by Dawn Brower
She couldn’t be certain if he understood the riddle she had left for him. Perhaps she should have been more forthright and told him exactly where to go. Lulia couldn’t help testing him though because she needed for him to fight for her in some small way. If he could figure out where to find her in the largess of Vauxhall Gardens, then surely he must really want to spend time with her, and maybe she meant something to him. There was nothing Lulia wanted more than for him to want her—to love her.
Lulia crossed the Westminster Bridge and headed toward Vauxhall Gardens. She paid her entry fee and strolled through the gates, then onto the path that would lead to her destination. During the summer months the garden was filled with a kaleidoscope of colors—from green, to red, to purple, to blue—a sea of every vegetation and flowers imaginable… She loved roaming through those paths, dreaming of romantic starry nights, warm breezes, and magical kisses. She wasn’t too proud to admit that in most of her wildest imaginations and daydreaming Fin had taken a prominent role as a suitor of her choice. He’d made quite the impression on her and her wayward youth. And truth be told, she never truly believed she’d see him again.
* * *
She told him that he would find her whether roses bloomed under the hot summer sun. There were many places that roses grew inside Vauxhall. But there was one place that they thrived during the hottest days. Not many realized that the gardens had originated as a house known as Vauke’s Hall, built during the reign of King John—hence the name Vauxhall. When it had been re-fashioned into the elaborate public garden, open to the public, some of the old estate had been left intact. There was a pavilion on the south end of the garden that during the summer had vines weaving up the side and a trellis with roses dripping down its vines. Of course, it was during the summer, in high heat, and now Vauxhall was nothing more than sparkling ice and brilliant snow. If a person didn’t know the rich history of Vauxhall, they might not deduce the simple riddle she’d written.
Lulia rounded the corner and stopped short when the pavilion came into view. Standing in the center, staring at that trellis where the roses normally blended in to, stood the man who haunted her dreams—the Duke of Clare. She should never have doubted that he would comprehend what she meant. Clearly, Fin was a man who understood the importance of history. There were many gentlemen amongst the ton that shirked the idea of learning, both from the mistakes of others, and their own. She had hoped Fin wasn’t one of their ilk. It warmed her heart to realize he might truly be her one true love. Not just because he had understood her missive, but also because he understood her.
There were not a lot of people who saw beneath the layers she pulled over herself. Lulia had a hard time allowing people to become close to her, and there was really only one individual she let in. That person was her cousin, Diana. Now, as she stared at Fin standing alone in the pavilion, she started to believe he too could be part of her inner circle.
Lulia closed the distance between her and Fin. She nearly ran up the small set of stairs and launched herself into his arms. He held her close, and his warmth spread over. She’d been hugged several times in her life, but for some reason this experience was more profound than any she’d ever had. She wanted to burn this memory in her mind forever, so that she could bring it out on the dark and dreary days when everything seemed hopeless. No one ever lived a perfect life, and all they could hope for were days that almost seemed as if they were ideal. In this one moment, with Fins arms wrapped around her, and her head lying against his chest, Lulia could not have found a more flawless instance to hold onto.
Fin had been waiting for Lulia for several minutes. He hadn’t known for sure what her note referenced about Vauxhall Gardens, so he’d come early and talked to some of the gardeners and workers for more information. He learned a lot about Vauxhall. A part of him couldn’t help wondering if the members of the ton realized that their pleasure garden used to be a vaulted estate. Maybe someday someone would write it down for the world to know. He wasn’t talented with words, and therefore it would never be him, but he did appreciate learning about the history of people and places he often frequented.
* * *
Once he ascertained the location he was to meet, Lulia, he had headed there immediately. He’d known he would have to wait for her because he’d discovered the location earlier than they were supposed to meet. Fin didn’t mind though. It was enough that she’d be by his side soon. What he never expected was for her to run into his arms and let him hold her. It was the most amazing thing he ever experienced. As much as he enjoyed embracing her, he had to let her go. Her warmth enveloped him and made him believe in the possibility of a future—as long as she was by his side. She ignited something in him he couldn’t quite define, but he did know he liked it. Maybe a little too much… Fin released her and took a step back. “I feel as if I’ve been waiting forever for you.”
