Full House

by Janet Evanovich

  "It depends on how you look at it," Billie replied.

  "Awesome," Joel said.

  Billie looked from her son to her daughter. "Nobody is to know about this, you understand? Absolutely nobody. If word leaks out, I'm going to ground you both until you're eighteen."

  "Okay, I won't tell Grandma or Dad if they call," Christie said. "I won't even tell Lisa Marie."

  Joel pretended to zip his lips.

  Billie sighed. "Thank you." She grabbed her purse and headed for the front door. "I won't be gone long."

  "Am I supposed to cook or anything?" Deedee asked anxiously. "Because I don't know how."

  "I'll pick up a pizza on the way back."

  Billie was out the door in a matter of minutes. There was a little dress shop in Leesburg that would have something suitable. If she hurried she could be back in an hour. Anyone else would have said she was insane to leave her children with a kid who was suspected of blowing up a car, but that was nothing compared to buying a wedding dress when the bride-to-be suspected her future husband still had the hots for his ex-fiancee. That was insane. Billie was convinced as to Max's innocence, but she was clueless as to what Nick was thinking.

  Yet, he'd asked her to trust him, and despite all the craziness surrounding them, she did.

  On her way into Leesburg she passed the large brick building that housed Nick's newspaper. She stopped for a light, and stared at the structure, feeling a strange sense of pride. It was a good paper. Despite the fact Nick had managed to pick up so many new subscribers, he'd intentionally kept it from growing too large, so he could personally maintain quality and stay responsive to the needs of Loudoun County. She understood about the paper now. It was something real to Nick. Something that made an important contribution to his community.

  While she was waiting for the light a new navy blue BMW sports car pulled out of the newspaper parking lot and took its place in line. Traffic began to move, cars changed lanes, and Billie found herself behind the sports car, staring at the back of a familiar head. It was Nick!

  Nick accelerated slightly and checked his rearview mirror, his eyes growing wide as they locked with Billie's. His attention returned to the road in time to see the car in front of him stop for another light.

  Billie's reflexes weren't as quick as Nick's. By the time she applied the brakes she'd shortened his car by six inches. She uttered an expletive and got out to inspect the damage. "Nice car," she said. "Is it new?"

  He looked at it incredulously. "Yes, as a matter of fact, it is."

  She felt the color drain from her face. "I'm really sorry, Nick. I was just so surprised to see you in front of me."

  He arched one brow. "If you wanted to get my attention, you could have beeped your horn."

  "I didn't do this on purpose," she said, feeling on the verge of tears. The poor man would, no doubt, be once again reduced to riding in a pickup truck filled with manure while he waited for repairs to his brand-new car. And here she thought things couldn't get any worse.

  "It's okay, Billie," he said gently. "The important thing is nobody was hurt." He ruffled her hair. "The cars both look drivable. They're just a little ... crumpled." He glanced at the traffic jam they were creating. "Let's pull into that parking lot across the street."

  Billie followed him to a space and parked her car. "You know what this means? This means they'll raise my insurance rates," she said.

  A small, pleased smile played across his mouth. "That should bother me more than you, since I'm the one who's going to be paying your premiums. If you want to give up teaching for a while and stay home with the kids, of course. Money isn't going to be a big issue anymore."

  Billie felt her heart skip a beat. This man was going to be her husband. Dear lord, she didn't even know him. She knew a polo instructor and a casual sort of guy who wore moccasins, but she didn't know the man before her now in a charcoal-gray suit and flattering tie. Nicholas Kaharchek in a suit was ... devastating. The crisp white shirt made his skin seem darker, and it somehow left her feeling intimidated.

  This Nick carried with him a sense of power that was subtly contained by the perfectly cut suit. Yet she read the seductive messages he was sending her in his brown eyes, and her blood seemed to flow faster in her veins. The fact that she had already slept with him, that he knew every millimeter of her body, only added to her discomfort.

  "How's everything back at the house?" Nick asked.

  "Fine, just fine. Max and Deedee are baby-sitting."

  "Now, there's a pair. Are you still sure you want to offer him sanctuary for a couple of days?"

