Now she wondered the same thing about what’d happened between them this weekend. He’d tailored the entire weekend to her. Had seemed determined to see to it that she felt special, pampered.
Had she been the recipient of a pity fuck?
The possibility of Ryan sleeping with her out of a sense of charity made her heart ache.
She tried not to think of what would happen when the weekend ended. To simply enjoy the moment between them here and now.
Tessa was his until “midnight.” Then the magic of their weekend together would be over, and it would be time for them to return to the real world.
Chapter 13
Ryan studied Tessa as she gathered her beauty products and stowed them back into her travel bag in preparation for checkout. They’d had an incredible weekend together. With the exception of the time they spent politely posing for the reporter at dinner and waxing poetic about their friendship, they’d spent most of the weekend just a few feet away in Ryan’s bed.
But this morning Tessa had seemed withdrawn. Before he’d even awakened, she’d gotten out of bed, packed her luggage, laid out what she planned to wear to the football game, and showered.
Tessa opened a tube of makeup.
“You’re wearing makeup to the game?” He stepped behind her in the mirror.
“Photos before the game.” She gave his reflection a cursory glance. “Otherwise, I’d just keep it simple. Lip gloss, a little eye shadow. Mascara.”
She went back to silently pulling items out of her makeup bag and lining them up on the counter.
“Tess, did I do something wrong? You seem really... I don’t know...distant this morning.”
A pained look crimped her features, and she sank her teeth into her lower lip before turning to face him. She heaved a sigh, and though she looked in his direction, she was clearly looking past him.
“Look, Rye, this weekend has been amazing. But I think it’s in the best interest of our friendship if we go back to the way things were. Forget this weekend ever happened.” She shifted her gaze to his. “I honestly feel that it’s the only way our friendship survives this.”
“Why?”
His question reeked of quiet desperation, but he could care less. The past two days had been the best days of his life. He thought they had been for her, too. So her request hit him like a sucker punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of him.
She took the shower cap off her head, releasing the long, silky hair she’d straightened with a blow-dryer attachment before they’d met Greg at the restaurant for dinner the night before.
“Because the girl you were attracted to on that stage isn’t who I am. I can’t maintain all of this.” She indicated the makeup on the counter and her straightened hair. “It’s exhausting. More importantly, it isn’t me. Not really.”
“You think all of this is what I’m attracted to? That I can’t see...that I haven’t always seen you?”
“You never kissed me before, not seriously,” she added before he could mention that kiss in college. “And we certainly never...” She gestured toward the bed, as if she was unable to bring herself to say the words or look at the place where he’d laid her bare and tasted every inch of her warm brown skin.
“To be fair, you kissed me.” Ryan stepped closer.
She tensed, but then lifted her chin defiantly, meeting his gaze again. The rapid rise and fall of her chest, indicated that she was taking shallow breaths. But she didn’t step away from him. For which he was grateful.
“You know what I mean,” she said through a frustrated little pout. “You never showed any romantic interest in me before the auction. So why are you interested now? Is it because someone else showed interest in me?”
“Why would you think that?” His voice was low and gruff. Pained.
Her accusation struck him like an openhanded slap to the face. It was something his mother had often said to him as a child. That he was only interested in his old toys when she wanted to give them to someone else.
Was that what he was doing with Tess?
“Because if I had a relationship...a life of my own, then I wouldn’t be a phone call away whenever you needed me.” Her voice broke slightly, and she swiped at the corners of her eyes. “Or maybe it’s a competitive thing. I don’t know. All I know is that you haven’t made a move before now. So what changed?”
The hurt in her eyes and in the tremor of her voice felt like a jagged knife piercing his chest.
She was right. He was a selfish bastard. Too much of a coward to explore his attraction to her. Too afraid of how it might change their relationship.
“I... I...” His throat tightened, and his mouth felt dry as he sought the right words. But Tessa was his best friend, and they’d always shot straight with each other. “Sex, I could get anywhere.” He forced his gaze to meet hers. Gauged her reaction. “But what we have... I don’t have that with anyone else, Tess. I didn’t want to take a chance on losing you. Couldn’t risk screwing up our friendship like I’ve screwed up every relationship I’ve ever been in.”
She dropped her gaze, absently dragging her fingers through her hair and tugging it over one shoulder. Tess was obviously processing his words. Weighing them on her internal bullshit meter.
“So why risk it now? What’s changed?” She wrapped her arms around her middle. Something she did to comfort herself.
“I don’t know.” He whispered the words, his eyes not meeting hers.
It was a lie.
Tess was right. He’d been prompted to action by his fear of losing her. He’d been desperate to stake his claim on Tess. Wipe thoughts of any other man from her brain.
In the past, she had flirted with the occasional guy. Even dated a few. But none of them seemed to pose any real threat to what they shared. But when she’d stood on that stage as the sexiest goddamn woman in the entire room with men falling all over themselves to spend a few hours with her...suddenly everything was different. For the first time in his life, the threat of losing his best friend to someone else suddenly became very real. And he couldn’t imagine his life without her in it.
