by Akaku Red
I didn’t have the time to send them to the orphanage.
The last letter which I had sent there was in February after we had settled in the new house …
Now, I was collecting them here and hoped that someday, I would have the chance to give them to her.
Or even tell her in person what had happened.
She never heard my voice…
Maybe I could surprise her?
A small smile crept onto my face, before it slowly faded as I looked out the window.
I decided to lie down on my big-sized bed and close my eyes.
My body felt lighter, but I still felt exhausted.
Again, I took some deep breaths.
Then my father and Alice flashed into my mind as I remembered some good times.
I had a smile on my lips, but tears in my eyes.
“Please, let me find answers.”
I muttered, before I drifted away with my mind …
Chapter 1
“Jenny! Hurry up. You need to eat your breakfast before you go to school!”
My mother yelled.
I was wide awake … way too early. I couldn’t sleep … maybe I was nervous after all.
“Give me a minute…” I answered while putting on my jeans.
The school I was going to attend didn’t have a dress code, thankfully.
So, I could wear what I wanted to.
Blue jeans and a long black sweater.
For me, it was very important to cover my skin.
I didn’t want to show my scars to anyone.
This was my private matter, and this needed to be kept secret.
I was made fun of for my scars, and I had gotten bullied a lot in the past, in Florida. I had been the only girl who had worn a wetsuit while swimming.
The scars just needed to be covered.
I rushed downstairs whilst carrying my black backpack and shoes.
My mother was already in the dining room, preparing breakfast.
Well, we had recently gotten a gardener and a housekeeper, one who took care of the garden and the other one who cleaned the house.
But Elise liked to cook herself, and she did a great job with it.
Normally, she would smile and watch our reactions when we took a bite of her meal, but since we had moved into this house, she would only look at her phone rather than talk with the people next to her.
And just ask half-hearted questions.
Nothing more…
“I hope you got everything?” she asked while taking a sip from her coffee.
“Yes, I think so.”
I took a sandwich and started eating.
As always, her sandwiches were heavenly.
“Good! Jenny, I called a friend of mine to take you to school and pick you up when school is finished.”
I swallowed hard.
“What? I can go by myself!”
“No, it’s too dangerous these days.”
“But, I can …”
Before I could finish my sentence, I got silenced.
“Don’t argue with me! All I want is for you to be safe. I can’t lose one of my loved ones again.” Her voice cracked.
My heart throbbed, and the feelings of guilt started to crawl up.
“I am sorry.”
“Jenny, please be careful and don’t do stupid things. Go to school and come back home. I can’t always be at your side. But you need to promise me that you won’t do anything stupid.”
Even so, I still needed to search for Alice!
“Promise me.” She repeated.
“I promise.”
I lied … but I had to.
She just would have gotten mad at me and would have forbidden me to go to school if I told her about my plan.
Elise smiled and laid her phone down on the table.
“Thank you. You are a good girl.” She stretched her hand out to touch my hair and then started to stroke my ponytail.
“Why haven’t you let your hair down?” She asked.
I looked at her smiling face.
“You said it would be an obstacle.”
She laughed.
“If you make a ponytail like that, someone could easily grab it and catch you.”
Her words sent cold shivers up and down my spine, as I remembered a time when Thomas’s hands had roughly grabbed my hair and dragged me to a room to punish me … to rape … oh god.
“W-Why would someone do that?”
I started to stutter.
Elise looked at me and sighed.
“Eat up, Jenny. You need to get going!”
Again, I was left confused.
Why would she say something like this? What was she talking about?
My heart started beating really fast. The bad memories gave me anxiety.
I reached out to my hair tie and pulled it out.
My long hair dropped down.
Elise muttered something that I didn't understand.
My appetite was gone.
“See you later, mum.” The sandwich wasn't finished, but I got up and took my plate. I threw the unfinished sandwich away and placed the plate carefully into the winding machine.
“I might not be home when you get back. Today I have a lot of things to do,” she mentioned but I didn’t care.
Right now, I just wanted to go away, because the atmosphere didn’t make me feel well.
I got out and placed my hand on my chest.
With deep and long breaths, I tried to calm my irregular heartbeat.
Why would she say something like that?
After I had calmed down a bit, I slid into my shoes and pressed my backpack on me.
The sky was grey and clouded, luckily it didn't rain.
Looking around the dooryard, I saw a car standing by the driveway.
I noticed the man sitting on the driver’s seat and stopped breathing.
It was Tyler Williams.
So, he was the friend?
“Good morning, how are you?”
He asked as I took a seat beside him.
“Good morning, I am fine … thank you for asking.”
He always cared about my wellbeing and helped us through the hard times.
