by Evelyn Waugh
It came to her, this disturbing and unsought revelation, one evening in May, when Rex had told her he would be busy at the House, and, driving by chance down Charles Street, she saw him leaving what she knew to be Brenda Champion’s house. She was so hurt and angry that she could barely keep up appearances through dinner; as soon as she could, she went home and cried bitterly for ten minutes; then she felt hungry, wished she had eaten more at dinner, ordered some bread-and-milk, and went to bed saying: ‘When Mr Mottram telephones in the morning, whatever time it is, say I am not to be disturbed.’
Next day she breakfasted in bed as usual, read the papers, telephoned to her friends. Finally she asked: ‘Did Mr Mottram ring up by any chance?’
‘Oh yes my lady four times. Shall I put him through when he rings again?’
‘Yes. No. Say I’ve gone out.’
When she came downstairs there was a message for her on the hall table. Mr Mottram expects Lady Julia at the Ritz at 1.30. ‘I shall lunch at home today,’ she said.
That afternoon she went shopping with her mother; they had tea with an aunt and returned at six.
‘Mr Mottram is waiting, my Lady. I’ve shown him into the library.’
‘Oh, mummy, I can’t be bothered with him. Do tell him to go home.’
‘That’s not at all kind, Julia. I’ve often said he’s not my favourite among your friends, but I have grown quite used to him, almost to like him. You really mustn’t take people up and drop them like this — particularly people like Mr Mottram.’
Oh, mummy, must I see him? There’ll be a scene if I do.’
‘Nonsense, Julia, you twist that poor man round your finger.’
So Julia went into the library and came out an hour later engaged to be married.
‘Oh, mummy, I warned you this would happen if I went in there.’
‘You did nothing of the kind. You merely said there would be a scene. I never conceived of a scene of this kind.’
‘Anyway, you do like him, mummy. You said so.’
‘He has been very kind in a number of ways. I regard him as entirely unsuitable as your husband. So will everyone.’
‘Damn everybody.’
‘We know nothing about him. He may have black blood — in fact he is suspiciously dark. Darling, the whole thing’s impossible. I can’t see how you can have been so foolish.’
‘Well, what right have I got otherwise to be angry with him if he goes with that horrible old woman? You make a great thing about rescuing fallen women. Well, I’m rescuing, a fallen man for a change. I’m saving Rex from mortal sin.’
‘Don’t be irreverent, Julia.’
‘Well, isn’t it mortal sin to sleep with Brenda Champion?’
‘Or indecent.’
‘He’s promised never to see her again. I couldn’t ask him to do that unless I admitted I was in love with him could I?’
‘Mrs Champion’s morals, thank God, are not my business. Your happiness is. If you must know, I think Mr Mottram a kind and useful friend, but I wouldn’t trust him an inch, and I’m sure he’ll have very unpleasant children. They always revert. I’ve no doubt you’ll regret the whole thing in a few days. Meanwhile nothing is to be done. No one must be told anything or allowed to suspect. You must stop lunching with him. You may see him here, of course, but nowhere in public. You had better send him to me and I will have a little talk to him about it.’
Thus began a year’s secret engagement for Julia; a time of great stress, for Rex made love to her that afternoon for the first time; not, as had happened to her once or twice before with sentimental and uncertain boys, but with a passion that disclosed the corner of something like it in her. Their passion frightened her, and she came back from the confessional one day determined to put an end to it.
‘Otherwise I must stop seeing you,’ she said.
Rex was humble at once, just as he had been in the winter, day after day, when he used to wait for her in the cold in his big car.
‘If only we could be married immediately,’ she said.
For six weeks they remained at arm’s length, kissing when they met and parted, sitting meantime at a distance, talking of what they would do and where they would live and of Rex’s chances of an under-secretaryship. Julia was content, deep in love, living in the future. Then, just before the end of the session, she learned that Rex had been staying the week-end with a stockbroker at Sunningdale, when he said he was at his constituency, and that Mrs Champion had been there, too.
On the evening she heard of this, when Rex came as usual to Marchmain House, they re-enacted the scene of two months before.
‘What do you expect?’ he said. ‘What right have you to ask so much, when you give so little?’
She took her problem to Farm Street and propounded it in general terms, not in the confessional, but in a dark little parlour kept for such interviews.
‘Surely, Father, it can’t be wrong to commit a small sin myself in order to keep him from a much worse one?’
But the gentle old Jesuit was unyielding. She barely listened to him; he was refusing her what she wanted, that was all she needed to know.
When he had finished he said, ‘Now you had better make your confession.’
‘No, thank you,’ she said, as though refusing the offer of something in a shop. ‘I don’t think I want to today,’ and walked angrily home.
From that moment she shut her mind against her religion.
And Lady Marchmain saw this and added it to her new grief for Sebastian and her old grief for her husband and to the deadly sickness in her body, and took all these sorrows with her daily to church; it seemed her heart was transfixed with the swords of her dolours, a living heart to match the plaster and paint; what comfort she took home with her, God knows.
