In that moment, Carey couldn’t have strung together a coherent sentence to save his life. The sight of Jase’s muscular buttocks, bisected by a tiny piece of string, stole every ounce of his breath.
“It’s, uh, it’s…”
The sudden buzzing of Jase’s phone interrupted his stammering, and thinking that he could goddamn kiss whoever was on the other end of the line, Carey sank into a nearby chair.
Jesus Christ. It wasn’t like he’d never seen Jase naked, or nearly naked, before. They’d shared a barracks room, for fuck’s sake! They’d been deployed together, taken baby wipe “showers” right next to each other! Never once had he been turned on by the sight of Jase’s dick print in a pair of underwear.
Why now?
Because turned on, he most definitely was. His nipples tingled, drawn up into tight points. His skin felt hypersensitive, his groin full and heavy. Digging his fingers into his thighs, Carey kept his gaze averted as Jase circled the dressing room in his goddamn thong, gesticulating wildly as he talked to whomever was on the phone.
“No, I told Juan that I was not available this week,” he was saying. “I have a friend here visiting from Colorado, and—”
Suddenly Todd’s words about “helping Jase change” surged into his mind, and Carey groaned under his breath. Now all he could picture was Jase, Todd on his knees in front of him, mouthing him through the thin fabric, pulling it down to—
Despite Carey’s discomfort, jealousy and confusion, he couldn’t help but wonder what it’d be like. What Jase would smell like. What he’d taste like. How it’d feel to pleasure him…
Carey’s cock pressed painfully against his zipper, even as the little voice inside his head whispered maddeningly, You’ve already done that.
He had. He’d held Jase in his arms that night on the couch. He’d wrapped around him, moved with him, as Jase drove himself hard against Carey’s hipbone until he’d come with a cry…
“Carey?”
With a guilty start, Carey jerked his gaze up, his cheeks burning. “Huh?”
“The news?”
Jase skimmed the thong down his legs and tossed it aside with a grimace, then scrubbed briskly at his crotch with yet more wipes before pulling on a pair of black boxer briefs. He propped his hands on his hips, eyebrows raised in impatient inquiry. “What’s wrong with you? You’re a million miles away.”
“Oh, uh…” Get a grip, you idiot. “Sorry.” Carey sucked in a deep breath and told Jase about his conversation with Byrney, and Fred’s subsequent visit.
“He gave me his card.” Fishing it from his pocket, Carey held it out. “Said to call him.”
Jase crossed the room in two strides and snatched the card from Carey’s hand. He stared at it for the space of a few heartbeats. “Really?” Lunging for his phone again, Jase swiped it open, thumbs flying.
He gasped. “Have you seen who this guy’s worked with?” He read out a list of names, although the only one Carey really recognized was Justin Bieber. “You said he liked us?”
Carey smirked. “He stayed the whole time, didn’t he?”
“Oh…fuck…yeah!” Tossing his phone down, Jase yanked him into a bone-crushing hug. “You’re the best! Holy shit!”
Laughing, Carey hung onto Jase’s broad shoulders as he jostled him around in his enthusiasm, trying not to think how good he smelled—like leather and exertion—just reveling in his obvious happiness.
“I’m glad I could help,” Carey murmured, flushing when Jase set him carefully on his feet, their bodies sliding together briefly. “I hope it works out.”
“Me, too.” Releasing him, Jase pulled on a pair of jeans and another tight T-shirt. “Let’s go find the others.”
Layla and the rest of the band lit up at the news, and the five of them pulled some chairs together and huddled in a corner of the room. Their voices rose and fell, hands waving during their lively discussion, which ended with Layla being the one elected to reach out to Fred.
“You can be all professional and shit, honey,” Carey heard Quinn say. “I’m likely to F-bomb him to death.”
She rolled her eyes. “Like he’s not used to that, being, you know, former Special Forces and stuff. You should call—”
“No.” Quinn wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. “You’re a part of this, too. Hell, the whole band thing was your idea, baby.”
Emphatic nods went around the circle.
