by Sadie Moss
But it would also mean everything I thought I knew about myself was wrong. That who I was, down to the very core of my being, was a mystery to me. The only person in the room who could understand the pain and confusion of this revelation was Corin. The Blighted had it bad; there was no denying that. But that didn’t mean I hadn’t been proud of what I was.
Now? I had no idea what I was.
As it usually did when I was this confused and overwhelmed, my fight-or-flight impulse kicked into high gear. I’d told Jae I wouldn’t try to kill anyone, but the instinct to lash out, to get out of here or die trying, was strong.
I jerked to my feet on shaky legs, my eyes darting around the room.
As soon as I stood, all four men tensed, their eyes tracking my every movement. They could probably read the panic on my face.
“Lana,” Jae said softly. “Breathe.”
My wild gaze landed on him, and it was only when he said it that I realized my lungs were burning, desperate for air.
“It… can’t be,” I gasped. “I’m not—”
My skin was growing hot again. Oh, fuck. No.
“Breathe.”
Jae’s voice was like a balm, washing over me and cooling my burning skin. The other three stayed alert and on edge, but seemed to defer to him in this.
I sucked in another ragged breath, fighting the darkness that edged my vision. I suddenly felt the urge to weep, to cry until I had no more tears left, as if I had too much of something inside me and it needed a release.
Moving slowly and deliberately, Jae reached toward me.
I stood frozen like a rabbit on an empty plain, searching for a threat, certain one was out there.
His hand grasped mine.
The connection made me jump, but as soon as his cool, long fingers touched my skin, the roiling heat building up inside me like lava began to dissipate. I tightened my grip, clinging to his hand like a lifeline.
“There,” he breathed. “You’re all right. Your magic is agitated. It’s responding very strongly to your emotions right now. Try to stay calm.”
That was an impossible directive to follow, but I nodded anyway.
Everyone exhaled a collective breath, the tension in the room lessening.
“You really didn’t know you were Gifted, did you?” Jae’s voice was soft, his fine lips pursed as he studied me.
I shook my head.
“That explains the magic you let out,” Fenris interjected helpfully. “You probably didn’t even mean to do it, killer.”
“I’m sure she didn’t. She’s untrained. Completely.”
“Excuse me for saying so,” Akio said. “But I don’t see how having an untrained mage on our side is the coup you think it is, Jae. How helpful can she be if she can’t even use her powers?”
I chose to ignore the incubus, and everyone else seemed content to go along with that decision. I looked to the other three. “You keep saying ‘on our side.’ What does that mean, exactly? Side of what?”
“We’re part of the Resistance.” Fenris grinned at me.
“The… what?”
“The Resistance. An underground group trying to bring down the Gifted establishment. We’re fighting for equality among the races.”
My jaw dropped. “What?”
“Oh, are we telling her everything now? Nice, Fenris. Why don’t you just show her the secret handshake while you’re at it?” Akio threw his hands up and flopped onto the bed. Even in his irritation, the movement was graceful as a cat.
“I’m not telling her anything she wouldn’t find out soon anyway. Corin already said Christine wants us to bring her in.”
“Speaking of which,” Corin added, still avoiding my eyes. “We better get going.”
Jae squeezed my hand, making me realize we were still connected. When he loosened his grip, I pulled my hand back quickly. That had felt way too comfortable.
“We won’t force you to help us, but if you’re willing, we could use someone like you,” he said. “Very few of the Gifted or Touched have much interest in joining a rebellion against the same government that grants them such unilateral power. There are only a few others like us in the Resistance, and although I don’t have any doubts about the strength and capabilities of our nonmagical members, sometimes it helps to fight fire with fire—or magic with magic.”
“And if I say no?”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to say no. What Fenris had described sounded incredible. But I’d been on my own for so long that the idea of joining a group, even for a cause I believed in, made me feel itchy and anxious. Attachments were a weakness. I’d learned that years ago, just like Corin had.
“We’ll make the case for leniency for your attack on Akio if you pledge your dedication to the Resistance and agree to help us. I can’t say for certain what Christine will decide to do, but I can promise I won’t let her hurt you. Even if you choose not to join us,” Jae said, his green eyes shining with sincerity.
“Neither will I.” Fenris almost growled the words, the protectiveness in his voice startling me. I could almost picture hackles rising on his back and wondered dazedly if he was a wolf shifter.
Against every rational, cynical instinct I had, I believed them.
I didn’t really have a choice. But I appreciated them making me feel like I did.
“Okay.” I nodded. “Let’s go see Christine.”
Chapter 7
As it turned out, the car that had roared down the street to drop Akio off the day before belonged to Jae.
Of course it did. It was hardly surprising that the sleek, expensive-looking silver vehicle belonged to the mage.
Leave it to the Gifted to—
I cut myself off midthought. I needed to stop thinking this way. That group included me now, something my brain could hardly process. It also included Jae, and despite his obnoxiously fancy car, he actually seemed like a good, honorable man. I had plenty of verifiable evidence that most of the Gifted were self-interested, power-hungry bigots, but maybe I’d been wrong to paint the whole group with one brush.
