Where would she be? Where is Michael? Nikki tried Mia’s cell as she ran outside, no answer. Damnit! She moved as quickly as possible through the horde of students, along the buses, scanning the crowd as they vacated the premises. If Mia didn’t pick up, she needed to find Michael and talk to him.
She spent, what felt like, the next ten minutes trying to track Mia and Michael down. Neither was in the parking lot or the school and Nikki did not want to drive aimlessly through town and waste precious time. She couldn’t sit around and wait for Mia to answer her phone. Finally, Nikki went to find Principal Wood in his office. He agreed that Michael’s locker would need to be searched and he needed to be located as soon as possible.
Continuous trying Mia’s cell, Nikki refused to give up until she was reached. At last, there was an answer.
“Is everything okay? You have called me like fifteen times.”
“No. What do you know about Michael Augostini?” Nikki heard the hesitation, a moment of silence as Mia placed the name to a face.
“Not much. Quiet kid. Usually keeps to himself. Why?”
“I think he is suicidal,” Nikki blurted out trying to keep the panic from her voice.
“Why would you say that?”
“I saw what he keeps in that green notebook he carries everywhere.” Nikki waited half a second for Mia to acknowledge that she remembered it. “Mia, they are all different pictures of him killing himself. Shootings, hangings, one where he jumps from a roof.”
“Oh my god. How do you know they are supposed to be him? Where is he now?” Mia’s tone rising with each response.
“They are more than a mere doodle Mia. I’m not looking at stick figures and assuming. They are really good. Detailed, in a terrifying way. When the bell rang for my last class I lost sight of him in the hall.” Nikki unconsciously looked around again, as if he would pop up at the mention of his name. “He is probably on his way home by now.”
“You let him leave! Why didn’t you stop him?”
Nikki heard the panic that came through the line, but most prominent was the accusation. The blame. Mia had decided in a split second that Reed had not done enough. As if she had chosen to ignore it. Like she hadn’t spent the last half hour trying to find him or figure out where he would go.
“I didn’t know what to do. I’ve never dealt with something like this before. That is why I’m here with Wood. Why I have been trying to call you.”
“We have to find him!”
“We are going to check his locker for any clues now.”
“Okay, I’m on my way back.”
Nikki heard Mia arguing with someone. Insisting that she needed to leave.
“Mia finish what you are doing. I will call when we have an update. I could be wrong. I just want to be sure. I might swing by his house, see if I can catch him there.”
“Fine, I’m at the salon. Call as soon as you check his locker. Please.”
Nikki followed Richard back to Michael’s locker.
“Was that Mia?”
“Yeah. She wanted to race right over here, but I told her to finish getting ready for tonight.”
“I agree. I don’t want to get her involved unless we find something conclusive.”
“What number is it?”
“151. You know, I think you have been good for her.”
Nikki was looking for the number. Not really listening to Richard.
“For who?”
“Do you think I was born yesterday? I see the way you look at her. Hell I would have to be blind to not see it. Especially with the Sam fiasco.”
Nikki stopped her search and turned towards Wood, completely lost.
“Richard I don’t understand. What Sam fiasco? What are we talking about?”
“Mia,” he stated pointedly and start to walk towards the locker again, Nikki in tow. “I had a talk with Sam the other day. She has been considering transferring to another school. I went to practice to talk to you about it and saw Mia there helping with the team.”
“Sam and I have had some recent conflicts and Mia has been kind enough to help out.”
It was a simple enough explanation and the closest to the truth.
“Nikki.”
Richard stared at her like a father, patiently waiting for the truth.
“I’m not upset. I already knew Mia was gay. I had a feeling you two would hit it off. Of course, the flowers were a dead giveaway. That is beside the point, what happened with Sam. Were you two?” Richard stopped, waiting for Nikki to fill the void.
“No. That was the problem. She wanted more out of our relationship than I would allow. She was spreading rumors that we were together. She has been lying to me and who knows how many other people. Richard, I don’t think I can trust her again.”
“I see. Did she tell everyone or just Mia?”
“I don’t know. Why?” What difference does that make? A lie is a lie.
“Well, this is the first I have heard of it. As you know, not much escapes my knowledge in the school. Maybe she wasn’t trying to start a rumor. Maybe it was all about Mia keeping her distance.”
Nikki had never thought of it that way before. Never contemplated why she had never been approached about their relationship before. How had she not picked up on the change in Sam since Mia arrived? Thinking about Sam, Mia and Michael had Nikki lost in a whirlwind of emotions. Clearly I have been missing a lot lately.
“And Mia? How does she fit in all this?”
“Honestly,” Nikki didn’t even know how to answer. How to describe her feelings, their relationship. What Mia meant to her. “I’m crazy about her.” She didn’t see any point in lying. The truth was bound to come out anyway.
“And it’s mutual?”
Nikki wanted to say she didn’t know. How could she possibly begin to understand such a complicated woman? Then she thought over the last week. On everything they had shared, emotionally and physically. Lastly, she pictured the smile on Mia’s face this morning. The pure joy reflected back at her.
