Without nectar coursing through me my body is weak, and it takes all my energy to get out of bed and change out of my dress. I flick sequins off my skin as I stumble out of my warm sheets and into the cold school hallway. The halls of Cognosco are shadowed and quiet, though I hear the faint sound of the party still raging outside.
About halfway to Easton’s room, the hairs on my arm begin to raise and the unmistakable smell of ash fills the halls. The Darkness from my premonition is present and watching me. With an unease charging me, I begin walking quicker than before even as my body shakes from a weird mixture of adrenaline and exhaustion. I see a dark shadow come around the hallway corner, large and imposing. I begin to run, desperately trying to make it to Easton’s room before it reaches me. I can see a darkened shadow coming closer on the wall, and my legs wobble from exhaustion.
I see Easton’s room ahead and I feel hopeful that I can escape the evil. I fall and begin banging on his door in a panic right before the Darkness engulfs me, wrapping around me like a snake I can’t escape. Pain starts radiating through every part of my body as the serpent wraps around me in its suffocating grip.
I reach out for Easton’s energy—begging him to help—but he’s not in his room. I’m losing the battle to the Darkness, and he’s too far away to help me. My luminescence slowly leaves me until I feel bare and vulnerable. My soul disconnects from my body as my mind shuts down, lost in a black abyss…
My soul regains consciousness, frightened and disconnected from my body and the life I remember. I’m unable to connect to any space around me, surrounded by a cavity of coldness and fear. I’m all alone with only misery, envy and sinfulness trying to infiltrate me: lost without any light or will to find my way out. I mentally cry out for help to anyone who is listening until my soul feels broken and abandoned by everyone. My love for my parents, Nora, James and Easton slowly starts to disappear, leaving only abandonment and pain in its place.
Time seems to start slipping from me. I lose track of my body’s meter to the world. With barely enough strength to resist the Darkness, I find the will to try to fight one more time. I beg for help in the depth of my soul, praying for relief with everything I have left.
Then out of nowhere my hope begins to return when I spot a spark of light through the darkness, a warmth in a sea of endless coldness. I see the spark start to take shape. I slowly begin to recognize Easton’s face as peace and serenity engulf me, finally granting me relief. I feel my soul carried with love and tenderness back to my empty vessel as I wake to Easton standing over me in a room full of light so beautiful, I begin to cry.
My tired eyes have trouble adjusting to the bright room as I slowly start to make out shapes and images. I see Easton’s face looking down at me. His expression is relieved with a lingering fear and sorrow residing in his energy. His face shows signs of exhaustion, and stubble surrounds his jaw. I’m unsure what happened to me, but I was lost in the darkness and Easton found me. Before I can say a word, he grabs me and holds me tightly against his body, pumping his energy into me. Our energies still connect, but the connection has significantly weakened—it feels different from what I remember.
I struggle with what to say, finally finding a scratchy unused voice. “There was so much pain and endless black everywhere I looked. Then I saw your face. You helped me get out.”
Easton’s hold tightens around me as he whispers, “That wasn’t me. I couldn’t connect to you. I tried everything. Nora and I have been in the library every day trying to find something to help you, but everything we tried didn’t work. I’m so sorry.” I feel lost in his words, my energy feeling foreign to me—heavier.
I try to acclimate to my new energy, slowly threading together a response. “I don’t know. I saw you and felt you. Maybe I hallucinated.” Easton climbs on the bed with me, holding me gently and kissing my forehead. My body physically responds to him, without any depth or love behind it. Making it feel shallow and very unlike me. I try to fight my urges, but they’re powerful and all consuming. I start kissing Easton, with pure lust driving me forward, wanting to possess him.
He pulls away from me, with concern tinting his eyes. “You just woke up, you should rest.”
His denial enrages me, filling me with pure venom. I quickly spit my words out with the intent to hurt him. “There’s others who would love to be in your position. If you don’t want to be with me, just let me know.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I feel horrible. I immediately try to repair the damage I see written all over Easton’s face. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I said that.”
