Guests and Guilt

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Guests and Guilt Page 12

by Diana Xarissa


  Between James’s somewhat spotty memory and some helpful road signs, the pair arrived in Laxey only a short while later.

  “It’s still there,” James said happily, pointing to the pub near the center of town.

  “It doesn’t look as if it’s changed in the last fifty years, either,” Fenella remarked.

  “They probably don’t allow smoking anymore.”

  “You sound disappointed. You don’t smoke.”

  “I know, but the smoke was part of the atmosphere.”

  They walked into the pub and Fenella immediately felt the smells of many years of cigarette smoke and spilled drinks filling her nostrils. James took a deep breath and then smiled happily at her.

  “It’s exactly as I remember it,” he said.

  “Oh, great,” Fenella muttered.

  They ordered soft drinks at the bar and then carried them to a table near the back. James sat down and ran his hands over the sticky table. “I’m sure I carved my initials into a table just like this when I was ten or eleven,” he told Fenella.

  “Maybe you should check the other tables. Maybe your initials are still on one of them,” she suggested, only half joking.

  James looked around and then shrugged. “I think the tables have all been replaced since then. They used to be more rectangular, I think.”

  Fenella read through the menu and finally decided on cottage pie. “It’s one of my favorite things to get on the island,” she told James. “Mom used to make it at least once a week.”

  “Yeah, and I haven’t had it since I moved out. It’s tempting, but I’m going to have the fish and chips. That’s what I remember most about this place. I can’t have anything else.”

  James went back to the bar to order, with a pair of twenty-pound notes supplied by Fenella. She noticed but didn’t comment when he simply pocketed the change.

  “It really does feel like old times,” James sighed as he sat back down. “I don’t have that many memories of the island, really, but I do remember this pub. Have you been back to the old house yet?”

  “The old house? You mean the house that used to belong to our parents?”

  “Yeah, the house I grew up in, in other words. I know, you were only two when you moved, but for me that was my first home.”

  “Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but it isn’t there anymore,” Fenella said. “They tore down a load of old houses and built a large grocery store on the site.”

  “That’s a shame,” James sighed. “I was hoping to knock on the door and see if the current owners would let me have a poke around for old times’ sake. Walking around a grocery store won’t be nearly as much fun.”

  Fenella couldn’t argue with that. She’d been disappointed herself when she’d found out that her first childhood home had been torn down, but she did love the modern grocery store that now occupied the space. As she had no recollection at all of the house, she didn’t really miss it.

  “Here we are,” the bartender said as he put their plates of food on the table. “Enjoy.”

  Fenella picked up her fork as her mouth began to water. Her lunch looked and smelled delicious.

  James grabbed his fork and grinned. “This looks exactly like I remember it. Maybe after lunch we can go and check out my other favorite place in Laxey.”

  8

  Fenella ate a few bites before she asked. “What’s your other favorite place in Laxey, then?”

  “The Laxey Wheel,” James told her. “It’s a giant water wheel from the days when the island had a mining industry. It was closed, and so was the mine, back before I was born. Henry and I used to sneak around the site, trying to imagine how the wheel had looked in its heyday. We went down into the mine once, too, but it was too dark and scary for Henry. Don’t tell me they’ve torn it down now, too?”

  “No, not at all. It’s a historical site now. You can climb up to the top of the wheel and you can walk a short distance into the mine. I’ve not actually been yet, so it will be interesting for me, too.”

  “Excellent,” James smiled and then immediately frowned. “Are we being disrespectful to Stephanie, going out and enjoying ourselves like this?” he asked.

  “I don’t think so. You have a limited amount of time on the island and there is a lot to see and do. A little sightseeing to help take your mind off your grief seems reasonable.”

  James didn’t reply. He ate his lunch and drank the last of his soda before he spoke again. “That was really good. Almost exactly the way I remembered it, except when we used to come with Henry’s mum she used to give me little sips of her lager while we ate. I didn’t even remember that until I started eating.”

  “She’d get herself arrested for that sort of thing these days.”

  “Yeah, but it didn’t do me any harm.” James laughed. “Or maybe it did. Maybe that’s the reason I’ve turned out the way I have.”

  “I love you, just the way you are,” Fenella told him firmly.

  James stared at her for a minute and then grinned. “Gee, thanks, baby sister. I love you, too.”

  Fenella nodded. They weren’t really a family for saying such things, but sometimes they needed saying.

  “How was your food?” James asked after an awkward silence.

  “Really good, thanks. I don’t know if I’ll make the trip back up here again in a hurry, but if I’m in the area, I’d eat here again.”

  “Maybe we can come again just before I leave. I’d like to have fish and chips here again, just one more time.”

  “We can certainly try. Did you want dessert?”

  “We used to get a sticky toffee pudding to share,” James remembered, “and Henry’s mum used to get jam roly-poly. Sometimes she’d let me have a bite or two from hers if Henry ate more than his fair share of the sticky toffee pud.”

  “Is that what you want, then?”

  James shrugged. “Let’s take a look at the menu,” he suggested.

