by Bella Jewel
His jaw ticks, his eyes flash with rage, and he steps back. “Get the fuck out of here.”
I walk to the bar, taking his beer off the counter. I take a long sip and give him a slow, sensual smile. “I think I might go and join the party.”
Then, with a sway to my hips and a fire in my soul, I walk outside.
He’s not scaring me away that quickly.
Oh, no no no.
I’m here to stay.
“WHERE WERE YOU?” BRIELLA asks later that night, as she makes up a bed in her spare room for me to stay.
“I was with family,” I lie.
“All this time?” she asks, pausing, sheet in hand. “You never called, never text?”
“I was broken,” I tell her, meeting her gaze. “My whole life had been tipped upside down. I needed to get away. I did all I knew how at the time. Surely you can understand that. It wasn’t personal, Briella, it was survival.”
She gives me a sad look. “Yeah, I know. But ... we were best friends. I thought for so long you were dead.”
I wished I were.
God, so many times I wished I were.
“You should know I’m not that easy to take down.” I grin.
She laughs, but then her face grows serious as she whispers, “I was scared, Avi. You have no idea how many times I’ve thought of you over the last few years. Wondering where you are, especially when we found out about Peter’s involvement in everything. I was sure you’d been sold, or worse. Even though they assured me they had found you, and you were safe, something didn’t feel quite right.”
She would be correct in assuming that, because something definitely wasn’t quite right. I was stuck in a god damned world I couldn’t get away from. My god, they have no idea. If it wasn’t for sheer strength and determination, I wouldn’t be here today. Hell, I probably would have been sold or worse. I’m here because I fought, and continue to fight, I will.
“I’m okay,” I lie. “I was just ... messed up. I’m here now.”
“You really know where they all are?”
I do.
That’s one thing I’m not lying about.
I do happen to know where they are, once again, by sheer luck. I know where they hide out when all the things in the world goes bad, I know about the island, I know about the sales, I know about everything to do with the operation Uncle Peter is involved in, and I know I’m going to be part of bringing it down. Not because I want to help this club, but because I’m taking them down, too.
I’ll bring all the evil down.
They’ll never see it coming.
I look at Briella, a person I once called my best friend, and I know I’m going to ruin her whole life. It’s not because I don’t care about her, or because I don’t love her. I do, gosh, I really do. Seeing her again, it makes me feel a certain type of way inside, a way I haven’t felt for a very long time. Unfortunately, I have to look at the bigger picture, and the bigger picture is the club and what they did to my family. Mostly, Cohen.
I’ll make him wish he never did what he did.
I’ll make him wish he never met me.
“I’m glad you came back,” Briella tells me, smoothing her hand over the blanket on the bed. “Are you hungry?”
“No, but I’m sure Alarick is going to want to talk to me, considering I have all the information on Steven that he wants right now. So, lead the way.”
Briella glances at me, her face scrunching. “Alarick can wait, I’m sure you’re tired.”
“It can’t wait, you and I both know that.”
She exhales. “I’ll be glad when this is all over, really I will.”
Her and me both.
She walks out, and I follow her through the house. When I reach the living area, all the bikers are here, including recently returned Mykel, who was apparently in New York searching for his parents, or something of the like. I haven’t seen him yet, and I can’t help the automatic swell in my heart when I lay eyes on him. Mykel was always my favorite, he was always Briella’s favorite. He was always nice to us, and he always made time to make us feel good.
Every instinct inside of me tells me to rush over and let him embrace me, but at the very same moment, my body recoils at the thought. I’ll never be normal again—I swear for the rest of my days I’m going to be this god damned bipolar mess. Nothing will ever feel right, and nothing will ever bring me comfort.
“Well, I’ll be,” Mykel murmurs. “You sure did grow up to be a hell of a looker, Aviana. You goin’ to come over here and give me a hug or should I make the first move?”
I can’t help but smile, even though my soul is so god damned black I can’t think straight half the time. Smiling is rarely real, but in this moment, it is. “I’m not a hugger, I’m afraid,” I say, giving him a wink. “But I will opt for having a drink with you, old friend.”
If I could take one person out of this club when I destroy them, it would be Mykel.
I’d take him out and make sure he was safe, that he wasn’t harmed by anything I was bringing to him.
But, alas, my heart is stone-cold and I can’t pick and choose.
“I’ll take that.” He winks, walking off to get a beer.
I look at the rest of them, namely Cohen who is staring at me with a ferocity that only brings me more determination.
“How are you settlin’ in?” Alarick asks.
“I’m fine,” I shrug. “I’ve slept in some pretty prime places ...”
My gaze flashes to Cohen and he scowls at me.
He’s a god damned monster.
And almost as evil as me.
Almost.
“We won’t keep you too long. We just need anything that you have that can lead us to Blanche and his little fuckin’ crew. We gotta get someone back.”
“Samson’s daughter, I know,” I say, flopping down onto the sofa and kicking off my white, scuffed Sketchers. “Where should I start?”
They’re all staring at me, mostly in shock. “You know about Samson’s child?” Alarick asks.
