by Tess Oliver
We shuffled out into the night with weary bodies and minds. I felt as if I'd been on a fire fight, all energy wrung from me and my mind in a fog. Looking at Kenzie, it seemed she was feeling the same, only multiplied by a hundred.
I opened the truck door for her. She dragged herself inside. I walked around and sat behind the steering wheel. There were so many things to talk about, so many places to start, but my head didn't have an ounce of focus. I started the truck, turned on some quiet music and pulled out onto the road.
I glanced at her. "I'm thinking we stop at the motel at the bottom of the hill," they were the first words either of us had spoken. "I don't think I can drive all the way back to my place tonight. I'm spent and you look like you need a good night's sleep."
Kenzie nodded as she tucked her hair behind her ear. There it was—that profile. I don't know how I didn't see it. I spent most of my junior high and high school classes staring at that profile. Hardly ever heard a word the teacher was saying whenever Kenzie was in the same class. The sisters looked a lot alike, but I was so nuts about Kenzie, I was sure I could always tell the difference. They'd had distinctive styles and very different personalities, yet they'd been stepping into each other's shoes for years, after their mother vanished. I had no idea which sister I'd been with on the porch, at the park for the kiss, on the river. It seemed they'd been playing the Parent Trap on the whole town.
"I just realized how alone I am," she said, softly. "It's ridiculous since I no longer considered him my dad, but now that I know he's going away for the rest of his life, it means I no longer have any family. My mom's parents never trusted my dad, and somehow, they'd decided that Sutton and I were his children. They wanted nothing to do with us. So I'm alone." She reached over and touched my arm. "Except for you, King. Somehow, during all those years of running, I knew I'd find you again."
I didn't know how to respond. How badly I wanted to hear those words, back then, when we were growing up and even now, but she had thrown a major wrench in things. Her playing me back then and now just wasn't sitting right with me. My heart was fully into this, but my head was telling me she was only going to scramble shit up in my life. It might have been my pride that had taken a hit in all this, but I just didn't know how to settle this with my soul. Over the last few days, I'd fallen in love with Sutton Jensen or so I'd thought. Now nothing made sense. When I was back on the job, I needed my full wits about me, and having Kenzie in my life was going to make that difficult. She'd already knocked me so fucking off balance that nothing about my existence felt stable right now.
"Have you decided what to do for your mom?" I asked.
"Yes, it was a no-brainer. She always loved the beach. I'll have her remains cremated and then take her out to the coast to scatter the ashes. Maybe we could make a trip of it."
I sank down a little lower in my seat and didn't respond. She was making future plans, only I couldn't pull myself out of the sticky, fucked up present. She seemed to sense it.
"King, I know I have a lot of explaining to do. I'm hoping once I do, you won't be too mad at me. But if you—well—I can move on. I'm pretty good at that, after all. Sheriff Watkins told me I was going to need to be near town for all the legal stuff that's about to follow but you don't need to—what I'm trying to say is—I don't expect you to be there for all that. You've already saved my life."
I took a deep breath. "I just need to know why you didn't tell me. If I was the one you had wanted to end up with, then why didn't you tell me, Kenzie?" I said the name clearly. "I am talking to Kenzie, right? Because, frankly, I'm starting to doubt that too." I realized we were about to go deep and dirty into some heavy shit, so I pulled off into an empty parking lot and turned off the truck. "I mean, fuck, is Sutton going to pop out of some place and say surprise, I'm here too?" I was thinking with my heart and not my head. I'd said the exact wrong fucking thing.
Tears glossed over her green eyes. Those green eyes. Those fucking green eyes that stole my breath away. "Sutton is dead, but it should have been me. She's dead and it's my fucking fault. It should have been me in that river." She pulled her feet up and hugged her knees to her chest. It seemed she felt safer talking about her sister's death in that position. Her dad was behind bars, but I had no doubt she was going to feel his menacing presence for years. "Isaac was always there, always following me around town, licking his lips like a snake." She shuddered and held herself together by tightening her arms around her knees. "I told my dad about him stalking me. He told me it was my fault for dressing like a whore."
