by Emilia Finn
“I’m right there. I’m always where you are.” He goes silent for a moment. “You okay? You’re making me worry a little.”
“I’m…” I draw in a deep breath. “In shock, mostly. Like, sensory overload. There are so many people here. Everyone shouts to be heard, and they run through the halls like there’s an angry clown chasing them. No one watches where they’re going,” – including me – “so they crash into each other and fall on their asses.”
“Your mom and Biggie already in the air?”
I nod, though of course, he can’t see me. “Yes. They boarded about an hour ago, so they’ll be back with you guys soon. Now I’m here all alone with a belly full of pasta and a dorm room full of people having sex.”
“What?” I know he shoots up to his butt. “What the fuck, Evelyn! Who’s having sex?”
“I don’t know,” I giggle. “Clair is my roommate. We met for two seconds earlier, then I went out to dinner with Biggie and the others. I got back and walked into my room, and bam! Sex everywhere.”
“Shit.” His voice comes out on a low growl. “Like… shit. I don’t know what to do about this. Are they legal age? Is that chick okay? Are you okay? Jesus, Evie.”
“I’m…” I consider my words. “I dunno. In shock, I guess. Took me by surprise.”
“You haven’t… um… do you… Fuck.” Hair bristles against the phone. “I don’t know how to handle this. Are you curious about what you saw? Do you wanna talk about it? Do you need counseling? Do you need your mom?”
“What if I did have questions?” My lips curl up in a grin because of Ben’s discomfort. It’s extreme, and when he’s caught off balance like this, he’s the easiest to tease. “What do you know about that stuff?”
“Well… do you mean in theory?”
“Ben?”
“Yes?”
“You haven’t ever… right? You didn’t sneak that in with someone else when I wasn’t watching?”
“No.” His simple answer helps my heart relax. “No, I didn’t sneak that in anywhere. I promise.”
“Okay…” I bring a hand up and run it through the roots of my hair. I can’t run my fingers through all of my hair, because… frizz. But I massage my scalp for a second and study the stars. “I’m not curious, in the way you mean,” I explain. “I saw the dude’s back. I didn’t see his face or anything, so I can’t confirm if he’s of consenting age, but it’s not like he was wrinkly, so there’s that. And Clair… well. She seemed to like it.”
“Jesus,” he groans. “You’re gonna give me a heart attack before this is over. I swear. All these years, and nothing. You keep the world’s biggest secret and friendzone me. Then you give me seven hours where I get to live in heaven. Now you’re all the way over there, I’m here, and now sex comes up, just like that. There was no easing into it.” He clears his throat when he realizes the double meaning to his words. “You get what I’m saying.”
“Hey, Ben?” I know I say that a lot. It’s the only way to demand a real answer from him. When my parents want to have a real, serious talk, they sit on the couch and Biggie pulls Mom into his lap. He turns her so they face each other, and that’s when she knows he’s not playing.
That’s how he gets answers.
The equivalent of that for me and Ben begins with ‘Hey, Ben?’
“Yeah?”
“Have you ever thought about sex?”
“Um…”
If we were in the same room, he’d have already turned away and gotten busy doing something else in an effort to distract himself.
“Truth. Don’t lie to me.”
“Yes, I have.”
“You’ve thought about it?”
He grunts by way of answer.
“Who was in these thoughts with you?”
“Please stop,” he whines. “I’m begging you.”
“Was it me?”
He groans, as though my words literally hurt. “You’re only seventeen. Barely. You were sixteen not so long ago.”
“I know how old I am. That’s not the question I asked.”
“Please don’t make me answer this.”
“Was it someone else?” I ask with a quiet voice. “Were you thinking about sex with someone else?”
“No. I wasn’t thinking about someone else.”
I think back to twenty minutes ago and the sight I walked in on. That man laying over Clair, but now I replace him with Ben. Then I replace Clair with me.
My cheeks flame so hot that I’m actually thankful I’m here alone.
“Okay.”
