by Lexi C. Foss
“Everyone deserves a choice,” I repeated her words now, my eyes narrowing at him. “Everyone deserves their very own Jolene Mason.”
Strange words from a woman who had never met my grandfather.
Even stranger for her to use his full given name, not the pack alpha designation he’d gone by for the last few centuries.
And the mist that entered his gaze told me I’d struck a chord.
There was a story here.
A long one.
12
Silas
Eggs and spinach.
Two items I grew up eating that somehow managed to taste far too rich now.
My lycan palate was too intense for my stomach. I couldn’t seem to eat anything without it churning inside me. Even now, my breakfast threatened to expel itself all over Edon’s granite counters.
So much for my promise to eat all his food.
I force-fed myself another bite, grimacing as I swallowed. “Ugh,” I groaned, setting my fork down and bowing my head. “I fucking hate this.”
The hairs along the back of my neck flickered to life, alerting me of an approaching presence. But I relaxed as I scented the familiar orange blossoms of Luna’s scent.
She’s awake, I told Edon, since he demanded I inform him.
Good. No touching.
I rolled my eyes and didn’t bother with a reply. Instead, I glanced over my shoulder and admired her sleepy approach. She’d thrown on a shirt too big for her frame, one that hit her at her knees. She’s wearing your shirt, I thought at Edon, then paused in confusion as to why I felt the need to share that detail.
Yeah? How does she look in it?
Hot, I admitted, once more surprised by my easy candor with the alpha male.
It was probably a result of having his cock shoved down my throat. Sort of erased any and all formalities between us. That I kind of wanted to do it again, well, I didn’t quite know how to feel about that yet.
“You’re alive,” Luna whispered, her eyes widening a fraction.
“For now,” I replied, standing. “Do you want any eggs? I made too many.” Not true. I just didn’t want to eat any more.
The way her nostrils flared in disgust told me her answer before she voiced it. “No. I’ll make something more appetizing.”
I frowned. “It’s eggs and spinach. A staple.”
“It’s bland and boring,” she countered, going through the cabinets with the ease of someone who knew her way around the kitchen. Specifically, this kitchen.
Which, yeah, made sense. She was Edon’s mate.
What is she doing? Edon asked.
Get your ass back here and find out, I thought back at him.
His amusement touched my mind, leaving behind a caress that heated my blood. Oh, Silas. You’re an expert in respecting your betters, aren’t you?
I snorted. You seemed pretty satisfied with my respect the other night.
He growled, the sound hungry and aroused. Are you flirting with me?
No. I’m stating a fact. We both know you enjoyed it. Don’t deny it.
I wouldn’t dream of it, he replied, his voice silky and warm and deep. Careful or I’ll demand a repeat.
I hope you do. I regretted the thought immediately, my hands gripping the countertop as I closed my mind. He wasn’t supposed to hear that, but his resulting silence told me he had. Fuck. Ignore me. I’m just irritated. Understatement of the fucking century. I wasn’t just irritated but also frustrated, and confused by the riot raging in my head.
I pressed my forehead to the cool marble, trying to thwart the headache.
And failing because Edon was back in my mind again.
Don’t touch Luna until I return. His command only pissed me off more.
“I already said I wouldn’t,” I grumbled out loud and in my head.
“Wouldn’t what?” Luna asked, drawing my attention to her curvy ass. She’d bent over to retrieve something in the fridge, presenting me with her delicious backside. The shirt had ridden up to the bottom of her rounded cheeks.
No underwear.
Fuck.
Edon said something back to me, but I ignored him in favor of the female before me. “Edon won’t leave me alone,” I said in an effort to explain my show of mental insanity. “It’s this damn sire bond.”
“Ah, the psyche. I assume you’re the only one he can access other than me right now, not that he’s tried opening our door. Which means he’s probably smarter than I give him credit for.” She finally stood up again, in her arms an array of items that had my brow furrowing. “It’s not a common bond, you know. Your sire bond, I mean. Most lycans are born, not made.” Her light brown eyes met mine. “It’s not something I’ll ever be allowed to experience.”
