by Max Hudson
“We can’t date. It isn’t right.” Jared shook his head.
“Wait. Why?”
Jared pulled out his phone to place the order for pizza. “It doesn’t matter, does it? Just that it happened.” He shook his head as he plugged the information into the app. “We should focus on you.”
“It looks like it went badly.”
“I’m going to be looking for a different job. I can keep the one I have until I can find a new one.” He shrugged. “It’s the only way that we can really do this. It’s just too much to try to do when I’m the new guy in the shop.”
“Are you sure you want to give this job up? This one is a really good one.” Harry sat down, plopping down on the old couch that Jared’s parents had given them toward the move. Most of their furniture had been carefully collected as cast-offs from various friends and family and then transported all the way to the city. It was less expensive to get slightly more space to pack everything than to try to furnish an entire apartment once they were here. Even used furniture was more expensive in the city, so it had served them well. Even if it meant that they were driving a rented box truck with Jared’s car towed on the back into the city.
They had sold Harry’s car because it was older. Parking was expensive in the city and Jared had put Harry’s name on the title to his car. For the moment they were still on his parent’s car insurance, so that was handled at least. At least until they managed to get themselves some kind of insurance of their own, but they had been told not to get into any sort of hurry.
He sighed. There was so much going on that he couldn’t stop his mind from wandering back to times when the vision was so painfully clear. Back to when he could feel it.
“What do you want to do?” Harry was watching him carefully.
“What?”
“I mean, do you want to do that?”
“I really like my job. It’s really amazing to work.”
“Even with that break-in?” Harry frowned. “Does that happen a lot?”
“Everyone was kind of taken aback by it.” Jared shrugged. “I don’t think it’s ever happened before.”
“Good. That makes me feel a lot better, but if someone is coming after the place, maybe it’s better if you like, get out of there, you know?”
Jared sighed heavily. He suddenly felt very tired. This was not a discussion that was going to lead anywhere good. “Do you think that’s really happening?”
“They didn’t steal anything, right?”
“Yeah. Just destroyed some of the props.”
Jared drew in a shaky breath. Just thinking about it brought back the fear he had felt that night. He wasn’t a hero, but he felt a little guilty for not acting like one even if he knew that it was a bad idea to do so. “Just for one show.”
Harry nodded. “Yeah, I know. It was probably targeted for some reason.”
“I don’t get it. But it’s not my job to deal with it, though. I was just there when it happened.”
“I take it that means the whole place knows about the two of you now?”
“Yeah, that’s what it means.”
Harry sat down right next to his friend. “Does this have potential?”
“More potential than anything else I’ve felt before. But I’m not sure if it’s worth giving up a good job for.”
“You may not have a choice.”
“What does that mean?”
“Imagine having to go to work and face a potential like that every single day? How hard is that going to be.”
Jared rubbed his face. He was feeling tired. “Yeah. I know. It sucks.”
“Of course, it sucks. It’s an office romance. Those all suck.”
“And you have to bring that up.”
“What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?” Harry frowned heavily. “Look, I want you to be happy, you know that?”
“Yeah, I know that.”
“Then I would suggest getting out of there as soon as you can. Take the reference or any help that he can give you. Make yourself a good name at your new place of work and get moving.”
“And use that to do what?”
“I don’t know, whatever you want.” Harry shrugged. “Maybe something will come of this romance. Maybe it won’t. But at least by the time you figure all of that out, you’ll be settled and steady.”
Jared nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense. I know. I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have gone out with him. It was stupid.”
“Does he make you happy?”
Jared looked up at his friend. “What?”
“Does spending time with him make you happy?” Harry didn’t relent.
“What?”
“You know what I asked.”
Jared glanced around the room. He needed to clear his mind from the stress that he was feeling. He wanted to make it all make sense. To make it all work out so that he could have the best possible ending, but that just wasn’t possible. This world simply didn’t work that way. It wasn’t right, no matter what he chose to do, someone was going to be screwed over. And he hadn’t built a reputation and hadn’t bought a theatre, so it was probably going to be him. He sighed. “Yeah. He makes me happy.” It was the truth. He realized that it was very much the truth. Killian made him feel so close to another human being like it was right where he belonged.
“Well, let’s think about that. How long has it been since you’ve felt that close to someone else?”
Jared frowned. He didn’t like what Harry was going to say, but he wasn’t going to shut it down because it wasn’t going to do any good. “Where is this supposed to go?”
“Trying to help you figure out what you’re going to do.” Harry shrugged.
“It isn’t as easy as just liking someone.” Jared sighed and shook his head. He felt a little bit of exhaustion leak into his soul. It felt like there was no good solution to any of this. “It’s just not that easy.”
“I know it’s not.”
“Then what does this matter?”
“Because it should be a part of the decision that you’re making.” Harry leaned back, thinking about what he was going to say next. “I know that there doesn’t seem to be any good decision to make here. No matter what, it all feels as if it’s doomed to failure.”
