by Akaku Red
In and out, as if he were sewing up some fabric. My scream was silent.
“You shall remember only me. Nobody else, only me!”
He pulled the suture with such force that it nearly made my skin tear.
Tears were running down my face.
“Stop crying! This is all your fault!”
He placed himself above me and pressed his hand against my throat.
“YOU SHOULD BEG FOR FORGIVENESS!”
Slowly, he pressed harder and harder!
He chocked me until my breath ran out.
Until I was spitting blood from the rough grip.
I heard something crack inside my throat.
“You will never leave me again. Never!”
I jerked up, my heart was beating in an unhealthy speed as sweat was dripping down my face. My eyes were wide open while I looked around.
I was back in the guest room. Tyler must have carried me in here…
It was still dark outside.
Tears escaped my eyes, all due to this frightening dream.
I raised my hands to cover my ears. This voice needed to vanish. I didn’t want to hear it again, I couldn’t.
Every scar started to throb, every memory that came up killed me again and again.
My throat felt heavy, as if his hands were still choking me. I cried and sobbed over the heavy burden in my heart and mind. This wasn’t a dream, it was a reminder of the past.
The air around me seemed thin.
Due to my heavy weeping, I couldn’t breathe normally. I tried to control myself, tried to calm myself, but it was just too hard.
I didn’t know how long I sat like this.
After a long time, I forced myself to get up.
Elise always told me to distract myself if I had a bad recall.
This was why I decided to change my clothes since I still had on the ones, I had worn at the amusement park.
Then I left my room to get a glass of water for my sore throat.
As I walked to the kitchen, I didn’t turn on the lights.
I could see a bit in the dark, and my hand helped me find the way.
In the meantime, I was feeling my way to the kitchen.
A digital clock, which was hanging over the wall, showed me that it was 1 a.m.
It was just after midnight… There I had hoped it would be at least nearly time for the sun to rise.
Sighing, I reached the refrigerator.
The light of the refrigerator forced my eyes closed as the change from dark to light hurt a bit, but I managed to open them again.
While I was pulling out a bottle of water, I smelled a familiar fragrance.
It pierced into my sense of smell like an arrow.
I stopped moving, the scent of alcohol was all over the room.
This familiar scary scent gave me the chills.
I hated this smell since my mother Cindy and Thomas had used this addictive substance every day. My body turned.
The light of the refrigerator gave me the chance to see clearly.
I looked around the kitchen, but nobody was here. Then my eyes went to the dining room. Empty bottles of alcohol were on the table, one bottle was even tossed on the floor, and there he was … Tyler, with his face on the table.
One arm was hanging down, his other hand was around a glass which was half full.
He wasn’t awake.
I closed the refrigerator and moved over to him.
The scent of alcohol became really strong as I approached him.
He had had way too many drinks!
I didn’t know if I should wake him up since I didn’t know how he would behave while drunk.
Also, the fact that he was drunk wasn’t easy for me to accept.
I didn’t even know that he had been drinking, and I didn’t know the reason why he would drink to this extent … to fall asleep.
It was really hurting me to see him like this, yet one thing was for sure!
This wasn’t the best position to sleep in.
Well, I wasn’t strong enough to heave him up to his room.
Also, the couch in the living room was too far away from me to bring him there without falling down, so I came up with another solution.
I walked over to his room. I wanted to take his mattress and bring it over to him, so I could help him lie down on it, and … I was sure that, like this, I wouldn’t wake him up.
Well, except that the mattress was too big.
It was made for a queen-sized bed, which was why I wanted to turn and get to my room to get my mattress. But as stupid as I was, I stumbled over something which made me fall to the ground.
I had stumbled over a book which looked like it had been tossed over here.
I grabbed the book and crawled over to the wall. I turned on the light in his room to check if there was anything else on the floor, but there wasn’t anything.
It still looked neat and clean as before. It was just this book on the ground.
As I looked more closely, I noticed that it was a book about law.
‘Justice for all’
My curiosity made me open the book.
It looked old and used by Tyler. He had even marked some words and made little notes on the side of the pages.
I smiled while flipping through the book, but my smile faded when I saw that pages had been torn apart— also, the book had some words crossed out, with a lot of force, since the pressure from the pencil had damaged several pages underneath.
I shouldn’t go through his things.
This wasn’t a good idea. I only wanted to get the mattress!
Yeah, that was what I wanted to do.
I placed the book on his desk stacked with folders.
My eyes scrolled through everything automatically, and then I saw something which caught my attention.
It was a calendar, but what really got my attention was the mark!
The date from yesterday was marked.
Nothing else, just this date! It piqued my curiosity again.
I mean, was there something special for Tyler?
Did one of his relatives have a birthday?
Or was there something to celebrate?
I took the calendar and was surprised when some papers fell from it.
