by r. h. Sin
the silent.
you can tell, you just know
you always do
no man on this earth
could keep secrets
from a woman like you
but i hate this idea
of knowing everything
and saying nothing
i hate this idea
of a woman being silent
the realization.
here’s the thing
i realized that being loved
by you
was completely overrated
the lies.
sure enough
an honest love exists
but we’re too busy
entertaining the lies told
by the people we think love us
the choice.
i didn’t quit
i simply chose myself
instead of continuing to try
for someone who wouldn’t
try for me
the better.
placing you behind me
pushed me closer
to something better
the thought.
i like to think
that all the pain
and heartache
is simply preparing me
for a love that heals
the craving.
sometimes the love you crave
can’t be found in the person you want
and wanting someone is not enough
to have them love you
the women.
thank you to the women
who never get a thank-you
thank you to the women
who never get acknowledged
thank you for your softness
thank you for your toughness
thank you for your strength
your endurance
your ability to take pain
and transform it into power
the ability.
i admire your ability to fight
i admire your ability to go to war
for all the things
you know you deserve
the bridge.
sadly, i watched from the other side
as you burned the one bridge
that you never deserved to cross
the further.
you went missing
when i longed for you the most
while my heart didn’t grow fonder
my mind grew further
how quickly i went from sadness
to feeling nothing at all
the coffee shops.
there’s this thing about coffee shops
for the life of me
it’s hard to put into words
the experience my soul feels
when all of my morning thrills
sit at the bottom of that circular
ceramic cup
the atmosphere
the people
the lovers sitting hand in hand
the friends, laughing silently
me, gazing into the eyes of my lover
speaking without saying words
sipping slowly
the sweet life
the brown hue of enjoyment
and delight
sitting near the window
in search of the perfect light
the tights you wear.
wrapped around both thighs
black hues and heather grays
beginning at the waist
ending just at the ankles
forcing me to pay homage
to your curves
the days.
30-plus days
without hearing the voice
of my nephew
30-plus days
of frustration and disregard
30-plus days
i was angry in the beginning
30-plus days
i’m more accepting of it now
it’s been 30-plus days
of missing this interaction
30-plus days
of wondering what the fuck happened
30-plus days
one day i’ll tell him about it
30-plus days
i’ll write about it for now
the return.
i should hate you
but even then
that would be way more
than you actually deserve
and so i’ll give you nothing
to match the nothing
you gave me in return
the becoming.
for so long
the only one deserving
of me
was myself
for so long
i transformed
into everything i needed
for too long
i’ve been disappointed
by people who were never capable
of becoming
what i’ve always been
struggling to find a love in others
that i could easily cultivate
on my own
the internet.
everything is fake deep nowadays
life plagued by internet gurus
teaching about a love they’ve
yet to provide to the women
in their lives
fooling these hurt women
who follow in search of clarity
but confusion is all they’re selling
stringing together words to create sentences
to manipulate the masses
of women who wish for nothing more
than to be loved and cherished
this hurts me . . .
the social media.
don’t drink their water
don’t sip from their wells
show no interest in what they offer
stop buying what they’re selling
silence their lies
by not listening at all
remove them from your timelines
block their accounts
don’t repost
don’t like
don’t bookmark
don’t screenshot
beware of deceitful people
exploiting your vulnerabilities
while filling their pockets
by your desire to have the quick fix
for your heartache that they’ve promised
to provide but never do
the questions II.
are you tired
are you weary
are you unhappy
have you accepted
this fate
have you allowed
them to destroy you
have you settled
for this type of relationship
knowing that you could have
done better
or are you unaware
that something better exists
the cold.
next to you felt lonely
next to you felt cold
your presence felt like absence
your love felt like pain
the nights.
we move on
or at least we think we do
hiding our pain with a smile
locking away the memories
behind the bars of our subconscious
but the things
we force ourselves to forgot
creep up beside us
in the middle of the night
the questions III.
are you awake
i often wonder
have you thought of me
like i think of you
is this as painful for you
as it’s been for me
i’m tired of needing you
suffering from the realization
that you never needed me
wasn’t ready.
we’re young, we’re just kids
setting ourselves on fire
for tainted love
placing labels of forever
on temporary people
we’re so young
and yet we’re so hurt
we’re just teens
acting like adults
but no one taught us
how to love correctly
no one prepared us
for this
version of disappointment
and we fall in love
before we’re ready
mold.