Since we had come back in London, he visited us every day.
As I said, at first, I was very shy and distanced because I wasn’t very comfortable having a strange man around me.
Due to my experience with Thomas and his friend…
I still hadn’t really opened up to Tyler … maybe because he came into my life just after my father died?
But still … he was a nice person.
“You don’t need to be polite with me.”
He flashed me a smile which was breathtaking … actually, his whole being was.
Tyler was a decent young man, and he only wore suits which were built for his tall body.
He had long blond hair, always styled on point, and sometimes when he shook his head, loose hair would fall over his forehead. It made him look more attractive, more easy-going.
“I will try,” I muttered while looking at him.
Yesterday, he had a two-day old beard, but now it had disappeared, freshly shaven which looked way better like this, in my opinion.
His lashes were long and a little bit darker than his blond hair … it covered his deep blue eyes when he smiled.
A mesmerising blue which captured me every time when he looked into mine.
His features were sharp, but it matched his appearance perfectly … like a model, even some agencies asked him to work … but he didn’t want to.
Well, he was a lawyer.
It was his dream to be one and nothing could change it.
Elise told me about it.
Indeed, he did everything to achieve it, he was a genius! He was the youngest student!
Tyler had skipped two grades when he was in elementary school.
He never talked about it, but my mother had given me the information…
Tyler was twenty-thr
ee years old and really smart.
Well, I could understand his dream, yet not the position he was in now.
He was a lawyer, but for the other side.
He was a criminal attorney, which basically meant that he needed to help the criminals, and this was crazy!
Anyway … Tyler sometimes had a mysterious side to him, but what really made him attractive was his impressive behaviour.
Polite and caring, nice and sometimes funny, he was every girl’s dream.
Even I needed to admit that his presence made me feel … made me feel strange, I guess.
Sometimes, when he tried to talk to me, there were these times when the atmosphere would change.
I would feel dizzy when he looked into my eyes.
Weak, when his look was giving me a feeling of desire.
Describing these feelings would always be hard for me because I had never had those feelings before!
There was once a time, when I had stumbled over a carton and Tyler caught me before I could collide with the floor.
He held me so dearly, the concern in his eyes was terrifying, yet honest.
As if he wanted to make sure that I would never get hurt.
Also, the parts where he came in contact with would tingle like crazy.
It was a beautiful, yet scary sensation.
To put it in the right words, I definitely had odd feelings around him.
Or maybe I just wasn't used to a man like Tyler.
As I was looking at him, his deep blue eyes met mine.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Sharp as always! He just needed to take a glimpse at me and directly knew that something was off.
It always seemed as if he could see through me.
Normally, I was good at hiding my emotions, but he somehow knew everything.
I was sure that I looked a bit pale and that my eyes were widened because of the talk with Elise.
“No, everything is fine,” I lied.
“You know, you can always talk to me … about everything.”
He was trying to make me open up to him, but I couldn't trust him that much, even though I wanted to.
“Thank you …. Isn’t it tiresome for you to pick me up?”
He started laughing again.
His voice was deep and gentle as he laughed. But when he talked it was more stable … deep and strong.
“You never change … You always worry about other people. And no, it’s not tiresome at all! I love to spend more time with you … and my workplace is on your way to school. So, I have no problem with it.” He assured me.
Well, if he wanted to, then it’s okay.
But how could I manage to go to the orphanage without my mother knowing?
He would tell her if he needed to.
Elise didn’t want me to go there, who knows why?
Her behaviour was unlikely, she would never shout at me, but as soon as I mentioned the orphanage or Alice, she got so worked up about it.
She acted as if she knew Alice, she even told me that she was dangerous and to stay away from her, to stay away from the orphanage.
But how could she say something like that?
Alice was the one who had saved me! She was my one and only friend.
Before I could fall deeper into my thoughts, Tyler caught my attention as he coughed slightly.
“Would you like to have dinner with me after school? Your mother will be home late and …” He stopped talking, his voice sounded calm but tense.
When he asked me out sometimes, he would get tense.
It had started like this, as I was avoiding him.
Since a month ago, I had been trying to maintain a greater distance between us and even started to keep our conversations as short as possible.
Maybe I had made him believe that I didn’t like him.
It was my fault, but it wasn't on propose, I just needed time alone to let my mind settle and to let everything sink in.
“Did my mother ask you to?” I questioned his offer.
“No! I just don’t want you to be alone.”
I smiled.
“If it is like this, then sure! I would like to have dinner with you.”
He looked at me with a bright smile, even his white teeth were showing.
“Good! I am looking forward to it. Also … we are here now.” He pointed with his finger behind me.
