by Sarah Noffke
He’s stumbling over his words. Something I’ve never heard him do. In a daze he walks to the couch and sits and promptly throws his head in his hands. Three times he draws in heavy breaths. Breaths that I measure in long, irritating seconds.
“Well, please feel no rush to tell me what happened,” I say, annoyance laden in my tone. “It’s not like I’ve been pacing and worrying for over an hour, fearing they carted you away and I’d never see you again.”
He drags his head up and stares at me with sobering red-rimmed eyes. And yet he says nothing.
After a long few seconds of silence I say, “Right. Not worried at all now that I see the devastation written on your face. Think I’ll just pop into the kitchen to bake a cake,” I say, planting my hands on my hips and scowling at him.
“He fired me, Em,” Zack says in a dead voice. “Your father didn’t demote me. He fired me.”
I blink in surprise. “What? That’s why you’re so upset? Because he took away your title and political sway?”
“It’s a huge deal,” he says, his words sharp, angry.
I shake my head at him. “He didn’t order you to be converted into a Middling or banish you from the Valley or threaten to have Dee kill you, is that correct?” I ask, my tone matching his.
Zack just stares at me.
“Because that’s what my father is capable of. That’s what he’s done to me, so it sounds like you got off easy.”
He closes his eyes and shakes his head, one of Zack’s typical “I don’t like this conversation” gestures. When he looks back at me he’s not angry, he looks more crestfallen than ever before. More so than when his grandfather died or when he found out the injections I’d been given for three years were poison synthesized from infant spinal fluid. “You don’t get it, Em. I’m useless to the rebellion now. I can’t help you gain evidence to give to Smith. I don’t have access to the President’s plans. I won’t be able to warn you about his strategy to combat your attacks. I’m useless.”
He’s right, I didn’t get it before. Not completely. The impact of this turn of events knocks me straight in the sternum. I now understand his depression and it makes me want to cry for him. To steal his pain and loss away. Zack doesn’t define himself by who he is, it’s what he does. And I want to comfort him. To tell him it’s fine. That we’ll find another way, but my mind doesn’t believe that. Without Zack in his position inside my father’s office we’ve lost a serious advantage.
Zack is watching me, watching the features of my face shift as his words sink in. Then he opens his mouth and lets out a heavy sigh. “And your father knew that the best and most detrimental way to punish me was to take away my position. But he didn’t stop there. He didn’t stop until reassigning me to a rundown house in the Middling neighborhood and assigning me a menial role within their population.”
“What? He can’t do that!” I say, outraged. “You’re a Dream Traveler. We’ve never been forced into a Middling’s job. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but it blurs the line Vider so clearly established between the two races.”
“It was the punishment that Dee demanded for me and your father, wanting to mend his daughter’s broken heart, said he’d carry it out for her,” Zack says, venom in his voice. “Chief Fuller explained that the people of Austin Valley would see this as an exception and also a lesson that we treat one another with respect and do not enter into engagements only to humiliate the other person publicly.”
“That rotten little witch,” I say, starting to pace in an effort to dispel the rush of fury.
“Em,” Zack says, and his tone makes me pause. With a sense of foreboding and dread I turn and face him. “Your father didn’t stop there.” He pauses. His eyes hesitate. “He has decided that my father should suffer my exact same punishment. He explained that he really didn’t think it was wise that my father work in Government Center when there was bad blood between our families now.”
I swear my heart falls inside my chest, meeting my stomach.
“And Chief Fuller, to demonstrate his cruelty, has given me the task of informing my father that his twenty-year role as treasurer for Austin Valley has come to an end,” Zack says in a voice that breaks me in two. “The job has been bestowed upon me to tell my parents they must move out of their home and into a dilapidated apartment on the far side of town.”
“No,” I gasp, knowing that this guilt will torture Zack forever. “But your father is innocent. He’s the most ignorant to Vider’s treachery and the most loyal citizen. What is my father thinking?”