So the year wore on and the secret of the engagement spread from Julia’s confidantes to their confidantes, until, like ripples at last breaking on the mud-verge, there were hints of it in the Press, and Lady Rosscommon as Lady-in-Waiting was closely questioned about it, and something had to be done. Then, after Julia had refused to make her Christmas communion and Lady Marchmain had found herself betrayed first by me, then by Mr Samgrass, then by Cordelia, in the first grey days of 1925, she decided to act. She forbade all talk of an engagement; she forbade Julia and Rex ever to meet; she made plans for shutting Marchmain House for six months and taking Julia on a tour of visits to their foreign kinsmen. It was characteristic of an old, atavistic callousness that went with her delicacy that, even at this crisis, she did not think it unreasonable to put Sebastian in Rex’s charge on the journey to Dr Borethus, and Rex, having failed her in that matter, went on to Monte Carlo, where he completed her rout. Lord Marchmain did not concern himself with the finer points of Rex’s character; those, he believed, were his daughter’s business. Rex seemed a rough, healthy, prosperous fellow whose name was already familiar to him from reading the political reports; he gambled in an open-handed but sensible manner; he seemed to keep reasonably good company; he had a future; Lady Marchmain disliked him. Lord Marchmain was, on the whole, relieved that Julia should have chosen so well, and gave his consent to an immediate marriage.
Rex gave himself to the preparations with gusto. He bought her a ring, not, as she expected, from a tray at Cartier’s, but in a back room in Hatton Garden from a man who brought stones out of a safe in little bags and displayed them for her on a writing-desk; then another man in another back room made designs for the setting, with a stub of pencil on a sheet, of note-paper, and the result excited the admiration of all her friends.
‘How’d you know about these things, Rex?’ she asked.
She was daily surprised by the things he knew and the things he did not know; both, at the time, added to his attraction.
His present house in Hertford Street was large enough for them both, and had lately been furnished and decorated by the most expensive firm. Julia said she did not want a house in the country yet; they could always take places furnished when
they wanted to go away.
There was trouble about the marriage settlement with which Julia refused to interest herself. The lawyers were in despair. Rex absolutely refused to settle any capital. ‘What do I want with trustee stock?’ he asked.
‘I don’t know, darling.’
‘I make money work for me,’ he said. ‘I expect fifteen, twenty per cent and I get it. It’s pure waste tying up capital at three and a half’
‘I’m sure it is, darling.’
‘Those fellows talk as though I were trying to rob you. It’s they who are doing the robbing. They want to rob you of two thirds of the income I can make you.’
‘Does it matter, Rex? We’ve got heaps, haven’t we?’
Rex hoped to have the whole of Julia’s dowry in his hands, to make it work for him. The lawyers insisted on tying it up, but they could not get, as they asked, a like sum from him. Finally, grudgingly, he agreed to insure his life, after explaining at length to the lawyers that this was merely a device for putting part of his legitimate profits into other people’s pockets; but he had some connection with an insurance office which made the arrangement slightly less painful to him, by which he took for himself the agent’s commission which the lawyers were themselves expecting.
Last and least came the question of Rex’s religion. He had once attended a royal wedding in Madrid, and he wanted something of the kind for himself.
‘That’s one thing your Church can do,’ he said, ‘put on a good show. You never saw anything to equal the cardinals. How many do you have in England?’
‘Only one, darling.’
‘Only one? Can we hire some others from abroad?’
It was then explained to him that a mixed marriage was a very unostentatious affair.
‘How d’you mean “mixed”;’ I’m not a nigger or anything.’
‘No, darling, between a Catholic and a Protestant.’
‘Oh, that? Well, if that’s all, it’s soon unmixed. I’ll become a Catholic. What does one have to do?’
Lady Marchmain was dismayed and perplexed by this new development; it was no good her telling herself that in charity she must assume his good faith; it brought back memories of another courtship and another conversion.
‘Rex,’ she said. ‘I sometimes wonder if you realize how big a thing you are taking on in the Faith. It would be very wicked to take a step like this without believing sincerely.’
He was masterly in his treatment of her.
‘I don’t pretend to be a very devout man,’ he said, ‘nor much of a theologian, but I know it’s a bad plan to have two religions in one house. A man needs a religion. If your Church is good enough for Julia, it’s good enough for me.’
‘Very well,’ she said, ‘I will see about having you instructed.’
‘Look, Lady Marchmain, I have the time. Instruction will be wasted on me. Just you give me the form and I’ll sign on the dotted line.’
‘It usually takes some months — often a lifetime.’
‘Well, I’m a quick learner. Try me.’
So Rex was sent to Farm Street to Father Mowbray, a priest renowned for his triumphs with obdurate catechumens. After the third interview he came to tea with Lady Marchmain.
‘Well, how do you find my future son-in-law?’
‘He’s the most difficult convert I have ever met.’
‘Oh dear, I thought he was going to make it so easy.’
‘That’s exactly it. I can’t get anywhere near him. He doesn’t seem to have the least intellectual curiosity or natural piety.