“Does this even have a chance after everything else?” Jared shook his head. “I don’t think it should be the main concern of this.”
“But it literally is the root of it all. You like him. Does he like you?”
“Yeah, he does.” Jared nodded. “I know he does.”
“Do you think he’s going to screw you over?”
Jared thought about that then shook his head. “No, I don’t think he will.”
“Then I say you give it a shot. You won’t be giving up a lot, just finding a new job. And you have the one that you have until that happens. I think this could end up fine.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Pretty sure, yeah.” Harry nodded and he did seem pretty confident about it. That was a little comforting at least. “It’s going to be fine.”
The buzz almost sent them both jumping out of their seat. They still weren’t used to the fact that people had to be buzzed up. Jared checked his phone. “I think that’s the pizza.”
“Probably.” Harry walked over to the buzzer and hit the intercom. He spoke into the speaker. “Who is it?”
The voice was fuzzy from the sheer age of the intercom. It was impossible to tell if it was male or female. “Pizza.”
“All right. Be right down.”
And with that, he was gone and Jared was left alone to ponder the situation that he had found himself in. He hated it. He hated the situation. He hated that his hands were tied over this guy. And he couldn’t help but feel a bit of resentment. There was no small amount of worry for how that would bode for the relationship if he were already feeling this kind of strain from his feelings that he couldn’t get out of his head.
He was deep in the worst pos
sibilities by the time his best friend came back up into the apartment. “Pizza!” Harry shouted loudly as the door slammed open.
Jared nearly fell off of the couch in surprise. “Ah!”
Harry laughed. “You’ll be fine, dude. Just get out of your own head for a second.”
“All right. All right.” Jared held his hands up. “How’s that pizza look?”
Harry tipped the box open and then looked up with a grin. “It looks absolutely amazing. New York pizza, you know?”
The smell hit Jared in the face as soon as the box opened. It was something that caught his attention. “Wow.”
“I know, right?”
That was all that could be said about that. They dug into the pizza almost immediately.
Chapter Ten
Killian was more than frustrated, but he wasn’t going to do anything to stop it. The only things he could do to shut down the frustration were things that he knew he couldn’t do.
They still hadn’t found the source of the break-in. They had gotten away, and no one was going to do much searching into the matter because the damage wasn’t anything that couldn’t be recovered from quickly.
Still, he had been fielding calls from other members of the community. All of them were offering him condolences and offering to help. It was kind, but he was tired of having to rehash the story a thousand and one times. It was getting old.
He wanted to punch something but knew it wouldn’t do any good. “Damn it.” He cursed to himself.
The voice came from outside of the office. “You ok in there?”
“Yeah, what is it?”
“Another call for you.” Erika poked her head in the door.
He groaned in frustration. “Please tell me that it’s not another well-wisher. I don’t think I can take another one of those.”
“Sadly, yeah.” She nodded.
“Tell them I’m out dealing with stuff.” Killian shrugged. “The last thing I want to do is go through the story once again.”
“Getting sick of that already? Because there are people wondering if the shows they’re putting on are going to get sabotaged now.”
“I don’t know why they did it if that’s what those guys are wanting to know.” He shook his head. “You told them that, right?”
“I did, yeah.” Erika frowned heavily. “You seem upset.”
“Of course, I’m upset. Why wouldn’t I be?” He glanced at the wall with the sudden urge to punch it, but he didn’t follow through on the thought. But he really wanted to. He sighed instead. “I’m upset and it feels like nothing is going right.”
“It will get better.”
“That’s what I pay you to say!” he snapped at her. He immediately regretted it and knew what was coming next.
She gave him a hard look. “That’s not appropriate and you know it.”
He looked down at his feet for a second and frowned at himself. “Yeah, sorry. It’s just…” He let the explanation trail off, nothing he could say would be good enough. Nothing felt good enough at that second.
She finished his thought. “It’s just everything all at once. And only part of it is something that you can do something about.” She shrugged. “And it’s normal for you to be upset.”
“Do you have to be so calm and understanding about it?”
She laughed. “Someone has to be.”
“Is that really how you’re going to respond to this? I thought that you were all pissed off at me?”
“A little disappointed, yeah, but I’m fine.” She shook her head. “And it looks like you need a friend more than a mom now anyway.”
“Yeah, I would like to have a lot of things, that doesn’t mean I’m going to get them.”
She looked at him carefully, examining the look on his face for a long second before she responded. “You’re still beating yourself up over Jared, aren’t you?”
He squinted in her direction. “What makes you say that?”
“The fact that you’re pouting.”
“I’m not pouting.”
She smirked at him. “All right. All right. Not pouting.”