“Oh no!”
Quickly, I collected them all and noticed that these papers were pictures.
Pictures of Tyler and some of his colleges.
I remembered some of the people from the celebration months ago.
They all looked funny. It had taken place in a restaurant, and the boss was teasing Tyler on this picture. I knew he was a funny guy … Peter … yeah, I believed his name was Peter.
I flipped over to the other picture and stopped breathing for a moment.
It was a picture of me at the orphanage!
I was eleven years old when this picture was taken.
“Why …?”
There was something written on the back.
This writing … it seemed like Elise’s.
‘Isn’t she lovely?’
Another picture of my parents and me was there.
This picture was taken when I got adopted by Rick and Elise.
‘Thank you! Now we are a beautiful family. I feel so good! We are complete. She is so lovely and beautiful. My daughter! We are on our way to Florida. I think it is the best for Jenny. And for all! So, we can start anew. Of course, someday, we will visit you! Please take care of yourself and don’t do stupid things. If you need any help, don’t hesitate to ask me. See you again!’
The next picture made me blush hard!
It was a picture in which I was trying to surf for the first time in my life.
I was wearing a neoprene suit, and my hair was a mess!
Also, I should have been on the surfboard, but I was falling into the water with a funny face while Rick was attempting to save me.
‘Today, she tried to surf. Well, as you can see, it’s not that easy! Haha :) But she had fun with Rick. I am getting jealo
us! I think she likes him more than me! Grr, but it’s okay. I love them both very much! I hope that you will visit us the next time. Your mother told me that you got an internship with Peter Davids! I am so glad that he took you in. He is a good lawyer and a good teacher. I am sure you will learn a lot! Don’t overwork yourself and go out with your friends. You are still young, and you should have more fun! We love you. Till next time!’
Why had my mother sent him pictures of me?
And why did he have a picture of me from the orphanage?
These pictures were old… yet he still kept them.
So, he did know me a long time ago!
I heard a bottle fall which gave me a start. Rushing, I replaced the pictures and put the calendar back on the desk.
My thoughts were spinning as I switched off the lights and moved over to the dining room.
Tyler was still soundly asleep. Apparently, he had just moved his arm, and with his movement had tossed a bottle to the ground. Luckily, the bottle hadn’t broken.
I picked it up and took all the other ones away for safety reasons.
Trying not to inhale anything from this disgusting smell, I held my breath in.
Then I rushed back to my room, took the mattress, and moved it next to the table Tyler was on. Afterwards, I rushed back to get a blanket and a pillow.
Half of the work was done as I placed the pillow on the mattress and lay the blanket on the side.
Yet, I wasn’t finished.
I took the glass Tyler was holding on to and put it somewhere safe before I ducked myself under Tyler’s upper body. I heaved him up with my whole body, which wasn’t easy at all, with him all loose and heavier like this. He was hanging over my upper body while I got him half up.
Then I tried to move carefully over to where the mattress was placed.
I said ‘carefully’, but well…
We crashed on the mattress and his entire weight was on me now.
I gasped from the pain of the collapse. I was afraid that Tyler had woken up from it but was glad to discover that he hadn’t. Instead, he was making himself more comfortable by wrapping his arms around me and intertwining his legs with mine.
I tried to get away from him, but it was impossible without waking him up.
The scent of alcohol was really strong. I didn’t like that at all. Even though it was Tyler, it wasn’t okay— Alcohol wasn’t good for your health and for the people around you!
It brought back all the bad memories, but before they could swallow me up, I heard Tyler’s faint voice.
“Unfair.”
I wasn’t sure if I had heard him correctly, but he repeated the word.
What was unfair?
I looked down at his head on my chest.
His eyebrows were furrowed, his mouth drawn into a thin line. Then he let out a heavy sigh.
He looked as if he was in pain.
“This is unfair.”
Again.
But this time, he made his hands into fists, I felt them around my back.
After a while, he calmed down as he breathed.
He absorbed my scent and placed a kiss on my neck, then he released his fists and held me gently.
“Jenny…”
Hearing my name in this sad tone made my heart falter.
“I will protect you.”
His head moved up to my shoulder, and my whole body stiffened.
I froze in place.
“Please, believe in me. Don’t leave me.”
Leave him?
Why would I leave him?
I reached for the blanket and covered us with it.
Well, it wasn’t easy because I didn’t really have that much space, but I managed to do so.
Slowly, I wrapped my arms around him as his head moved back to my chest.
I didn’t know why he was in sorrow or why he was afraid— but I knew…
He needed someone by his side.
I tried to tune out the smell and all my thoughts, even though this was not really easy.
Yet, I concentrated on Tyler’s calm breathing.
My eyes were closed, I allowed myself to feel his warmth, and somehow, I dozed off.
The rays of the sun woke me up.