Easton’s expression reflects the concern I feel radiating from his energy. He gently kisses my lips then says, “It’s okay. You’ve been through a lot. I want to be with you, never doubt that.”
“It doesn’t excuse my words. I feel different.”
I swear I see Easton’s breath catch. “How so?”
I’m unsure of what’s different, but I try my best to answer. “I feel like I have contrasting energies fighting for control. I feel lost, just like I did in the dark abyss.”
Easton’s eyebrows furrow as he probes me for more information. “Where were you? I couldn’t find your energy anywhere. Was anyone there with you?”
“I don’t know where I was. It felt like a place where pure evil breeds, sucking the joy from the world…I was all alone and empty.” My emotions feel hollow and foreign as I recall my experience for Easton. A lone tear rolls down my cheek as I bury my head into his chest. I feel as though the Darkness has somehow infected my energy and is now fighting for control, but I don’t tell Easton that. He gently holds me and we both sit comfortably in silence until I feel strong enough to talk again. “How long was I gone?”
Easton’s slow response fills me with concern. “Lili, you’ve been gone for almost a month.” Easton’s words permeate my soul. I was gone for an entire month?
Confusion washes over me like a tidal wave as I struggle to keep my head above water. “I was there for an entire month?” My words hang in the air as I try to quiet the vicious voices inside my head telling me hope is futile. Once I feel balanced again, I anxiously ask, “Did you look in the box? Do we know how to stop memory eradication? We only have a little bit of time before my sixteenth birthday.” The words come unfiltered from my mouth as a part of me panics for the future while the other part of me doesn’t care if my negative memories of my dead dad and mom are removed.
Easton looks around the room cautiously before answering. “I discovered a lot of interesting information, but I think we should talk about it in private, once you’ve been released.” Somehow, I feel disconnected to everything I cared about before. This realization deeply worries me as I try to work out all the ways I’ve changes since waking up.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Break
Lili - New and Shiny
Over the next two day I’m visited by Jim, the main Celestial healer, who endlessly tries to understand what happened to me. “So, this snake that attacked you, was it solid like you and me?”
I answer Jim in irritation, just wanting to be released. “It felt like a shadow in the shape of a snake. I don’t know. It held me there, so maybe.”
“Does your energy feel different since returning from the other reality?”
This is Jim’s favorite question and I always answer it the same. “I’m exactly the same and I feel good.” I try to hide the darkness that I feel growing inside of me. Jim seems universally dumbfounded by everything that happened to me, and I feel myself growing angrier and more distant to the Celestials that surround me.
My newfound energy has changed me in numerous ways. I feel lust, anger, and hate far too easily. My body and mind feel powerful and unstoppable, like all the kindness I had before was diluting my true abilities.
After being released from the healing facility Easton holds my hand and walks me to my room. We still have a connection, but something has shifted inside me—placing walls where I used to have canyon
s. As I get closer to my room, I notice people staring at me.
Easton notices too. “Don’t worry, they won’t stare for much longer. Just need something new to talk about.”
I remember hating attention before, but I feel differently now. “Don’t worry about. I don’t really mind the attention.”
Easton stops walking and turns towards me with concern coloring his aura. “That’s news to me.”
I smile at him, feeling complex emotions fighting for control of my energy. On one hand I feel love trying to fight for dominance, and then on the other I feel fear. Easton’s closeness to me makes me feel exposed and vulnerable. I desperately want a little space, so I can take a deep breath and figure things out.
I try to hide the change from Easton. “Don’t worry, I’m okay. I just need some space to figure things out.”
Easton moves a strand of hair from my face as he says, “I understand that, but I’d like to talk about what I discovered in the box from Wayward’s office.”
