by Jamie Begley
When the door was slammed open again, he looked up, glad he had taken the extra pill.
Leaning back in the chair, he crossed his arms, waiting for Gavin to tell him why he was so angry.
“Viper wants me to take over watching Ginny.” Placing his hands on the desk, he towered over Shade threateningly. “Find someone else.”
“No.” Shade stayed still. He didn’t want to get in a physical fight with Gavin, but the fucker needed a wake-up call, and he was tired of pussy-footing around him. “All the brothers have been carrying your weight long enough. Everyone in the club pulls their own weight. It’s time you started pulling yours again.”
“Then I’ll start working in the factory or taking turns in the security room.”
“I don’t need you to work in the factory. We’re overloaded right now anyway. I don’t need you working the security room—Rider and I can take care of that. What we can’t do anymore is leave our women and children unprotected while you run around on your bike, shirking your responsibilities.”
“She’s not my responsibility.”
“She is now. If you don’t do it, then Rider or I will go. If something happens to Lily or Jo, do you want that responsibility?”
“No,” he answered reluctantly.
“Then I guess you’ll be packing your bags.”
“I won’t do it!” With a swipe of his large hand, the contents on the desk were wiped clean.
Shade still didn’t move.
“That was unnecessary, and you will clean this mess. If that computer is broken, you will buy another one.”
“Go to hell!”
It was hard, but Shade managed to control his expression. The tortured expression on Gavin’s face was difficult to take without caving in and letting Gavin off the hook.
“Ginny’s a sweet kid. You’ll like her.”
Gavin used a booted foot to kick the computer against the wall.
“If I couldn’t protect myself, how in the fuck can I protect her?” he shouted at him.
“You’re older and wiser. No one could get past you before. You were the first one that saw through Rider. You knew what I was capable of after meeting me for two minutes and warned Viper. You saw through Delara and warned Rider. If you hadn’t realized what she was going to do, a lot of soldiers wouldn’t have made it back.”
Gavin picked up the massive desk and dropped it back down.
Shade had had enough. Something bad had happened for Gavin to react so strongly. He was so furious he had lost his grip on reality.
Shade didn’t give him an opportunity to react, plowing into Gavin so hard he was shoved back against the wall, sending pictures falling.
“What the fuck?” Jewell started rushing in, hearing the sounds of the fight.
“Get out!” Shade yelled at her.
She barely made it out, closing the door again when Shade found himself thrown against the center.”
“I’m not going!” Gavin shouted.
Shade took a running jump at him, shoving him down on top of the desk. Pinning him with an arm on his throat, he unmercifully used his weight to cut off his oxygen supply.
“You’re fucking going!” Snarling down into his upturned face, Shade made his demands clear.
“I don’t know what the fuck set you off, and I don’t fucking care! Viper ordered you to go, and you’re going to fucking obey his order just like every one of us do! You think you’ve been through hell?” He pressed down harder. “Your disappearance nearly destroyed Viper! He blamed himself. He still does! Every time he looks at that fucked-up haircut, the scars on your back and wrists, it kills him. I’m fucking sick of watching him pay for your mistake.
“Yes, brother, you made a big one. Own up to it, figure out why you made it, and don’t ever make it again!” Shade raised his arm, but only long enough to slam his head down on the desk.
“Now get your ass out of my sight and get your bags packed, or so help me God, I’ll tie you up and put you on that fucking plane myself! You fucking got me?” With another head slam, Shade released him.
He moved away from Gavin, expecting the man to jump up and attack him again. He didn’t. He just lay there, staring up at the ceiling, blinking, frowning.
Shade was beginning to think he had hurt him by banging his head on the table, but suddenly Gavin staggered off the desk, going for the door.
Shade was surprised when he didn’t go to the door, but instead leaned against it face first, his hand on the knob.
“I can’t do it.”
Shade steeled himself. It wasn’t easy, but he wasn’t going to pull back and let Gavin get out of going. He already had too many chances to fix himself. It was time to take it out of his hands.
“You can, and you will. Viper trusted you once before when you came to Treepoint to start the factory, even though he wanted you to wait for him,” he reminded him heartlessly. “He’s trusting you again to do this job for him, and you will not let him down this time.”
Shade saw him nod his head against the door.
“I won’t.” Straightening, he opened the door and left, leaving the door open.
Shade walked to the doorway, watching him leave.
“Is he okay?” Jewell asked, coming to his side.
“No,” Shade answered. He didn’t know if his friend would be okay ever again. Gavin was a broken man. His body and mind still bore the wounds of his torture and always would. Until the wounds both mentally and physically scarred over and they couldn’t hurt him anymore, he would continue to battle a non-existent fight.
All his captors were dead. He had no one left to fight except the ones who still existed in his memory. Only when he accepted that truth would Gavin finally be free.
“Do you want me to clean the mess he made?” Jewell volunteered, seeing the destruction behind him.
“No, let Bubba do it. There’s nothing left to break.”
CHAPTER 13
Lily entered her front door, expecting to see Shade, John, and Clint playing in the living room, waiting for her to get home. The only one there was Shade, sitting on the couch, staring at a dark television set.