I remembered what had happened last night and realised that Tyler was still on top of me. He remained soundly asleep.
My body felt heavy, my headache was at his highest point, and my eyes did hurt from crying last night. I wanted to get up and get some medicine for my head, but Tyler didn’t make it easy for me since he hugged me tight.
After struggling to disentangle myself, I eventually gave up.
My gaze drifted to the balcony. The sun rays made the terrace glow in a beautiful way.
Thankfully, it didn’t rain— the clouds were still there, though, but at least the sun rays fought their way through the thick clouds and shone in a majestic way.
A few moments passed before Tyler started to move around. He felt my body up, and then I heard him growl slightly, as he breathed in my scent.
Somehow… I felt kind of hot.
This sound was really ... attractive, but I needed to get up now!
I strained back against the mattress, trying to get some space, but he reclaimed the short distance and pulled me closer.
This whole situation was going to get awkward if he woke up, and I really didn’t want that to happen!
Again, I tried to get out of his grip and this time, I succeeded!
I moved my head out from under his arms and crawled away from the mattress.
It took me some time to control the dizziness and fast heartbeat, then I got up.
I stood straight in the dining room and without turning back, I walked to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water and emptied it in one shot.
After that, I took a full glass of water over to where Tyler was sleeping and placed it next to the mattress, with some medicine for the headache he would surely have.
I knelt down and smiled softly when I saw him hugging the pillow.
He was really cute...
But my smile faded.
Questions crowded my mind. They were floating around with the need to be answered, but I couldn’t ask him.
I mean, he clearly had some secrets. If he wanted to tell me about them, he would have done it a long time ago. Also, he hadn’t done anything to hurt me, and I guess he was afraid of losing me. So, maybe it was the best to keep it hidden…
I didn’t want to lose him, either.
He was a precious person to me, even though the kiss yesterday did in fact confuse me.
Yet still, I didn’t want him to be away from me.
The situation and my feelings were rebelling!
I got up and moved to the guest room, where I walked straight to the bathroom to take a shower.
The scent of alcohol was still all over me, but it didn’t disgust me as much as I thought it would, because it was Tyler … And not Thomas or my mother.
It was him.
I decided not to take medicine for my headache. I just stripped off my clothes and jumped into the shower, forgetting to bring a change of clothes with me… But it was too late, anyway.
While the water was pouring down on me, my thoughts went wild.
I couldn’t find the connection to everything that had happened.
Some new puzzle pieces formed in my mind, but I couldn’t put them together.
The death of my father.
Dean.
The connection between my parents and Tyler.
Linette and Tyler…
The creepy guy who had attacked me.
This unknown person who was observing me.
The missing letters.
Alice …
Everything seemed a bit off.
What is it? What is the missing piece?
Maybe the answer was clear, but for me, there wasn’t enough information.
I couldn’t find the answer like this.
And … do I even want to know
the answer?
I sighed while stepping out of the shower.
Moving to the sink, I brushed my teeth.
I looked at the neckless that hung around my neck. It was beautiful.
Not meant for a person like me, but I wouldn’t take it off since it was something a precious person had given to me.
After I finished, I covered myself with the bathrobe.
And took a towel to dry myself.
I was deep in thoughts when I stepped back into the guest room.
I was surprised to find Tyler standing next to the bed. He was leaning against the wall as if he had waited for me to come out.
I noticed that he had changed his clothes and freshened up, and the mattress was back in its proper place.
“Thank you.” That was the first sentence he said after he had stared at me intensely and with loving eyes…
Even though I had the robe on, I still felt naked in front of him.
I held the towel, which was hanging around my neck, at both ends and covered my mouth with it.
Somehow… now that he was awake and staring at me like that, all I could think about was the kiss.
“And I am sorry.”
He stepped closer towards me.
“I didn’t want you to see me like that.”
Grabbing my towel, he put it over my hair and then slowly began to rub it dry.
His gentle and calm touch made me blush again.
And the fact that he was this close didn’t make it any better.
I caught myself staring at his beautiful lips.
The corners were slightly up, his scent was like usual again, just a faint hint of alcohol was around him.
Not as strong as earlier this morning!
“It’s just— yesterday was a meaningful day … for you.”
My gaze jerked away from his lips to his eyes, which looked at me with sorrow written on them.
“What do you mean?”
He let the towel slide back to my neck, while his hands held my face up, so I couldn’t look elsewhere.
“I know that yesterday was the day of the light judgement…”
The air around us felt like it was getting thinner.
“Even though you had fun … I still saw how you drifted away with your thoughts. Your eyes can’t lie. You looked sad.”
His voice was wobbly, really unstable, yet careful due to the emotions.
“I just wish I could make you forget all the bad things.”
My heart skipped a beat, but I didn’t want my heart to take control of my mind right now.