“Of course I do. I told you, I know more than you could possibly imagine. So, are we going to get on with this or are we going to chit chat all night long?”
Alarick’s eyes flash, and he glances at the other guys before giving me a sharp nod.
“Good,” I murmur. “You were right in looking at Steven, he is most certainly top dog, but there’s one other person you don’t know about. A person who is behind the scenes, a person so dangerous that he is rarely mentioned. Most people don’t know about him. He calls the shots and Steven is his leading man. People only know about Steven, and that’s exactly how it’s meant to be. A silent partner I suppose you could say.”
“Who?” Alarick growls.
Powerful, that’s the word I’d use to describe myself in this moment. I’m calling the shots. I’m the one who has the information they so desperately need. I’m the one who holds the cards right now, who is leading this game. I’m not going to give them absolutely everything they need, not right now, not until I get what I want in return.
Cohen.
This club.
All of them taken down.
“I’m not sure I’m ready to give you that information,” I say, my voice careful and calculated.
Alarick looks confused, like he hasn’t heard me correctly. “What are you talkin’ about? You came here, tellin’ us you had what we needed ...”
“I also said I wanted something in return.”
Cohen flinches.
Here I go. I’m about to throw a god damned wrench in the works, I’m going to cause chaos in their club, make them lose their footing, make them wish that they never let me in. Only, they’re not going to know it’s me. No. I’m just the broken girl, right?
“What do you want exactly?” Alarick asks, his voice far more skeptical now.
“I want answers, Alarick. I want answers about my family, I want answers as to why he killed them all—” I point a finger at Cohen “—and I want answer
s as to why he sent me way the fuck away, with a dangerous man, to ensure I’d never return.”
Alarick flinches and turns slowly, glancing at Cohen. Everyone in the room is staring at him now. He has no choice but to give them the answers they want. He has no option but to finally speak the truth.
“You sent her away?” Mykel asks.
Cohen’s face is hard, but he only makes eye contact with Alarick. Nobody else in the room, even me, matters to him right now.
Fair call.
He has a lot of answering to do.
My heart tightens in my chest as I wait for his answer, as I wait for his truth.
“I don’t know what she’s fuckin’ talkin’ about. I did kill that family, at King’s command. You don’t believe me, go fuckin’ ask him. As for the rest of it, I had nothin’ to do with any of that. No idea where she got that idea.”
Wait, what?
He can’t be serious?
King doesn’t know it’s Cohen, I’m sure of it.
Is he hoping they’ll just let it go if he tells them to go and ask him?
What the hell is he playing at?
Rage fills my chest, and I cry, “You’re a fucking liar! I saw you that day, I stood in front of you and you shoved a needle into my neck and told me to disappear. When I woke up, I was with a man I didn’t know, that sent me away to someone else, someone who wasn’t so nice, and I was with him for years. Don’t you dare act like you didn’t know, don’t any of you act like you didn’t know!”
Alarick looks confused and more than a little agitated. “Hold up a fuckin’ second, firstly, Cohen, what the fuck is she talkin’ about? You killed her family?”
Cohen nods sharply. “King’s order. Was between me and him.”
“He never fuckin’ told me that. I find it hard to believe he’d call a hit like that.”
Cohen stands strong. “You got a problem, Pres, you take it up with him. I was doin’ what I was instructed to do.”
Alarick exhales. “Fuck me. I’ll deal with that part of it later. What is she talkin’ about that you sent her away?”
“Don’t know what she’s fuckin’ talkin’ about, she’s fuckin’ nuts. She saw me kill her family, and she’s had it out for me since.”
I shake my head in clear and utter shock. “You’re not serious? I saw him, Alarick. I saw him there that day after he killed my family. I was getting some things out of the safe, and he took them, then he knocked me out and sent me away. Whatever he was covering up, I couldn’t be around for it. He’s lying to you.”
Alarick looks between Cohen and me, his face tight. We’re both telling a different story, we’re both going against each other. Who is he meant to believe?
“Gotta tell you, Aviana, you haven’t been here long and Cohen has never been disloyal to me. Findin’ it hard to believe what you’re sayin’.”
My entire world crashes around me. Every plan, everything I needed to happen, is being thrown back in my face. Alarick doesn’t believe me. He doesn’t think I’m telling the truth. Of course he fucking doesn’t, he’s going to defend his club.
“Samson was loyal too,” I spit. “Look how that ended. People do stupid shit when they’ve got something to protect.”
Alarick jerks a little, and I know my words affect him. I don’t fucking care. I want him to ache, to hurt, to burn. I will make them all burn. Fuck them all.
God damn them all to hell and back.
“Avi, honey, maybe we should talk,” Briella says carefully. “It’s okay ...”
I whip my head around and glare at her. “Am I liar, Briella?”
She stares at me, wide eyed. “No, not that I remember, but you’ve been through a lot.”
Another blow. Right to my very fucking soul.
“How dare you?” I whisper. “You, you have no fucking idea what I’ve lived through because of him. You know what?” I turn and walk toward the door. “Fuck you all, find Blanche yourselves, see how that ends for you.”
I reach the door, and Alarick calls my name.
I don’t stop.
