A rose should be red: Part 1 - Secrets

by Akaku Red

  We talked as if everything was alright.

  Yeah … You could say that I felt like a normal, average girl who had fun with her new friends.

  If you looked at our laughing and smiling faces, anyone would say that we were a group of friends who were having a good time.

  But behind those smiles, we each had our hidden thoughts.

  I noticed Linette’s insecure look.

  Charlotte was more observant and covered it with a shy smile, while Amy looked like she didn’t get what was happening.

  It was a heavy atmosphere.

  And I didn’t feel good about it.

  We stayed out until it started to darken outside, then the girls all guided me back to Tyler’s apartment. Yeah, somehow nobody wanted me to be alone, but I could understand their concern.

  I mean, the guy who had attacked me could be around, and if I was alone, he could easily get to me.

  Even though Amy and Linette don’t really know about that matter.

  Anyway … this was another reason why I needed to get stronger.

  I need to change.

  “Did you have a good time with your friends?” Tyler asked when I took off my shoes at the entree.

  “Yes, we had a good day. How was yours?”

  “Good for you! Well, I was all alone while you had fun.”

  I put the shoes back in place before I threw a puzzled look at Tyler.

  He reached out to me, took my wrist and pulled me closer.

  “I am joking. I did some paperwork because tomorrow will be an exhausting day.”

  He let out a loud breath which brushed over my skin.

  God! He was not making it easy for me!

  “Tyler, you are too close!”

  After those words escaped my lips, he pulled me even closer.

  His strong arms were wrapped around my waist, holding me as if I was a fragile person.

  I felt his lips on my neck, they were stretched into a big smile.

  “I seem to remember that we were even closer this morning.”

  His husky tone made me gasp. I covered my face with my hands.

  “Don’t tease me.”

  My voice was shaking, I felt really shy.

  “Okay.”

  His chuckle put me over the edge.

  “Don’t tease me,” I said again.

  “Okay.”

  His voice sounded amused.

  “Seriously, don’t,” I pleaded.

  “All right, I am sorry!”

  He bent over a bit, and I felt his eyes on me.

  “Jenny, let me see your face.”

  No! Not now!

  I freed myself and rushed over to the guest room.

  “Wait, Jenny! I need to treat your back before you go to sleep,” he called after me, but I didn’t care— I needed a safe space right now.

  “Let me change first!”

  My heart was overjoyed, I couldn’t hide my excitement.

  I had never received so much attention before. If this kept doing, I would die from these emotions.

  I locked myself in the bathroom and let my body sink to the floor.

  I pressed my change of clothes against my chest.

  All my thoughts were spinning around in my head. There was too much that was still unclear— too many things at the same time.

  ‘You should listen to your heart.’

  Thanks to Charlotte, I didn’t even know what to do anymore.

  My heart was a mess. Same for my mind!

  Time, I need time.

  I believed I was losing my purpose…

  What do I even want to find out?

  I only wanted to find Alice.

  Why did everything get so complicated?

  I let out a deep breath and got changed.

  With heavy thoughts, I opened the door and was terrified when I was suddenly pulled into the room by Tyler.

  “Tyler!”

  My voice was shaking. It was unexpected and sudden.

  “You took too long, come here!”

  He lifted me up and carried me over to my bed.

  “You’ve made me jump all right!”

  “I know, I just couldn’t wait any longer.”

  He shrugged. Then he took the ointment from the desk.

  “You are overreacting!”

  “Just let me treat your wound.”

  Tyler ignored my comment and lowered himself onto the bed next to me.

  I didn’t move away when he pulled up my shirt.

  “What did you do with your friends?”

  He asked while he gently smeared the ointment over the scar on my back.

  Because he had scared me, I didn’t want to give him an answer, but since he as treating my wound, I couldn’t stay silent.

  “We were out eating, and we talked a lot.”

  When he had finished treating my scar, he started to touch my skin.

  “I am glad that you found good friends.”

  I nodded and sighed slightly when he started to draw something on my back with his index finger.

  “You know… I had a good friend before. Her name was Alice.”

  Tyler stopped, but that didn’t keep me from talking, Somehow, I wanted to talk about her.

  “My very first friend! She was so beautiful and lovely, even though I was mute and couldn't write, we still understood each other.”

  A smile was on my lips as I remembered her.

  I moved away from Tyler, then I leaned back until I reached the end of the bed, and crossed my legs, taking the pillow just to hug it tightly to my chest.

  “I miss her,” I whispered. “I want to see her again.”

  The confession had come out even though I saw Tyler silently looking down.

  He looked … like he wanted to say something but couldn’t.

  “I really want to.”

  Somehow, I felt lighter after saying those words. Even if the atmosphere felt heavy, I felt better.

  “Do you think I am able to meet her someday?”

  He stayed silent.

  I stopped talking.

  My gaze jerked away. I started to look out the window, the cloudy sky covered the stars, the rain was pouring down, and then I heard Tyler whisper.