Brain on autopilot, he’d gone into caveman mode. Determined to win the bid, short of putting up the whole damn ranch in order to win her.
Tessa stared at him, her pointed gaze demanding further explanation.
“It felt like the time was right. Like Fate stepped in and gave us a nudge.”
“You’re full of shit, Ryan Bateman.” She smacked her lips and narrowed her gaze. Arms folded over her chest, she shifted to a defensive stance. “You don’t believe in Fate. ‘Our lives are what we make of them.’ That’s what you’ve always said.”
“I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong. Or at least open-minded enough to explore the possibility.”
She turned to walk away, but he grasped her fingertips with his. A move that was more of a plea than a demand. Still, she halted and glanced over her shoulder in his direction.
“Tess, why are you so dead set against giving this a chance?”
“Because I’m afraid of losing you, too.” Her voice was a guttural whisper.
He tightened his grip on her hand and tugged her closer, forcing her eyes to meet his. “You’re not going to lose me, Tess. I swear, I’m not going anywhere.”
“Maybe not, but we both know your MO when it comes to relationships. You rush into them, feverish and excited. But after a while you get bored, and you’re ready to move on.” She frowned, a pained look furrowing her brow. “What happens then, Ryan? What happens once you’ve pulled me in deep and then you decide you just want to go back to being friends?” She shook her head vehemently. “I honestly don’t think I could handle that.”
Ryan’s jaw clenched. He wanted to object. Promise to never hurt her. But hadn’t he hurt every woman he’d ever been with except the one woman who’d walked away from
him?
It was the reason Tripp had made him promise to leave his sister alone. Because, though they were friends, he didn’t deem him good enough for his sister. Didn’t trust that he wouldn’t hurt her.
Tessa obviously shared Tripp’s concern.
Ryan wished he could promise Tess he wouldn’t break her heart. But their polar opposite approaches to relationships made it seem inevitable.
He kept his relationships casual. A means of mutual satisfaction. Because he believed in fairy-tale love and romance about as much as he believed in Big Foot and the Loch Ness Monster.
Tess, on the other hand, was holding out for the man who would sweep her off her feet. For a relationship like the one her parents shared. She didn’t understand that Chuck and Tina Noble were the exception, rather than the rule.
Yet, despite knowing all the reasons he and Tess should walk away from this, he couldn’t let her go.
Tessa’s frown deepened as his silent response to her objection echoed off the walls in the elegant, tiled bathroom.
“This weekend has been amazing. You made me feel like Cinderella at the ball. But we’ve got the game this afternoon, then we’re heading back home. The clock is about to strike midnight, and it’s time for me to turn back into a pumpkin.”
“You realize that you’ve just taken the place of the Maybach in this scenario.” He couldn’t help the smirk that tightened the edges of his mouth.
Some of the tension drained from his shoulders as her sensual lips quirked in a rueful smile. She shook her head and playfully punched him in the gut.
“You know what I mean. It’s time for me to go back to being me. Trade my glass slippers in for a pair of Chuck Taylors.”
He caught her wrist before she could walk away. Pulling her closer, he wrapped his arms around her and stared deep into those gorgeous brown eyes that had laid claim on him ever since he’d first gazed into them.
“Okay, Cinderella. If you insist that things go back to the way they were, there’s not much I can do about that. But if you’re mine until midnight, I won’t be cheated. Let’s forget the game, stay here and make love.”
“But I’ve already got the tickets.”
“I don’t care.” He slowly lowered his mouth toward hers. “I’ll reimburse you.”
“But they’re on the fifty-yard line. At the stadium that’s your absolute favorite place in the world.”
“Not today it isn’t.” He feathered a gentle kiss along the edge of her mouth, then trailed his lips down her neck.
“Ryan, we can’t just blow off the—” She dug her fingers into his bare back and a low moan escaped her lips as he kissed her collarbone. The sound drifted below his waist and made him painfully hard.
“We can do anything we damn well please.” He pressed a kiss to her ear. One of the many erogenous zones he’d discovered on her body during their weekend together. Tessa’s knees softened, and her head lolled slightly, giving him better access to her neck.
“But the article...they’re expecting us to go to the game, and if we don’t...well, everyone will think—”
“Doesn’t matter what they think.” He lifted her chin and studied her eyes, illuminated by the morning sunlight spilling through the windows. He dragged a thumb across her lower lip. “It only matters what you and I want.”
He pressed another kiss to her lips, lingering for a moment before reluctantly pulling himself away again so he could meet her gaze. He waited for her to open her eyes again. “What do you want, Tess?”
She swallowed hard, her gaze on his lips. “I want both. To go to the game, as expected, and to spend the day in bed making love to you.”
“Hmm...intriguing proposition.” He kissed her again. Tess really was a woman after his own heart. “One that would require us to spend one more night here. Then we’ll head back tomorrow. And if you still insist—”
“I will.” There was no hesitation in her voice, only apology. She moved a hand to cradle his cheek, her gaze meeting his. “Because it’s what’s best for our friendship.”