Akio had ushered us out through the main floor of his house. Dried blood stained the floor and cabinets in the kitchen, the fridge was tilted off its axis, and there was a crater in the plaster by the front door. I carefully avoided looking at any of it, while Akio kept his resentful stare pinned on me.
Jae’s car wasn’t large, and none of these men were small, so it would’ve been a challenge for all three of the other guys to fit in the back.
That was how I somehow ended up sandwiched in the middle seat between Akio and Fenris.
I sat stiffly, my body completely still, trying to pull my atoms closer together to avoid touching either one of them. The coldness coming from the incubus was a startling contrast to the warmth radiating from the shifter. Both sensations were confusing and unwelcome. I didn’t trust Akio, and he sure as hell didn’t trust me. That made me want to lean into Fenris, and that made me not trust myself.
Corin and Jae talked in low tones in the front seat as we drove through the Capital. I tried to pick up on what they were saying, but I was so hyperfocused on the two men sitting next to me I could hardly hear over the rush of blood in my ears.
Fenris noticed my tension but misinterpreted the cause, patting my knee before saying, “There’s nothing to worry about, killer. Christine is tough, but she’s fair. And she’s smart. She won’t throw away a possible ally just to get revenge.”
He reached over my shoulder to poke Akio as he said that last part, and the other man muttered something under his breath, turning to stare out the window.
The scruffy shifter left his arm where it was, resting casually across the seat behind me. I remained stiff as a board, breathing shallowly in case too much rib expansion made me accidentally brush up against him. Fenris’s casually familiar treatment of me made me uneasy—mostly because it didn’t feel strange.
I’d never been the friendliest person, but my time in Denver had pushed me toward what cou
ld best be described as “standoffish.” I didn’t make friends easily and had no interest in spending time with or conversing with strangers. As far as I was concerned, the only reason people interacted was because they each wanted something from the other person. And I didn’t want to owe anything to or need anything from anyone.
But these men confused me. They did want something from me—my help, whatever good that might do—but they didn’t seem interested in coercing or manipulating me to get it. Years ago, I’d known Corin better than anyone, but somehow I felt as if I’d known the others that long too. Like I had known them in another life, and an unconscious part of me instantly recognized them as old friends.
I gulped.
This was so not like me.
Clearing my throat, I glanced at Fenris out of the corner of my eye. “Where are we going?”
“Resistance headquarters. It’s in the Outskirts.” He cocked his head to the side like a dog. Yep, wolf shifter. Definitely. “You’ve really never heard of us?”
I leaned back, relaxing slightly. “I’ve heard rumors. I didn’t know it was an actual organization. I just thought it was individual people getting fed up with life under Gifted rule and acting on their own. Sorry.”
Fenris chuckled, a deep, warm sound that poured over me like chocolate. “Don’t be sorry, killer. We try to keep out of the headlines. It’s a balancing act between recruiting supporters and staying off the government’s radar. The more they know about what we’re doing, the more often things like your attempted hit on Akio will happen.”
Akio heaved a sigh, and I almost laughed. He was one of the most dramatic people I’d ever met.
A twinge of guilt snuck up on me. I had tried to kill him. I supposed if the roles had been reversed, and he’d sneak-attacked me in my apartment, I wouldn’t be in a hurry to forgive and forget either.
“And why are you all part of it? The Resistance? I wouldn’t think most of you would be anxious to change the status quo.”
Jae and Corin had stopped talking up front and were listening in on our conversation. I tried not to keep sneaking glances at Corin, but it was hard to resist. He looked so much like the boy I’d known, but the world had changed him—just like it had changed me. I wanted to study his face for hours, until the memory of him and the real flesh and blood Corin in front of me blended back into the same person.
“I can’t speak for the others. They’ll have to tell you their own stories. But I can tell you why I joined.” Fenris’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. The fingertips of his arm resting on the back of the seat brushed my shoulders, and though my body tensed again, I didn’t move away. “When the Great Death hit, it wiped out a lot of my pack, including my parents. The ones who didn’t die splintered off. No one could agree on who to blame or how to move forward. Eventually, it tore us apart, and the pack dissolved. I moved into the city and have been packless ever since.”
He shook his head, his body vibrating with agitation. “I know the Touched don’t have it as bad as the Blighted, but we don’t have it good either. Packs and prides are being pulled apart everywhere. Shifters are being recruited by rich mages, witches, and warlocks as hired muscle for their own ends. We’re just glorified security guards to the fucking Gifted.” He paused, then kicked the back of Jae’s chair lightly. “No offense.”
“None taken,” Jae said calmly from the front seat, a note of amusement in his voice.
I could barely conceal my shock at how easily Jae let go of the insult. It was clear the four men in this car were friends, but most of the Gifted I’d met had an extremely low tolerance for any perceived slight. I’d always attributed it to the fact that deep down, they knew they weren’t any better than the Blighted or Touched. To maintain the illusion of their superiority, they had to constantly enforce it.
“Anyway, I was working as a bartender at Sparks, a club in the Capital, when Christine recruited me. Been working with the Resistance ever since. I brought Corin on board about three years ago.”