The corner of Lulia’s lips tilted upward. “Surely you haven’t been here that long.” Her cheeks were rosy from the cold wind, and her violet eyes were brighter because of the reflection of the sparkling snow. Even her midnight tresses seem more brilliant against the stark white of their surroundings. Fin had always found her beautiful, but now she was nothing less than breathtaking.
“It matters not how long I’ve been traipsing through Vauxhall Gardens. Having you here with me is the only thing I could possibly want. Now that you’re here, how shall we spend our afternoon together?” Fin brushed a stray lock of her dark hair behind her ear. He was starting to believe Vauxhall Gardens had a magical quality to it. Though it was probably more likely being with Lulia left the impression on him. “Do you wish to stay in the gardens, or would you prefer go someplace warmer?”
“I adore Vauxhall,” Lulia stated. “But I can see how its charms are lost under a blanket of snow. If the cold is too much for you, I’d be happy to go wherever you suggest as long as we are together.”
Truth be told, Fin had no idea where they could go. Outside of his own home, he didn’t go many places in London. Unless he had an invitation to a particular ball or soirée, he remained behind the confines of Clare House. He’d recently joined White’s club and started to become acquainted with more—high ranking ton members. He didn’t want Lulia to be cold, but he was at a loss on how to prevent that and had no idea where to suggest they go.
Fin glanced down the path that would lead them to the exit of Vauxhall, and then he turned his attention back to Lulia. He lifted a brow and stated, “I don’t mind the cold; somehow, it seems inconsequential as long as you are by my side. Perhaps it would help if we stroll down the pathways to keep ourselves warm.”
“An excellent suggestion,” Lulia agreed. “How acquainted are you with the landscape of the gardens?”
“I suppose it’s time to make a small confession,” Fin began. “Up until earlier today, I’ve never entered Vauxhall Gardens. Although, now, in order to solve your little riddle, I couldn’t be more acquainted if I tried.”
Lulia’s throaty laughter echoed on the wind. She tilted her head back as her bemusement rolled out and made her even more enticing. Fin had not believed that could even be possible. Being in her presence and the glory of everything she allowed the world to see, Fin realized how big a fool he’d been walking away from her all those years ago. Yes, he’d been a frightened lad of barely twenty, and her no more than sixteen, but if he’d been brave enough, they could’ve had all those years they lost together. “I adore you,” Lulia told him. “Of course you would take my riddle as a challenge and not only embrace it, but unravel it to its very core.”
“Anything worth doing should always be done right,” Fin stated plainly. He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “You may not believe this, but you’ve always meant the world to me. At a time when I didn’t believe there was even the smallest chance of hope, you showed me gentle kindness and stubborn determination was all I could ever possibly need to survive in this harsh world. I realize that, after that day, I ran as fast as I possibly cou
ld from Tenby and you,” Fin said softly. His voice took on a husky tone as he spoke again, “But I’ve never been able to forget you, and as long as I live I never will. It was the fortune you told me that terrified me the most. What if I choose wrong; what if I’m already too late?”
“It’s never too late to make the right decision,” Lulia explained. She reached up and cupped his cheek in the palm of her hand. “Sometimes it takes a while to figure out what should be done. Maybe you weren’t meant to decide what path to take all those years ago. This could be your time—our chance to be together.”
“Do you remember the fortune you told me?” Fin asked.
* * *
Lulia nodded. “I’m not likely to forget.” She reached for his hand and peeled off the glove. Lulia traced her fingers over the lines on his palm and recited the fortune she told him all those years ago. “You have two paths—a fork in which you must choose. One path leads you to happiness but some heartache along the way.”
“And the other?” He asked as he did before.