“I think so. I mean it’s early and I’m not really sure… I hope.” Nikki pointed at a locker, “This is it.”
Richard put in the combination and opened the locker door. The only item contained in the locker was the green notebook. Otherwise it was cleaned out. Nikki had seen Michael’s locker before, it was like a trash can. Papers everywhere, banana peels. Once she saw a half-eaten bagel that she was sure was growing mold. When did he clean it? She opened up the notebook and saw drawings after drawings about death. Every page was full. There were references to prom, dates, crowns and a banner drawn at the top of the page above a game of hangman. The picture that Nikki had seen earlier was in the back with the jumper circled. The very last page was a suicide note. He didn’t address it to family or friends. As if he didn’t think anyone would miss him. Nikki read the note, hoping for some clue of his plans or perhaps his reasoning.
To Whom It May Concern,
Life is horrible. People are useless. Pain lasts forever. Maybe in death I can be free.
To my friends, I have none.
To my family, you didn’t care then, why would you now?
To everyone else, thanks for nothing!
Michael Augustini
Nikki didn’t know if she would cry, could cry, she was too terrified. Afraid Michael would go through with it. That she had let this happen. Ignored the signs. Waited too long to care. Why didn’t she say something, reach out sooner?
“Oh my god. He is gonna jump tonight. Do you think he will do it at the school?”
Richard was already on the phone calling the local sheriff. Nikki mimicked his movements and dialed. The phone was answered on the first ring.
“Mia.”
“Well?”
“He left the notebook at school with a note in the back.”
Nikki felt her voice crack and squeal from the emotions threatening to over throw all reason. Her mind raced. Keep it together. If you fall apart now, all is lost.
“No. Don’t tell me…” She didn’t think Mia could bring herself to say it. To voice her thoughts, her fears.
“He has a plan in here to jump tonight, during the prom.”
Nikki wasn’t sure how she was talking at all. How she was able to get that sentence out without crying.
“I should have seen this. Why didn’t I see it?”
“Mia no one saw it,” Nikki said hoping to stop the self-loathing and the guilt she saw churning in Mia’s head.
“You did.”
“But I have known something was wrong, before today. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I knew something was off. I was going to talk to you about him last week.”
“Last week?” Mia yelled, “You knew? And you didn’t say anything!”
“No. Mia I didn’t know this was gonna happen. I just saw a decline in his behavior. I was going to ask your advice on how to help him.”
“Why didn’t you?” Accusation clear in her voice.
“Mia,” Nikki pleaded.
“No! Don’t you Mia me! You knew something was wrong and you didn’t bring it to my attention or anyone else’s. I didn’t see it. Couldn’t see it, because of you. You were in the way.”
“Mia don’t say that. Please.” God no! Please! Tears threatened again. This time for another loss yet to come.
The phone was removed from her hand.
“Mia. This is Richard. Just get ready as planned. We will keep working on this. You can meet me back at the school when you’re ready. Make sure you wear your dress. I don’t want to alert the students. They are expecting us all here in our formal wear. Police are checking Michael’s house now.”
“Yes Sir.”
Mia disconnected. She was almost finished getting her hair done and was on her way to pick up her dress from the dry cleaner. When she reached the apartment building, she rushed to the door. Fighting to keep control, to keep it together. There was a box laying in front of her door. Mia picked it up and went inside. When she opened it, she saw a dozen red roses and a card nestled at the base of the stems.
Thinking of you always. Missing you forever. Yours Nikki.
She flung the box across the room. The flowers tumbled out of the box and landed by the couch. Mia leaned against the door, slid down to the floor and sat in a ball crying. Why am I not allowed to be happy? You let it happen again! You let a pretty girl cloud your mind. Now some kid is going to pay for it. How could you? Mia had no answers and was left with one resounding question reverberating in her mind. Why?
Nikki rushed home and showered. Trying to focus on each task at hand as she got ready. Her mind could only handle one thing at a time. Shower. Get dressed. Do your hair. Brush your teeth. Focus on the small details. If she let everything in at once, she would be frozen. Useless to everyone involved, including Michael. She headed back to the school as quickly as she could. She wasn’t even gone an hour. School was still in session, but Nikki needed to stay in the loop. She put her suit in her office and locked the door. She would do a quick change before picking Mia up.
Nikki knew Mia would get upset, but she didn’t foresee Mia blaming both of them. You should have known. You know that she blamed herself for Shantel and left her girlfriend. Now she is going to do the same thing to you. She shook the thought off. No, I can’t lose her!
Richard and Nikki met with Sheriff Shilling. They all agreed that a small group of officers would be posted on the roof.
The sheriff continued, “We will have officers posted at each door. We went by the house already. Michael’s parents said he had not come home yet. There are patrolmen all over town looking for him. Of course, with no known friends or hang outs, it is hard to know where to look for him.”
Nikki got the gist of it, officers everywhere with nothing in sight. She needed a break from the bleak picture Shilling was painting. She touched Richard’s arm to catch his attention.
“I’m gonna go get Mia.”
Richard simply nodded and went back to his conversation with the sheriff.
“Nikki,” she turned at his voice, “good job.”
Yeah right.
