by Lolah Lace
“I’m probably in perimenopause?”
“That’s it then?”
“Uh, yeah. It seems like quite enough to me.”
“You’re a good mother. I want you to be the mother of my child. I bloody love you. I can trust you. My child will be safe with you. I’m a traveling musician. You pretty much work from home? If you don’t have any eggs we can deal with that. You don’t know how many eggs you have or if you are in pre-menopause. Money isn’t an issue. I have money. I will make sure you are taken care of. That’s what attorneys are for. Time, you mentioned time. The solution is simple, a full-time nanny. Is there anything else?”
“My age, I don’t know if I can physically have a baby inside me. Will it grow in my womb and live? It’s a lot of strain on the body. I have fibroid tumors.”
“I don’t know what that is. But I already thought about you not wanting to go through nine months of illness and the other stuff. We can have a surrogate carry the baby. People are doing this now. It’s a thing. They put my sperm with your egg and they place the fertilized egg inside a gestational surrogate. She carries the baby for a fee and then gives it to us once the baby is born. It cost less than a house in this neighborhood.”
How did this man know how much a house in Naperville, Illinois cost?
I sighed. “I don’t know anything about surrogacy.”
“There’s not much to it.”
“How do you know about it?”
“I looked into it.”
“You did?”
“I wanted to make sure you wouldn’t have a legitimate reason to say no.” Jagger walked over and wrapped his hands around my shoulders. “I know this is a big step. But I want to do this with you.”
“I’ll be sixty years old with a teenager.”
“But you’ll look forty.”
I rolled my eyes so hard they almost got stuck. “Don’t try to make me laugh. This is serious.”
“I am serious. Your melanin is popping. It’s popping. You look like a queen when you go shopping. Cuz y’all know Black, don’t crack. Black girl magic is where you at.”
Singing Jagger, was not what I expected. Things like this made me smile deep inside my soul. He was so into everything he did. Why would I think he wouldn’t research this and take it seriously? He was far from a slacker.
“Ms. Sweet, don’t look at everything in life as a number or a bloody age. Look me in the eye and tell me you will consider this. I will make it worth your wild.”
“Jagger, I don’t even know what that means.”
“Bands, you will be excessively compensated.”
“Are you offering me money?”
“Of course, you said kids cost money.”
“If I say no, then what?”
“Why would you say no to me?” He leaned in to plant the most seductive kiss on my lips. I had to kiss him back. I loved him too much to be upset. “I’m not going to go out and have a baby with someone else if you say no. I don’t want you to think that. I want a legacy. I want to be a father and I want you to be the mum.”
“This was not apart of my future plans.”
“I wasn’t in your future plans either. But look at us.”
He had a point. I didn’t see any of this coming. I was dating an actual famous person. He was the real deal. I was living a lifestyle that I never dreamed of, first-class, private jets, foreign countries, five-star hotels, designer gifts, and the truck.
“Can you do me a huge favor and just go to a doctor and explore the options? Please do that for me.”
“Fine.” I couldn’t believe I agreed to this.
“A specialist. You go and talk to someone alone. I want to go with you, but it’s best that I don’t. If I come I have to sneak in the back. I have to get the doctor and his staff to sign an NDA. Everyone has a cell phone. It will probably leak."
“Yeah, I understand. You shouldn’t be there.”
“While your sitting in the doc’s office please think about the bloody fact that I am an orphan. This would be the greatest gift that I ever received in his life. Even better than the tattoo, even better than Vicky.”
Better than the guitar his mother bought him his tenth birthday. He was laying it on so thick I couldn’t swallow it. I was choking. It felt like someone had hands around my neck. A baby— he wanted forty-five year old me to give him a baby and he didn’t care how he got it.