"Jeezus," I muttered.
"Yep, he was dad of the year in more ways than I could count. Anyhow, I'd sort of learned how to avoid Isaac and make sure I was never in a situation alone with the creep because there was no doubt in my mind that he would do something, molest or kill me if he was given the chance."
"And the sheriff, your father, was putting it all on your shoulders. I hope they fucking throw away the key once that final cell door closes."
"You and me both. That day"—she swallowed hard and curled in on herself even more—"the day Sutton died, we'd decided to switch places. The whole switching identities had been Sutton's idea after my mom disappeared. She wanted to make our dad so nuts that he would drive off a cliff. That was the exact scenario she envisioned. Him running from the house, screaming and yelling because he could no longer tell his daughters apart, then heading straight for the nearest cliff. It was a farfetched idea considering my dad never lost his cool—" She looked at me. "Until this afternoon in that dark forest. Well done, Kingston Bristow."
"It was a long time coming for that asshole."
"What started as a plan to gaslight my dad, ended up being sort of therapeutic for Sutton and me. We'd lost the mom we adored, and it felt like no one else gave a damn about us. Mrs. Fulton did constantly check in on us, but she was too afraid of my dad to really help. We only had each other, and as much as we were alike, we were so darn different."
"Yep, might have noticed that," I said.
"It was freeing stepping out of our own skins, so to speak. As much as Sutton preferred to play piano and read and be unsocial, there were times when she liked playing the town flirt. For me, it was wonderful not having to be Kenzie. No boys following me around, calling me or trying to sneak a kiss behind the school gym. I could slip into Sutton's quiet, secluded world and just be her."
I unbuckled my seatbelt and turned toward her but leaned against the door to keep distance between us. I badly wanted to hold her. At the same time, I knew she wasn't going to be good for me. I'd made it this far on my own. I always figured a woman would just fuck up the easy going single life I'd come to count on. Parting ways would probably be best for both of us. Then she could restart her life without the threat of her dad. No strings from the past attached. I was definitely a string from the past.
"First question—who the fuck did I kiss in the park?"
She winced at the coldness in my tone, but I felt I had every right to be angry. They were trying to gaslight their dad, only somehow I and my volatile teenage hormones had gotten swept up in the plot.
"That was me, King. It was me. You talked about that kiss like it was a memory that had moved through life with you—"
"Hell yeah, I was a kid with raging hormones and a flaming crush on a girl named Kenzie. Boom, there was my first real kiss with the very same girl. Or so I thought. I'm so fucking confused right now."
The chill from the night air was seeping into the truck. Kenzie pulled her sweatshirt closer around her. My first instinct was to take her into my arms to keep her warm, but I resisted the urge. As badly as I still wanted her in my life, I couldn't see a path out of this bizarre twist in the story.
"It's so hard to explain, and frankly, I can't even explain it to myself, but that kiss seemed so important to you and I was Sutton. On a wild impulse, I told you we'd switched places that day. To tell you the truth, King, sometimes I don't know who I am anymore. My memories are a garbled mess.
We had gotten so good at switching back and forth, our lives sort of blurred together." She reached across for my hand but I didn't give it. She nodded. "I don't blame you for hating me. I sometimes feel the same way about myself."
"No," I said sharply. "No pity party for yourself right now. You knew what you were doing. You knew you could trust me, but instead of coming clean, you kept up the act."
She stared at me, blinking long, dark lashes over those emerald green eyes. "You don't get it, do you? I preferred to be Sutton. She was the person I always wanted to be. After they pulled her from the river . . . Dad thought it was me at first. When he saw Sutton at the hospital, he knew. He knew he'd lost Sutton. I can tell you he was pissed as hell. He wanted it to be me. He was never, ever a good father and he had his favorite. That was Sutton. I was a disappointment. Of course, Sutton still hated his guts and he knew that. It only made him meaner. But the day she died, she went into the river as Kenzie. Isaac killed Kenzie. On that day I was Sutton, and I stayed Sutton. I was leaving town for good. I wanted to live on as my sister. I know it sounds crazy, but it was sort of my way of keeping her with me."