I open it and step out.
They’re going to wish they listened to me.
2
NOW – AVIANA
I shoot down a shot that burns my throat, fueling the fire already raging in my soul. Angrily, I slam the shot glass down and nod at the bartender for a refill. It doesn’t seem to be enough, no matter how much I drink, it doesn’t seem to be enough. I can’t stop the pain that’s filling my chest, the hurt that’s lodged in my heart, and the sickness deep in my stomach.
They were my family once.
They just showed me how little I matter.
“You keep drinkin’ like that, and you’ll end up in trouble.”
I glance to my left, where the voice comes from and see Samson pulling out a stool and sitting down. I haven’t seen him yet, but I know what happened to him, everyone knows what happened to him. About his daughter, about Blanche, about his betrayal. Samson is the outcast, the dark horse, the man nobody trusts anymore.
I know the feeling.
“It’s good to see you, Avi,” he murmurs.
“Did they send you to find me?” I mutter, shooting down another shot.
Samson snorts. “You think they’d send me to do anything? They don’t trust me. I’m sittin’ on the sidelines right now. This is the only thing I do with my days now.”
He raises a hand, and the bartender places a glass of whiskey down without Samson even asking for it. I guess he does come here a lot if they know what he drinks. Samson nods to the man, and then looks back to me. “Why are you in here drownin’ your sorrows?”
I grunt. “I have nowhere else to go. The club doesn’t believe a god damned word I say and yet they want my help. That isn’t how it works, not for me, anyway.”
“My daughter is out there, with those monsters ...”
I look to him. “I’m sorry for that, I really am. This isn’t just about you, though. This is so much bigger.”
“As big as those scars?”
He nods to my arms where my shirt has ridden up to reveal deep, purple scars running up my inner arm. Scars that remind me every day of the moment where I couldn’t take it anymore, where I wanted to die. It was also the moment I decided to fight.
I jerk my shirt down and glare at him. “My life is none of your fucking business.”
“Then why are you here, Aviana? If you’re so fuckin’ angry, why are you here?”
“Because they need my help, and I want something in return ...”
“What might that be?”
“Cohen, his explanation, his reasoning as to why he killed my whole family and sent me away so nobody could find me.”
Samson glances at me. “You think Cohen has that kind of pull? He would have been doin’ as he was instructed. You’re aimin’ your anger at the wrong person. King is who you should be speakin’ to.”
“King isn’t the one who did it, Cohen is.”
“Cohen is part of a club, a club that deals with bad fuckin’ people. Your family, they’re bad fuckin’ people.”
I scowl at him. “Of course you’re going to defend the club, I shouldn’t expect any less.”
“Stop bein’ a fuckin’ brat and use your brain. I couldn’t give a fuck about you or anyone else right now, I just want my daughter back, and you’re the only fuckin’ person who knows where we can find her. Are you truly okay with seeking your own vengeance first, knowin’ she’s there with those monsters?”
No.
I’m not okay with that.
She’s an innocent girl, and the idea that she might be going through something awful, something I went through myself, is something I can’t fathom. It’s not something I’m comfortable with, especially when I know that I’m the only person who can save her from that.
I exhale and glance at Samson. “I’m not a fucking monster, I’m not like the rest of you. I’ll get her back, because I wouldn’t want anyone to suffer the way I did.”
<
br /> Samson studies me. “What happened to you? You were fun-loving and happy, now you’re bitter and broken. Who hurt you?”
“Cohen,” I mutter. “Cohen hurt me.”
We both fall silent, and another drink is slid our way.
“Where is he, Aviana? Where is that piece of shit holding my little girl?”
“I know where she is. I know where to find the man who is running this entire operation. The silent partner. The monster behind the curtains. There’s only one problem with that ...”
“What’s that?” Samson asks, his voice rough.
“He terrifies me.”
“We’re not goin’ to let anything happen to you, if you’re helpin’ us, you’re protected.”
I laugh, bitterly, and take another shot. “If only I believed that.”
Silence again.
“You might not believe them, but you can believe me. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe because you can lead me to my daughter. You have my word on that.”
I look to him, and my eyes travel over his rugged face. “Do you want to fuck, Samson?”
My words come out blunt, and without emotion.
I lost emotion a long time ago.
If I want something, I ask for it.
If I don’t, I walk away.
My life is black and white, as black and white as it can be.
I’m not here to play games—I’m here to complete something important to me and then move on.
Get away from it all forever.
That doesn’t mean I can’t have a little fun in between, right?
Samson stares at me, and his eyes flash. “You always so forward?”
I shrug. “I know what I want, I ask for what I need. Do you have a problem with honesty, Samson?”
He narrows his eyes, and his gaze hardens. “You really are fuckin’ dead inside, aren’t you?”
“Are you going to answer my question, or will I go and find someone else who will?”
He stands and nods his head.
Very good.
I stand too and, without a word, I follow him into the back rooms after going down a long, dark hall. The music fades the farther we walk, and when Samson walks into an empty room with stacked chairs and tables, he turns to me. I don’t waste any time, I’m not here to kiss and make love, I’m here to fuck and do it hard.