I never thought about having his baby. I don’t even think I held an infant in my arms in the last ten years. My middle-aged mind drifted back to the things he said. Things that I disregarded because I didn’t realize they weren’t jokes. He would say things in bed about me stopping birth control. I laughed, haha, tee-hee. He didn’t know that if I stopped taking the pill I would probably bleed to death and the menstrual cramps would be unbearable. I couldn’t blame his age for not knowing all the physical things older women went through. I was sure men my age were clueless too.
I remembered Jagger would see a baby in a commercial and say things like that’s what our baby would look like. I never took him seriously. All men say off-handed things. I wish I’d paid more attention.
Could I be a mother again? I couldn’t act like I hadn’t thought about it. I couldn’t act like I wasn’t going to go in to see an OB/GYN.
Chapter 29
KATRINA
It was my turn to get on a plane to see Jagger. He was back in my country. It was technically his country too. He had dual citizenship. Toxic Shock was out promoting their brand new album. They had a new video circulating from the album. It was the debut release off of London State of Mind. There was another song that had been leaked by the record label before the official first single. The guys would be out doing a little promotion in New York. They were going to ABC’s Time Square Studio to tape Good Morning America. Then later they were going over to 30 Rockefeller Center to tape The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.
The guys and their entourage were staying at the Four Seasons in New York. After I landed at LaGuardia Airport a driver was there to drop me off at the airport. My room key was left at the front desk. I needed to show three forms of I.D. and have a code word to get the room key. There was a separate elevator to the suite. It only worked with a special key card.
As soon as I stepped off the elevator I had to pass one of the security guards. I couldn’t remember his name but he was around Toxic Shock quite often. He was patrolling the halls and ready to pounce on anyone that got off the private elevator. He didn’t stop me because he visibly recognized me.
He smiled and said, “Good morning, Ms. Sweet.”
“Good Morning.” I smiled back but felt odd that he knew my name and I didn’t know his. I guess he was supposed to know my name. I don’t know. It just felt surreal.
I finally made it up to Jagger’s room, the Manhattan Suite overlooking Central Park. The room was grand and well lit. The décor was modern chic. It was like an apartment instead of a hotel room. I was able to shower and change before Jagger showed up. He was only in the room for a few hours before he had to leave again.
We had enough time for a quickie, a little conversation, and then he was out the door again. I’d never dreamed I’d be in a long-distance relationship but I was. We were making it work. I thought we were quite good at it.
I didn’t want to rush and tell him about my doctor’s visit. I was glad he didn’t ask. He had some radio stuff and then one more television performance. He kissed me goodbye and left. I got in bed and started working on a young adult paranormal I was editing.
After the guys finished taping Fallon we all went out for traditional Korean cuisine at Gaonnuri. I even felt like the group was starting to warm up to me. Winston, Archie, and Colin were there, plus a young Mexican singer named Lolita Quintinera. She was dating Colin. She wasn’t famous in the US yet but was making her mark in Mexico and all the Latin Countries. That’s what Jagger told me. She was only seventeen and Colin was twenty. I couldn’t say anything about it. I had an over twenty-
year age gape with Jagger. Seriously, seventeen in famous people years was more like twenty-five in regular people years. My name was Katrina and I didn’t see a thing-a.
Rude Winston was texting during our meal. He didn’t say much and didn’t participate in the dinner conversation. Colin was very sweet to Lolita. They made a cute couple. I got to see how funny Archie was. He could really be a comedian.
Dinner was great. We talked until two in the morning and left together to go back to the hotel. We all crammed into the elevator with a bodyguard and went up to our suites. Everyone was on the same floor. It made sense. It would be easier to keep track of the guys. We walked the halls trying to keep the volume down. Winston’s suite was next to ours. He entered his room with a smirk and a wave. Jagger opened the door to our suite and let me walk inside first. He was a gentleman. I hit the lights and walked toward the bedroom. Jagger went toward the walled windows.
“New York is bloody rad at night. The skyline is amazing.”
I heard his admiration for the city just as I walked into the bedroom.
What the fuck?!