I stared out into the darkness, trying to absorb everything, trying out that empathy that I'd always strived for. Put yourself in their shoes, my dad used to say. It'll help bring perspective. As bad as my younger years had been, they'd been a picnic compared to Kenzie's. But my stupid pride was still getting in the way of seeing things clearly. I felt duped.
Kenzie covered her mouth to stifle a yawn. She looked so exhausted, I was sure she'd fall asleep on the drive to the motel.
"Let's get a room. You need sleep." I started the truck but paused before leaving the deserted parking lot. "There was a time once, I was on my porch and—"
A sweet smile curled up her lips. "I still say mint chip beats rocky road any day of the week."
I couldn't help but feel relieved. For some reason, that afternoon had meant more to me than anything. Maybe it was because Kenzie had chosen to visit me that day. Maybe it was because I had her all to myself for that hour, sitting on my porch, hanging out in front of the house where I spent most of my time being miserable and watching my mom wither and die on the vine like a slowly fading rose or maybe it was because there had been no game playing, no trying hard to impress her, no overt, stupid ass flirting. It was just the two of us connecting over something as inane as ice cream flavors.
"I'm glad it was you," I said, quietly. I wasn't entirely sure why I said it or what it meant, but somehow, my entire teenage years would have been erased if it had turned out I was being played that day, thinking I was with Kenzie, the girl I loved, and finding out she had never been a part of it.
I pulled out of the driveway. As predicted, Kenzie rested her head back. Long dark lashes fell like black fringes over her cheeks, still pale from the harrowing day. She was asleep. Kenzie Jensen was alive and well and out cold.
27
The motel room had that smell that was uniquely motel, a mix of musty carpet, cheap cleaning products and stale smoke from the visitor who'd ignored the no-smoking room sign and smoked anyway.
Kenzie walked straight into the bathroom for a shower, and I headed out with the ice bucket and some money for the vending machines. By the time I returned with my chunks of ice, cold sodas and two packs of cookies that were probably stale but still looked fresher than the pack of mini donuts, Kenzie had finished her shower. She was sitting at the edge of the bed wearing only the tiny motel towel. Her hair was wet and tucked behind her ears.
"Used most of the hot water I think, or maybe the shower is set up to cut you off so you don't run up their bill."
"Probably both. I'll wait till morning." I pulled off my sweatshirt and shirt. "You'll just have to put up with my stink."
She laughed, it was a half-hearted sound. This day had drained her of the real thing. We fluffed the small pillows up and placed them upright against the cheesy wooden headboard. It was painted a weird mauve color and clashed with the green fern print wallpaper.
Kenzie stretched her long legs out on the mattress as she rested back. How often I'd watched those legs strutting down to the river beneath shorts and bikini bottoms. How often I'd dreamt about those legs being stretched out next to me on a bed.
"That day, that day at the river when Bret Harper had his truck parked by the shore and his radio blaring. He was floating down the river with Kenzie?" I squinted at her in question.
"That was me on the raft. My usual river partner hadn't arrived on time, and frankly, I wanted to make him jealous." She reached over. This time, I let her put her hand in mine. "Did it work?"
I chuckled. "Always. I spent my entire teenage years shifting back and forth from being horny as hell to spitting mad and that was all because of you." I got up and walked across the room to pour the sodas. I returned with the vending machine midnight snack. I handed her the plastic cup and a pack of cookies. "It was the best I could do on short notice." I sat on the bed still wearing my pants. I rested back against the small pillow. "That day, I heard someone singing in the shrubs behind me."
"I know. Sutton was always the one with the really great voice. I could sing but Sutton's voice was magical. Just like everything about her. She told me about the conversation."
"I asked her why she always hated me so much—"
"Because she had a crush on you," she said quickly.