Ryan forced a smile and released an uneasy breath. Tried to pretend that his chest didn’t feel like it was caving in. He gripped her tighter against him, lifting her as she wrapped her legs around him.
If he couldn’t have her like this always, he’d take every opportunity to have her now. In the way he’d always imagined. Even if that meant they’d be a little late for the game.
Chapter 14
They’d eaten breakfast, their first meal in the kitchen since they’d arrived, neither of them speaking much. The only part of their conversation that felt normal was their recap of some of the highlights during their team’s win the day before. But then the conversation had returned to the stilted awkwardness they’d felt before then.
Ryan had loaded their luggage into the Maybach, and they were on the road, headed back to Royal, barely two words spoken between them before Tessa finally broke their silence.
“This is for the best, Rye. After all, you were afraid to tell my brother about that fake kiss we had on Valentine’s Day in college.” Tessa grinned, her voice teasing.
Ryan practically snorted, poking out his thumb and holding it up. “A... I am not afraid of your brother.”
Not physically, at least. Ryan was a good head taller than Tripp and easily outweighed him by twenty-five pounds of what was mostly muscle. But, in all honesty, he was afraid of how the weekend with Tessa would affect his friendship with Tripp. It could disrupt the connection between their families.
The Batemans and Nobles were as thick as thieves now. Had been since their fathers were young boys. But in the decades prior, the families had feuded over land boundaries, water rights and countless other ugly disputes. Some of which made Ryan ashamed of his ancestors. But everything had changed the day Tessa’s grandfather had saved Ryan’s father’s life when he’d fallen into a well.
That fateful day, the two families had bonded. A bond which had grown more intricate over the years, creating a delicate ecosystem he dared not disturb.
Ryan continued, adding his index finger for effect. “B... Yes, I think it might be damaging to our friendship if Tripp tries to beat my ass and I’m forced to defend myself.” He added a third finger, hesitant to make his final point. An admission that made him feel more vulnerable than he was comfortable being, even with Tess. “And C...it wasn’t a fake kiss. It was a little too real. Which is why I’ve tried hard to never repeat it.”
Ryan’s pulse raced, and his throat suddenly felt dry. He returned his other hand to the steering wheel and stared at the road ahead. He didn’t need to turn his head to know Tessa was staring at him. The heat of her stare seared his skin and penetrated his chest.
“Are you saying that since that kiss—” Her voice was trembling, tentative.
“Since that kiss, I’ve recognized that the attraction between us went both ways.” He rushed the words out, desperate to stop her from asking what he suspected she might.
Why hadn’t he said anything all those years ago? Or in the years since that night?
He’d never allowed himself to entertain either question. Doing so was a recipe for disaster.
Why court disaster when they enjoyed an incomparable friendship? Shouldn’t that be good enough?
“Oh.” The disappointment in her voice stirred heaviness in his chest, rather than the ease and lightness he usually felt when they were together.
When Ryan finally glanced over at his friend, she was staring at him blankly, as if there was a question she was afraid to ask.
“Why haven’t you ever said anything?”
Because he hadn’t been ready to get serious about anyone back then. And Tessa Noble wasn’t the kind of girl you passed the time with. She was the genuine deal. The kind of girl you took home to mama. And someone whose friendship meant everything to him.
“Bo
ttom line? I promised your brother I’d treat you like an honorary little sister. That I’d never lay a hand on you.” A knot tightened in his belly. “A promise I’ve obviously broken.”
“Wait, you two just decided, without consulting me? Like I’m a little child and you two are my misfit parents? What kind of caveman behavior is that?”
Ryan winced. Tessa was angry, and he didn’t blame her. “To be fair, we had this conversation when he and I were about fourteen. Long before you enlightened us on the error of our anti-feminist tendencies. Still, it’s a promise I’ve always taken seriously. Especially since, at the time, I did see you as a little sister. Obviously, things have changed since then.”
“When?” Her tone was soft, but demanding. As if she needed to know.
It wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have, but if they were going to have it, she deserved his complete honesty.
“I first started to feel some attraction toward you when you were around sixteen.” He cleared his throat, his eyes steadily on the road. “But when I left for college I realized how deep that attraction ran. I was miserable without you that first semester in college.”
“You seemed to adapt pretty quickly by sleeping your way across campus,” she huffed. She turned toward the window and sighed. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry. I...” She didn’t finish her statement.
“Forget it.” Ryan released a long, slow breath. “This is uncharted territory for us. We’ll learn to deal with it. Everything’ll be fine.”
But even as he said the words, he couldn’t convince himself of their truth.
* * *
After Ryan’s revelations, the ride home was awkward and unusually quiet, even as they both tried much too hard to behave as if everything was fine.
Everything most certainly was not fine.
Strained and uncomfortable? Yes. Their forced conversation, feeble smiles and weak laughter were proof they’d both prefer to be anywhere else.
Tempting the Rancher Page 26