“It means death.” Lulia muttered quietly. “I didn’t explain your fortune completely all those years ago and I’m afraid you misinterpreted it. Have you avoided love because you were afraid the one you loved would die?”
“I may have. I couldn’t handle someone I loved dying…” He nodded his head almost absentmindedly. “I’ve had a lot of heartache over the years,” Fin said more to himself than to her. “Maybe I unwittingly already chose my path.”
Lulia handed him his glove so he could place it back over his already cold fingers. She glanced away from him and remained quiet for several moments. Then she met his gaze and said, “I’m afraid this is where you have to make a decision. Back then, you didn’t make the choice. You avoided making one. Yes, there has been lots of heartache; however, that’s not what the fortune meant. Loss is part of life, but the path you choose won’t be about the deaths you’ve endured, but the love you accept. For without love, you are not truly living, and that is the path of death.”
Fin recalled she had once asked him if he believed in love. At the time, it had been a resounding no. It was amazing how much clarity a man could gain in years filled with loneliness, and Fin had managed to achieve maximum lucidity in that intervening time. He didn’t want to live a life of death. It would be far better to discover exactly what love was with her. Without examining his motivations to closely, Fin closed the distance between them. Then, before either one of them had time to think about it, he pressed his lips to hers and kissed her. It was something he should have done when she first arrived. Maybe, even farther back than that…
Chapter 8
After that magical afternoon, Lulia couldn’t stop feeling as if she were floating instead of using her own two feet to carry her from place to place. When Fin had kissed her, she let herself enjoy it instead of analyzing every aspect of it. A part of her had wanted his kiss, but she’d never imagined there would be a day she’d experience the reality of his lips pressed to hers. They were making progress in their hastened courtship—if that is what they were doing. She didn’t quite know yet what Fin hoped to gain by their interactions, and if she were honest with herself, at times she didn’t either. It would be easy to say she wanted it all, but what did that entail? Did she want marriage? Children? Would it be easier to give in to the passion until it died down to nothing but embers on the brink of losing their heat? Didn’t all romances suffer a fate similar to that?
Lulia sighed and headed into Madame Debroux’s modiste shop—above the secret ladies’ gaming hell, Fortuna’s Parlor, where she helped run the fencing part of the club. She was visiting Madame Debroux for a different reason though. She had commissioned a ball gown for the Christmastide ball. Lulia didn’t often bother with fine dresses, but she’d wanted to have something pretty for the night—for Fin. She rapped on the back door and waited for the modiste to come out. After a few moments, she peeked around the door and met Lulia’s gaze. “Ma chère,” Madame Debroux greeted her. “I’ve been waiting for you. Please come back so we can finalize your fitting.”
She followed the modiste to the back room. Several seamstresses were already there, prepared to pin and tuck where needed. Lulia had a few gowns and didn’t see any reason to have more than that made. Young debutantes or high society matrons had an excess of dresses and Lulia would never be one of them. She wasn’t anything more than a half-gypsy with nobility connections. No one paid her any attention, and that usually suited her. Now though, she wished to make a lasting impression. It was interesting what a woman would do for a male she felt affection for.
“Here it is,” Madame Debroux announced as she held up her creation. It was blue silk draped with silver chiffon. The bodice was crushed sapphire velvet with tiny gray beads worked in, creating an intricate design through the fabric. The skirt bellowed out more than a ball gown usually did. “I love it,” she said a little breathlessly.
“Of course you do. I designed it,” Madame Debroux announced. “Now we will act as your lady’s maid and assist you donning it. A few alterations may be needed before the ball tonight.”
First, she had to remove her current dress. Once it was off, Lulia stepped into the beautiful ball gown, and the seamstresses laced her into it. The fit was far better than Madame Debroux implied. She couldn’t tell where any alterations needed to be made. It hugged her curves and displayed her bosom nicely. Fin wouldn’t be able to look away from her, and yes, her décolletage. Lulia had never bothered with fineries of any sort, but in this gown, she felt like a princess about to search for her prince. She wasn’t anything near royalty, and Fin wasn’t a prince; however, a duke was close enough.
