At the door I turned to see his eyes on me, his face still frozen in that mask.
“Tack’s boys’ll be in here to get the rest and don’t stop them. You want this to end, you release all of me.”
His face unfroze and it did this in order to gentle and watching his beautiful face gentling was like a punch in the gut.
Jerk!
“Gwen –” he started.
I shook my head. “No, you said what you had to say. And you proved my point. I have no fucking clue how to live my life. I’m not special to you no matter what my instincts and those butterflies I got in my stomach every time I saw you before we became us, but mostly after, told me. And you’re not special either, precisely because you made me feel like shit, again, and I listened to my heart, followed my instincts and allowed it to happen. The decisions I make are whacked. Point made. Lesson learned. I can’t trust my gut so I’m going to live in my head. Lucky for you, we’re over and you don’t have to watch me doing it.”
Then I turned, dropped a suitcase, grabbed the knob, opened the door an inch, picked up my suitcase and kicked the door open further then I struggled through it carrying my suitcases and leaving Cabe “Hawk” Delgado behind.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Disappointed in You
“It’s safe to say, Tack, I’m a little freaked out,” I announced from behind my blindfold.
“Just a little longer, peaches,” Tack replied.
I was in an SUV. Tack didn’t only have a Harley, he had a big Ford Expedition. About five minutes ago, when we left the highway coming from his house and hit Denver, he pulled over and talked me into wearing a blindfold. He had a surprise for me and he’d been so nice the last week, I accepted the blindfold even though it freaked me out.
The last week at Tack’s had been like being on a mini-vacation. It might make me selfish, and an idiot, but when you needed time to get your head together after you’d had your heart broken by a commando, hanging at a mountain hideaway with a biker was a good way to heal.
During my mini-vacation I also took a timeout from Dad, Meredith, Cam, Tracy and Leo. I explained this briefly and they retreated, albeit unhappily. Troy called and I didn’t take the call. I knew either Cam or Tracy had informed him of the state of play and I knew he was feeling for me but I couldn’t face that. Elvira called too, several times, and I didn’t take those either for reasons that didn’t need to be explained.
Tack’s boys took my desk and desk shit to my house but my computer and suitcases to his. They set up my computer in his office. I spent my days working and tidying his office. Then I cleaned his house. On day two Tack took me to the grocery store, we stocked up with a mountain of food for his mountain hideaway and I started to cook fantastic meals for when he got home that took ages to prepare. This included desserts and lots of them.
If I wasn’t working or cooking, I read. At the grocery store I bought five romance novels and at Tack’s house I curled up in his big, slouchy couch and lost myself in someone else’s daydreams. I couldn’t be in my head, not just yet. This was because for the last year and a half most of my daydreams centered around Hawk and I didn’t know where to go from there because I never intended to hope for my perfect man ever again. So I needed new fodder for my daydreams and dreaming of being alone, planning hiking excursions and starting a ferret rescue didn’t do it for me.
I started my days wrapping up tight and sitting in the cold on Tack’s deck staring at the view while drinking coffee and battling the ache in my heart.
I ended my days in Tack’s bed.
Day one and two, I did this alone. Day three, when I had dinner alone, went to bed when the house was empty and he came home late, he joined me. He didn’t do it the same as Hawk. He didn’t touch the small of my back, turn me into him and kiss me. He also didn’t curl into me, hold me close and hitch my leg with his. Instead, he rolled me to facing him then he dropped to his back and tucked me to his side.
I should have pitched a fit or moved to the other bed. But because I was Gwendolyn Piper Kidd, and thus a stupid idiot, I didn’t do either of these. I rested my head on his shoulder, curled my arm around his belly and fell asleep.
Tack slept with me every night after that and came home for dinner every night too. I didn’t argue, I didn’t discuss; I just went with the flow. I didn’t have it in me. I couldn’t say I wasn’t a smartass when he was around, I was because that was me and I knew he liked it but I just kept doing it. But I also didn’t give him any in or any vibes he could misinterpret. I didn’t flirt. I just was me.
Except, of course, letting him sleep with me.
Hmm.
He mostly gave me my space, giving me my days and being there at night but not in an invasive, predatory way. He’d kissed me once, waking me up doing it. It wasn’t a tongue touch kiss, it was a kiss, tongue, heat and arms locked around each other. It sent a stronger electric bolt through me with other, no less strong, definitely sharp bolts searing through specific parts of me. It wasn’t a Hawk kiss which made me lose my head and my control but it was a freaking great kiss.
Then he’d lifted his head and whispered, “Gotta be out early, peaches, but thanks for settin’ me up for the day.” Then he’d kissed my nose, his ultra-cool goatee tickling my skin, and left the bed. No pressure, just a thinly veiled promise.
The kiss was great, the kind of great that, back in the day, would launch a thousand daydreams. But I was done with promises.
Now, he was taking me to Denver for reasons unknown but whatever they were, they required me being blindfolded.
The Expedition stopped and I asked, “Can I take it off now?”
“In a minute,” Tack answered.