“Are you okay? Are you scarred?”
I laugh and shake my head. “I’m not scarred. We’re okay. But I’m kinda glad you’re not here right now.”
“What?” He sounds genuinely hurt. “Why?”
“Because I’m blushing. My cheeks are hot.” I cup one and shake my head. “I don’t know this feeling, I’m not a blusher. I think this might be my first time.”
“You’re blushing?” his voice croons. “Evie Kincaid is blushing?”
“I know. Weird, right?”
“This is officially the worst day of my life. I hate this shit so much. First, you move away from me. And now you’re blushing and I don’t get to see it.”
“I’m sorry this is happening to us.”
“Me too,” he sighs. “You have no clue how fucking sorry I am that we’re so far apart.”
“Christmas, right? I’ll see you at Christmas.”
“I swear it. You arrive on the day of my fight, which means you don’t have to be here for the lead up. If you were coming early, we still wouldn’t be able to hang out. So this is best. You come for the fight, then I’m wide open, and I’ve written ‘Evie’ all through my calendar. Nobody else gets my attention the entire time you’re here.”
“I’m counting down,” I sigh. “I’ll have mastered my numbers by the time I’m back, because I have never been this invested in dates and times before in my life.”
“We’ll talk every single day. It’ll almost feel like the same thing.”
“Hey, Ben?”
He chuckles and grunts, painting a picture in my mind of him laying back down after my sex revelation. “Yes, Evelyn?”
“Can you promise me something?”
“Sure. Anything.”
“When I get back, don’t make it weird. Don’t be hesitant or anything. I intend to be loud about you being mine, so don’t be quiet about your side in this. You’ll wig me out and make me doubt myself.”
“Okay.” I hear the hesitance in his voice. Not because he doesn’t want me, but because he doesn’t want to be loud about me in front of my daddy.
“And book somewhere nice, but not crowded for dinner. I wanna be with you, not a hundred of your closest fans.” I grin and study the twinkling stars a trillion miles away. They’re the same stars Ben sees. The same stars that shine down on us both and make me feel a little less… isolated. “You’ll have real-life fangirls by then,” I murmur on a sleepy drawl. “Make sure you only see me. Our time will be super limited for the next four years, I don’t wanna waste it on dumb stuff.”
“As you wish.”
Ben
She Got Loud
I had no clue how slow time could run until the person I’ve grown accustomed to being in my daily life is no longer a part of it. I have Evie’s entire family. Her sisters. Her cousins. Her aunts and uncles. And, ironically, I get to spend most days with her dad.
I get to speak to her on the phone every single day. Twice a day at least.
But none of it is the same as it was when I could walk into my gym and find her waiting for me. She’d wear booty shorts more often than not, and a sports bra that covered her whole chest. Her defined abs are burned into my memory, but she never wore that stuff in an attempt to be sexy.
She wore it because that’s what you wear when you’re working out and always sweating.
Now I get that same gym. I get all of the same people. And I see women –
even female Kincaids – wearing the booty shorts and sports bras.
But she’s not here.
It almost feels like drinking water, but always being thirsty. Nothing quenches my thirst, nothing except her, so I prepare for my first ever pro fight, and I do it all without my metaphorical water. My eight-hour sessions in the gym get longer. My body changes, because despite always being in the gym prior to this, this is the first time a nutritionist is taking control of my diet, and professionals lay out my exact training regimen.
I’ve always been a big kid, always broad. I guess some would say I come from good genetic stock. I’ve always been tall and wide, but this is a whole other ballgame. At eighteen years old, I now weigh two-hundred and ten pounds, made up almost exclusively of muscle. I’m not built like a mountain, but like a carved statue. I have muscle exactly where it’s supposed to be, and defined lines in the places I was always envious of even as I was working up to it.
When you think of it at its most basic level, transforming a body is pure math. A body needs x amount of protein a day, x number of calories, times x number of pounds and reps. Then divide that by time per day and time overall, and really, you can’t not get the desired results unless you mess up the math.