  There were only a few options, but Fenella happily ordered the chocolate gateau. James did get the sticky toffee pudding. When they’d both scraped up their very last bites, they headed back outside.

  “I’m not sure I know where the Laxey Wheel is from here,” Fenella said as they got into the car. “I mean, it must be further along this road, as we didn’t pass it coming in, but I’m not sure where exactly.”

  “It isn’t far, but I’ve no idea where you park for it.”

  They only had to go around the next corner to find both the wheel and its parking area.

  “I’m not sure what I was expecting, but that isn’t it,” Fenella said as they walked toward the wheel that was turning slowly in the autumn sunshine.

  “It looks a lot better than I how I remember it,” James laughed. “She’s called the Lady Isabella and she’s really pretty, isn’t she?”

  They paid the admission fee and then slowly climbed the steps to the top.

  “It was a long climb, but the views are worth it,” James said as they stood and caught their breath.

  “Laxey is lovely,” Fenella replied. As she looked down at the village below them, she couldn’t help but wonder if she actually owned any of the tiny properties she could see. She was going to have to make a point of visiting every single place on the list that Doncan had given her, but not until after James had gone home.

  “It is lovely, and I have very fond memories of it, maybe more so than of anywhere else in the world. Henry and his mum lived very differently to us, and I think I was jealous of their lives.”

  “What was so different?”

  “It was just the two of them. His mum had a job, too, which was unusual in those days. During the week he usually stayed with his grandparents, which is why he was at school with me, but he always spent the weekends and school holidays with his mum in Laxey. She had a little cottage and the two of them always seemed to have great adventures. I always felt stuck at home with three older brothers and a baby sister.”

  “Sorry about that.”

  Ja
mes laughed. “Oh, I resented the older brothers much more than you. You didn’t do much of anything, really. They were always banging in and out of the house, dragging in friends and making noise. There was never any peace or quiet in our house. Henry’s mum’s house felt completely different.”

  “Did you want to try to find her house after we’re done here?” Fenella asked.

  “Could we? I remember exactly where it was. It was just a little cottage on the beach. It’s probably long gone, though.”

  “We can certainly go and look for it.”

  “Thank you. I’m really glad that I decided to come and visit you. I’d always wanted to come back to the island, but I could never find the strength to do it. I just wish Stephanie were here to enjoy it with me.”

  Fenella reached over and patted his back. “I know.”

  They took their time admiring the view from every side of the platform before making their way back down the stairs. From there, they walked over to the old mine shaft.

  James put on a hard hat and walked into the mine while Fenella stood outside, trying to convince herself that it wouldn’t be too claustrophobic for her.

  “You may as well come in,” James said from the entrance a moment later. “You can only walk a short distance. You won’t have time to get claustrophobic.”

  Fenella dropped the unflattering hat onto her head and followed her brother into the dark mine. He was right. The public was only allowed very limited access. “It’s creepy in here,” she told James.

  “Not really. Not with the artificial lighting and all of the signs detailing the history of the place. It was properly creepy when I was a kid, though.”

  Back outside, they walked around the tiled washing floors where the ore and waste had been separated after being brought out of the mines. Fenella stopped to read every sign, enjoying learning the history of the site and of mining on the island. James walked ahead of her, stopping to stare into the distance from time to time, but not speaking. When they’d had their fill of the site, they headed back to the car.

  “Can you find Laxey Beach from here?” James asked as Fenella started the engine.

  “If there are signs, I can.”

  James laughed. “I didn’t see any on the way in, but I’m sure we’ll find it. I might even remember the way, if you drive really slowly through Laxey.”

  Fenella did her best, no doubt annoying the row of cars behind them as they went. They were nearly out of Laxey when James shouted.

  “That’s it,” he said, pointing to a small road that seemed to go almost straight down from the main road they were traveling along.

  “You want me to drive down there?”

  “Yeah. It’s fine. Henry’s mum never had a problem.”

  Henry’s mum sounded like a crazy woman, Fenella thought but didn’t say. She made the tight turn onto the road and was immediately sorry.

  “There’s only room for one car. What happens if someone is coming the other way?” she demanded.

  “There are some wider bits,” James pointed out. “I guess we’ll have to pull over into one of them.”

  “It’s also incredibly steep. I hope the brakes on my car are solid.”

  “It is steep. That was always part of the excitement. It felt like we were descending into the great unknown or something.”

  At the bottom of the hill, James directed her to turn right. “The beach is just around the corner,” he promised.

  There was a small parking area as soon as they’d turned. “Just park here,” James suggested. “We can walk from here.”

  The beach itself was only a few steps away. When they reached it, Fenella’s eyes were drawn to a small cottage that looked as if it had been there for over a hundred years.

  “That’s Aunt Bessie’s cottage,” James told her.

  “Aunt Bessie?”

  “She was an old spinster woman who lived there her whole life. She’ll have passed away now, of course, but she used to give me and Henry cake or biscuits when she saw us on the beach. She was nice, but she had very definite opinions about the proper way to do things. I wonder if anyone still lives there?”

