by Emilia Finn
I shake my head and let my eyes drop to my boots. “That’s where you’re wrong. She and I were together since she was fourteen. And we’ve known each other since she was three. She gave her everything to me, and every single first she ever had to give,” I poke my chest. “Mine. I’m not saying that to be a total asshole. Well, I mean…” I chuckle. “I am a little, but not entirely. I’m just painting a picture of what we have together, and what you’ll never get. You’re gonna have to be with her for two decades before you come close to touching what we had, and even then, I’m still gonna be around, I’m gonna be sitting at the same dinner table.”
“Not if I tell her you’re out.” His jaw clenches with the anger he wants to spit out. “If I say she needs to choose–”
My heart runs faster. “If you make her choose, then you’re not the right guy for her. And if you throw down that ultimatum, you’ll lose. She will never choose, because she’s too fucking stubborn to be dictated to. Whoever throws down the gauntlet will always lose. Which is why I’m gonna play nice. I won’t make her choose, and therefore, my seat at the dinner table will always be open.”
“It’s just a game to you,” he snaps. “You don’t wanna be my friend. You’re not doing this for her. You’re doing it for you, and hoping you catch her at a weak moment.”
“You’re right. You’re absolutely spot on. I’m doing it for me, but by extension, it’s for her too, because there’s not a man on this planet that’ll love her like I do. If you’re as solid as you’d like to think you are, then you have nothing to worry about.”
“You’re gonna manipulate her.”
“No,” I shake my head. “Evelyn Kincaid can’t be manipulated. She controls her own universe. I’m just sitting over here hoping she’ll invite me in. I fucked up back when we were together. I thought some punk at the gym could come between us. But it was me that came between us. You stood no chance until I screwed it all up. The real, true kind of love doesn’t have to worry about that petty shit. Do you think her mom panics about other women when Aiden is away?”
I shake my head and push away from the truck. Tina’s SUV is parked beside it, so I move along to give myself something to do that doesn’t include looking into those fucking eyes.
“Tina and Aiden are solid, and there ain’t a soul on this planet that can come between them. If I’d trusted us, then Evie and I would have been fine too. So this is me, trusting the universe. If it happens the way I see it in my head, then you’ll be set on fire soon, and Evie will come to me for comfort.”
He rolls his eyes. “You realize you’re giving me all the tips I need? Trust her, trust us, be cool, and never make her choose. You’re giving me the cheat sheet to make sure we’re okay.”
I shrug. “Like I said, if you’re right for her, then there ain’t a damn thing I can do about it. But if you’re wrong, it’ll all come out in the laundry, and I’ll still be here waiting to make her happy. But I wonder, Reid – are you here for her, or her family? Now that you’ve been shut down by the Rollers and they won’t back your business plans, how long until you pack up and leave?”
“I’m here for her.” He squares his shoulders and invites me in. “I’m here because I’m in love with my girlfriend. The rest was merely a bonus for a fight fan.”
“Mm.” I push away from the van and toss my wrench onto the counter beside the tire iron. “I guess we’ll see. You’re here for four more days, and I promise, I’m gonna be here for every second of it. Let’s see how long you can last seeing us in the same space and getting along. Our chemistry will make your dick hard.”
“I’ll kill you.” He stalks forward with fisted hands. “I’ll put you down like a mutt.”
“And then you’ll have to watch her cry while she wishes it were my arms holding her.”
I walk away and push through the garage door to find Evie and Aiden in the yard. He’s still trying to hold her back, but she stops when I come out and the door slams against the wall.
“Nobody fought, Eve. You can relax.”
It annoys me that he didn’t snap. That he let me talk about her and he was able to keep his cool. Had the tables been turned, I’d have smacked him with the wrench.
It bothers me most of all that he might truly be the better man for her.
Evie bolts past me and into the garage to pat his ego, and I stand on the cold grass all alone while she closes the door for privacy.
In Reid’s eyes, it might look like I won that round, but he’s not the one standing all alone in the cold.