‘The first day I wanted to find out what sort of religious life he had till now, so I asked him what he meant by prayer. He said: “I don’t mean anything. You tell me.” I tried to, in a few words, and he said: “Right. So much for prayer; What’s the next thing?” I gave him the catechism to take away. Yesterday I asked him whether Our Lord had more than one nature. He said: “Just as many as you say, Father.”
‘Then again I asked him: “Supposing the Pope looked up and saw a cloud and said ‘It’s going to rain’, would that be bound to happen?” “Oh, yes, Father.” “But supposing it didn’t?” He thought a moment and said, “I suppose it would be sort of raining spiritually, only we were too sinful to see it.”
‘Lady Marchmain, he doesn’t correspond to any degree of paganism known to the missionaries.’
‘Julia,’ said Lady Marchmain, when the priest had gone, ‘are you sure that Rex isn’t doing this thing purely with the idea of pleasing us?’
‘I don’t think it enters his head,’ said Julia.
‘He’s really sincere in his conversion?’
‘He’s absolutely determined to become a Catholic, mummy,’ and to herself she said: ‘In her long history the Church must have had some pretty queer converts. I don’t suppose all Clovis’s army were exactly Catholic-minded. One more won’t hurt.’
Next week the Jesuit came to tea again. It was the Easter holidays and Cordelia was there, too.
‘Lady Marchmain,’ he said. ‘You should have chosen one of the younger fathers for this task. I shall be dead long before Rex is a Catholic.’
‘Oh dear, I thought it was going so well.’
‘It was, in a sense. He was exceptionally docile, and he accepted everything I told him, remembered bits of it, asked no questions. I wasn’t happy about him. He seemed to have no sense of reality, but I knew he was coming under a steady Catholic influence, so I was willing to receive him. One has to take a chance sometimes with semi-imbeciles, for instance. You never know quite how much they have understood. As long as you know there’s someone to keep an eye on them, you do take the chance.’
‘How I wish Rex could hear this!’ said Cordelia.
‘But yesterday I got a regular eye-opener. The trouble with modern education is you never know how ignorant people are. With anyone over fifty you can be fairly confident what’s been taught and what’s been left out. But these young people have such an intelligent, knowledgeable surface, and then the crust suddenly breaks and you look down into the depths of confusion you didn’t know existed. Take yesterday. He seemed to be doing very well. He learned large bits of the catechism by heart, and the Lord’s Prayer, and the Hail Mary. Then I asked him as usual if there was anything troubling him, and he looked at me in a crafty way and said, “Look, Father, I don’t think you’re being straight with me. I want to join your Church and I’m going to join your Church, but you’re holding too much back.” I asked what he meant, and he said: “I’ve had a long talk with a Catholic — a very pious well-educated one and I’ve learned a thing or two. For instance, that you have to sleep with your feet pointing East because that’s the direction of heaven, and if you die in the night you can walk there. Now I’ll sleep with my feet pointing any way that suits Julia, but d’you expect a grown man to believe about walking to heaven? And what about the Pope who made one of his horses a Cardinal? And what about the box you keep in the church porch, and if you put in a pound note with someone’s name on it, they get sent to hell. I don’t say there mayn’t be a good reason for all this,” he said, “but you ought to tell me about it and not let me find out for myself.”‘
‘What can the poor man have meant?’ said Lady Marchmain.
‘You see he’s a long way from the Church yet,’ said Father Mowbray.
‘But who can he have been talking to? Did he dream it all? Cordelia, what’s the matter?’
‘What a chump! Oh, mummy, what a glorious chump!’
‘Cordelia, it was you.’
‘Oh, mummy, who could have dreamed he’d swallow it? I told him such a lot besides. About the sacred monkeys in the Vatican — all kinds of things.’
‘Well, you’ve very considerably increased my work,’ said Father Mowbray.
‘Poor Rex,’ said Lady Marchmain. ‘You know, I think it makes him rather lovable. You must treat him like an idiot child, Father Mowbray.’
So the instruction was continued, and Father Mowbray at length consented
to receive Rex a week before his wedding.
‘You’d think they’d be all over themselves to have me in,’ Rex complained. ‘I can be a lot of help to them one way and another; instead they’re like the chaps who issue, cards for a casino. What’s more,’ he added, ‘Cordelia’s got me so muddled I don’t know what’s in the catechism and what she’s invented.’ Thus things stood three weeks before the wedding; the cards had gone out, presents were coming in fast, the bridesmaids were delighted with their dresses. Then came what Julia called ‘Bridey’s bombshell’.
With characteristic ruthlessness he tossed his load of explosive without warning into what, till then, had been a happy family party. The library at Marchmain House was being devoted to wedding presents; Lady Marchmain, Julia, Cordelia, and Rex were busy unpacking and listing them. Brideshead came in and watched them for a moment.
‘Chinky vases from Aunt Betty,’ said Cordelia. ‘Old stuff. I remember them on the stairs at Buckborne.’
‘What’s all this?’ asked Brideshead.
‘Mr, Mrs, and Miss Pendle-Garthwaite, one early morning tea set. Goode’s, thirty shillings, jolly mean.’