“Trust me, you should be grateful. Edon is a pain in the ass.”
Her lips curled. “You’re not afraid of him at all, are you?”
Was I? “Not really.” I couldn’t exactly say why. Maybe because I trusted him on a naïve level, thanks to the sire bond. Or perhaps because he’d never been particularly cruel to me. Even on the day of my turning, he gave me relief by not extending the pain. Much to his father’s disapproval—a stark emotion I’d sensed, more than witnessed, in the air that day.
“I’m not either,” she replied as she broke an egg into a mixing bowl. She added several more while chewing on her lower lip. “I should fear him,” she continued softly. “He’s more powerful than Walter. I can feel it in his aura, the way he takes charge, but some part of me refuses to retreat the way I should.”
“Maybe because you’re his mate.” I folded my arms on the counter, leaning forward a bit on my stool to observe her choices in ingredients. “He can’t hurt you.”
She snorted. “Clearly, you’ve not been around a lot of alpha pairings. I mean, you’ve seen Walter’s mate, right? She’s utterly broken. It’s what Edon has grown up around, what he likely intends to do to me. Yet…” She trailed off, her brown eyes lifting to mine. “He saved me from Walter the other night. Or I think it was the other night. Honestly, the drugs Edon gave me sort of fucked with my concept of time.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, confused. “What happened?”
“You weren’t there?” she countered, then shook her head. “Right. You’re probably not allowed in the main village as a newbie.” She cocked her head. “Wait, how are you here right now?”
“Edon told me to guard you,” I admitted. “He’s worried about packmates using you against him in the Alpha Trials.” Which, I suspected, had something to do with whatever she’d just mentioned about Walter. What had happened to her while I was out wandering the boundaries?
“And he chose you to protect me?” She sounded so surprised that I growled, my earlier irritation returning in spades.
“I may be a newbie, but I’m not weak, Luna.” Something she knew firsthand. “I kicked your ass just the other day, didn’t I?”
She bristled, her wolf prowling beneath the surface. “First of all, yes, you did. And I want a rematch. Secondly, that wasn’t what I meant, jackass.” She flipped her long hair over her shoulder and returned to her odd mixture of flour, eggs, and milk. The addition of cinnamon had my nostrils flaring.
When she didn’t continue, I prompted her with, “What did you mean?”
“That it isn’t common for an alpha to talk to a newbie, let alone to interact with one. And asking you over to his house? Especially after the other day? Yeah, that’s definitely not normal. You should be dead for touching me, not sitting calmly in the alpha’s kitchen watching over me while I make pancakes.”
“You sound disappointed,” I drawled, cocking my head. “Wishing he would have killed me?” I wondered out loud, grinning. “Should I remind you that you begged me to fuck you and not the other way around?”
I didn’t know why I said it. Maybe because I wanted to talk about what the hell happened between us. Or maybe because a dark part of me wanted to know how she felt about it all. To find
out if she wanted to explore the forbidden dance we’d started and not come close to finishing.
A dangerous topic.
One I should divert us away from.
And yet, I didn’t. Instead, I waited and watched as she stopped stirring her mixture.
“I did not beg you,” she said, her soft voice underlined in steel.
“You did.”
“I did not,” she said through gritted teeth. “I was… the fight… my wolf… I did not beg.”
I chuckled. “Whatever you say, little moon.” The nickname fell from my lips unbidden, a whisper from the animal prowling beneath my skin. Once said, I couldn’t retract it. Nor did I want to. It suited her, and it served as the first nickname I’d ever given a person.
“Little moon?” she repeated, a growl in her tone. “Really?”
“Says the one calling me newbie,” I pointed out.
“That’s not an endearment, Silas. It’s a title. It’s who you are.”
I smiled. “Luna.” I drew her name out across my tongue, teasing her. “Means ‘moon,’ yeah? And you’re smaller than me. So I could argue it’s what you are as well.”