I lose every round for as long as he calls her his.
Aiden walks across the crackling lawn and stops beside me. “Did you kill him?”
“No.” I turn away and stomp up Evie’s front porch. “I need a hug from a blonde. Probably gonna steal your wife.”
He rubs a hand over his face and chuckles. “We’re solid, Conner. Hug her all you want, she still sleeps in my bed.”
“Mm.”
Funny, that’s basically what Reid just said about Evie.
Evie
Sorry
“He said what?” I walk laps in front of Biggie’s truck and do everything I can to refrain from taking a tire iron to the back of my ex’s legs.
“He said that you were his, and that he’s going to lay the gauntlet down with your folks. If they don’t get rid of me, then he’ll quit their gym and cancel his fight contract with them. He said he has another gym lined up, and a bigger contract waiting for him, so if they don’t remove me and plop you into his lap, he’s out.”
“He…” I stop and look into Reid’s penetrating eyes. “He said that? No way would he say that.”
Reid shrugs and walks laps of my garage with bunched muscles. “You asked me what he said, so I’m telling you. I stand no chance here, babe.” I stop when he reaches out and pulls me in until our chests clash. “I stand no chance, because he has this history, and he has that fight record. Your mom and dad aren’t gonna let him go.”
“My mom and dad are not going to sell me for a fighter,” I sneer. “You’re insane if you think they would.”
“So you’re calling me a liar.” His nostrils flare with anger. “I’m trying my best to enjoy Christmas with my girlfriend, but everywhere I turn, I’m hitting walls. Now you’re calling me a liar, too?”
“I’m not calling you a liar,” I argue. “I’m calling him a liar. He would never lay that ultimatum down. He won’t quit fighting, he won’t quit my family, and he won’t quit…” Me.
The word flashes through my mind like a beacon on a stormy night. He won’t quit me. We made promises a long time ago.
“Either you’re mistaken, or he’s bluffing. Ben would never lay that shit down at my family’s feet. There’s no chance in hell.”
“So I’m wrong,” he snaps. “I’m wrong again!” He throws his hands up and knocks me back a step until I hit the hood of Biggie’s truck. “The blind loyalty in this family is sickening. Fuck!”
“Reid! Stop.”
“No, you stop! You came here to bring me home to meet the family, but all I’ve really met is your ex-boyfriend. The ex that swears he’s gonna get you back.”
“He never said that!”
“He said it to me, you idiot. He told me point-blank that he’s not giving you up.”
“Idiot?” I hear nothing else. Not a single fucking word he shouts, because idiot flings around inside my brain like a pinball machine. “You’re calling me stupid?” I stalk forward and pray for Reid-like control, and not the potency that flows through Ben’s blood. “You’re calling me stupid, in my own fucking garage?”
“Babe…” He stops and tries to grab my arms. “No, stop. I didn’t mean it like–”
“Don’t backtrack now, Baker. Tell me how you really feel. Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“I didn’t mean it like with numbers. I just meant you’re blind to their actions. To Ben’s, to your mom and dad’s. Even your grandmother is plotting against me. Fuck, Evie! How c
an you not see that?”
“How do I not see it?” I shoot back. “I did the time already. You saw me standing upside down because I called her on it.”
“Standing upside down is stupid. Their punishments are stupid. If you loved me, you’d have ended that conversation and flown back to school with me.”
“I don’t love you!” I shove him when he tries to grab my arms. “I have never told you I love you. I have never even hinted at it. We’re dating. So fucking what?”
Reid’s face turns ghostly white, and my stomach drops so swiftly, I swear I can almost feel it filling my shoes. My words are truth, but they’re hurtful all the same.
“You brought me home to meet your family.”
“I know I did! Because we’re dating, and you really wanted to meet them.” I snatch my hand from his when he tries to grab on. “I never told you I loved you, Reid. I never made those promises.”
“We’ve been dating more than a year.”
“I know! And maybe someday it could become love. But it’s not right now, and I’m not going to stand here and apologize to you because of my feelings.”