“You’ve supported me from the beginning, stuck with me all these years.” Cupping her face in his hands, Quinn kissed her softly. “We trust you, and you’re as much a part of this as any one of us, okay?”
“Okay.” Layla smiled at him through her tears. “I love you.” She spread her arms. “I love you all. Now let’s figure out what I’m gonna say!”
As they hashed it out, Carey noticed Todd loitering close by, hoping Jase would notice him. When he didn’t, his shoulders slumped, his face taking on such a crestfallen expression that Carey couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.
“Carey!” Jase waved his arm wildly at him. “Come here, and tell us exactly what that dude said! We wanna figure out the best way to approach him.”
Snagging a fresh bottle of water, Carey made his way toward the group, stopping short when Todd suddenly blocked his path.
“Will you ask Jase to call me later? Please?” Todd’s bright blue eyes were shiny with tears. “I don’t know what—I thought we were—will you just ask him?”
Carey nodded. “I will,” he said gently.
“Thanks. I guess I’ll just go on home. Will you tell Jase that, too?” Todd let out a bitter snort. “If he asks. If he cares.”
With one last glance in Jase’s direction, Todd strode across the room and out the door.
“What’d he want?” Jase asked when Carey sat down next to him.
“For you to call him later.”
“Jesus.” Jase rolled his eyes. “Like I don’t have better things to do. He needs to get the hint.”
On a sudden burst of anger, Carey turned to face him fully. “It’s not like you to be so dismissive and cruel. I think he’s in love with you.”
Jase froze, his jaw clenching.
“You need to be honest with him once and for all,” Carey went on, his voice sharp. “Don’t make him try to read your ‘hints.’ That’s not fair, to either him, or you.”
Jase’s eyes bored into his. “Right,” he said slowly, even as Carey’s own guilt surged.
Breaking their gaze, Carey changed the subject. “So what did you want to know about Wellman?”
By the time they’d hashed out a plan of approach, it was late, but nobody seemed tired.
“Let’s go dancing,” Layla suggested. “Let’s get sweaty. Let’s get down.” She leapt to her feet and attempted to twerk, to general hilarity.
“Don’t hurt yourself, honey,” Quinn said, grinning when she put her hand to her lower back in mock pain.
“Way too old for that,” she grumbled, then pointed to Jase, who’d been laughing the hardest. “Let’s see you do it.”
With a grin, Jase put his hands on his widespread knees and twerked, his back perfectly arched.
“Whoa!” Pete shouted. “You’re way too good at that.”
Suddenly breathless, Carey had to agree, his gaze fixed on Jase’s ass. When he finally straightened, Carey was still staring. He tried to act casual, but it was too late, and their eyes locked once more.
Carey’s heartbeat thundered painfully in his ears as Jase sauntered over and leaned in close. “You’re right, what you said about ‘hints.’ They really aren’t cool.”
Before Carey could reply, Jase had brushed past him and was striding toward the door, shouting, “Meet you all there!”
Carey jumped when he felt a hand squeeze his arm. “C’mon, sweetie,” Layla said. “You can ride with us.”
He gave a jerky nod, then followed the rest of the band out to the parking lot, berating himself along the way.
<
br /> Jase is your best friend, not your “I’m suddenly bi-curious” experiment. Explore this with someone else—someone whose friendship you don’t need like you need air.
He blew out a breath. Maybe that was the answer.
Byrney and Trevor had built a large circle of bi and gay friends, many of them single, most of them combat vets. There had to be someone Carey could find common ground with. Someone he could get to know, someone he could build a friendship with that might possibly lead to…
In the back seat of Quinn and Layla’s car, Carey closed his eyes, trying to imagine it, mentally flipping through the single guys he knew.
Yes! Gabe!
Tall and lean, a former Marine Raider, Gabe Alvarez was smart, funny, and totally comfortable with his bisexuality. They’d had several lively conversations about their experiences overseas, so they already had a lot in common.
The last time he’d seen Gabe, at the ranch, it was after Gabe had come back from serving as a guide on one of Byrney’s backcountry trips. Despite being tired and scruffy, Gabe had fallen into a discussion with him about adaptive technologies that’d lasted well into the night.