“It’s not appropriate for anyone to give the alpha’s mate a pet name.”
“Should have thought about that before begging me to fuck you.” I really should stop baiting her, but the resulting snarl from her lips humored me greatly. It’d been far too long since I had someone to verbally spar with, and Edon didn’t count. He didn’t spar; he commanded.
Very unlike Rae and Willow, who fired back insults at me without even flinching. They were the reason I survived my university years. But, somehow, bickering with Luna felt different. More intimate.
Not because of the oral sex.
I knew Rae just as well as I knew Luna in that department, having tasted them both between their thighs. Although, my experience with Rae was purely clinical in a university class setting, and she faked her enthusiasm. While Luna, well, that had been a moment of heat and passion and unlike anything I’d ever expected. So perhaps that added the heated flare to our sparring, the one buzzing through my blood as she growled in response to my taunting.
A splatter of goop hit me on the forehead, drawing me from my thoughts. “What the hell?”
“That’s for saying I begged when we both know I didn’t,” Luna replied, already refocused on her disgusting-looking batter. “I commanded it. There’s a difference.”
I reached across the counter to snag a towel and used it to wipe off my head. “Seriously? A food fight?” I snorted. “No wonder I bested you so easily.”
“I’ll have you know that I’d just sprinted about fifteen miles, and I was tired.”
“Whatever helps you feel better.” We both knew I would dominate her even fully rested. She was smaller, faster, and definitely athletic, but I had the drive and determination to survive instilled in me from years of fighting for my life. Luna, for all intents and purposes, had lived a pampered existence in comparison. As evidenced by the ease with which she started assembling her pancakes on the griddle.
She hummed a little melody under her breath as she worked, forgetting all about me at the bar behind her.
It was oddly relaxing. I barely knew the female, but something about the homey element of the moment placated my inner wolf. Provided me with an insight into what life could be like as a lycan.
Not with her, but with a wolf of my own.
If I was ever allowed such an experience. If ones even existed here.
I had to get out from under Edon first. Along with a million other tasks, like figuring out where the fuck I belonged in this clan.
“Your stress is ruining my usually peaceful cooking experience,” Luna said softly as she flipped a round pancake onto the growing stack. “Is it because of what happened the other day?”
I cleared my throat. “No. That was fine. I’m—”
“Fine?” she repeated, glancing back at me with an arched brow. “I was more than fine, thank you.”
My lips twitched. “As I recall, you didn’t perform at all. So I wouldn’t know, would I?”
She set her spatula down and faced me fully, planting her palms on the counter. “You want another taste, newbie? Is that what has your fur in a twist over there?”
“Maybe I do,” I replied, teasing her a little. Edon would probably have my balls if he knew, but hey, he wanted me to watch without touching. He said nothing about goading her or engaging in a little healthy banter.
Besides, this was the most conversation I’d indulged in with anyone in months.
Fuck if I was going to stop now.
Luna’s gaze narrowed. “You must have a death wish, wolf.”
“Or nothing to lose.” I shrugged. “I have no family. No friends.” Minus Rae and Willow, but they weren’t exactly here. And I wasn’t sure if Willow was even still alive. Just the thought spoiled the moment, darkening my spirit and forcing the rest from my lips without thought. “I have no real clan. I’m just a mutt without a home, the property of an alpha who only needs me until he’s done with his trials, and then I’ll be on my own again. Back to the status quo without any regard for my feelings or needs. Just a new lycan struggling to survive in this hell.”
Whatever amusement I’d felt from my banter with Luna died a withering death at the end of my summarization. It really was quite depressing. And the glimmer in her eyes said she agreed.
“It didn’t use to be like this,” Luna whispered, her voice low, cautious. “Lycans used to value family. Pack hierarchy was about respect, not dictatorship. Alpha females could choose, and mates were revered, not treated as toys to be used and tossed aside.” She swallowed, her gaze lowering. “We’re all in hell, Silas. Only those at the top seem to benefit in this new world.”