  Billie stared at him, tongue-tied. Finally, she nodded.

  "You didn't hit your head when you ran into my car, did you?"

  Her answer was breathless. "No. I'm fine. I have to go shopping."

  He continued to look at her, memorizing her face, the sheen of her hair. The memory would serve him well during long board meetings. He found it more and more difficult to keep his mind on his work because of her. He wanted to touch her, to take her in his arms and kiss her until she was panting and feverishly moaning his name. And he wanted to do this in a parking lot, in broad daylight, in downtown Leesburg. He was losing it, he decided. He was turning into a crazed sex maniac.

  "Oh, yeah, the wedding dress. Didn't want to let it go till the last minute, huh? I kind of like those running shorts you're wearing."

  Billie was beginning to relax. He was teasing her, and he sounded like the Nick she knew. She'd just been thrown for a minute by the suit. It was really dumb to get into such a state over a suit, right? Wrong. He wore power and authority as comfortably as he wore his custom-tailored clothes, and the expensive trappings of civilization served to enhance rather than minimize the force of his virility. She felt swept away. Her life was like a package, floating downstream while she ran helplessly along the bank, trying to keep up. She looked down at the ring on her finger and began to hyperventilate again.

  "I need a bag," she gasped. "I'm nervous. I'm hysterical. I'm going to faint. I almost never faint."

  Nick grasped her shoulders and roughly pulled her to him for a kiss that would be considered a wee bit passionate on the respectable streets of Leesburg. "Feel better?" he asked once he released her.

  Billie swayed toward him. "Mmmmm."

  She looked much better, Nick thought, pleased with himself. The color was back in her cheeks and the panic in her eyes had turned to hazy desire. "I have a meeting with my lawyer in ten minutes. I should be done around four. Can you stay in town for dinner?"

  Billie's only consolation was that his voice sounded as ragged as her breathing. She shook her head no and struggled to collect her thoughts. She was supposed to be shopping for something. What was it? Oh, yeah, she remembered, a wedding dress. "I don't want to stay in town too long," she managed.

  He looked disappointed, but he nodded his head as if he understood. "Probably a good idea," he said, remembering that his place was crawling with cops who were as eager to find Max as they were Arnie Bates. "Maybe we can catch up with one another later."

  By the time Billie reached the dress store, she was having second thoughts, not only about the wedding but about Max as well. What if she was wrong about him? He was undoubtedly a genius, but he was still a sixteen-year-old boy whose intellect had outgrown his level of maturity by leaps and bounds. What if he'd been so mad at Nick at the thought of being sent home to his parents that he'd lost control?

  Billie considered herself a pretty good judge of character—heaven knows she'd dealt with enough children and parents over the years that she felt she really knew people—but she had never dealt with someone like Max.

  "May I help you?" a middle-aged woman asked once Billie stepped into the dress shop, setting off a tiny bell over the door. Billie blinked at the sight of her. She wore more makeup than Deedee.

  "I need a wedding dress fast."

  "For your daughter?"

  Billie blinked. "My daughter is ten years old. It's
for me."

  "Oh, I'm sorry. My mistake. I've lost my glasses, and, well, you must be tired, dear."

  Billie's self-esteem dropped lower than a gopher hole. Had she not needed a dress so badly she would have turned around and left the shop. "Yes, I am tired, but—"

  "You should try under-eye concealer. Takes years off your looks."

  Did she look that bad? Billie wondered. Perhaps Nick's family and the noises in and out of her house had taken a bigger toll on her than she'd imagined. "Gee, maybe I should."

  "So you're getting married, huh?" the woman said, putting on her glasses. "Oooh, nice ring." She held Billie's hand up so she could get a closer look. "Diamond looks genuine, but I'd take it to a jeweler if I were you. They make those fake diamonds today that resemble the real thing. You wouldn't believe how many jewelers can't tell the difference."

  Billie smiled tightly. "I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm willing to bet this diamond is the real thing."

  "Yes, well, it's certainly not zircon."

  Billie had to bite her tongue. "I'm really in a big hurry."

  The woman tapped her red lips with an index finger that was perfectly manicured. "Why don't we look over here on this rack? We have some lovely designs suited for women your age."

