Tonight though, his hold feels a little tighter. In fact, all week, he’s made his best effort to be near me. But I’ve learned that reading into his actions only leads to disappointment because, the next day, all’s the same.
Sometimes, I wonder if he’ll ever be ready for more, ever want more.
Other times, I wonder how much longer I can handle being in his arms like this before I lose my friend completely. I’m afraid a day will come when I decide, if I can’t have him, I can’t hold on to him.
And then I’ll let him go.
“Oakley?” he whispers.
“Yeah?”
“You know I love you, right?”
I squeeze my eyes shut, forcing my hand not to curl into his T-shirt. “Yeah, Row, I know.”
When the alarm on my phone goes off, I quietly pull myself from the sofa. I’m careful not to wake Havannah, who must have crashed in my dad’s room again since I fell asleep on the couch. She refuses the guest bedroom.
After a quick rinse, I dry my long blonde hair and dress in a pair of jeans and a Blackline Academy T-shirt.
I send a short and sweet good morning text to my dad and write out a note for Havannah, telling her not to forget to lock up when she leaves today since I came home to an unlocked house yesterday. Then, I snag my keys and run out the door.
When I look across my lawn to Rowan’s mom’s house, I stop.
Rowan is standing beside his truck, dressed the same as me, holding what looks to be two protein shakes.
He smiles, and I grin back, walking the few feet to him.
“Look at you, up before dawn. I’m proud,” I tease.
He chuckles. “Thought I’d try out this whole overachiever routine you’ve got going. You know, virtually no sleeping or eating and still killin’ it at everything else.”
“Funny.” I roll my eyes, smiling.
He holds my eyes a moment and then looks away, snickering. “I, uh … I woke up just before you today and ran to my mom’s to get showered. Thought we could ride together.”
My gaze roams his face. “You stayed last night?”
He licks his lips, bringing his eyes back to mine, but he doesn’t say anything, so I don’t push.
“You sure you wanna take me?” I ask him. “You don’t have to be there for another hour and a half, and you leave before me.”
He shrugs. “I could help you with your work.”
I laugh. “Ooor you could go into the gym.”
“Or that.”
“All right.” I take one of the protein shakes from him and hip-check past him to open the passenger door. “Let’s go, Chief.”
“Maybe one day.”
He laughs, and I look to him.
“Definitely one day.”
After a few minutes, Rowan starts chuckling in his seat. “Remember our plan from when we were kids?”
“What plan?” I tease.
He smiles, knocking me with his elbow. “We were gonna run away together, live by the beach, and work for Willy Wonka.”
“Eat candy all day and then play in the sand all night.”
“Drive go-karts everywhere we went.”
I laugh, and he joins in, glancing my way and then back at the road.
“We had it all figured out, Oaks,” he says quietly.
My smile turns sad, so I shift to look out the window, noticing the deep inhale he takes as I do.
“We sure thought we did, didn’t we?”
When we pull into the parking lot, I go to get out, but Rowan grabs my bicep, halting me. I shift my gaze to his, finding he’s looking at the only other vehicle in the lot—Alec’s truck.
“Oakley …” He sighs and drops his chin to his chest. “When you think about your life, ten or twenty years from now, what do you see?”
Slowly, I drop against the seat. “I’m not sure I’ve thought about it, to be honest.”
He nods, still not looking at me. “When I think about the future, later in life and where I’ll be, there’s so much that’s blurred.”
I understand where he’s coming from. We’re only twenty. I don’t think we’re supposed to have it all figured out yet.
“But, Oak”—he brings his honey-colored eyes to mine—“the one thing that is clear is you, right there with me. Always.”
I stare at him, into his soul. My friend.
“I hope so, Rowan.” I give a half-smile, formed from sorrow, and escape the truck as quickly as I can.
As I come around, he’s already standing there with our bags in hand. He throws his arm around my shoulders and pulls me close. I shut my eyes, letting him steer me to the door, wanting to say something about what he just admitted but unsure of what or how.
When I hear the door open, so do my eyes, and I’m nailed with a pair of frosty green ones.
There Alec sits, perched on my desk, with nothing in hand.
Waiting for me.
But why?
My brows pull in, and I move to step forward, but Rowan’s hold on my shoulder tightens. Slowly, he pulls us through the door.
“Everything all right?” I cautiously ask Alec, uneasiness making my stomach turn.
He stares at me, looks to Rowan, and then stands. He says nothing, just disappears through the doorway that leads to his office.
Rowan drops his arm from me with an irritated sigh and sets my bag down. “I’m going to the gym.” Then, he’s gone.
And I’m left standing in the doorway, thoroughly confused and emotionally spent.
It’s five forty-five in the morning, and I’m ready to go home.
I move my things and plop myself into the chair. As I stare out at Rowan’s truck, our conversation replays in my head, and truly, I’m at a loss.
As sad as it is, I can’t help but think Alec might be right. Maybe Rowan will never be able to love me right, never allow me to love him the way I’ve wanted.