“What would even make you think that I was pouting?” He frowned deeply. A part of him knew that she was telling the truth. He was still worked up by the way that the situation with Jared had ended; how they had both walked away from each other and not talked after the decision was made. He had wanted to say something. To throw all caution to the wind and turn around before he could leave and tell Jared that none of those worries even mattered.
He didn’t do those things, however. He had just walked away. He had just let this opportunity slip through his fingers. It was fear that had made him do it. He wanted to pull out his phone and call the man that had haunted his dreams since the moment Killian had seen him. Killian had been torturing himself over this guy and he didn’t know how to stop.
Erika was just staring at him with a sad expression on her face. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry about what?” He looked up, realizing that he had started pacing once again.
“About everything.” She sighed. Her eyes were exhausted. This had to be affecting her just as much as it was affecting him. “It’s got to be terrible.”
“I’m sure it’s not as bad as my mind is making it.” He sighed and stopped himself from pacing once again. “It’s just impossible to figure out what I’m supposed to be thinking about anything. Or what is the right way to feel.” He was feeling more and more frustration build up in everything that was happening in his life. He hated this, the feelings that were welling up in him.
It made him hate to love. He hated feeling for people. He hated feeling so painfully close to another human being and not being able to be close to them.
Erika walked out of the office, leaving him to the tortured thoughts that were in his head.
And he was right back to pacing and frustrated hand motions as he mumbled to himself about all of the troubles that he had been suffering from. Part of it was his own fault, and he knew that. He wasn’t mad at Jared. Instead, he was frustrated by the fact that he was alone and couldn’t pursue Jared.
“Excuse me?” The voice came out of nowhere.
“What is it?” Killian snapped as he wheeled around.
Jared backed away from the open door. “Sorry. I’ll go.”
The former actor suddenly felt very guilty. He stopped in his tracks. “Sorry. That’s on me. I’m just a bit worked up.”
“Yeah, I came to check on you, actually.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
Jared sighed heavily. “I know I didn’t, but I figured that you were having a rough time and thought that maybe I could come and lend some support.”
That made Killian smile. “Thanks. Come on in.”
“Any word about who did this?”
“Nothing. Cops don’t have a clue.”
Jared stepped inside the office. He stood a bit back, giving Killian some space. “Want to talk about it to someone who won’t judge?”
Killian shook his head. “Not right now.”
“Too many people may hear you?”
“Yeah.” Killian nodded.
“I hate to break it to you, but everyone is leaving for the night.” Jared offered a smile.
“Is that why you came to see me?”
Jared nodded.
“Thanks.”
The carpenter grinned. “Don’t worry about it. Harry isn’t going to worry about me.”
“That’s good.” Killian smiled. All of his frustration seemed to melt away.
“Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”
Killian shrugged. “I don’t really know what anyone can do. There aren’t any easy solutions, I don’t think.”
“Yeah, probably not.” Jared shrugged. “I’m sorry all this is going on. If I were able to help I would.”
“I’m just glad no one was hurt.” Killian sighed. “I just keep trying to keep that in mind. I guess it isn’t that easy thou
gh.”
“It never seems to be that easy.” Jared shrugged.” I guess it’s a little difficult to just be stuck here and sitting on your hands.”
“There’s nothing else I can really do.” Killian stepped back to lean against his desk. “It’s not a huge deal though. It gets a lot better.”
“Good.” Jared didn’t seem to acknowledge the fact that the actor was using the words more to convince himself than he was to try to stop what Jared had to say or make any sort of point clear. “I’m here if you want to just talk it out. I know it won’t fix anything but having someone to listen to may help at least.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Jared frowned and moved closer, leaning against the desk right next to Killian. “Just keep remembering that.”
“What?”
Jared leaned a bit closer, close enough that Killian could feel the heat rolling off of the man. Jared could have that effect on him even just sitting so close. “That it’s going to get better.”
“I’m trying to.” Killian sighed. “But…”
“But it’s hard, I know.” Jared pulled Killian into a side hug.
“I thought we were supposed to avoid each other.”
“Relax, I have every intention of behaving. You just looked like you needed a friend.” Jared offered a soft smile, but he didn’t hold it long. It was like he was afraid of pushing any ideas that Killian might have been uncomfortable with. “I’m not trying to do anything or anything like that.”
“You sure?” Killian smiled.
“I’m sure. Does that make you feel any better?”
The theatre owner glanced down at his feet for a second, but he was smiling too. “Yeah. Yeah, I do. I feel at least a little better.”
Jared smiled softly. “Then that’s what I’m here to be.”
“You know that you don’t have to be that, right?”
“I know that I don’t. But everyone is on edge and it starts at the top. And I can do something about that.” Jared smiled softly. “And I plan to.”
Killian didn’t know what came over him, but he leaned closer to Jared, brushing a soft kiss on the other man’s lips. His voice was soft as he spoke. “This is a dangerous situation for us to be in. Especially with you being that comforting.”