I waited impatiently and then felt my door open. Tack carefully guided me out of the SUV to my feet and he kept guiding me as we walked then he stopped, turned me and his arm wrapped around my ribs, pulling my back into his front as his other hand went to the blindfold and pulled it up and away.
We were standing in front of my house. There were new windows, a new door and no visible bullet damage. The big bricks that had been painted maroon prior to my habitation looked like they’d been filled and the entire front of the house had a new coat of maroon paint. It looked like a house, not the byproduct of the aftermath of a battle.
“Surprise, darlin’,” Tack whispered in my ear.
“Oh my God,” I whispered back.
I heard his soft laugh then he took my hand and guided me up the steps. On my porch, he inserted a key into the lock, moved it to the other lock and then swung the door in. He maneuvered me in front of him as we walked in and I saw that what had been done outside had been way done inside. The plaster bits and bullet holes were gone. The walls were newly skimmed, smooth and had a fresh coat of white paint, so fresh, I could smell it in the air. But it was more than that. My damaged furniture had been carted away. The floors had been sanded and refinished. The mantels of the fireplaces on each side too. It was clean and sparkling and, with some furniture, habitable.
“These are yours,” Tack said, lifting my hand palm up and dropping the keys in it.
I looked at the keys. Tack kept talking.
“You can paint it any color you want, it’s primed.”
I tipped my head back to look at him and I felt the tears stinging the backs of my eyes.
“Tack…” I whispered, “I don’t know what to say.”
He grinned. “Welcome home, babe.”
Not thinking, I moved into him, wrapped my arms around him and gave him a hug.
“Thank you,” I whispered against his chest.
His arms were wrapped around me and they squeezed tight.
Then he said, “I don’t think you get what I’m sayin’ to you, peaches.”
My head tipped back but I didn’t let him go. “What?” I asked.
One of his arms left me so his fingers could slide in my hair at the side and then hold it at the back of my head.
“You don’t feel s
afe down here, you’re welcome to stay at my place, long as you like. But we been listenin’ and we been diggin’ and your sister has gone to ground. Things have cooled down on that and you’re safe to come home if you want.”
I was certainly glad things had cooled down though a little worried about what Ginger “going to ground” meant but I knew what Tack was saying had two meanings.
“You’re giving me space?” I asked quietly.
“When you come to me, Gwen, it’s gotta be because you wanna come to me, not because you need to come to me. And it’s gotta be that way not just for me but for you.”
God, he was a good guy.
I dropped my head so my forehead rested against his chest and his hand curled around the back of my neck.
“Thank you,” I repeated into his chest.
“I see you wanna come home,” he noted and I nodded against his chest. “All right, darlin’, you get settled. I’ll go get your computer. Sheila can come by and pack up your shit. I’ll bring it all back down.”
I tilted my head back. “I can come up. You don’t need to be driving back and forth for me.”
“You need to settle, babe.”
He was right. I did. I so did. I’d been unsettled for so long, I didn’t remember settled.
And he was such a good guy.
I leaned into him. “Thanks.”
His head dipped, his mouth hit mine and I felt his lips open. Stupid me, stupid, stupid me, I opened my own, his tongue slid in and my tongue moved to touch tips.
Nice. Way nice.
He tasted really good.
His lips released mine and lifted up to kiss my nose.
Then he looked in my eyes and said gently, “Anything for you, Gwen.”
Such a good guy.
I shoved my face in his neck and held on tighter. He let me do this until his arms gave me a squeeze. I understood what that meant, let him go and stepped back.
“Later, babe,” he murmured.
“Later, Tack,” I replied, he turned and walked out of my house.
* * * * *
A couple hours later Tack delivered my computer and hooked it up. He also brought my suitcases. Then he left probably because he had a life and I had a decision to make and although my life revolved around me, that didn’t mean everyone else’s did.
I unpacked and started laundry. Then I made a grocery list. Then I texted Meredith, Cam and Tracy and told them I was back home but I needed the night to get settled. Cam texted back that it was cosmos at her house the next night, no excuses, no lip. I returned the text saying I’d be there. I wasn’t certain I was ready but I had to live my life and I might as well start now.
I was heading back upstairs from the kitchen when I heard the chime and clunk of the doorbell.
I froze as unexpected pain sliced through me.
The last time I heard the chime and clunk of the doorbell, Hawk was coming over and taking me to dinner. Dad had called out to me to tell Hawk not to worry about the doorbell. Then Hawk had given me shoes. After that, hope had budded.
I sucked in breath to control the pain and stared at the door knowing one thing was for certain, it wasn’t Hawk.
Cam, Tracy and Meredith would give me space. Dad and Troy would not. Dad could get impatient and he was protective and after all that went down, and the obvious fact I was no longer with Hawk, he would be concerned and not happy to be kept out of the loop. Troy had been a fixture in my life and being thus, I was one in his. With Hawk out of the picture, he’d make his approach.
I wasn’t ready for either of these.
I still went to the door because, even if I wasn’t ready, I loved them both and I couldn’t leave them hanging. It wasn’t nice.
When I looked through the side window I stared at who was there.
Okay, I wasn’t ready for Dad and Troy but I really wasn’t ready for a surprise visit from Maria Delgado.