She was used to laughter and the raised childish voices, so the silence in the room was deafening.
Taking her coat off, she then hung it up, afraid that something bad had happened from Shade’s deadened expression.
“Is something wrong? Has something happened?” Dropping her purse on the chair, she wanted to go to him, but something held her back, sensing that he didn’t want to be touched. “Where’re the boys?”
“I asked Razer if the boys could stay with him tonight.”
“Why?”
“I needed the night away from them. I want you to go spend the night there, too.”
Lily bit her trembling lip. Shade had never asked her to spend the night away from him before.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No, I did.” Shade turned his eyes away from the television set to meet hers. “You told me the other day that you’re afraid I’ll stop loving you. Angel, you should have never loved me in the first place. You have no concept of the man I am. You can’t because you’re everything I’m not.”
“Shade….”
“I’m not kind, I’m not nice, I don’t care about anyone but us. How fucked up is that?”
“It’s not fucked up. It’s why I fell in love with you. I knew you would put our children and me first.”
“I haven’t put you first since I started watching Ginny. I let that that snot-nosed kid think he could get away with harassing you. I let you doubt yourself again.”
“Shade… please don’t. All of us have sacrificed to keep Ginny safe. We all voted. We chose to keep her safe and we have.”
“I didn’t even realize you were pregnant until we had lunch.”
His hoarse voice had her blinking back tears.
“How did you figure it out?”
“You didn’t drink coffee for lunch. You always have cof
fee with your pie. Both times you were pregnant, I knew. This time, I had no fucking clue.”
“There was no way you could have. I only found out yesterday. That’s why I wanted to spend the day with Clint. I want to spend as much time as I can with them before the baby comes and they have to share me. My men are a little overpossessive.”
Shade didn’t smile at her attempt of humor.
“Are you angry that I’m pregnant? We talked about having another baby….”
He shook his head at her. “No, I’m not angry at you. I’m sick at what I just did to Gavin.”
“What did you do?” she whispered.
“I forced him to take over watching Ginny. Rider and I will be staying here. We won’t be switching out anymore. He didn’t want to go.”
“If Gavin didn’t want to go, he wouldn’t have.”
“I didn’t play nice to make him go.”
“I didn’t assume you did. This may come as a shock to you, but I know the only ones you play nice to is me and the boys.
“Shade, why do you think I fought falling in love with you? Anyone with half a brain can see you’re a dangerous man. I’ve seen women cross the streets with their children when they see you walking down the sidewalk.”
“When you came into the clubhouse that night and saw the party, you should have run farther than back to college. You should have run until you were out of my reach.”
“Would it have done me any good?” she asked softly.
“No, because I’m a heartless bastard.”
“You’re anything but heartless. Are you dangerous? Yes. But heartless, you’re not. If you were heartless, you wouldn’t haven’t waited until I fell in love with you before making love to me. You wouldn’t have cared that my mind was screwed up; you would have taken advantage. You didn’t. I’ve watched you leave every other month to protect Ginny, knowing how much you were hurting to leave us. I can count a hundred times you sacrificing what you wanted to help the others in the club. Not only the club, but the people in town. No, sometimes you didn’t play nice, but you always”—she raised her voice vehemently until she was practically yelling at him—“ always did what you thought was right. I’m never going to believe that you didn’t do what was the best thing to do for Gavin, despite how much you wanted to stay here with us. If you truly don’t believe it isn’t in his best interest, then call him and tell him to come back. If you don’t want to leave us here alone anymore, then the boys and I will go to Nashville with you.”
“I can’t ask you to leave the store. You’ll worry yourself sick about the people that depend on you. You’ll miss Beth.”
“I will, but the boys and I will adjust.”
“I won’t uproot you and the boys because I’m putting The Last Riders over my family.”
“You’re not. You wouldn’t be uprooting us. Our family isn’t tied to any ground. Our family isn’t a house you built or possessions. Don’t you know how much we love you?” She started plucking at her dress, raising the hem so she could pull it off.
“Angel….”
Letting her dress fall to the floor, she reached behind her to unsnap her bra then slid her panties off.
Shade watched as she picked her dress and undergarments up and laid them neatly on the coffee table in front of him.
Going to the middle of the floor, she stared at him, unashamedly displaying all the love she felt for him in her eyes. “Where you lead, I will always follow.”
Sinking down on her knees, keeping her back straight, she kneeled before her husband. Laying her forehead down on the carpet, she stretched her arms before her, submitting to Shade, giving him complete control over her and her life. Not because he was stronger or demanded it, but because she finally understood deep in her soul that Shade’s love wasn’t going anywhere.
He wasn’t going to wake up one day and discover he didn’t love her. His love was true and faithful. It didn’t harm nor seek to master. It put the control in her hands to follow him. With one word, she could release herself when she wanted to go in her own direction.
Shade’s love was steady, strong, enduring. Forever. Like hers.
“Sir, do you want me to go to Beth’s?”