“It’s perfect,” she muttered a little breathlessly.
“Not quite,” the modiste hummed through the pins she placed in her mouth. She pulled one out and placed it along the hemline. She kept going until she had every one in place and ready for the seamstresses to alter the gown. “It needs a little tucking here, and then it’ll be flawless.”
“Thank you so much for creating this.” Lulia rubbed her hands over the velvet and sighed. “I would never have believed I’d find a dress so…”
“Quixotic?” one of the seamstresses supplied the word for Lulia.
“Yes,” she answered. Everything had been turned upside down in her world. She was falling in love, or perhaps she’d always loved Fin and hadn’t realized it. Either way, it seemed to be new, and Lulia reveled in that happiness. She had hope that her and Fin would find a way to achieve the life they wanted together.
“The pins are all in place,” the modiste announced. “Now we must remove the dress so it can be completed. I’ll have it sent to your home after the final stitches are in place.”
Lulia wanted to hug her and express her gratitude, but the modiste wouldn’t appreciate it. She might greet her as my dear, but that didn’t mean she wanted any familiarity. It’s who Madame Debroux was, and Lulia had accepted it a long time ago. The modiste did care for her and all the ladies involved in Fortuna’s Parlor, but she didn’t show affection. Her idea of caring was creating beautiful gowns for those she loved. Lulia hadn’t taken advantage of that offer until now, and Madame Debroux had fashioned Lulia a breathtaking gown. She had put all her heart into its creation, and Lulia couldn’t be happier.
The seamstresses untied her laces and helped her out of the gown, then carried it away to put the finishing touches on it. They didn’t say a word as they left and focused on the task at hand. Lulia slipped back into her simple pale yellow day dress and then turned her attention to Madame Debroux. “I can’t thank you enough…”
“Child,” she interrupted her. “You never ask for anything and give too much of yourself. This is nothing in comparison. It’s about time you started taking care of yourself.” She winked. “Now tell me about your beau.”
The corner of Lulia’s lips tilted upward into a sly smile. “You mean you don’t know everything?”
Madame Debroux’s sh
op filtered gossip through it with regularity. There wasn’t much that the modiste hadn’t heard or could find out if she so desired. Lady Narissa, the Duchess of Blackmore, had used that to her advantage from time to time while running Fortuna’s parlor. It was in the midst of having a dress created by Madame Debroux that she had decided to open the club. Lulia had joined in her endeavor when Lady Diana became acquainted with the duchess. Now it seemed as if they’d been a part of Fortuna’s Parlor, and in conjunction, Madame Debroux’s forever.
“I may have overheard a few things.” She scrunched up her nose. “But you know how gossip is. You never can tell what the truth is or isn’t unless you verify it from the source.”
She was correct, of course. Sometimes gossip created a horrible scandal intentionally. The truth could be skewed as it made its rounds through the ton. She hadn’t been a victim of gossip, but she had been witness to the harmful effects of it. There was a scandal sheet that continued to grow in popularity, written by Lady X. Lulia didn’t know how the mysterious queen of secrets came by her information; however, from what she could ascertain, all of it had been true, or at least it appeared to be. The truth could be misleading out of context. One day she’d like to meet the woman behind that scandal sheet and ask her why she wrote it as well as how she came by her information.
The gossip column intrigued her. Lulia tilted her head to the side and closed her eyes. She imagined Fin and what their night might entail later. They would have a lovely evening—she wouldn’t have it any other way. She took a deep breath and considered how to answer Madame Debroux’s question. “Fin is…impulsive and broody at the same time. He makes decisions without considering the consequences, and is concerned about the present, but he loves deeply and is loyal to those he cares for. He carries his emotions around for the world to see, but only if you look closely enough. His gruff exterior is a shield to keep everyone at bay.”