  This time Billie gaped. "Excuse me, what happened to the other woman who used to own the shop?"

  "She moved to North Dakota, hon. I'm the new owner, Emma Glebe. Now, this dress would look nice on you."

  "What kind of work did you do before?"

  "I was an IRS auditor."

  "Oh, yes? Well, I'm sure you're going to bring in tons of customers. You have a certain way about you."

  The woman beamed. "That's what all my friends say. Now, about this dress—"

  Billie looked at it. The outfit resembled draperies one would find in a grandmother's house. "I prefer something simple. Unassuming."

  "Yes, less is more," Ida said, flipping through the racks.

  "You're checking through the wrong size," Billie said, noting she was looking in the fourteens. "I'm a ten."

  "Of course you are."

  Billie shook her head and walked over to the rack that held her size. She flipped through the dresses and pulled out a simple cream-colored linen suit.

  "Oh, that would look lovely on you, dear," Ida said, "and I have a hat that would set it off nicely."

  "Sounds good. Just toss it in a bag, and I'll be on my way."

  "Aren't you going to try it on?"

  "Like I said, I'm in a big hurry. No time to lose, wedding is on Saturday." She reached into her purse for her checkbook.

  "Oh, I see. One of those kinds of weddings." Ida raised both hands to mimic a shotgun.

  Billie didn't bother to correct her as she wrote out the check and raced from the store.

  Billie made it home in record time. Frankie's limo waited out front. She sighed. Would her house ever return to normal? she wondered. She walked through the front door and found Max, Joel, and Christie watching TV.

  She sagged against the front door in relief, and then was immediately ashamed for doubting Max to begin with. He didn't look much older than her children, his eyes fixed on the program that seemed to be about the spirit world. Just what Joel and Christie needed to watch.

  "Where's the pizza, Mom?" Joel asked.

  Billie sighed. She'd been in such a hurry to get back that she'd completely forgotten to stop and pick up one. "I'll call and get one delivered. Where are Deedee and Frankie?" she asked, hoping the two weren't up in Deedee's bedroom humping one another like wild rabbits while her children were in the house.

  Joel put a finger to his lips. "Shhh!"

  "Looking at the garden," Christie said, eyes glued to the set.

  Looking at the garden? Billie thought. That's weird. She dialed the number for the pizza parlor and ordered. She pulled a twenty-dollar bill from her purse, laid it on the table, and walked out the back door. She found Frankie and Deedee kneeling beside her tomato plants as if they'd never before seen one.

  "What's up, guys?" she said.

  "Frankie and I are thinking about buying a farm and growing our own vegetables," Deedee said. "We're getting tired of the limelight."

  "When I retire," Frankie said, "but that won't be for a while."

  Billie knew there was about as much chance of the two becoming farmers as there was of her playing in a polo tournament. "Somehow, I just can't see you as a farm wife," she told Deedee.

  "I want to learn to bake my own bread and sew my own clothes," she said, flashing Billie a smile.

  Frankie nodded. "We're going to have cows and horses and chickens. It'll be cool milking my first cow."

  Billie nodded. "Only problem, Deedee doesn't like stepping in stuff. You know how particular she is about her shoes."

  Deedee suddenly took on a look of pure horror. "She's right, Frankie, honey. I can't bear the thought of stepping in, well, you know."

  He seemed to ponder it. "I forgot about that. Perhaps we should retire someplace like Scottsdale, Arizona, instead."

  "Or the West Coast," Deedee said. She looked at Billie. "We have to think about our future now that we're getting married. Have you and Nick discussed plans?"

  "Right now I'm just trying to get through one day at a time."

  "Poor Billie, we've all been such a burden on you. But don't think for one minute that Frankie and I don't plan to return the favor. You and Nick have to promise to come visit us when we get settled into our new home. Wherever it is." She suddenly brightened. "Oh, did you get a dress?"

  Billie nodded. "I'll show it to you, later." She excused herself and went inside. The TV program was obviously over. Max and Joey were checking out the ice maker, Christie had the stereo blaring in her room. Billie grabbed the plastic bag that Ida had slipped over her suit to protect it, and she carried it upstairs, debating whether to put the bag over her face.

