by Pearl Solas
The Pontifex Maximus again sought the gaze of the individuals surrounding him and said, repeatedly, clearly, and firmly, “I am so very sorry.” The effect of the sincere and humble personal apology was compelling. Although some cried, most of those to whom the Pope spoke remained stock still, as if rendered immobile by declarations they had desired but never expected to hear. It was magnificent to behold the transformations in their faces, as their expressions moved from hopefully wary to unexpectedly fortified.
Returning to his address, His Holiness said again, “I am sorry,” and then he continued, “In the past, our acknowledgement of any blame has been implied rather than overt. We skipped a key component of reconciliation by asking for forgiveness and prematurely demanding a mending of fences without explicitly laying down our defensiveness and examining our sins in the light of truth. As many of you know from what we have demanded in the sacrament of confession, there can be no absolution or the resultant restoration of communion, of relationship, which is the hallmark of reconciliation, without unvarnished truth-telling and repentance that includes a genuine commitment to stop sinning.
“We must stop holding ourselves to a lesser standard than we demand of all of you in the confessional. I do not ask for your forgiveness today. If that happens, it must be in your hands and in God’s hands. Without pressing the weight of that expectation on you, I say again: I am sorry. We have sinned against you; we have sinned against Our Father in heaven; we have betrayed our charge as God’s ministers on Earth. We are truly sorry and we humbly repent.”
Allowing this repetition of the words to sink in, with the grace of a much younger man he rose from his knees to his feet in a single, fluid movement. “As I said,” he continued, “a necessary component of repentance is a sincere resolution to alter behavior and to accept just consequences. Going forward, we in Church leadership will no longer employ public relations experts to guide our response to allegations of abuse at the hands of priests and inquiries regarding the actions that were taken to cover up credible claims. We will do, instead, as we should do with all aspects of Church governance: we will prayerfully seek God’s perfect will, and humbly request his guidance in shaping our actions to do justice. Let me be clear: we will not abandon our human brothers who have sinned, but neither will we deploy a shroud of secrecy to protect them from the just consequences of their actions. We will, instead, in the light of day, remind them of Our Lord’s mercy that is as much for them as for all of us when we confess our transgressions. We will remind them of Saint Francis Muncy, and of what is possible when we rely on Our Lord’s strength rather than on our own.
“As an initial step toward accepting just consequences for our transgressions, I pledge a full 10% of the Church’s assets to supporting those who have suffered as a result of sexual abuse at the hands of priests.”
A rush of murmurs followed his startling announcement, and the Pope pushed down the air in front of him to silence the crowd.
“This is not an attempt to pay off those who have been harmed. Rather, it’s simply a start to demonstrate our commitment to righting our priorities. But it’s not where we stop. For those who exercise their rights to pursue compensation in the courts, you will find our approach to be altered significantly. Our focus no longer will be on protecting the worldly wealth of the Church, but on reaching a just result. Justice requires full knowledge of the facts. Accordingly, while we cannot, as a practical matter, offer substantial amounts of money to each person who alleges abuse, we will no longer rely on what have been two of our most significant legal shields. First, we will not invoke statutes of limitation to avoid liability. Second, we will not rely on legal maneuvers to protect documents in our possession from requests for relevant information. If justice requires truth, as we know it does, then we will resolve any future litigation with both sides having access to as much information as can be made available.
“Equally important to making restitution, we will protect today’s children, and tomorrow’s children, by reassigning priests accused of offenses against children to roles that remove them from all contact with children until law enforcement and the Church complete their respective investigations. Corroborated allegations will result in expedited laicization.”
“I hope these steps will lead some to regaining trust in our sincerity and that they will work with us toward reconciliation. Many others, however, understandably, will consider their relationship with our Church to be hopelessly severed. I will pray that such people find Our Lord through other avenues. I anticipate that at least some will be dissatisfied with the idea of settlement, and will seek to hold us to full account through their day in court. This is their right, and it is an aspect of our renewed commitment to justice for which we must be prepared. It will test our new dedication, but we must not waver,” and here his gentle voice increased in volume and rang with steely resolve, “even if faithfulness to this principle results in the Church’s utter financial ruin.”