This is the formula that my team – the Kincaids, my mom and Oz, me – set out when the year began. We knew what would happen, and we knew what I would look like at the end, but strangely, I’m still nervous for Evie’s return. Will she like it? Will she hate it?
She’s knows I’ve been training, and theoretically, she knows what that means for my physique. But the gym has been on lockdown to keep the media out, and no photos have been shared online or otherwise. I’ve purposely kept the secret, though I can’t be sure I know my reasons behind my decision.
She said not to be weird about it.
She said we’re together, and there’s not a damn thing anyone can do about it.
“Alright, Benny.” Bobby Kincaid stops in front of me inside the arena locker room that was allocated exclusively to me and my team for tonight. He wears our gym logos to show who he’s with, and studies my eyes. “Five-minute call. You ready?”
“She’s not here?”
My locker room is packed with people of the Kincaid variety. All males, except Kit. She’s like the gym mother in a way. I have a mom, and she’s amazing, but Kit tends to take in anyone that is her kids’ age or younger and represents them in the sports world. She found her calling in life, and it’s busting the balls of people who try to come close to us with contracts and pens to sign them with.
It’s not that she won’t let us sign. But she combs those suckers with an eagle eye and makes sure we’re getting a good deal. She’s good at her job, so my own mother steps aside and lets the master take care of business.
But now, that Kincaid is the only female in my locker room, when I have a stone-etched promise from another.
“Where is she?”
“She’s on the way,” Aiden says. “Her flight was delayed, but she’s on the way. You need to get your head right. You’re here, not there with her.”
“How far away is she?”
“Kid! She will not always be at your fights. You need to be able to do this even if she’s not here. You need to stand up on your own.”
“How. Far. Away. Is. She?” I grit out.
I never intended to snap at this formidable man. He holds my future in his hands in more ways than one, but here I am, hyped up on adrenaline, and Evie’s not here.
“Did she land yet? I need you to answer my question.”
“Fuck.” He tugs a phone from Kit’s clipboard as she passes, hits dial, and waits. “Peaches. Where are you guys?” His eyes come to me and glare until I can feel the heat on my face. “Yeah, he’s freaking out.”
“I’m not freaking out,” I growl under my breath. “Wanting to know where she is isn’t ‘freaking out’.”
“Yeah, put her on. Thanks. See you in a bit.” I already have my grappling gloves on, but that doesn’t stop me from catching the cell when he tosses it at my chest. It’s like a slippery bar of soap that I try to wrangle. “Talk to her.”
I bring it up to my ear and smack it against the side of my head by accident. “Ah fuck. Shit. Evie?”
“We’re close!” Her words are a shout. She’s as hyped as I am. “I landed, we have my bags, we’re in the car.”
“You’re close?” My breath races out on a painful exhale. “Fuck. You’re nearly here? What the hell happened? You were supposed to be here hours ago.”
“I’m sorry! They delayed my flight. Some dumbshit decided he didn’t like the seat they assigned him, so he threw a damn tantrum just before takeoff. They made us all get off so they could de-escalate the situation.” It’s like I can hear the air quotes she throws up. “I suggested an easier way to de-escalate that fucker.”
“Evie! Don’t swear.”
She laughs at her mom. “It takes like twenty seconds to choke a dude out. Why don’t they train the air hostesses to do that? I would’ve done it for free.”
“Bet you would,” I exhale on a sigh of relief. She says I’m her home, but she has no clue she’s mine. I can’t cope without her. I can’t fight, I can’t compete. I can barely fucking breathe. “I miss you, Evie. I miss you so much I’m gonna choke.”
“Don’t choke. I see the arena, okay? We’re that close. How long until you’re walking down the tunnel?”
I look up to Aiden. “How long?”
“Three minutes.”
“Three minutes,” I repeat. “Are you gonna be here?”
“No,” she whines. “Three minutes isn’t enough. I’ll be front row before the end of the first round, but I won’t see your walk.”