  “If you keep searching, maybe you will.”

  Chapter 19

  My heart skipped a beat.

  “What did you say?”

  I couldn’t believe my ears.

  “Forget it.”

  He tried to shrug it off, but I couldn’t let this pass.

  “I just want you to repeat your words.”

  His deep sigh was heavy— as if he was letting out a heavy burden.

  “I know you are looking for Alice.”

  I tightened the grip on the pillow as I swallowed hard.

  “H-How do you know?”

  His gaze was on the floor. He didn’t look at me once while he spoke.

  “Peter happened to be in Cambridge, and he saw you and Linette at the orphanage.”

  This didn’t make sense.

  “He had a case there, and yeah … I got suspicious, so I asked him to look into it.”

  Oh no!

  Tyler finally looked at me.

  “I thought you had lied to me.”

  His eyes were dark, his teeth were clenched, even a muscle twitched from the tension.

  I was in pure disbelief. He even knew that I had lied to him.

  What if he told my mother about it?

  Oh god!

  “I didn’t talk with Elise about it, don’t worry.”

  How could he read my mind?

  “I just did that for my own sake. I am selfish… I want you to be safe.”

  He grabbed my ankle and pulled it, so my leg was stretched out.

  Then he crawled up to me. He lay down on my side, wrapped his arms around me, and sighed.

  “You look terrified.”

  His breath brushed over my cheek, as he tried to calm me down.

  “I am sorry, I didn’t want
to scare you. You can trust me. I would never hurt you.”

  A soft kiss was placed on my neck before he grabbed the pillow just to put it back on the right place— I was too shocked to do anything.

  What should I say?

  I felt bad.

  Tyler had never hurt me, nor did he give me a reason to suspect him.

  I had come to my own conclusions and decided to lie, even though he didn’t deserve it.

  Maybe this is the reason why he was sad…

  He helped me make myself more comfortable. When he had covered us with the blanket, I finally turned to face him.

  “I am sorry, I didn’t want to lie. I was afraid you would tell Elise about it. I don’t know why, but she doesn’t want me to talk to Alice or even go anywhere near the orphanage.”

  My eyes were burning up. Yet, I didn’t want to cry.

  I hid myself in his arms. My forehead was leaning against his chest, and I heard his strong heartbeat.

  “I just … I really love Alice. She is the person who helped me out of my misery.”

  Again, he let out a deep breath while pressing me against his warm body.

  “I won’t tell her, but you need to promise me that you won’t act alone! You can rely on me.”

  I nodded.

  Somehow, I really feel miserable.

  “Hey.”

  Tyler’s hand moved to my chin and pulled up my face, so I needed to look him in the eyes.

  “Everything will be fine. I am sure that someday, you will meet your friend.”

  He placed a soft kiss on my lips.

  Sweet, tender like chocolate— but I didn’t respond to the kiss.

  I was tired.

  Tired of all the feelings, all the questions, and all the hidden secrets.

  “Peter must have good connections to find out about Alice.”

  Tyler sighed.

  “There are people out there who can get any information they want and even more. It’s a cruel world, Jenny.”

  He brushed my hair out of my face.

  “So, hiding from the cruel world is the better solution?” I asked.

  He looked at me, clearly puzzled by my question.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I am just thinking… Are you hiding things to protect me? And if so, what is it that you want to protect me from?”

  His grip tightened.

  “Please, don’t think too much. You should focus on the good things! Life can be beautiful, for real, Jenny! Everything is going to be okay.”

  His normally deep and stable voice was tight.

  “Yeah … So, you aren’t hiding things?”

  “Jenny, you are my everything. I don’t want you to be sad, I don’t want to see you cry, I don’t want you to get hurt-”

  I knew it was childish, but I stretched out my pinkie and stopped Tyler mid-sentence.

  “Promise me that you won’t hide things from me.”

  It took him a while to react, but then he hooked his finger with mine.

  “I promise.”

  He didn’t sound confident, but for the moment, I let it pass.

  “Thank you.”

  I snuggled into his chest and yawned.

  “Thank you, Tyler.”

  I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent.

  Today was exhausting.

  And I didn’t even know how I managed to speak because my mind shut off.

  All the answers he had given me weren’t properly processed, and a thick dark cloud was still hovering around my mind.

  “Do you want to hear a story?”

  I nodded, even though I had nearly fallen asleep already.

  “I had a case … The case itself wasn’t really special, but the person was… There was a boy who had stolen some things from a drug store. Things like band aids, medicine, cloths, and a coke. He turned himself in to prevent a harder judgment. Well, I was assigned to take over the case, so I watched the surveillance video and was surprised to find out that it wasn’t the boy. It was another person who had stolen those things. They looked quite similar but there were some details which were different. It was his younger brother. So, the boy who turned himself in was innocent! But he insisted that he was the thief, and I … As a lawyer, couldn’t take this side. My client was innocent, but he was lying. I confronted him about the consequences, yet he wanted to plead guilty and asked me not to point out the differences.”