“He’s thinking that he doesn’t care. That he wants to watch us suffer. That by humiliating my family Dee will somehow feel redeemed.”
“I’m sorry, Zack,” I say, taking a seat at the far end of the couch, not wanting to encroach on his space although being close to him is all I truly want. “If you regret your decision then I understand. When I asked you not to marry Dee I didn’t know it would have these kinds of ramifications. But now that it impacts your family I don’t blame you for being upset. For doubting your decision. Or for even despising me for it.”
He turns and faces me. “Em, I don’t doubt my decision. Not one single bit. And how could you even consider that I’d despise you?”
“Because you’re so distant, like I’m the plague that’s brought devastation upon you and your family.”
He shakes his head at me, like I’ve failed to understand a simple idea. “I despise the fact that I have nothing to offer you or the rebellion anymore. I’m useless.”
“Zack, you’re more valuable than ever before. You know so much and don’t have to waste your time in meetings. You’re free to lead this rebellion.”
“What? Me lead this rebellion?”
“Well, beside me,” I say.
“Beside you?” he says, trying to wrap his mind around a new idea.
“Yes, beside me, although I think you’re the clear leader here,” I say. “You could take over half of the projects and help me out with the largest one of recruiting Middlings.”
“You are overdoing it and I have worried that you were going to make yourself sick,” Zack says.
“So you see how much I need you helping me.”
He nods, seeming to think about it.
“But Zack, you’ll have to become an outlaw to do it.”
He gives me a sideways smile that lights up my heart. “You have no idea how envious I’ve been of you, watching you on your secret missions.”
“So you’ll do it? You’ll join me?”
He nods from his place on what feels like the opposite side of the world. Also known as the other side of the couch. Too far away.
“But I realize your father and mother will have a sad fate to face. I’m sorry. I regret that this has happened to them.”
“It’s fine, Em. Nothing is more important than freeing the Reverians. So my parents have to suffer a little. It won’t be forever. I’m not regretful about it.” He pushes his hand through his hair, stress oozing off him.
“Well, Zack, I’m not buying that for a second. You’re obviously still stressed.”
“Yes,” he says, staring at the ground. “Now I have more to think about. More things to consider. It’s just a lot to process.”
“I think you should let me help you. That’s part of sharing a leadership role together.”
“And how do you do that? Help me?”
“Well, for starters you get your ass over here,” I say, pointing to the spot next to me.
A nervous look grazes his face. Carefully, Zack slides over on the couch until he’s only a foot away. It’s apparent that this is still new for the two of us. We’re unsure how to act around each other. How to touch one another.
Zack is searching me with his eyes from his place beside me. “Are you sure it’s wise that I join you in this role? You’ve done so well on your own. And you—”
I reach out and press a finger to his lips, silencing him. “You need to be beside me in this war. Wi
th you beside me everything will shift.”
“How so?” he says.
“I think what I need to end this war, which has hardly begun, is you.” And it’s true. I already feel a surge of hope knowing Zack will be by my side now. I also have a sense of clarity, like I know the steps more clearly for ending this. And it was triggered because Dee decided to take his position away. Just as Tutu foretold, Dee decided how long this would go on. Now it’s my turn to figure out how to end it.
“Me?” Zack asks, looking down at me with skepticism. “Why do you think you need me to end this war?”
“Are you fishing for compliments?” I say.
He doesn’t answer, but does offer me a heated glare which makes my insides swelter.
“Well, if you must know,” I say, “you’re an incredible leader and you also strengthen me.”
He shakes his head, like he thinks I’m lying to him. Averts his eyes.
“What, do you not believe me?” I ask.
“No, it’s just that’s how I feel about you. You’re the empire I’d protect. You’re my reason for serving. I want you above all else. You’re my freedom,” he says.
And too much I recognize the words I once spoke to Rogue. You’re my freedom. I slide over, pulling Zack’s arm around me and cuddling into his chest. We belong to each other. All of us. And now I know, as I suspected, that disentangling Zack from Rogue from me is an impossibility. We are one. We are each other’s freedom. Even though Rogue is dead, he’s still a part of us. An inspiration. I slide my chin up Zack’s chest until I find his face. It’s ultra-weird to feel him this way and also more right than anything I’ve ever felt.