She went to the office and stared at the suit. The day had started out with such promise. Now she was afraid it would end in disaster and heart ache. What a mess this had turned into. Police littered the town, no one could find Michael, and Mia was mad at her. Nikki went to the truck and raced across town. She had to be quick. Go home, grab the corsage and get Mia. She would be early, but Mia needed her.
Mia could hear the knock on the door and ignored it. Nothing was more important than getting ready to leave. She was just trying to put her dress on, but the lace up back was proving more difficult than anticipated. Her nerves were shot and her hands were shaking. When the knocking persisted, she tied the dress loosely and went to the door. Nikki was there in a black and white tux. Her hair was neatly done, a huge change from her normal shaggy mess. Mia’s heart was racing. She couldn’t breathe. She just wanted to grab Nikki’s tie and drag her to the bedroom.
“Oh my. You look…”
Nikki’s mouth hung open. There were no words. The more she looked, the more tongue tied she got. I love her. The thought jarred her back to life. “If only we had more time. Are you ready?”
“I just can’t get this tied,” Mia said as she turned to show Nikki the tied lace. Nikki bit her fist to keep herself from taking the dress off Mia. Slowly, painfully, Nikki tied Mia’s dress. She kissed the exposed neck and swallowed the lump in her throat.
“All done.”
Mia turned back and Nikki knew she would never forget this moment or the gorgeous woman before her.
“I got you a corsage. I didn’t know what color, so I went with white.”
Nikki fumbled with the packaging and slid the flowers onto Mia’s wrist.
“It’s beautiful.”
It was at this moment that Nikki saw the flowers strewn about the floor. She had wanted everything to be perfect tonight, but life is messy and she couldn’t be mad at Mia for her frustration. At least she didn’t stomp on them or tear them up.
“Ready?”
Mia shook her head and followed Nikki down stairs.
There was a black limo waiting in the parking lot. Nikki opened the door for Mia. As she climbed in, she saw the champagne on ice and the rose petals across the floor. She really does think of everything.
Nikki slid in and couldn’t stop her wandering eyes.
“You look incredible. I’ve never seen anyone… ever…” Nikki took a deep breath, trying to find her words, “Where did you get that dress? Your shoes. The hair. Wow.” She tried to breathe but her lungs weren’t cooperating, “I’ll be the luckiest girl there.”
“Don’t forget the nails,” Mia said as she held out her hand. Nikki kissed her fingers, savoring the feel of Mia’s skin on her lips. The sweet sensation that crept up her spine.
“How could I. They will feel wonderful later.” Nikki swallowed the lump in her throat and again tried to breathe. To clear her mind. “Mia I know your upset with me, but I really didn’t know. I would never stand in the way of you helping a student.”
Mia had almost forgotten her anger, until now.
“Nikki, I just can’t afford distractions. And you are a big distraction. If you weren’t here, I’m sure I would have caught the problem before it got out of hand.”
“Mia please.”
“No, we can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry, but I can’t lose anyone else.”
“Mia,” Nikki felt her heart breaking, “I love you.”
It was not how she expected to announce her feelings. Originally, she thought maybe tonight. She just didn’t count on the added strain or tension between them due to the Michael debacle. Since when does anything ever go as planned? They pulled up to the school and Mia got out, leaving Nikki hurt and alone.
School was ending and the Officers were already posted on the roof. Richard was with the sheriff finalizing their plans.
“Any word?” Nikki asked.<
br />
Richard shook his head side to side.
“His parents haven’t heard anything. We are combing the streets, but there has been no sign. His mother wasn’t even concerned. She said he is always home late.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No. She actually told me that he was just trying to get attention. He would show up eventually, just as he always did.”
“How can I help?” Mia asked.
Nikki didn’t turn around. She knew the voice all too well and saw the men straighten up. They addressed her as professionally as possible.
“Ms., right now the only thing you can do is keep your eyes open and try to keep the students calm. We don’t want them getting word of this.”
Nikki smiled. She knew the affect Mia could have on someone. She was living proof. Mia didn’t say a word to her, she just turned and left. Nikki knew the moment she walked away. It wasn’t just that the officers relaxed. She could feel it; the loneliness Mia’s absence created. Richard motioned with his eyes for her to go after Mia.
Nikki followed her steps into the gym. Mia was watching the students as they hung decorations.
“It looks really nice when they are finished. Less like a gym.” Mia didn’t answer, or turn towards her. “Please talk to me. What can I do?”
The solemn answer sent a chill over Nikki’s body, “Find him.”
“We will. Mia, were are going to find him.”
“Nikki I can’t do this. Please, just go. I can’t.”
Nikki started to reach out to Mia, then dropped her hand. She left Mia standing in the gym. Her heart breaking with every step.
* * *
The prom had just begun. There were students everywhere. They were taking pictures and dancing. Every student was smiling and having a great time. The teachers too, all but Nikki and Mia. Nikki was on the other side of the gym watching Mia fret. The worry lines growing deeper with each minute that ticked by. She continuously checked her phone, for messages and the time. Her gaze searching the gym. Darting from one student’s face to another.
Trusting Again Page 21