  Tyler laid down on his back, so my upper body covered his chest.

  His arms were still around me, hugging me tight.

  “I thought he shouldn’t face prison… he also didn’t have much money. The only good and fair sentence would have been hours of community service, so I tried to pitch a deal.”

  He sighed.

  “But the shop owner had a cruel lawyer. He persuaded him that he could get a big amount of money if he claimed that the boy had stolen way more often and more items than he actually had.”

  His finger started circling around my shoulder, a soothing movement.

  “It got more complicated. In the end, the boy needed to face prison because he could never get the amount of money the shop owner wanted from him. His younger brother didn’t come to the court hearing once, not even when the sentence was cast. I asked myself, why would he even stand up for him if the main culprit didn’t care at all? The boy needed to apologise to the shop owner, even though this person only had money on his mind. So… Where was the justice and fairness in all of this?”

  Tyler stopped for a moment before he continued with the story.

  “I decided to visit the younger brother. They lived in a shabby, cold house with only two mattresses in the building. I found his mother on one of them. She was bleeding and had a lot of bruises. His younger brother was crying and was kneeling down next to her. He told me his side of the story, and I was speechless. Their mother worked as a prostitute. During her work she had been violated and could no longer move … The boy who turned himself in worked part-time jobs so he could earn some money to support the family and for his younger brother who could go to school. After their mother was assaulted, they didn’t have money to get medicine, the younger brother stole those things because of this… Nobody wanted to help them out, and now this happened, and he was caught. The older brother couldn’t stand it… He didn’t want his younger brother to live the same life he was living. He wanted him to visit the school and get a proper job, he wanted him to live a good life which is why he gave up on his own. The younger brother couldn’t take the heavy burden, but because his brother had taken the blame, he needed to fulfil his wish. He asked him not to show up at court and he told him to take care of himself. The older brother knew that the crime would lead his younger brother to prison, and he didn’t want that to happen.”

  I kept my eyes closed while I listened to the story.

  The boy had been selfless, but I would have done the same.

  “You did the right thing. You respected his choice and because of this, the younger brother can now do better.”

  “Yeah … I respected his choice, but nobody cared about the feelings of the younger brother. He didn’t want that kind of life. He didn’t want his brother to take his place. He didn’t want to destroy his future like this.”

  I swallowed hard.

  “Two years of his life are wasted, and he can never get them back. He can never establish himself like this.”

  This kind of situation was indeed unfair for all persons involved. The younger brother who stole, the boy who had turned himself in, the shop owner who started to lie just to get money— and all that because their mother had been beaten up and needed medication.

  “This was hard for me, but I needed to get my feelings out of this case.”

  His job isn’t easy.

  “There are many cases which lead to unfair sentences, and there are also cases in which many cruel people, abusers and murderers receive a light sentence while they deserve a more severe punishment.”

  I nod
ded slightly.

  “While I am at it… A friend of mine also had a hard time. He had never been loved by his parents, they only cared about their jobs. They were only interested in good grades and outstanding achievements so he could one day take over their business. If he got an average grade, they would lock him up in his room and monitor him through cameras to make sure he was studying. He wasn’t allowed to play outside or to have friends, he wasn’t allowed to show any emotions, and he was told never to pity other people— even if they have been wronged. Accepting his fate, he never tried to misbehave, he wanted to keep up with the expectations his family had. But one day, everything changed. He saw a little girl … A girl who had suffered a lot in her life and was wronged by people she wasn’t even related to. He started to look after this girl, from far away. This girl changed his way of thinking. He didn’t want to be like his cold-blooded parents, he wanted to have a life in which he could decide everything on his own. The people around him were like sharks … making everything impossible! He had to endure a lot until he was old enough to settle down on his own. He wants to stop the never-ending game of unfairness and find his own happiness.”

  I helped Tyler move his head on the pillow, and then I stopped moving when he finished the little story.

  “Did he find it?”

  I looked up at him while he was looking down at me.

  In this moment, we were looking sincerely into each other’s eyes.

  “Yeah… He did— but he is still afraid to lose his happiness, his world, the love of his life.”

  I placed a soft kiss on his jaw.

  “I am sure, he won’t.”

  His pupils dilated. He was mesmerised by my words, even though I hadn’t said anything special.

  “I hope so because I couldn’t take it if this happened,” he whispered.

  I knew from the beginning that he was talking about himself and not about a friend, but I didn’t want to point it out— even when he misspoke at the end.

  I just didn’t want to think….

  Ignoring all my spinning thoughts, I was half asleep when I heard Tyler’s dejected voice whisper, “Please, don’t leave me.”

  This was the first time that I didn’t dream at all.

  I slept well. I woke up early in the morning and got ready for school.

  Tyler was still asleep, so I took the opportunity and prepared breakfast with the ingredients he had.

  While the eggs were boiling, I grabbed my phone and texted my mother.