Shade gruffly cleared his throat. “No, follow me.”
Lily obediently followed behind as he climbed the stairs. Coming to a stop in front of their bed, she waited patiently for his instructions. There was no fear in her for what he would do or ask as he removed his clothes.
She traced his tattoos with her eyes as Shade went to the chest where he kept his toys. There wasn’t a piece of skin that wasn’t covered with a tattoo. Her husband lived in a shadowed world of his own making. The only time she truly believed he stepped out of the shadows was when he had to protect someone that he cared about or when they were in their bedroom. Then the real Shade came out. Ruthless and unwaveringly, he would drive her over a brink into a realm that she only wanted to find with him.
Finding out that they were expecting a baby and that he hadn’t known sooner that Harvey had been pestering her shook him, since they had slipped past his notice. Gavin taking over his job to protect Ginny was just as hard to accept. Shade didn’t do a job halfway, and not being able to find the stalker was irritating to Shade’s pride. But she knew why he had wanted her to go to Beth’s.
The men loved Gavin. They had been in protective mode since he was recovered. That Shade had stepped in and ripped off the shield that everyone had been protecting him with couldn’t have been easy. Not only had he exposed Gavin’s vulnerably to get what he wanted him to do, but Shade had exposed his own. He had stepped out of his shadowed world to get Gavin to take the first steps toward healing. Like when he needed to be stern with Clint and John, he’d done what he believed was in the best interest of Gavin.
Being loved by Shade had its advantages and disadvantages. He would always do what was right, no matter how much it hurt, both the person he was trying to help or himself, because intrinsically, Shade was a protector. He had thrown Gavin out of his safe nest so he could fly again. And he would fly again. Shade would see to that, even if he fought him every inch of the way.
He had saved her sanity, giving her wings that she didn’t even know how to use.
“I might have been busy the last few days, but I haven’t forgotten about the punishment I owe you.”
“Punishment?” Perplexed, she took her eyes off Shade’s firm behind. “I’ve been good.”
“Did I say you could talk?”
“No, sir.” She bowed her head, watching him from underneath her lashes. She waited expectantly for him to open his armoire.
“How did you get in my locked chest to take your panties out?”
“I took your keys when you were in the shower.” She had known when she did it that there would be punishment when he found out. It was another Valentine’s Day present to him.
“You just can’t stay out of trouble, can you? First, you steal my keys to take something that belongs to me.”
She knew when she spoke it would make her punishment worse. “Technically, they were mine.”
Her husband loved it when she pretended to be a brat.
He clicked his tongue at her, closing the first drawer he opened the one on the bottom. Shade took out several items before closing the drawer, then placed them on the bed before he moved to stand in front of her. Crossing his arms over his chest, he studied her.
It was hard not to fidget, but she remained still, knowing it would give him another reason to punish her. Valentine’s Day was over; there was no need to go overboard and spoil him.
“I’ve had a terrible day. I found out I’m having another baby and my wife had several opportunities to tell me. Had to be nice to a man that’s trying to put The Last Riders out of business his first day on the job. And then, to put a cherry on top of this clusterfuck of a day, I had an argument with a man I would have rather cut off my right arm for than fight. Do you know which was the most irritating?”
Lily waited until Shade gave her a curt nod before responding.
“Bubba. He’s a little out there.”
“Angel, he’s so out there he’s no longer on planet Earth.”
Lily had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. He pretty much summed up how everyone in town felt about Bubba. She didn’t mention that Bubba’s brothers were just as out there as he was. She didn’t think Shade would want to hear that. The chance of any of them getting a job from The Last Riders were between nil and non-existent after he spent the day with Bubba.
“Did you know he freaks out when he sees anyone wearing green?”
Again, she waited until he nodded before answering.
“I should have probably mentioned that fact.”
“Probably,” he said sarcastically. “He nearly ripped Rex’s head off when he arrived to pick up the orders. Then, because he was so scared of Bubba, he refused to go near the truck and made Bubba load it himself.”
“Is he the one that’s vertically challenged?” she asked curiously before she could stop herself, regretting it as soon as she did when Shade picked up one of the items on the bed.
“He’s short as fuck, and Jewell said that Rex is going to file assault charges and wants physical and mental compensation before he comes back to work.”
“Bubba reacts without thinking when he’s frightened.”
Shade used the handle of his paddle to raise her chin. “That fucker wasn’t scared. You want to know how I could tell?”
Lily tightened her lips, praying to God she wouldn’t laugh at Shade’s disgruntled expression.
“He wants to be paid only in cash. Now tell me one thing: what color is cash?”
She waited for his nod before answering.
“Green.”
“That’s right. Fucking green.” Shade used the tip of his paddle to turn her around to face the bed. “And I had to put on a smile the whole time instead of firing him because I promised you that I would be fucking nice. Get on the bed.”
Lifting a knee, she climbed on the bed.
“Stop.”
He stopped her at the bottom of the bed, her body barely on the mattress. Unable to see him in the position, butterflies fluttered in the pit of her stomach, anticipating the crack of the paddle on her bottom.