As the room once again erupted, some of the loudest reactions came from the gallery of elevated clergy behind him, with the fish-lipped and red-faced Cardinal Verguenza sputtering to his neighbor in a particularly animated fashion. The Holy Father turned his gaze to his fellow clergy, and he climbed back up on the platform to face and address them.
“Brothers, I know this approach seems antithetical to what we were taught in seminary and within our institutional culture. We’ve been impressed with the duty to safeguard the wealth and reputation of the Church that has accumulated over two millennia. Well, we’ve already largely failed with respect to the reputation. Regarding the wealth, while we do a great deal of good for God’s kingdom with those resources, perhaps we’ve become too much like the man who stored up his grain in silos. We rely on accumulated riches rather than existing in that place where we must rely on Our Lord’s direct providence to accomplish his works. We are called by a master who eschewed riches, and who stated that worldly wealth obscures the path to Him. There is no justification, then, for safeguarding the material treasure of the Church at the expense of justice and reconciliation. If this course leads our Church to worldly bankruptcy, so be it. Like any good parent, we will be leading our flock by example, and we will return to the very principles of humility so lovingly taught to us by the author of our faith.”
During this address, several members of the assembled clergy had been unable to contain their outrage, and they had stood and left the room as quickly as their unwieldy garments allowed. Others looked about in confusion. In other eyes, though, glossy with welling tears, shone a light of love, admiration, hope, and even relief.
Many of those present would not have believed what happened next if they had not experienced it for themselves, and they later struggled to describe it. At the end of the Pope’s words, after the only open doors in the room had closed behind the last angry cardinal, a refreshing wind began at the back of the recessed portion of the room containing the lay assembly, and it moved forward through every corner of the space, ruffling hair and blowing about skirts and lapels. As it moved through those gathered, the assembled faces transformed into a unified expression of deep and resonant joy. The quiet rustling of the supernatural wind was interrupted by an elated laugh of spontaneity and hope ringing out from the audience. It drew the attention of all present.
The congregants looked for the source of the sound, and when their eyes landed on Veronica Matthews, they had the same sensation of delight as one feels when caught by an unexpected spring shower when the sun is shining brightly and no clouds are in sight. As tears flowed down her cheeks, Veronica laughed with the infectious enthusiasm of an infant. Veronica’s laugh opened the floodgates of emotion, and the rest of the room joined in.
Veronica moved purposefully toward the edge of the raised platform where the Pope stood and bent to lift the hem of the Holy Father’s alb and kiss it. But the Pontifex Maximus, with tears on his cheeks and the afterglow of laughter coloring his face, removed his hem from her hands an
d brought her hands to his lips. A breathtaking look of love, acknowledgement, and forgiveness passed between them, and he raised his thumb to her forehead, where he made the sign of the cross as he whispered a blessing for her ears only.
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Acknowledgments
Many thanks to the friends and family who talked through this idea for too many years to count, and then graciously volunteered their time to read and provide feedback about early drafts. I’m looking at you, Jen, Coral, Gina, Dwight, Demi, Heather, David, Yvette, and Elizabeth. Thank you also to the professionals who guided a novice novelist from early drafts to a finished product of which I am proud: Sarah Elaine Smith, Emma Borges-Scott, Marissa Frosch, Brooks Becker, and Alexandra Amor. Owen Gent, I am in awe of your talent and am delighted with the cover you created. Thank you.
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This work would not have been possible without my parents, siblings, in-laws, and nieces and nephews. I would not be possible without my husband and our boys. Thank you for loving and supporting me, and for teaching me every day how to be a better, more authentic human.
About the Author
Pearl Solas’s writing reflects her interest in the breadth and depth of the human spectrum, and in the contrast between cultural narratives about categories of people and the lived experiences of people within those categories. Pearl lives in the Pacific Northwest of the United States with her husband, children, and two dogs.
Published by Niksen Books
[email protected]
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©2021 by Pearl Solas.
All rights reserved.
Printed in the United States of America.
Cover design by Owen Gent.
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This is a work of fiction. While, as in all fiction, the literary perceptions and insights are based on experience, all names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
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Names: Solas, Pearl, author
Title: Every Saint A Sinner, a novel/by Pearl Solas
Description: First edition. Niksen Books, 2021
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.