Rowan admitted that he saw me in his future, his far future.
But how far, and what role do I play?
And, more importantly, do I want to wait around to find out?
Chapter Seven
Oakley
“Hey, Dad,” I answer my phone on my way out the door.
“Oakley!”
I pause at the hood of my car. “Everything okay?”
“Oakley, listen to me …”
“What’s wrong?”
“Honey, where are you?”
“Leaving for work.” I whip around when I hear what sounds like a key dropping but see no one around.
“Call …” He groans. “Call Rowan. Have him take you.”
My eyes widen. He’s never the first to suggest Rowan when it comes to anything involving me. Something’s up.
I hustle around the front of my car, quickly getting behind the wheel. “Rowan doesn’t go in until seven. I have to be there by five thirty. What’s going on?”
“I don’t want you to be alone. Listen, I’m not going to be home as early as I thought. I have more business to handle here.”
“Okaaay.” I drop against my seat.
“Oakley, I need you to call Havannah before you get off work and tell her to go back home tonight.”
“But, Dad, you just said I shouldn’t be alone.”
“I know, but I need her to go home now. She won’t do you any good, and I can’t have you there, unprotected.”
“So then, what’s your plan? And unprotected from what?”
“I’ll handle it, Oaks. Trust me?”
“Dad.”
“Honey, please. For once in your life, go with the flow, all right? I’m here, dealing with some stuff, and then … I’ll be home.”
“Is this”—I hesitate, remembering the break-in at Blackline—“Blaze business?”
“Not now. Be careful on your way to work and check the safety nets when you get home. Call me tonight after … well, you’ll call.”
“You’re freaking me out.”
He chuckles lightly, but I hear the crack in his
voice when he sighs in my ear. “I love you, baby girl.”
“Dad—”
“Proud of you.”
My brows pull in. “I know you are.”
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You know that, don’t you?”
“Yeah,” I speak low, my mind running wild with possibilities. “You’ve said it a million times.”
He gives a small laugh. “Oakley, sometimes, the ones we think care the least care the most. Remember that, even when it feels impossible. When it hurts more than you feel you can bear, remember that. The people who love you can do the most damage, but sometimes … they hurt you for you. And not everything is what it appears to be.”
“Why is everything a lesson? I get it. Work my mind, build instinct, and solve problems, Dad, but I’m already Blaze. I passed all these damn tests. Can you just be straight up and tell me what you really want to say? Why are you worried about my safety?”
“Love you, sweetheart.” He puts an end to the conversation, officially shutting me down.
With a sigh, I shake my head. “Love you, Dad.” I hang up, tossing my phone into my gym bag, and drive the last few blocks to the academy. Along the way, I can’t help but stress over what my dad’s hiding.
When I pull into the lot, I don’t even have a chance to put the car in park before Alec is exiting the building, heading straight for me.
“Welcoming brigade?”
“It’s dark.” He scowls, his eyes scanning the lot behind me. “Hurry up and grab your shit, so we can get back inside.”
“Good morning to you, too.” I glare at my things as I grab them from the passenger seat.
Alec checks my doors after I push the alarm button, and together, we walk into the building. Once inside, he locks the door, disappearing when his phone rings.
I try to focus on my typical morning routine, running through today’s schedule and reviewing the recruits timing progressions, but all I can think of is my dad and our strange conversation.
Over the past two years, he’s been overly protective and paranoid. Well, more so than normal but still. There was a definite, obvious change.
More business trips, more late-night meetings.
Maybe he’s anxious because I’m not a kid anymore, and eventually, I’ll move out. Not that I’m in a rush. I like being here with him. He’s the only family I have.
It’s been just the two of us since I was five days old when my mother tried to hide my existence and put me up for adoption. With good reason, he stayed single after that. Never married, hardly ever dated, much to every woman’s dismay. He’s young and fit from his profession, barely thirty-seven, so there’s still plenty of time even though, according to him, that’s not what he wants. He’s always been alone, so he’s used to doing things his way. Before me, he had no family other than his best friend turned business partner, so it’s always only been us and the academy.
He sometimes used to ask if I felt like I needed a woman to talk to, but I didn’t miss what I didn’t have. And, after a while, Rowan’s mom sort of took me under her wing.
I think she wants me with Rowan even more than I do. She’s constantly making comments about how, one day, everything will be how it is meant to be.
My dad always laughs it off, never acknowledging my and Rowan’s closeness. In all honesty, I don’t think he’s ever believed our relationship. Or lack thereof. I guess maybe no dad wants to think about his daughter’s love life.
I’m pulled from my thoughts when Alec wordlessly sets a cup of coffee in front of me, disappearing before I can thank him. Only then do I realize that I forgot my mug at home.
It seems strange for Alec to notice something so small, but I don’t question it. I just appreciate the gesture.
I turn on some music, forcing myself to get lost in work.
It works, and the day flies by.