“You still love him,” he snarls. He steps forward in much the same way he does when sparring, but there’s no smile. No sportsmanship. “You came back here to see him, and you dragged me along as a kind of cover.”
“I can’t tell my heart what to do,” I return. “I can’t make it not feel what it feels, but I’ve been present every day of our relationship. I’ve been working on us, building us up, making us stronger.”
“We can’t be strong if your half of the foundations are in someone else’s house!” He turns away with a huff, and slams the back door of the garage open so it bangs against the wall.
My heart races with panic… and pain… heartbreak, because I’m hurting a good man. Reid is a good person, a good boyfriend, who deserves to not be my backup plan.
“Shit!” I toss the wrench down to the counter and push through the opposite door so I come face to face with Ben fucking Conner sitting at the counter with my mom, a bottle of Gatorade in front of him. It’s half empty and nestled between his broad hands. His knuckles are red from training, his jaw ticking from rage. “Don’t fucking speak to me!” I storm past him and stop by my mom at the door. Her hair whips back off her face when I grab her. “Did you hear our words?”
She studies me, in shock, I guess, that I’d grab her.
“Mom? Could you hear our words?”
“No. The garage– No.”
“You swear?”
She nods. “I swear. Was something said that I should know?”
“No.” I release her and turn back to Ben. He’s pissed, which means he didn’t hear us either. If he had, he’d be smug, not angry. “Stay away from me, Ben. You keep fucking my life up, and I’m done with it.”
I storm out of the kitchen and hit the stairs at a sprint, only to slam my bedroom door so hard that I remind myself of my bratty, door-slamming sisters. I’m not a door slammer. I don’t do tantrums. I just take what I want, and fight people for it if they don’t agree.
For the first time in my life, I hate being home.
And I’m not sure I ever considered that possible.
“Smalls?” Bean’s voice comes through my bedroom door. It’s soft and undemanding, but I still turn to my side and face away when she comes in. “Are you…” She closes it again and comes across my room with soft steps. My bed squeaks when she sits on the end, and my tears come out in a flood when she lies down beside me and makes me her little spoon. “Why are you crying? You’re Smalls Kincaid. The Smalls of the Biggie and Smalls show. What the hell is this?”
“I wish I didn’t come home,” I cry. “It’s ruining everything.”
“What is it ruining? A relationship you don’t even want?”
“I do want it!” I turn over and meet her eyes. “I do want it. Why else would I be in it?”
She reaches forward and swipes the tears from beneath my eyes. “Because he wants it, maybe? He’s got the sulk and guilt trip down to a science, so you do what he says, so your conscience doesn’t kick your ass.”
“Ben?” I frown. “What?”
She chuckles. “No, Reid. Tell me you don’t see that pout he does? The guilt trips. The perfectly understanding, perfectly in control boyfriend act he’s got going on? You must be able to see through that.”
“Being in control of his temper doesn’t make him a bad person, Bean. It means he’s not a hothead with anger issues like Ben.”
“Ben’s hot headedness means he’s willing to die for you,” she argues. “It means he’s willing to do whatever it takes to keep you. Reid is just… bleh about it. I know which I’d prefer. I want a man that will walk through fire for me, not shrug his shoulders, let me burn, then soak up the condolences later.”
“He’s not bleh,” I argue. “He said he loves me.”
She scoffs. “That’s a pretty boring love. And you’re way too loud for that kind of passivity.” She shakes her head. “That dude doesn’t love you, Smalls. At least, not the kind of love we know. If this was Mom and Daddy, there would be loads of shouting and demanding. If it was Uncle Aiden and Aunt Tina, there would be tying of her limbs to him until she agreed to whatever he wants.”
I screw my nose up. “Ew.”
“If it was Uncle Bobby and Aunt Kit, the world would already be on fire. He would have already tossed a car over his head to fix whatever is fucking with them.”
“So what you’re saying is, we’ve been conditioned to expect abusive and demanding relationships?”