"She thought I was different. That's what she told me, but it turned out I wasn't. I was just like every other guy in town—I was in love with her sister."
"You exaggerate. There were some infatuations, but that was because as you no doubt noticed, we Westridge girls were outnumbered by boys three to one. And just to ease your conscience, Sutton's crush on you ended by ninth grade after she met Raphael online. He was a budding pianist in Spain. They would talk on video chat at least once a week. The madman couldn't know, of course, but it worked out because Raphael was in a different time zone. Sutton could talk to him in the middle of the night. She'd hide under her quilt and they'd talk for an hour. He had a heavy accent, but he spoke pretty good English."
"And, you know what my next question will be—" I started.
"No, we never traded off when it came to Raphael. Sutton was nuts about him. She was greedy when it came to her time with Raphael."
"At least Raphael can be comfortable with the fact that he was not a big ass, idiot sucker like yours truly."
"It's not true," she said teasingly. "Your ass isn't big at all. In fact, it's one of my favorite asses."
I raised a brow at her. "One of your favorites?"
"I'm sorry but have you seen Jon Bon Jovi's ass in his tight leather pants?"
"Nope, I haven't and I'm pretty sure I can go to my grave without that visual."
Kenzie grew quiet, and her shoulders slumped. She put the soda down on the nightstand. "They were supposed to talk the night, that night. I was in my room, trying to get a grip on what had happened, trading off between crying hysterically and smacking my head against the wall. I hadn't slept a wink and then Sutton's computer dinged." Kenzie brought her knees up just like she'd done in the truck. "I had to break the news to him. At first, he didn't believe it. He thought I was playing a trick on him, that I was actually Sutton. Then he noticed the state of despair I was in, and he knew it was true. He was devastated. They'd planned to meet in Europe after they both graduated high school." She released her legs and scooted closer to rest her head on my shoulder. "Just like Sutton was greedy about her time with Raphael, I can tell you that most of the time, when you were with me, it was actually me. I usually tried to find out who would be at the river or the park first. If you were going to be there, I rarely switched with Sutton."
"My ego is going to accept that as fact, but I've got to say, as much as I hoped for it, Kenzie, I never got the impression that you liked me all that much. Might have been the fact that you made every guy feel like he was in the running. Bret Harper, for example, with his nearly new stupid ass truck, he t
old me the two of you planned to get married after high school."
She scrunched up her nose. "Bret Harper? There were no marriage plans. There were no plans of any kind. I never liked the guy. He wore really smelly aftershave even though the stubble on his face hardly required a razor."
"Good to hear cuz I seriously did not like that guy." We both yawned at the same time. "Guess we should get some sleep."
"Sleep sounds luxurious," she said with another yawn. She climbed out of bed, walked to the bathroom and returned in her t-shirt and panties. How could I not have seen it? Every inch of her was as incredible as I remembered. It was seared into my brain.
I turned out the lights as she climbed in next to me. At first we both laid on our backs, staring at the textured, smoke stained ceiling above.
"King," her voice drifted around the dark room.
"Yeah?"
"I know you're not too pleased with me, after keeping so much from you, but I could really use some strong arms around me tonight. There's so much in my head, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to sleep."
I lifted my arm. She tucked herself against me and rested her head on my chest. I wrapped my arm around her to hold her securely in place. "It's not so much that I'm not pleased, it's that I've taken a hit to my ego. I'm still absorbing it all, Kenzie. There's a lot to process. I'm laying in bed with the girl I obsessed over throughout my teen years, but a week ago, I thought she was dead. Then, for that same week, I thought she was someone else. You'll have to forgive me if I'm feeling mind-fucked."
"I do, I do forgive you. You freed me, King. I'll never forget that. I'm going to live out my life without the dangerous shadow of my father following me around. I'm going to see my mom finally rest in peace, and slowly, I'm going to come to terms with the death of my sister. That last one will probably take me until my own time comes." She snuggled closer, close enough to stir every muscle in my body. Even after the deceit had been revealed, she still caused a physical reaction that I could only describe as insatiable.