My new energy doesn’t care about what Easton discovered. Having Easton close to me feels like my atoms are leaping around on a bouncy house, and I want him as far away from me as possible. “Not now, I need to rest. We can discuss it another time.” The pain on Easton’s face triggers an internal battle inside of me. He tries to grab my hand, but my energy pushes him away. I escape inside my room, slamming it behind me. I move away from the door, waiting for Easton’s energy to leave. He hesitates for far too long, then begins to shuffle away. As soon as his energy is far enough gone, I feel a different energy wash over me—an overpowering darkness.
I turn from the door and find Nora reading on our couch, like always. She begins to stand, walking over to me with a relieved look on her face. “I can’t believe you’re okay. We were so concerned. I missed my partner in crime.”
I stare at her coldly, finding it hard to connect like before. My words flow out of me, empty of emotional connection. “I’m okay. I just want to get back to my classes as soon as possible.”
Nora tilts her head before responding to me with understanding, free of judgement. “Of course. I can help you catch up. Our next class starts in about 30 minutes.”
I look at the clock and quickly begin changing while I talk to Nora. “I don’t need to study, I’m more advanced than everyone in the school.”
Nora watches me closely as she responds. “True, but no need to be vain.” I look at myself in the reflection and notice I’m wearing a revealing short dress, which shows too much of everything. I like the way I look and smile at my image.
I see Nora looking at me with widened eyes, surprised by the new me. “That’s a different dress, but whatever floats your boat I suppose.”
I quickly apply make-up and grab Sax, ready to head out the door. Sax begins connecting to me with worry in her voice. “Lili you’ve been infected, your energy is far too dark. You need to get help immediately, or you may not…” I quickly shut off my gnosis and Sax. I’m tired of being the old scared and docile Lili. It’s time for the new me.
Lili - True Friends
Blake, my energy professor, warmly greets me back to class. As I walk to my seat, I feel relief and genuine concern fill the room, but my energy seems more interested in the spikes of lust radiating from numerous Celestials within the class. I saunter by my classmates until I sit next to James, knowing my outfit has received its desired result.
James gives me a large hug and I instantly feel attraction towards him, less hidden than before. Our connection feels simple, unlike my current relationship to Easton. Not much has changed there.
James whispers in my ear, causing a shiver within my dark energy. “I’m happy to see you…I was worried.” Pushed by curiosity, I take a quick glance inside his mind. I vividly see the fight between James and Easton on the night of the NYE party, and I’m surprised to find rage entwined within the memory. Before my coma, I purposely stayed out of other’s minds, but my old reasoning and morals don’t seem to hold much weight anymore.
Tickled by James’ hate for Easton, and desire for me, I flirtatiously touch his leg as I languidly say, “Thanks for thinking of me. Want to talk later tonight? Nora is studying after dinner, and my room is completely free from distractions.”
James’ is shocked, responding quickly. “I’d love to come. It would be nice to talk some more, without Easton.”
I’m confused by my own actions, wondering why I’m inviting him over. I start to retract my words when Blake stops in front of my desk, interrupting me. “Lili, I know you may be a little behind, but today we are working on energy holds. I’ve partnered you with Nora, since she’s the most advanced in the class. Please let me know if you need additional help.”
I nod in Blake’s direction then turn back towards James, whispering in his ear, “See you tonight.” I then get up walking towards Nora, who is waiting for me on the energy practice mats.
I can tell Nora is unsure of how to handle me. She has a quizzical look on her face as she tries to explain the exercise to me. “In order to hold another Celestial’s energy, you first need to encase their energy with yours, like putting a rubber band around their abilities. We should take it slow, so no one becomes suspicious. As of now, I’m the only one who can perform both.”
Of course, Nora wants to be the only Celestial to shine in class. I always have to hide my abilities; I could obliterate everyone in here. With anger seething from my voice I say, “So you think I should hide the true me? Why? So, you can be the best in the class?”
Nora walks towards me with vigor. “Listen to me here and now. I know you are a thousand times stronger than I will ever be, and I’m proud to call you my friend. I’m just trying to protect you, and if you can’t see that, then you’re in trouble.”