  They approached the cottage. It looked empty, but when Fenella looked in the window, she could see signs of recent renovations. “It seems as if someone is putting in a new kitchen,” she said.

  “I’m surprised they aren’t just tearing the whole thing down.”

  “From what I can see, they’re keeping with the character of the cottage, just modernizing it.”

  “I suppose Bessie must have had some family I didn’t know about,” James said. “Henry’s cottage was further down the beach.”

  They walked past the old cottage and began to stroll along the beach. They’d only gone a few steps when James sighed.

  “It’s all vacation cottages now,” he said. “Henry’s house was about where the fourth or fifth cottage is.”

  “They look like nice cottages, anyway,” Fenella said. “They seem to be in good repair.”

  “Maybe the next time I visit, I’ll stay out here. I would love to wake up on Laxey Beach again just one more time. I didn’t get to sleep over at Henry’s very often, but it was always amazing when I did. The beach was perfect in the very early morning when no one else was around. We almost always ran into Bessie, though. She used to get up really early, too. When she knew Henry and I were at the cottage, she’d bring a few biscuits on her walk and share them with us when she found us.”

  “If you do decide to visit again, we’ll have to find out about renting one of these cottages.”

  “I wonder if they would sell me one,” James said. “Imagine living right on the beach like this, all year around. What are house prices like on the island? If I sold my house in Pennsylvania, could I afford a cottage on the beach?”

  “House prices are pretty high here compared to the US. My neighbor’s friend was looking for an apartment near mine and I was shocked when I first heard the prices they were asking. I can’t even imagine what a house right on the beach would cost.”

  The pair continued their stroll along the sand. One or two of the vacation cottages looked occupied, but most of them seemed to be empty. Just past them, a dangerous-looking staircase climbed the cliff wall.

  “I wonder where that goes,” James said. “I don’t remember it being there when I was a kid.”

  “Let’s not find out. Those stairs don’t look at all safe.”

  They walked for a while longer and then found a row of rocks and settled down to watch the tide come in.

  “I feel as if I’m twelve years old again,” James sighed. “And in some ways I’d love to be able to turn back the clock.”

  “Are you sorry that we moved to the US?”

  “No, not at all. It was the right decision for the family at the time. I wasn’t happy when it happened, but I settled in eventually.”

  “It’s hard for me to imagine that I ever lived here before. I don’t remember anything from the island at all.”

  “You were here, on Laxey Beach, about a week before we moved,” James told her. “Henry and his mum had a little going-away party for me. They invited everyone from our class at school, but not many people came. One of my friends in Douglas had a party for me, too, and they all came to that one. Laxey was too far away, I suppose.”

  “And I was there?”

  “You were there. The whole family came, Mum and Dad and all of our brothers. I remember watching you toddle up and down the beach and feeling sorry for you because you weren’t going to get to grow up here. Of course, I felt as if I were nearly a grown-up already, and I knew that I was going to move back to the island as soon as I possibly could.”

  Fenella smiled at him. “And instead, I’m the one who’s moved back.”

  “Yeah, and you probably don’t want me moving over, do you? I’m sure you’re quite happy to be far away from all four of your brothers.”

  “Not at all. I miss you guys. I’d be happiest if you all moved over her
e.”

  “You aren’t thinking of coming back to the US, then?”

  “No, I don’t think so. Once the money is sorted out, I’ll probably start visiting regularly, but I can’t see myself moving back. I truly love it here. It feels like home in a way that nowhere else ever has.”

  “That’s how I feel right now, sitting on this beach, staring at the same view that I barely noticed when I was a kid. There were too many things to explore. Sitting and watching the waves would have been boring.”

  “And now I find it fascinating.”

  “It’s soothing. I needed this today.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “So am I. Stephanie wasn’t perfect and we weren’t exactly madly in love, but she didn’t deserve to die and she especially didn’t deserve to get murdered. The police do think it was murder, don’t they?”

  “I’m not sure what the police think.”

  “I never did understand her, you know.”

  “No?”

  “She had her own unique way of seeing the world, but sometimes she seemed to lose track of what was real and what was in her head.”

  “Don’t we all do that sometimes? Especially when it comes to remembering our past.”

  “Yeah, I suppose so. I can remember so many things from my childhood as I sit here, but I couldn’t prove that any of them actually happened. Some of them might just be things I wanted to happen rather than things that actually did happen, I suppose.”

  “Is that the sort of thing you mean about Stephanie, or was it something else?”

  “I don’t know. We used to have these long conversations that would start out perfectly normal and then turn into something else altogether.”

  “I’m not sure I know what you mean.”

  “We’d start out talking about the book. She’d give me an idea for a scene and then she’d tell me that it reminded her of something from her childhood. Then I’d have to hear all about the time her Aunt Mabel took her to Liverpool for the day and they got lost on their way back to the ferry. That all sounds reasonable, doesn’t it?”

  “Yes,” Fenella said slowly.

  “But then the story would get weird. They’d be wandering around and they’d run into one of the Beatles. He’d take them to a huge hotel and buy them dinner and sing to them before having his limousine take them back to the ferry.”

 

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