pain shapes a woman
into a warrior
truly.
a man who truly loves you
chooses you every day
he chooses you forever
zero explanation.
you don’t have to explain
why you left
to the person who made you leave
quiet.
don’t respond when you’re angry
you end up saying things
you don’t actually mean
you end up hurting people
you’re not supposed to hurt
you end up saying things
you’ll never be able to take back
12 is hell.
at midnight
you haunt me
at midnight
i stay awake
thinking about
everything
we used to be
his confusion.
a man who sends you mixed signals
is a man who doesn’t deserve you
the night is coming.
briefly
the sky a devilish red
the sun setting behind
the earth’s face
i feel so alone
sitting next to you
my soul screams out
in silence
beneath the tension
consumed by darkness
bits of broken.
break my heart
and you’ll find fragments
of all the love letters
i wrote to you
on each shattered piece
the failure.
i fail so often at love
that i choose seclusion
over the expectations
that come with being
in a relationship
certamine.
you struggle with love of self
and so when someone truly
adores your heart
you struggle with believing them
positionibus.
i’m always apologizing
when you hurt me
after assuming that i was trying
to hurt you, when i wasn’t
no love near death.
there is death
in loving the wrong person
i sit and watch so many
of my peers die slow
sine sensu.
in love, alone
overrun with the desire
to feel nothing
suffering from the curse
of feeling everything
for someone
who feels nothing for you
12:53.
people who don’t feel good
about themselves
are always ready
to make others feel bad
about themselves
spem.
i hope you find someone
who never makes you feel bad
for being all that you are
the empty and blissful.
your apologies began to feel empty
“i’m sorry” triggered no emotion
to feel nothing for you
was everything i thought
it would be
peaceful in the absence
of your presence
empty union.
you not acknowledging
the love i showed you
will always be the worst part
of our union
always after midnight.
i’m left rereading old messages
sitting beneath the rubble
of everything we used to be
haunted, near the moon
by everything we didn’t become
quaestio.
the only thing you were good at
was making me feel like i was the problem
in poetry.
tears become words
pain becomes strength
heartbreak becomes a testimony
of how i found myself
after losing you
me, you.
encounter me
and find the love
you deserve
untitled I.
stay close to the people
who remind your soul
to remain strong
Marie.
i want to live on the pages
of your heart
i want to find life
in the stories
that make you smile
you, your heart.
falling apart doesn’t make you weak
a strong heart is capable of breaking
no solutions.
i wanted to try
i was willing to fight for this
you wanted a way out
you never cared as much as me
takes time sometimes.
every time you answer their call
or reply to their text
you have to restart the process
of moving
assist.
she doesn’t always
have to save herself
the queen doesn’t have to be
content with standing alone
being strong doesn’t have
to feel lonely
it’s okay to let someone take care of you
while you work on loving yourself
3:27.
the person who deserves your love
won’t treat you poorly
love is not an excuse
to stay with someone
who can’t love you correctly
no courage.
i could have been your everything
but you didn’t have the courage
to love me in the way i needed
newfound.
sometimes i miss the anticipation
that attaches itself to new love
the longing and newfound desire
to learn everything about a beautiful stranger
all the tales we tell.
incapable of facing the painful reality
of a love that’s been lost
we lie in the form of false memories
re-creating disaster and chaos
into beautiful moments
that never happened
after all, in the end.
oftentimes
tragedy transforms
into beauty
delightful things occur
in the aftermath of chaos
just be patient
to our seeds.
one day i may have daughters
and i don’t want them to believe
that their i
ndependence is a burden
or restriction on love
no restriction.
your independence is not
some curse or restriction
your independence doesn’t have
to be an excuse as to why you’re single
you still deserve to be loved correctly
your independence should be celebrated
and supported while in a relationship
being independent doesn’t make you unlovable
being independent doesn’t mean
you always have to fight alone
independent women still deserve
the deepest love
and wanting to be loved
and cared for
doesn’t have to compromise
a woman’s strength and independence
7:14.
strong women only intimidate
the type of men that’ll never
be able to comprehend
or understand their worth
all of her.
a body betrayed