My throat went dry. The parchedness was only a little better than the sensation of being punched in the chest. I could hardly breathe. I was stuck a few paces inside the room from the doorway. My legs didn’t work and I was okay with that, for now. The other option was to run over to this anorexic bitch and rip her blonde hair out at the scalp.
There was a naked White woman on the bed. I was in that same bed right before we all went to the Korean spot. This woman was sitting up but lying back on the pillows. Her legs were spread eagle. Her entire pussy was on display. She was real familiar. She’d made herself at home. It was hard to concentrate on her face with her whole pink pussy on exhibition. She looked like somebody I’d seen before. What in the entire fuck? I wanted to fight this butt-naked hoe.
“Who are you?” Her ugly nasal voice had the nerve to ask me a question. I couldn’t open my mouth to address her. She didn’t even close her legs. Nasty ass.
“Babe, I –” Jagger’s was standing next to me. He was looking at her just as I was.
“Tara?”
“Hey, Jag.” Tara spread her legs even wider. Tramp!
“What are you doing? Leave.”
“Is she a prostitute?” She asked him. She was talking about me. She was the one naked with her legs open but she was asking if I was the paid whore. “Let’s have a threesome. She’s pretty.”
Bitch! Never!
“Tara, what are you doing? I told you to leave.”
Jagger must’ve spotted her clothes because he scooped them up out of a chair and tossed them at her. She caught the stuff but didn’t seem to cover herself. At least her legs were closed and I didn’t have to see her stankin’ ass pussy.
“Winston said you needed a surprise.”
“Really?”
Jagger reached into the middle of the bed and grabbed her forearm. He dragged her off the bed and she stumbled to the floor. She looked stunned. She finally climbed to her feet. So the bitch knew how to stand on two feet.
“What the fuck Jagger?” Her nasal voice was hideously annoying.
“Get the fuck out and tell Winston to suck a bloody cock!”
Tara grabbed her shoes and scurried out the bedroom like an albino mouse. Jagger followed her but stopped at the bedroom doorway. He watched out the doorway. I assume to make sure she actually left the suite.
I couldn’t believe this barely legal bastard would do this to me. I’m not an idiot she was way too comfortable in his space.
I rushed into the adjacent bathroom to get the stuff I’d unpacked, makeup and a curling wand. I shoved my makeup in the bag on the counter and grabbed my curling wand. I was getting the hell out of here. Clearly he had women all over the place. He’s a piece of shit liar. I should’ve never trusted him. He’s too young to be faithful.
I stomped back into the bedroom and put my stuff on the desk.
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like?” I shot him the look of murder. “I cannot do this anymore.”
“No, no, no.”
“I’m not stupid. She was already here.” I unzipped my suitcase and stuffed my curling wand and makeup inside. I zipped it shut.
“What are you talking about?”
“She was here with you before I arrived.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Jagger repeating the question seemed like stalling to find a lie to me.
“You had her in your hotel room first and you only told her to leave because I was flying in. She didn’t leave. She hung around.”
“No, that’s not true.”
“You said, I told you to leave. If she wasn’t here, to begin with, you wouldn’t have told her to leave in the past tense.”
“You are really confusing me.”
“I’m not confused. I’m going home. I’m done with this, whatever the fuck this is.”
“Fuck no! Kat, I’m not letting you leave this hotel room.”
“No, I’m leaving and you can’t stop me.”
I pulled the handle up on my rolling luggage. I grabbed my handbag out of the chair and slung it over my shoulder. I snatched the handle of my suitcase and I started rolling to the open bedroom door.
Jagger’s long legs were at the doorway blocking me with only three huge steps. I don’t know why I thought he would step aside. He didn’t and I went crashing into him. He didn’t even budge.
I looked up into Jagger’s dark eyes.
“Move!”
“Go, sit, the fuck, down.” He forced the words out of gritted teeth.
I thought about saying no but his face didn’t give me permission. He didn’t look mad. He didn’t look sad. His face was so blank it kind of terrified me. There was nothing in his eyes I could read and I didn’t like it.
