.”
Mr. Tomlinson said his goodbye to Maria, turned to go… and then paused.
He turned back to Georgiana.
“May I express my wish,” he told her, “if I may be so bold—that Captain Trentworth might come to his senses and give you the marriage you so richly deserve.”
He bowed once more, as Georgiana did her best not to gape at him in surprise, and then he walked off.
Maria looked up a moment or two later and looked around. “Oh, that was rather fast, was it not? I expected him to try and win you over with some charming rhetoric.”
“I suspect that he knew what I was not telling him,” Georgiana replied faintly. “Namely that my heart belonged to someone else.”
“Rather astute of him,” Maria said, turning back to her art. “I am glad that he took it so well. Edward would have flown into a temper, would he not?”
“If it was because of you, my dear, I have no doubt he would have called for a duel,” Georgiana replied, only half joking.
Edward was not exactly known for his patient temper.
“Well, it is a happy thing then that I return his affections,” Maria said, not concerned in the slightest.
Georgiana sat down on the bench, breathing heavily as her heart raced in her chest.
That had gone much better than she had hoped for. She had expected some resentment, some anger, perhaps an attempt to persuade her to change her mind.
There might very well be some discord in Mr. Tomlinson. Some anger or resentment. But if so, he had not shown it to her. He had respected her decision and taken it in good grace.
She greatly appreciated it.
And now there was nothing left but to focus on the wedding and on helping her brother and Maria. Then, the day of…
It was quite a coincidence, she could not help but think. The day that would seal the fate of her brother and Maria and bind them to one another was the day that would seal her fate as well.
That was the day that she would either know her greatest joy or get confirmation on her greatest sorrow. She would know whether she was to be a blushing bride herself soon enough, or if she was to fully enter and embrace her spinsterhood.
Georgiana took another deep breath. This was her chance to show courage, she reminded herself. Her chance to do what she had not been able to do before and risk herself for what she wanted.
She only hoped that it would pay off.
Chapter 25
Robert was not at all looking forward to the wedding.
He had been doing his best to distract himself in the days leading up to it. He had gone into the country to look at a few estates that he might possibly buy.
That hardly worked. The entire time he could not help but wonder what Miss Reginald would think of them.
Robert had never thought to buy an estate simply for himself. It was for when he had a wife, and the hope of children on the way.
Buying an estate only for himself felt like an extravagance, a waste. And a symbol of something that might never come to pass. An empty dream.
As he walked through the grounds, he could not help but remember what Miss Reginald had said in her letters about the sort of home she would love to live in.
She had wanted a garden. Nothing large or ornate. But something, just a little bit of earth, in which she might plant some flowers.
She had wanted to find a gardener and undergardener with whom she could converse. Someone she might even help physically with the planting and weeding.
“Having a little something to do with my hands,” she had written. “Something that I have truly worked on and can call the fruits of my labor… it would be quite lovely.”
They had spoken about her love of sunshine and his indulgence in wanting a hidden room. As a child he’d read stories about people in estates who used the old priest holes and such to commit dark deeds or to escape bandits or some such. It was a childish notion, but he had always wanted something like that in his house.
Miss Reginald, of course, had not laughed at him. She had said it sounded delightful and endearing.
When he had pictured walking through the houses, on the grounds, asking questions, he had pictured Miss Reginald b
y his side, on his arm. She would be asking her own questions and making her own observations.
Now he was all alone.
He found himself asking the sort of questions that he thought she would ask. Inquiring after things that Miss Reginald would care about were she to try and move in.
Every time, he would curse himself after the fact for his weakness and his folly.
And so it was that the day of the wedding came and he had completely failed to distract himself.