“New world,” I repeated, confused. “It’s year one hundred seventeen.” I knew because I’d competed in the one hundred seventeenth Immortal Cup.
“Yes. Year one hundred seventeen of the new world,” she explained. “I mean, you know the vampires and lycans are far older, right?”
“Of course.” Some of the royals, like Rae’s mate, Kylan, were over three thousand years old. “But I’ve never heard it called the ‘new world’ before.”
“Haven’t you ever wondered what the world was like one hundred and eighteen years ago? What about two hundred years ago?”
I frowned. “Everyone knows what it was like—plague and famine. The Blood Alliance cured the nations of their violent wars and instilled rule and order.”
Her smile was sad. “That’s the university talking, the society you were forced to accept. But tell me, is lycan life what you dreamed of, Silas? Is this everything you wanted and more?”
I almost laughed but couldn’t, my throat constricting with emotion. She’d hit a somewhat sensitive subject for me. “No. Everything they promised me was a lie.”
“Exactly,” she replied. “They indoctrinate humans in society’s ideology, feed them false expectations to keep them controlled, all for the false honor of winning the Immortal Cup. But as you see now, it’s not all that fulfilling, is it? And you, Silas, have it better than most.”
I swallowed, considering her words, and watched as she turned to check on her food.
Here I sat at the counter in an alpha’s kitchen, somewhat healthy and well fed, which, according to Luna, was rare. Yet I’d never felt more alone than I did lately, lying by myself at night, wondering what I had to live for next.
It was always about the Immortal Cup, to achieve immortality. And now that I had, I didn’t know what to dream of anymore.
Because all those dreams of the future? They were littered with lies.
Yet, as Luna said, I had it better than most.
“Do you know how Yao is faring?” I wondered aloud, speaking of the male who came in second at the Immortal Cup. He went to Jace Region to become a vampire.
Every year, the vampires and lycans took turns taking the final two candidates and gifting them
immortality. My year had been Walter’s and Jace’s turn.
Walter had first pick and chose me.
“I don’t.” She sounded apologetic. “Most winners disappear after the Immortal Cup, the majority of them not making it through their first year. Especially in lycan clans.” She turned off the burner with a sigh. “But he’s probably okay. Vampires like adding to their ranks, while lycans can do so the old-fashioned way. Mutts—no offense—tend to be more expendable as a result.”
And that was exactly how I felt. Expendable. “Well, as you said, I have it better than most.”
“I think we both do,” Luna replied, placing a plate piled high with pancakes in front of me. “Edon’s not…”
“Like the others?” I offered.
“So it seems,” she murmured, reaching into the fridge again. “I mean, he let you live.”
“For now.”
She smiled as she returned with a bottle of maple syrup. “There’s nothing temporary about it if he let you stay here alone with me.”
“Maybe.” I palmed the back of my neck, blowing out a breath. “Honestly, I struggle to understand him.”
“Me, too.” She picked up my uneaten food and scraped it into the trash. “All right, enough about Edon. How about a lesson in being a wolf?”
I cocked a brow. “Pretty sure I have the wolf thing down now, but thanks.”
She laughed. “Sweets, you’re not even close to mastering the lycan thing. Trust me.”
“Did I or did I not kick your ass the other day?” I countered. “And sweets?”
“Do you prefer ‘big wolf’?” She blinked her eyes innocently at me. “ ’Cause I can improvise on the whole nickname front. And maybe you won because I wanted you to.”
“You tried to kill me.”
She shrugged. “And now I want to feed you. Are you interested in the lesson or not?”
Considering no one else wanted to teach me anything, I wasn’t about to say no. “I’m all ears, little moon.”
She smirked. “Good. Lesson number one on being a lycan? You need to please your taste buds. And when we’re done, I’m fixing your hair—that’ll be lesson number two. Now open up, Silas.”