“Ka-tri-na.” He muttered my name slowly. He said it like it pained him to get the three syllables out. He wiped his face with his hand. “Go sit down.”
I rolled my suitcase over to the bed. I sat on the edge and refused to look at him.
“Jagger, I need to get to the airport.”
“You are staying with me for three days. You don’t need to go to the airport. You want to go to the airport.”
“I want to go home.”
“I’m not letting you go home. You’re trapped, kidnapped, imprisoned and being held against your will.”
“You can’t stop me from going home.”
“No, I can and I will. You didn’t fly across the county to fly right back. I’m going to explain this to you until you get it stuck in your brain.”
“No need. I don’t want to be apart of your little harem.”
“This is bloody bullshit! There is nobody but you. I love only you. Tara Snow is in New York promoting some movie.”
“How the fuck did she get in here?” Staying mad was the only way not to completely feel the hurt.
“She rang Winston yesterday. She couldn’t ring me because she doesn’t have my mobile. Winston, we always share spare keys. This little prank he pulled, I didn’t find it to be funny. Believe me, as soon as I see that wanker I’ll give him some fives.”
“So, it’s Winston’s fault.”
“Definitely, Glynn gave me a new number when I was in Galena. You’re the only woman with this number. You and my aunt Linda.”
“This is a bullshit story. She called Winston.”
“Yes, Tara asked him if she could join us for dinner last night and get tickets for a show. I haven’t seen her in ten months, maybe more. We all went to dinner last night. Glynn was there with us. We eat, we laughed. I spent most of my time texting you during dinner. At the end of the night, she hit on me. I told her no. She wanted to come back to the hotel to party. She had blow. I said no. I’m sober. She instead coerced Archie into letting her come to his room. I don’t know what happened after that. Next time I laid eyes on her she was naked, completely sprawled on my bed.”
“Sh
e called Winston but slept with Archie.”
“Yes, I didn’t see it of course but I’m sure she fucked Archie and didn’t fuck Winston.”
“Makes no sense.”
“Makes perfect sense. We have to bloody trust each other. Now I’m worried. You freaked out like a guilty person. Now I’m worried about what you’re doing when we’re apart. I thought you trusted me. Are you shagging someone else?”
“Don’t you dare turn this around on me.”
“I flew my girlfriend here today and I had another girl here yesterday. Why would I do that?”
“I don’t know why men do the stupid shit you do.”
“Just because your ex-husband cheated on you, it doesn’t mean I have or will. I’m not Erik.”
“I never said you were Erik.”
“I’m trying to have a baby with you. Why would I do this? This was completely set up by Winston. Tara, she’s been passed around.”
“Did you sleep with her?”
“Yes, when I was doing coke, and smack, and molly. That was before I met you.”
None of what he said made me feel better. It made sense and seemed to be the truth but he had lied to me before.
“I didn’t know what to believe.”
“I’m trying to have a family with you. I love you. Why do you find my intentions so hard to trust and believe.”
“I don’t know.” My voice quivered.
“What do I have to do to make you a believer?”
“Jagger, I don’t know.”
“If you left me over this ludicrous rubbish I would be fucking ill, like bloody gutted.”
“I’m not trying to bloody gut you.”
He rolled his eyes at me. It made me feel like I was the young one and he was old wise Obi-Wan Kenobi.
“Do you think I’m— you have no faith in me, in us?”
“Jagger, I’m really tired. You’re probably tired. You were running all around New York today. Let’s just get in bed and go to sleep.”
His hands rested at his waist as he gave me an unsympathetic look. “Fine.”
He took my suitcase and rolled it away from the bed. He took my bag and placed it in the chair. I removed the top blanket were that nasty ass crackhead had her bare ass and replaced it with a thinner blanket I found in the closet. I tossed the pillows I knew she touched on the floor in the closet. I didn’t want to see that shit. I didn’t want to be reminded of Tara Snow.