I had two days’ worth of written exams to grade and timings to update in our tracking system, so I was out of class all day. And I’m pretty sure Alec was on board, which was perfect. As it was, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to guide the recruits today. I even hid from Rowan at lunch, choosing to eat alone in the back.
A while later, after all the students and other staff members are gone, Alec drops into the seat on my left and starts reading over tomorrow’s lesson plan. His phone goes off several times, but he ignores it, eventually stuffing it in his front pocket.
He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even look my way, so neither do I. I just keep working, and before we know it, it’s time to go.
When I shift to stand, he looks up, watching my every move.
I try not to think about his eyes on me, but it’s hard. Intensity rolls off him like a cloud of smoke, spreading until it sucks all the air from the room, leaving me breathless and desperate for … something.
“You leaving?”
I lick my lips, nodding. “I’m beat, so … yeah.”
He stares, studying me.
When I break eye contact, he hops up from his seat, his reflection staring at me through the door.
Guess he’s leaving, too.
He says nothing as we walk to our cars and still nothing as I get in mine and close the door.
“He is so weird,” I mutter to myself as I kick on the heater.
My phone rings as I back out, so I hit the Answer button on my stereo. “Hello?”
“Oakley.”
“Hey, Dad. I’m just heading home.”
“I know.”
My brows pull in.
“Did you talk to Havannah? She going home?”
“Yeah. She called me a couple of hours ago, said she was headed there now.”
“Good, good. You tell her to call you when she got there?”
“She said she would.” I turn down my street. “What’s going on, Dad? You freak about not wanting me alone and then send home Havannah. What gives?”
“You won’t be alone.”
“I … what?”
“I’ve made arrangements.”
“Dad, I don’t want one of your … whatever you wanna call the guys who travel with you.”
“Not them.”
“Then, who?” I ask, pulling into my driveway. Just as I do, a black truck pulls up behind me, blocking my car in.
The driver hops out and heads right for my door.
“Oh, hell no,” I whisper in shock.
“Oakley—”
“Are you joking right now? No freaking way!”
“Honey—”
I turn the car off and hop out, hanging up on my dad.
“No way!” I shout, stepping up to him.
He ignores me and pulls my keys from my hand. He grabs my wrist and drags me to the door.
“Alec!” I shout, fighting his grip. “What the he—”
“Shut up, Oakley, and move your damn feet.”
I growl, allowing him to unlock the door and shove me inside.
He follows, locking the dead bolt behind him, and before I can scream, he takes off, quickly entering and exiting every room in the house.
“What the hell are you looking for? Stay out of my room!”
He exits with a glare. “You forgot to make your bed after your little fuck session.”
“Wooow. Okay.” I hop in front of him. “Talk, Alec. Now.”
He steps around me, reaching into my fridge for a water. “Your dad asked me to stay with you ‘til he’s home.”
“What?”
“Yep.”
“My dad hates you. He wouldn’t—”
Alec starts laughing a full belly laugh, and I freeze mid-sentence, staring at the freak in front of me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him laugh.
“Oh, Oakley. You really are as blind as you seem, aren’t you?”
When I cross my arms over my chest, his grin grows.
“Yeah, you are,” he continues. “This should be interesting.”
“You are not staying here.”
“Bullshi
t.”
“I can have Rowan come. I don’t need you here.”
Alec slams his water bottle down, getting in my face. “No, you won’t. Bring him here while I’m here, and I’ll make this so much worse for you, Oakley. I’m gonna open your eyes, baby.”
“Fuck you.”
“If you’re lucky.” With that, he storms off, slamming the door to the spare room behind him.
And there I stand, alone in my kitchen, with more questions than I can even begin to work through.
An hour passes before Alec shows his face again, phone to his ear.
“Yeah. I made sure. Don’t worry; I got it under control.” His eyes lift to mine. “I might have to talk your daughter off a ledge, but I can be persuasive.” He laughs at whatever my traitorous father said and stuffs his phone in his pocket.
“Since when do you talk to my dad?”
“Since always.”
I shift on the couch. “That’s crap. He’s never even liked you.”
“I love how you see only what you want. That something you picked up ’cause your mom left?”
I gasp, and he stares.
I wait for an apology that never comes.
Chapter Eight
Oakley
“What the fuck do you mean, Alec is staying with you?”
“Exactly what I said.”
“No. No, no, no …” he whispers to himself. I imagine he’s pacing. “Oakley, come stay with me.”
“I … can’t, Row. My dad is crazy adamant about me staying here.”
“You’re a fucking adult, Oakley. You don’t have to listen to your dad. Come to my house. Stay with me. Please.”
“Maybe if you were still next door at your mom’s, but you’re across town now. I can’t.”
“Can’t or don’t want to?”
My brows pull in. “Can’t. Ever since that break-in we had when we went on vacation a few months ago, my dad has made sure someone is home.”
“They didn’t even take anything. That’s an excuse.”
I pinch my lips to the side and sit up on my bed. “Rowan … what’s the real problem here? You’re being an ass.”
“I don’t want him there with you, alone.”
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