The old me screams at the new me to be thankful that Nora is my friend, and for the moment she wins the battle. I walk closer to Nora and shamefully say, “I’m so sorry, you are a great friend and I would be lost without you.”
Nora takes a deep breath as relief floods her voice. “There you are. The first day we met I knew we got each other, and I understand what’s happening now. I know you’re in trouble and you’re trying to fight your way out. I’m going to help you.” Her words cause relief and anger as an inner battle for control begins.
Blake, announces to the class, “Alright, everyone can begin. Make sure your partner is prepared before you begin to confine their energy.”
Nora and I separate across the practice mats, and as soon as I hit my position, I send a strong energy bolt in Nora’s direction. She barely blocks it, staring at me with fear and worry. I enjoy the release of my abilities, showing the class I’m powerful and not to be messed with.
I hear Nora yell at me, “Lili, don’t lose control! Don’t do this.” As the last word leaves her lips, I send another bolt—a stronger, more powerful one that shakes the room, making the lights turn on and off. My untamed energy knocks Nora to the floor, and I feel horrible shame and sadness overfill my emotions. My classmates shrink back from me with wide eyes and gasps of fear. I run out of the room, leaving Nora on the ground.
I run to the nearest bathroom, collapsing to the floor as soon as the door shuts behind me. I feel too exhausted to participate in the war between good and bad that’s currently raging inside. I cover my head, begging for it to stop. I feel a large sturdy hand grab my shoulder, providing me relief from the demons within me.
I look up and see Sebastian sitting in front of me, inside the girl’s bathroom, with an odd smirk on his face. “I’d ask how you’re doing, but I doubt I’d get an honest answer. I visited you in the healer’s room a couple of times, but your soul wasn’t there.”
I stare at him with pain in my eyes, begging for him to help me. “What’s happening to me?”
Sebastian’s hand moves to my head as he continues to talk. “I can see darkness implanted in your energy, which I’d imagine is unnatural and displeasing to who you are and are meant to be.”
With pain radiating through my body, I ruthlessly lash out at Sebastian. “What are you talking about?! Why was darkness put inside me?!”
“I would imagine it was to change you, corrupt your energy. It’s like everyone is playing with half a deck, unaware of the real game at play.”
My head throbs, and it takes everything I have to speak as my old self. “How do I fight it? I can feel it taking control.”
Sebastian’s face twists as he responds gently. “You already know what to do. Find the voice inside to lead you.” Voice inside of me? Right now, there’s two opposing voices inside me, fighting for control. I roll my head down into my lap, desperate for it to stop. Desperate for peace. Anything but this. When I lift my head back up, Sebastian is gone.
I hear the bathroom door open, expecting to see Sebastian return, but instead I’m surprised by Nora. Worry is written all over her face as she moves closer to me. “I’m stronger than I look. You didn’t harm me.”
I feel tears fall from my eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
She shakes her head. “It wasn’t you. Can you hold on a little longer?” All I can do is nod my head yes. Though I know she doesn’t like physical contact, Nora grabs my hands—filling my energy with love as she says, “It’s hard for me to get close to anyone, so I’m not losing you. We will solve this together.”
An unexpected smile escapes me. I feel the light gain a small advantage, which allows me to plead, “Hurry, I can’t hold on much longer.”
Lili - Shattering Push
After a long day, I find refuge in my bedroom while Nora spends time in the library trying to find a solution to my problem. I start getting ready for bed when there’s a light knock on my door that reminds me of my invitation to James. I hesitantly answer, not in the mood to battle the darkness inside of me for another second. I see James standing in front of me with a kind smile and a presumptuous energy. I want to tell him to leave, but instead the darkness inside of me opens my door wider, letting James know he can enter if he dares.
New Celestial : A teen paranormal romance series (The Celestial Series Book 1) Page 16