When Carey had finally walked him out to his truck, he’d seen him off with a wave and a “See ya,” but what if they’d—
Keeping his eyes closed, Carey imagined himself stepping close and sliding his palms up Gabe’s broad chest. Gabe would put his hands on his hips, bend his head…
At the imaginary touch of Gabe’s lips to his, Carey’s heart started to thud, his groin tingling. Digging his fingernails into his thighs, he pictured Dream Gabe deepening the kiss, his slick, agile tongue seeking…
“Carey,” he’d groan. “You taste so good.”
Carey jerked. The voice in his head wasn’t the deep, lightly accented voice of Gabe, but instead was rough, husky…
His throat closed as the truth threatened to rise up and choke him.
The only man he could picture kissing him was Jase.
Seven
The pounding of the house music made Carey feel antsy and hot.
He sat at a small table and nursed his beer, staring at Jase on the dance floor. Fit and athletic, he’d always possessed an innate grace, but his yoga practice had given him lean, sexy muscles, the natural performer in him finally unleashed due to his work with the band.
“Hey!”
Carey tore his gaze from him as Layla bounced up, red-faced and sweating. “Having fun?” he shouted to her over the music.
“Oh, hell yeah. I about fucked Jase on the dance floor. Holy shit, that man can move.” Her eyes sparkled. “I think I might have come a little bit out there.”
“What?” Quinn said in mock outrage as he wound his arms around his wife from behind. “I heard that.”
“What can I say? He’s sex on legs, honey.”
Carey could certainly agree with that. The memory of Jase in that thong would forever be burned into his brain. He gulped more beer, realizing he’d actually had quite a bit to drink. He shrugged. Well, it’d been a long time since he’d let loose and just had fun like this.
Helplessly, he searched the dance floor again. There! Jase moved to the thumping beat, his arms over his head and his hips circling in a sexy rhythm, a rhythm that made Carey think of fucking. It made him think of Jase, his eyes closed, mouth slack with pleasure, husky groans vibrating in his chest as his body spasmed and shook in his arms…
“Carey?”
Layla was staring at him, her eyes sharp and speculative, and Carey snapped his eyes to his beer. He had nowhere to hide, nothing he could say to explain the look on his face, a look that had to be hungry, desperate, and wanting. Risking a glance back at her, he caught a sly smile quirking her lips.
“Go for it, babe. The two of you would be fucking epic.”
Carey’s heartbeat sped to a gallop. “What are you talking about?”
“I can’t believe I’ve never noticed it before, but he’s so different around you. More relaxed, almost lit up from within. And the way you’re looking at him, my God.” She fanned herself, her gaze impish, but sobered when Carey shook his head.
“Please stop.”
After a long, searching glance at him, she pulled up a stool and plopped herself down. “Okay, love. Talk to me.”
Carey didn’t want to. He wanted to tell her to leave him alone, but a sudden need to unburden himself made him blurt, “I’m so confused.”
Her eyes softened. “About what?”
“About everything.” He made a helpless gesture. “How I feel. What I feel. It’s hard to explain.”
“Feelings can be confusing,” she agreed. “Especially when they change.”
Carey stared at the dance floor and the mass of writhing bodies there. Jase was no longer in sight, having been swallowed up by the crowd.
Putting her hand gently on his forearm, Layla went on, “I assume you’re saying they’ve changed.”
“Yeah.” Carey stared down at her freckled wrist and the Wounded Warrior Foundation bracelet there. “He’s my best friend, you know? I care about him, so much, and now suddenly there’s this layer of—” He broke off, searching for the words.
Layla waited him out, her gaze steady, the lack of judgment in her light green eyes giving him the courage to say, “A layer of physical desire on top of it that I have no idea what to do with.”
“Because he’s a man?”
Carey blinked. “Well, yeah. I’ve, uh, never had the hots for a dude before.”
“Never?”
The memory of that night on the couch made his cheeks burn. “Just Jase,” he mumbled. “Only him.”