I looked out the window and saw a big school which looked like a freaking castle.
It was stunning!
A lot of people gathered in front of the school gate. Some were smoking, some were laughing. Other people were talking or playing on their phones.
And some were even looking at the car I was in.
I swallowed hard.
My heart started beating fast.
Damn! I forgot how awkward the first day would be!
I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“Don’t be so tense. If something happens, call me! I will be there for you. And … for now, I will escort you to the secretary’s office. So, everything will be fine.” My heartbeat slowed down.
“R-really?”
Once I started to stutter, Tyler’s brows twitched, and his mouth turned down.
His blue eyes looked at me with concern.
Again, I started to feel something I had never felt before when I saw his expression.
“Yes, everything will be fine.”
His voice got huskier.
Softly, he let his hand slide from my shoulder, down to my arm, into my hand.
His touch was so soft, and his gaze made me weak somehow.
This atmosphere again, ugh … I never knew how to act when this happened.
But sometimes my body would do things on its own … like now, even though I didn't understand this feeling, I still tightened my grip around his.
Tyler was dazed as he looked down on our hands.
As if he had forgotten his own rules.
Because all the times before, he would try his best to maintain the distance I created.
He wouldn’t carelessly touch me or come near me unless I gave him a sign that it was okay.
That he was willing to respect this made me like him.
However, we didn’t stay like this, as we heard the school bell ring.
I slowly pulled my hand away and felt awkward.
Tyler coughed.
“I guess … we need to go quickly. I don't want you to be late.”
He ran his hands through his hair.
Which by the way, looked really soft!
Some of his long blond hair loosened up and fell down his forehead.
Without thinking much, I raised my hand and helped him to get this loose hair in place.
And as I thought, his hair was soft … very soft and smooth.
Without realising it, I got closer to his face.
At first, I didn’t notice that, but as I felt his breath on my lips, I slowly became aware of how close I'd gotten.
I was startled when his eyes met mine.
This deep, dark blue was unique.
Up close, they seemed more powerful and endless, like the ocean. It was calming, yet dangerous and mysterious.
But it really was dangerous, because … this ocean caged me and pulled me in more and more. It was hard to look away, but as his breath kept brushing on my cheek, I finally managed to glimpse behind him.
“Sorry, I just …”
“No, you shouldn’t apologise. Everything is fine.”
Somehow, the situation got more awkward.
Slowly, I increased the space between us.
Then I grabbed my backpack and placed it on my lap.
“Thank you,” I muttered.
He smiled gently.
“We need to go.”
We got out of his car, then he took the lead with me following him.
A group of girls were still in front of the school gate, chatting and smoking.
Some of them started eyeing me, but then they
noticed Tyler, and their eyeballs started scrolling up and down, from his feet to his head.
And their eyes widened, the higher they got.
Well, he was tall, I barely reached his shoulders.
He was tall and had muscles which were hidden under his suit, but when he flexed a little, people could see it.
Even though he had strong arms, he still was thin and casual-looking.
The girls started talking about him and some even took pictures.
Tyler knew he was good-looking, and he clearly heard the girls talking.
His smile grew bigger and bigger.
“You look creepy,” I said, as we passed through the gates and went into the building.
“Well, I am pleased that I am still a worth a talk, even though I am old,” he joked.
“You aren’t old,” I denied.
He raised his brows.
“Remember the last time! You were the one who told me that,” he reminded me.
“That was on my birthday! And you jokingly asked me if I would go out with you. I said that you were too old for me, but I didn’t mean that you are old, old.” I tried to explain.
This is what I meant when I said that he would try to joke sometimes.
“Excuses over excuses.”
“No, I just … I was overwhelmed. I never dated someone and … I was never in love. That’s why I told you that you are too old. I don't mean it …”
He laughed again.
“Jenny, you are so easy to tease.”
Okay, wow! He made fun of me again!
“Don’t let the other guys tease you. You are beautiful and … don't let anyone else but me tease you!”
I looked at him with disbelief.
“What do you take me for? I don’t like being teased by anybody!”
His laugh became louder.
I felt his eyes on me which made blush.
“S-Stop looking at me!”
“You are so cute, it’s distracting.”
He winked with his left eye after his cheesy comment, but then he suddenly stopped moving.
“We are here!”
Without mercy, he pushed me into an office.
I didn’t have the chance to see the hallway or learn the way we went.
This whole time, I had been too focused on Tyler.
… And then again, how did he know the way to the office?
“Tyler!” The secretary called.
“Anna, long time no see!” Tyler changed his way of talking.
The woman looked older than him, she had grey hair and was very small. A gentle smile was on her face as she looked at Tyler.