My eyes flashed up to the front seat, curiosity burning. Corin had been here for three years? I couldn’t believe we’d been in the same city for this long and not known it. After Edgar died, I’d thought about going back to Wyoming so many times, but I’d never been able to work up the courage to face Corin after what I’d done to him. I’d entertained wild dreams of saving enough money for us to start over someplace peaceful, but even though I stashed away a bit of my earnings from every job, it never seemed like enough.
Not enough to make up for breaking his heart.
A slight flush rose in Corin’s cheeks as he felt my eyes on him. I watched him expectantly, hoping he’d pipe up next with the story of how he’d joined this mysterious Resistance, but he drew his lips into a thin line, staring straight ahead.
My heart sank.
I’d imagined dozens of ways we might be reunited, but the circumstances I currently found myself in had never entered my mind. I wasn’t prepared for this—didn’t know the right words to say that would break down the walls he’d put up around himself.
The car lapsed into silence as we rolled out of the Capital.
Fenris’s thumb absently rubbed the curve of my shoulder, and although I’d never admit it out loud, the small contact was very comforting. I had the strangest urge to lean into his touch, to let him wrap his arm fully around me and nuzzle into his neck, soaking up the warmth and musk of his skin. The little spark of light deep inside me flared brighter at the thought. My magic—if that was truly what it was—seemed to want to get closer to him.
The derelict buildings of the Outskirts slid past us as Jae drove through an area I didn’t know. It appeared to be mostly abandoned, with more crumbling and burned-out buildings than whole ones. We passed by a house that nature was slowly reclaiming; half the roof was missing, and the top of a tree was poking through the hole.
These parts of the Outskirts were filled with squatters. My apartment was shitty, but it had heat and running water, and I paid rent to live there. Here, people sought shelter in whatever buildings weren’t totally destroyed, either sharing the space with others or fighting them for dominance.
A woman dressed in rags and clutching a baby to her chest watched us pass, the whites of her wide eyes standing out starkly in her dirty face.
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
Jae’s car stood out like a sore thumb. My ugly-ass Honda Accord drew the attention of Gifted law enforcement, but it’d fit right in here in the Outskirts. I wasn’t used to drawing stares from my fellow Blighted.
No. Not my fellow Blighted. Not anymore.
My gut twisted at the thought of people I’d once considered my kind looking at me with the disgust and fear usually reserved for the Gifted. I could feel my heart rate speeding up, panic and anger rising in my chest again.
Jae’s head flicked up, glancing at me in the rearview mirror.
“Fenris,” he said quietly.
The shifter squeezed my shoulder. “It’s okay, killer. We’re almost there. Just take it easy.”
Like I’d done with Jae’s help earlier, I drew in a few deep breaths. Fenris’s touch was comforting, although it didn’t provide the same immediate calming relief as Jae’s had.
We drove another mile until the buildings began to thin out, spreading farther and farther away from each other. Jae finally pulled over in front of a derelict duplex. “Here we are.”
Akio popped his door and slid out in one smooth motion. Fenris held the other door open for me, offering his hand to help me out.
I stared at it blankly for a moment. I wasn’t used to chivalrous gestures, and I’d certainly never had a hard time getting out of a car before. I wasn’t sure whether to be touched or insulted that he thought I needed help.
Finally, I took it, allowing him to tug me gently from the car. Now wasn’t the time to insult my captors—though I had to keep reminding myself that’s what they were. They treated me so well it was hard to remember sometimes. Bitterly, I wo
ndered if I’d be dead already if they weren’t convinced I was Gifted. If I were just a Blighted woman who’d broken into Akio’s house to attack one of them, would they have taken any mercy on me?
Wind rustled the leaves of the trees and shrubs that filled the space where houses had once stood. Jae made a gesture with his hand, and a faint glow flared up around his car. A ward.
Akio led the way up the crumbling cement steps to the duplex. The doorknob was missing, and the door was slightly ajar. It opened with a high-pitched squeak. I crossed the threshold after Corin, my eyes adjusting to the dimly lit space.
This was the Resistance headquarters?
It can’t be. There’s nothing here.
The interior of the building was choked with dust. Light filtering in through the dirty windows caught the particles stirred up by our entrance, making them glitter. There was a heaviness in the air, as if the space had been closed up for a long time.
I glanced at the men around me, my hands curling into fists. Why would they bring me here? Had they lied to me? Was there no Resistance after all?
Chapter 8
I was a godsdamned idiot. I couldn’t believe I’d actually trusted the word of fucking magic users.
But I didn’t understand why they’d gone to the trouble of this elaborate lie. If they were going to kill me—or worse—they could’ve done it back at Akio’s place.
Unless he didn’t want to ruin his nice sheets.
Fear washed over me like a bucket of ice water, chilling my skin even as sweat dampened my brow.
Akio walked confidently toward the back of the house. Farther away from the windows, the interior plunged into murky darkness. Thick cobwebs covered the broken furniture and crisscrossed over the corners of doorframes. The only person behind me was Jae. I hung back, slowing my pace until he drew up alongside me.