“No,” she laughs. “They love fiercely. That’s what we expect. None of that bleh bullshit. Maybe Ben isn’t it for you either, but what Reid considers love isn’t it. You’re Evelyn fucking Kincaid. You’re loud and obnoxious. You’re wild and crazy, and everybody knows the kind of guy you need to keep you in line. We’ve been making bets on it for a decade already.”
I scowl. “I don’t need to be kept in line.”
“Yes,” she laughs. “You do, unless you wanna spend the next twenty years in the hospital or prison. It’s a fifty-fifty split which way it’s gonna go, but you’ll end up in one institution or the other without that guiding hand. It’s not something to be ashamed of. It’s just the simple truth.”
“You’re saying this because you want me and Ben to be together again. You’re not even trying to give Reid a chance.”
“No,” she answers lazily. She digs deeper into my bed and takes my hands in hers. “I will never push you toward a relationship that’s wrong for you. This is the rest of your life we’re talking about, so if Ben isn’t the guy you’re supposed to be with, then Ben is not who I’ll push you toward. But I don’t think Reid is it either. Maybe there’s a third guy. Someone else. Someone that is both of them – calm and controlled like Reid, but passionate and fierce like Ben. Maybe you’ve found your two extremes, and now you need to find the guy that possesses all of those qualities.”
“You make it sound like I can order a guy straight off the internet. I’ll decide on hair color, eye color, height, occupation.”
“Actually, that’s already a thing. Dating sites have got you covered.”
“Shut up!” I smack her arm, but my tears turn to a pathetic giggle when she smiles. “He makes it so I can’t move on,” I whimper. “He’s always there, even when he’s not.”
“Probably has something to do with the fact you still wear his ring.” She slides her thumb over the promise ring Ben gave me so many Christmases ago. My heart speeds and stills with nerves. “You know the love you’re looking for, but you punish you both because you’re hurt. The thing with Nora hurt you, so you punish you both.”
“I can’t get over it,” I whisper. “I can’t be his second choice.”
“But you expect Reid to be yours?”
“He’s a good guy,” I argue. “He’s a really good guy, and he doesn’t deserve this bullshit.”
“So what are you gonna do about
it?” She twines her legs with mine and sends my bed squeaking with every movement we make. “You need to let one of them go.” She slowly begins to pull my ring along my finger. “You need to be fair to yourself, which means you have to let one go and give yourself to the other.”
“If I choose Reid, then I can’t come home anymore.” My breath hitches as the truth hits me. “This isn’t working. This big blended family bullshit isn’t working, because Ben has history here, and whether we’re together or not, he will still be here. He will always be here, and I can’t give myself completely to Reid, but expect him to come back here to this craziness every Christmas.”
“So… wow.” She blows out a heavy breath. This is not how she expected this conversation to go. “You’re considering leaving us… for the pouter.”
Tears slide over my cheeks, and my lips quiver so violently that my jaw aches as I try to stop it. “Reid is a good person. And I’m his number one. Ben will always choose Nora.”
“I don’t see her.” Bean looks around the room like Nora would be in here. “I’ve seen him every day for weeks, and not once have I seen her. I’ve seen his phone, but no missed calls between them. I’ve seen his eyes, Smalls. And they’re always for you. You’re so fucking blinded by this hurt that you refuse to see what the rest of us see.”
“What would you know?” I snap. “You dump me for Mac. You don’t come away to school with me, even though you promised you would. A guy walks in, and you change your plans, and now you have the balls to get mad that I consider doing the same?”
“Yeah, I chose Mac, because he’s a good man, and I love him enough to make sure he’s okay. I love him enough to change my major at school, and learn things that’ll make sure he stays healthy. I love him enough to train him up to fight again, even though I disagree with my whole fucking heart with his choices. I think he should sit down and get fat, because fighting is gonna get him killed. But do I tell him that? No! I study to become a nurse so that next time he dies, I might be able to help while we wait for the next surgery, and the next after that, and the next after that.”