“And I’ll protect you no matter, no matter what it takes,” he says when my eyes meet his. He kisses me so tenderly, so slowly, I know he’s enjoying the surreal feel of actually experiencing each other.
I peel back and regard his face from only a few inches away. And then my burning question storms out of my mouth. “Doesn’t it feel weird to be this close to each other? Isn’t the experience odd?”
He gives me a measured glare. “Weird or odd aren’t the words I’d use.”
“Oh, well would you use the words ‘lame’ and ‘disappointing’ then?” I ask, pouting my lips at him. I’m gratified when a tamed smile flicks to his mouth. After all, my mission is to loosen him up after the meeting with my father.
“Who’s the one fishing for compliments now?” Zack asks.
I bat my eyelashes at him. “Oh, so not lame and disappointing then?”
“Definitely not.”
I sit back a few inches, careful to lean my side into the couch and not my still-healing back. “I think it feels weird to kiss you after all these years of platonic friendship.”
“You do?”
I nod. “But it also makes me feel a ton of other emotions.”
“Like?” Zack says.
“You’ll remember a few seconds ago when you didn’t elaborate, so…” I say.
“Em, you do love to play games, don’t you?”
I lean forward, closer to Zack. He’s slid his arm around my waist, wrenching me into him. When our noses are almost touching I say, “I know better than to think you’ll play my games with me. I’ve reverted to teasing you.”
Just as he leans into me I move my face to the side an inch, narrowly missing his mouth.
“You’re exceptionally good at it,” he says with a playful growl.
“Why thank you,” I say, leaning away from him a few inches, but relishing his hands on me.
Zack blows out a long breath. “Well, I hope you don’t mind taking a break from teasing me, because we do have other business to attend to,” he says.
“Only a small break,” I say, walking my fingers up his tie and stopping in the middle of his chest.
He peers down at my hand and then shakes his head with a pleased smile. “Em, we’re going to have to move out of here in two days’ time,” he says, the stress from before returning to his voice.
“Don’t worry,” I say, keeping my voice light. “I’ve got a farm, but also more money than any Reverian, so I’ll keep us comfortable.”
“Oh, really?” he says with an infectious smile. “Do tell me about this turn of financial status that’s befallen you.”
“Tutu apparently made me a millionaire overnight,” I say, lacing my fingers into the lapels of his jacket and pulling him closer. “But I have all that I want right here.”
Zack smiles against my mouth.
Chapter Twenty-Five
To celebrate Zack’s new life as a Rebel I threw his sleep cuff in the trash and accompanied him on a dozen different dream travel adventures last night. Vider will figure it out, but by that time we’ll be hidden, orchestrating the rebellion. Zack’s favorite part was probably watching America’s founding fathers sign the Declaration of Independence or when the Berlin wall was torn down. He knew about America gaining its independence, but I had to explain the events that led up to the Berlin wall being destroyed. He watched with mesmerized eyes, the enormity of our world and history suddenly dawning on him. My favorite part was strolling the streets of Old Montreal. Zack’s jaw actually dropped when we entered the gates to Chinatown.
“If you think the Canadians’ take on China is cool, wait until I take you to Hong Kong,” I said.
He didn’t laugh, since he doesn’t know where Hong Kong is. I didn’t either until I had access to real books.
Now the tasks ahead of us, and the certain obstacles we’ll encounter, are staring us in the face and last night’s dream travel feels too far away. So badly do I want to close my eyes and continue to explore the world by Zack’s side.
“After this is all over, we’ll travel nonstop,” Zack says, as if sensing my thoughts.
“I know,” I say, and then force myself to think about the tasks that lie ahead of us today. “Even after you tell your father what’s really going on do you think he’ll do what he’s been ordered? Will he take the job he’s assigned and live in rundown, inadequate housing?” I ask Zack as the morning sunlight finds ways to slip in through the closed blinds.