She moved, caught sight of me at the window and focused on me.
I jerked away from the window.
Shit!
The doorbell chimed and clunked again.
Shit. Shit. Shit!
Well, she saw me. I couldn’t ignore her.
Shit.
I opened the door. “Hey, Maria.”
She stared up at me. Then without a word, she pushed through and into my house.
I stared out at my yard and prayed for strength. I endured and survived Hawk ending things. It tore me to shreds inside but I did it. I could endure this too.
I closed the door and turned. “This is a surprise,” I noted, forcing a smile.
Her eyes narrowed on me then she demanded to know, “What gives?”
“What…” I paused for no reason then went on, “gives?”
“Yeah,” she replied. “A week ago, you were dazzled by my son. A week ago, me and my boys show at his place first thing in the mornin’ and you’re in his bathroom. A week ago, you played hide and seek with his nephews. A week ago, you turned to him when you got your heart broken by your Mama. Now, Elvira tells me, you’re done. What,” she leaned forward, “gives?”
Elvira. Great.
“Maria,” I said softly. “He ended things with me.”
“So?” she asked instantly and I stared.
“So?” I repeated stupidly.
“Yeah,” she threw out her arms, “so?”
“Um… when Hawk’s done, he’s done.”
She crossed her arms on her chest. “His name is Cabe, Gwen.”
Something about that and the way she said it made me still.
Then I shook my head. “No, Maria, he told me that man is gone. He’s Hawk now.”
She shook her head back at me. “No, Gwen, that man was gone. But I walked into his place with my boys and saw for the first time in eight years my boy Cabe was back.”
Oh God.
“Maria –”
She took a step toward me, lifted her finger and jabbed it at me. “You listen to me. You’re not a mother but I’ll tell you, when your child experiences pain, you experience it right along with him. My son has been in pain for eight years. Not a little pain, the kind you learn to get used to, a lot of pain, the kind that brings you to your knees. Eight years. Eight years I watched him endure that and me, Gus and my boys endured it right along with him. And the first time in eight years I saw him healed and whole was that morning with you.”
Oh God.
I couldn’t listen to this and I couldn’t listen to this because she was way, way wrong.
“He’s not done enduring that pain, Maria,” I explained quietly.
“No, and he won’t ever be,” she agreed. “And you obviously don’t know it but you took on the job of making him see that when he lost Simone and Sophie, he didn’t lose himself. He could feel their loss and still manage to heal. You take on a job like that, you don’t throw it away.”
“He threw it away,” I told her because he did!
She shook her head. “I see you don’t understand how important you are to him.”
“If someone’s important, Maria, I’m sorry, really, really sorry to say this but you don’t treat them the way your son treated me. There’s more to what happened that you don’t get and I can understand you’d stand behind your son and I’m all right with that but you don’t know all that happened.”
“You’re right, I don’t know what happened but something else a mother wants for her child is for him to be happy. And you clearly don’t realize this but you gave him a promise to make him happy and when you gave it to him, you gave it to me.”
“You don’t understand,” I whispered, she shook her head, hitched her purse up on her shoulder and marched to the door.
Hand on the handle, she turned to me. “I understand, Gwen, and I’m sorry, I can see you’re upset and I can also see just how upset you are which makes me think and what it makes me think is that I’m disappointed in you.”
God! Shot to the heart. I barely knew her and it killed that she was disappointe
d in me.
And then, before I could say a word in my defense, just like a Delgado, right in front of me she disappeared.
Shit!
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Boston
A warm hand hit the small of my back, weight hit the bed, I opened my eyes, saw dark and my body was turned, hitting the hard wall of Hawk’s.
What on earth?
He shifted into me so I took the weight of him and I didn’t have the chance to say a word when his mouth was on mine.
What. On. Earth?
Before I could lose my head and my control, my hands went to his shoulders and I pushed. Then I tore my mouth from his by wrenching my head to the side.
“Get off me!” I demanded, pushing again.
“He fuck you?” Hawk growled into my ear, his hands moving down, going in, fisting in my nightshirt, pulling it up.
What was happening? Why was he there?
“What?” I snapped. “Who?”
His hands pulled my nightshirt up further. “Tack, babe, you let him fuck you?”
My head righted and I squinted my eyes at him in the dark. “That’s none of your damned business!”
“You let him kiss you, right in your fuckin’ living room.”
Um… what?
“What?” I whispered.
“Got cameras in your house.”
My body stilled. “Since when?”
“Since the kidnapping, Gwen.”
Oh my God. I didn’t know what to do with this. What did I do with this?
“You can’t have cameras in my house!” I yelled, shoving at his shoulders again. “You can’t watch me anymore!” I kept shouting. “And you can’t be here!” I finished shouting.
“I’m here,” he growled, the nightshirt now up to my ribs.
“I see that and feel it but I want you to go.”
One of his hands left my nightshirt so he could wrap his fingers and thumb around my jaw, positioning my face, his entire weight on my body pinning me down, my hands were useless, totally, and I was no match for his strength when he held me steady and kissed me.
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