“You promised,” I drop my head and whisper. “You’re not supposed to break promises.”
“I’m sorry. I swear, I even told my seat neighbor the pressure points in a dude’s neck. I was gonna do it. I would have, I swear, but I didn’t wanna get arrested. Uncle Alex wouldn’t be able to get me out. This isn’t his town.”
“How far?”
She pauses, as though to think. “Three minutes until we get to the arena, then we need parking, and then I’m sprinting in. They know me, so they’re not gonna ask for tickets.”
“Of course they know you,” I chuckle. “This ain’t your first rodeo.”
“It pays to be the niece of three world champions. Even if those championships were won forever ago. I’m close, okay? Walk out of that tunnel and let Biggie be your strength. He’s good at that. He’ll get you through, and when the buzzer sounds for the end of the first round, look for me. I’ll be in my seat.”
“Not your seat,” I counter. “Stand with Aiden. Be right there, and then bring me water between rounds. I’m so fucking thirsty when you’re not here.”
“Oka–”
“That’s enough of that,” Aiden’s hand snaps down and tugs my phone away. He brings it to his ear and glowers. “Drive safe. Be good. Stop being weird. You are still my baby.” And just like that, his face softens. “I love you too, honey. I’m so fucking excited to see you. Hug me first. I worked my whole life to be the first in line.” His eyes come to mine, as though in challenge. “First dibs always. See you in a minute.”
He hangs up and passes the phone back to Kit. “There. She’s nearly here, and you’re running close to learning how it feels to have a broken neck. Don’t fuckin’ test me, kid.”
“It’s not like that, coach, I swear.” I cast a glance around the locker room and thank the universe that no one is paying us attention. I meet his silver eyes and swallow. “I know that from your perspective, this can’t look good. She’s your baby girl, and I’m a dude. I have a sister and mother to protect; trust me, I know this is fucking with your head. But it’s not like that in my mind. She’s not…” I shake my head. “She’s my best friend. I just care that she’s safe and happy, just like you do.”
“Right, and that’s why I let you guys hang out over the yea
rs. But word got out that someone kissed someone not so long ago, so I’m not feeling super generous toward you anymore.”
“Conner, get up!” An official waits by the door and studies me. “One minute. Let’s go.”
What can I say to the father of the girl I’ve loved since I was fourteen years old? That she kissed me first? That she and I haven’t had sex, but that I’ve thought about it for years already? That I intend to marry her, and when we make babies, I won’t even be sorry for the actions that led us to that point? I’ll celebrate them… quietly in my mind, and not within fifty miles of her family.
No, I can’t say any of that, so I settle on something a little less intense.
“I just need her like you need her. We love her. I’ve missed her like you’ve missed her the past three months. I just…” I blow out a heavy breath. “I need her in my corner.”
Or maybe I’m sticking with intense.
“It creeps me out.” He pulls me to my feet. He’s my trainer, and as such, will support me on the way to my first fight. But he’s also her dad, and it’s messing with him. “I remember being eighteen, and the shit I did....” he shakes his head. “Don’t be like that. Don’t do that shit. Not with her.”
“Let’s go.” Kit grabs my hand and drags me toward the door. “Music’s on. Time to debut a new Roller. Make it big, okay?” She stops us at the door and flashes a beautiful smile that results in a popped dimple.
Kit Kincaid is beautiful. Blonde hair tied in a knot at the top of her head, she’s taller than her niece by several inches, and wears her clothes well enough that men still follow her with their eyes.
“This is the only time you will ever walk this tunnel as a debut. There is only one chance to do this right and make the world remember you, so do it properly. We’re Rollers; we’re memorable, but for the right reasons. We work hard, we let our actions on the canvas speak for us. Not bad attitudes or drama outside of the octagon. You’re one of us, so you must maintain our reputation of being the very best.” She takes both of my hands in hers. “You’re not the best because of luck, but because of the sweat and grit you put in every single day.” She pauses. Smiles. “Ready?”