Jumping to her feet, Layla grabbed him by the arm and tugged him toward the door leading to the outside deck. The conversation pits were all full of laughing, chattering people, but a small bistro table was open.
“Sit,” she ordered before raking her hair back from her face. “Okay, now I can actually hear myself think.” She paused. “So have you and Jase ever—”
“Once.” The rush of cool relief Carey felt made his scalp tingle. God, it felt so good to finally say it. “About three years ago.”
He could see her rapidly calculating the time. “So while you were still living together in that hospital apartment?”
“Yeah. I’d just gotten my first prosthetic and was going to PT every day.” Carey shook his head. “I think most new amputees, especially ones who’ve spent their lives being active, we all have this impression that we’re just gonna put our new leg on like a shoe and start walking. In reality, we have to spend weeks building up core strength and hip flexors, then more weeks learning how to control the motion of the stump inside the socket.”
Remembered frustration clogged his throat. “I’d pictured myself finally getting out of the wheelchair and doing laps around the track, but instead, all I could do was hang on to the fucking parallel bars and lurch back and forth.”
“Jase was there?” Layla’s voice was soft.
“Every day. Cheering me on, encouraging me.” He snorted. “Banging my therapist.”
She choked. “What?”
“Yeah, he and Adele dated for a few weeks. I didn’t give a shit. They had their fun, and then it ended. Amicably, thank God.”
“Thank God,” she echoed fervently. “That could’ve been, um, awkward.”
“Tell me about it. Anyway, I pushed myself too hard one week and ended up with abrasions on my stump. Skin breakdowns can be really dangerous for infection, so Adele told me I couldn’t wear my prosthetic for several days until it healed.” His lips tightened. “It pissed me off. I wanted to walk again, not use a wheelchair, or crutches. It didn’t matter that I could work out with weights, so the downtime wasn’t a complete waste, but I still chose to sulk about it.”
“I imagine you were entitled to sulk a bit.”
“Maybe. Instead of taking my frustration out on the weights, though, I took it out on Adele, on Jase.” Carey bit his lip. “To try and cheer me up, Jase worked re
ally hard to make me this great dinner one night, but in the spirit of being a total prick, I told him I wasn’t hungry and demanded he take it away.”
Shame flooded him, making his voice come out strangled. “He didn’t move quite fast enough, so I threw the plate to the floor.”
“Oh, honey.” Layla’s eyes were alight with sympathy, her hand gentle on his arm.
“He didn’t say anything, just knelt and started to clean up the mess. I started—” He gulped. “I started crying, and Jase, he—he got up and hugged me. I think I wanted him to hit me, or scream at me or something, but all he did was comfort me. When he finally tried to pull away, I wouldn’t let him go. I—I kissed him.”
“And he kissed you back?”
“No, not at first. He kept saying he knew I was upset, that he didn’t want to take advantage of me, but I insisted. Because—” Carey broke off and raked his fingers through his hair.
“Because?”
“God, I can’t believe I’m going to say this.” He looked her in the eye. “Because I had an erection, the first one I’d had since the injury.”
“Ah.” Unfazed, she patted his arm. “And you wanted to feel the same as before.”
“Yes. I wanted to feel good again, like my body still worked. Plus, my dick didn’t care whose hand was on it,” he said thickly. “That’s what I told myself afterward, too, that a hand was a hand, you know?”
“What did Jase say afterward?”
“That I needed what I needed, and he was honored to have been the one I trusted.”
Layla smiled. “That sounds like him.”
“I begged him not to mention it again.”
“And he hasn’t?”
“No.”
“And you two haven’t—”
“No!” Carey sucked in a breath. “He left not long after that to go back to active duty,” he said quietly. “It took months for our friendship to recover.”
“Yet here you are.”
Agitation made Carey slide off the stool. “And you know why? Because he wouldn’t give up on me,” he said fiercely. “Not the day I got injured, not in the hospital, and not now. I won’t risk losing that, not again. It means too much to me. It’s—” He swallowed hard. “It’s everything. Whatever’s going on with me, I’ll get it out of my system. I have to.”
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