“I fear he will,” he says. “My parents don’t like conflict. They will fear Chief Fuller’s threats. But it’s fine. This won’t last forever.”
And even as he’s says it my brain fights the statement with doubt. We aren’t in a position of power anymore. We’ve lost our greatest advantage. Without evidence, Smith can’t take Vider down and that means I have to, but I don’t know if I can. That would involve doing things I’m not sure I want to do. That would involve becoming a monster. It will no doubt involve violence.
“Okay, I’ll see you tonight,” I say and stand up on my tippy toes and plant a soft kiss on Zack’s mouth. “Good luck with your father.” And instantly I punish myself for the statement. I know that’s the wrong thing to say to Zack before he has to deliver bad news to a man he respects above everyone else. He doesn’t need luck. He needs courage and I know he has it even if he doesn’t believe it right now.
“Okay,” he says, “and please pass along my gratitude to Ren for saving your life. I owe him big.”
“Ren doesn’t really like to be thanked, so I’ll definitely do it.”
I turn and leave before I get the urge to abandon my responsibility at the conversion labs and instead stay and drape myself around Zack for the rest of the day.
***
The first thing that starts my adrenaline flowing is to find the door at the back of the conversion lab propped open. I’m not sure why but it seems strange. Out of place. And then my pulse pauses when I enter to find the hallway empty. Ren isn’t in his usual spot waiting for me. My eyes fix on the splatters of red on the pristine white tile floor. The droplets of blood mark the surface with a bold contrast. My pulse gallops through my body, hurdling over rational thoughts in my head. I dare to take three steps down the hall.
“Ren,” I say my voice a nervous hush. My soles make note of each of my steps, squeaking on the fl
oor under me.
An abrupt slamming sound makes me jump. I bite my tongue as I wheel around to where the noise came from. The board propping the door open has been removed.
“Shit,” I squeak out. This is a trick.
The hallway is still empty. Just me and someone’s blood. I back up until I meet the door I came through. I’m unsurprised to find it doesn’t open. A blunt rush into the door tells me something on the other side is preventing it from being opened. Probably the board that was propping it open is jamming it shut. I draw in the energy around me, surveying the area for a Dream Traveler’s power. I want to feel Ren’s energy. I don’t.
I only feel one pure Dream Traveler in this area. Like the taste of water, the energy’s flavor is subtle, marked with remnants of the person it belongs to. It leaves a mineral taste in my mouth like I’ve swallowed a mouthful of lithium-laced water. The kind that bubbles up from the spring to the west. This energy soaks into my being, coating my body with a revulsion I haven’t been punished with in a few months. And I know now with absolute certainty that President Vider is waiting for me. He’s set this trap. And I’ve walked straight into it.
I suck in what might be one of my last breaths and face the long hallway. I begin to follow the path of the blood. Which I now suspect is Ren’s blood.
The door to the conversion operating room squeaks when it pulls back a few inches. I sense it’s my invitation. And what are my options? I’m obviously trapped. I can run through the labs looking for a place to hide but something tells me there will be no exits. Vider only operates through strategic actions. He won’t have left me any ways to escape. I must face this. I must face him. I press my hand against the door, pushing it back. The rush of cold from the OR greets me first. The room is minimal with trays of tools, white cabinets, and countertops flanking the wall. An overhead bright operating light hangs over a metal surgical table. And perched on the side of the table is Vider.
A shiver from the cold, or from his predatory appearance, rips down my spine. Vider wears a wool gray suit and a look that makes me think he wants to eat me alive. His almost black hair is slicked back as usual but strangely he’s wearing long sideburns, which do everything to reinforce his wolf-like appearance. Immediately I leech him, and it’s then that I sense the presence of three men at my back. I smell each of their individual odors, hear each of their individual heartbeats. One has a heart murmur. And I know without a doubt they are Middlings meant to keep me here hostage.