  Billie closed her door and locked it, then slipped the bag off her suit.

  As she gazed at it, she thought back to her first wedding. There had been enough pomp and ceremony in that one to last her a lifetime. She'd worn the traditional white gown with yards and yards of froth trailing from a cap of satin and pearls securely fastened to her head with an army of bobby pins. Her parents had gone all out with a band and a caterer. The bills for the wedding probably lasted longer than the marriage itself, she thought ruefully.

  Now she was tagging along on Deedee's wedding, which from all indications would be a monumental carnival. The guest list included senators, ambassadors, and a gaggle of wrestlers. Add to that a busload of very conservative farmers and shopkeepers from Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Maybe she should round it out by inviting last year's sixth-grade class, Billie thought, feeling a little hysterical.

  She slipped into the suit and looked at herself in the mirror. The suit was flattering, what her mother would refer to as understated elegance. It was form-fitting, emphasizing her trim figure. The hemline fell just above her knees. Her legs might not be as long and as slender as Deedee's, but she prided herself in the fact they were toned and shapely.

  The doorbell rang, calling Billie from her room in her dress. She let Raoul in. He stopped in his tracks and whistled. "Where are you off to, Princess Grace?"

  Billie cringed as she heard Deedee's shriek of pleasure from the stairs. "Is that the dress?" she said. "Oh, you're going to make a beautiful bride."

  Raoul looked at Billie in pure astonishment. "You're getting married?"

  "On Saturday," Deedee said. "We're having a double wedding. Isn't that way cool?"

  "Yes, way cool," Raoul said. He looked at Billie. "Is it true?"

  "Yes."

  "But—" Raoul paused. "You just met him."

  "It was love at first sight," Frankie said, coming up behind Raoul. He introduced himself and the two men shook hands.

  Deedee smiled at Raoul. "I know you're Billie's friend and all, and we'd love to invite you to the wedding, but it's going to be a small, intimate
gathering. Family and politicians only."

  Billie saw the hurt in Raoul's eyes. "I wanted to tell you, but—"

  He held up a hand. "Hey, I'm happy for you, kiddo. You deserve a good man. How many times have I told you that?"

  Which was true. He had even tried fixing her up with a couple of men he thought were good catches and would treat her right. "Oh, Raoul, that's so sweet," she said.

  The doorbell rang. The pizza man handed over the large pizza Billie had ordered, and she went for the money. She paid him and carried the pizza to the kitchen table. Raoul followed.

  "I suppose me and the missus need to cough up a good wedding present. Won't be easy, seein' as how you're marrying a man who has everything. Maybe I'll give you and the groom free pest-control service for a year."

  "We're not accepting gifts," she said, noting that Max had pushed the refrigerator away from the wall and was standing behind it.

  "What's he doing?"

  "Trying to repair the ice maker."

  Raoul laughed. "Good luck."

  "Oh, it's working all right," Max said. "I'm just making a few minor adjustments."

  "You fixed it?" Raoul looked surprised.

  Max beamed. "As far as I can tell."

  Joel peeked out from behind the refrigerator. "He fixed the toilet, too."

  Raoul nodded. "Looks like you've got yourself one hell of a repairman," he told Billie. He glanced at his wristwatch. "Well, I came by to see if that new industrial spray I used the other day helped."

  Billie hesitated. "I have found a few dead spiders," she said, "but it didn't kill all of them."

  "She's right about that," Deedee said. "I keep finding them in my shoes. Alive and kicking." She shuddered. "I can't live in a house with spiders."

  "Try not to think of it, sweetie," Frankie said, as he led her out the front door.

  Raoul was quiet as he set his container of bug spray on the floor and began checking inside the kitchen cabinets for pests. "I think I may have killed most of the adult insects," he said, "but no telling how many eggs are in the house. I'll have to come back in a couple of weeks, once they've hatched."

  Billie simply nodded.

  The kids were eating their pizza in front of the TV. Billie had no appetite. Instead, she offered Raoul a cup of coffee. She wanted to tell him about her weird experience the other night and see what he thought.