But in those dreams, I see temples taller than I could imagine. The tallest one…I begin to climb. And climb.
The air is rare, in those dreams, and heady. So far from home. Not home air. From everywhere comes that hum, that vibrating soundless hum for which I long, and long. Its strange song.
There are clouds, but not like clouds here. I am high. High. Far away at eye level, strange pterodactyls with single burning red eyes dip and flutter and make sounds. I have almost achieved something. I almost…
Almost. No dream ever stays as long as it should.
But those dreams are all I have, since Mama left. They teach me the most. In them, I see everything for the first time again, like a child. In them there is sense, power, triumph. Meaning. In them, I am truly, for the first time, a god.
Because in them, I find Beauty.
Sacred to the memory of Ray Harryhausen
Excerpts from the Diaries of Henry P. Linklatter
Stephen Mark Rainey
1969
Wednesday, July 16, 1969
Today was my birthday! I am 11 years old. Mom made a cake, and Terry, Beth, Dan, Faun, Suzy, Joe, and Charles came over for a party. I got a fishing rod, a G.I. Joe, a model sailing ship, and some other stuff. Also, Apollo 11 landed on the moon this afternoon. We watched it on the news, and even Walter Cronkite was excited and laughing! Neil Armstrong walked on the moon tonight and said “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” I got to stay up late and watch it. That part was exciting, but a lot of it was just looking at the leg of the LEM and nothing else really happening. But I’m glad we landed on the moon!
Thursday, July 17, 1969
Exciting news from the moon today. The astronauts found something, and nobody knows what it is. Walter Cronkite said it might be a UFO. We didn’t go to the swimming pool because Mom and I watched the news on TV most of the day. Nothing much happened, just a lot of scientists talking. Still, tonight, Dad said this is probably the most historical event in human history and we’re lucky to be seeing it.
Friday, July 18, 1969
Wow, something happened in space today! Mission Control lost contact with Apollo 11, and nobody knows what’s going on. Mom actually cried. The news put on the pictures the astronauts were taking, but you can’t tell what they are. They’re just kind of white blobs moving in the shadows on the moon. Then the news went off on all channels. When they came back on tonight, they had General Momyer of the Air Force. He said there’s some kind of alert because of what happened in space.
I don’t think it’s really scary, it’s pretty exciting. But Mom said a lot of people are scared, even adults. The TV channels went off again for a pretty good while, but when they came back on, there wasn’t much news. CBS said Walter Cronkite is not the newscaster anymore. That made Dad upset.
Wednesday, July 23, 1969
It’s been a week since Apollo 11 landed on the moon, and still nobody knows what happened. There’s no more news about what they found, no more pictures of UFOs or anything on TV. Kind of dull and disappointing, although Mom and Dad talk about how things aren’t right on the news, and they seem worried a lot. There are stories about Vietnam but almost nothing about space. I spent the afternoon at the swimming pool with Charles. His Dad was just called back to the Army, and Charles thinks they may have to move away. I hope not.
Monday, September 1, 1969
First day of school today. I am in sixth grade. I have four different teachers this year. Mrs. Amburn for Math, Mrs. Creech for English, Mrs. Tambini for Social Studies, and Mr. Wicker for Science. Mr. Wicker is my favorite. He’s got models of all the NASA rockets in our classroom. He also has a big aquarium with fish in it. Some of them are very rare. I actually liked being at school today. I think my teachers are pretty cool, and it’s nice seeing most of my friends. I miss Charles since he had to move.
Mr. Wicker talked to us again about Apollo 11, and he believes they saw UFOs. He also said a lot of news has been “suppressed,” which meansthe government doesn’t tell us about things that really happened. He said one of his hobbies is short-wave radios and he talks to people all over the world. One of the people he talked to was able to hear some reports about the moon that weren’t on TV, and Mr. Wicker says it was about some-thing called “Yuggoth.” Nobody knows what that is, but he is trying to find out.
He says it’s very important we know about these things. I don’t know why. He doesn’t treat us like little kids like some teachers, which is nice.
I listened to the radio tonight and tape recorded “Green River” by Creedence Clearwater Revival, “Honky Tonk Woman” by the Rolling Stones, and “Easy to Be Hard” by Three Dog Night. They interrupted a couple of times with Civil Defense Tests. That’s been happening a lot lately.
Thursday, November 27, 1969
It’s Thanksgiving, so there’s no school today or tomorrow. I watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade this morning, which was pretty good. They had lots of big balloons. Smoky the Bear, Snoopy, and Superman were the best. There was a float with full-size models of the Apollo capsule and LEM. It was covered in flowers and wreaths, and they had big photographs of Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and Michael Collins. There were also army tanks, and a lot of jets flew over. President Nixon came on with a speech about how there won’t be any moon landings for a while but they intend to continue the space program. I hope so. It’s the most exciting thing there is. I wondered if the president might talk about Yuggoth, but he did not.
Thursday, December 25, 1969
Christmas Day! We came to Nanny and Pa Pa’s house in Atlanta last night. I got a good bunch of presents. The best is the Major Matt Mason stuff, including the space station and lunar crawler. It really makes me hope we will go back to the moon. I know it’s dangerous, but I think I would go if I could. I really would like to become an astronaut. I think you have to be in the military, so maybe when I’m old enough I’ll join the Air Force.
We’ll be going back to Aiken Mill tomorrow. At least it’s still another week before I have to go back to school. My classes have gotten kind of boring, except for science. Mr. Wicker hasn’t said much about his short-wave radio stuff lately, but he did say that he may have news for us after Christmas. I kind of look forward to that.
1970
Monday, January 5, 1970
First day back at school for the new year. But Mr. Wicker isn’t there anymore! They say he got fired! We have a substitute for right now, Mrs. Goehagen, but she’ll only be there until we get a new regular teacher. I don’t think I like her. She has a weird accent and isn’t very nice. I asked her if she was going to talk to us about the space program, like Mr. Wicker did, but she told me not to be impermanent impertinent. ← I had to look that up.
Monday, February 9, 1970
We got all new teachers today! Even a new principal. They say it’s because the schools are under new management. What’s weird is most of the new ones are not regular Americans. They’re not black people but they have darker skin than white people. I don’t know if I like them yet. They talk strange and don’t even say very much except when they do the lessons and give us homework. Some of them have big eyes that hardly ever blink. I don’t like it when they look at me, especially Mr. Tsugaroo, who is now our science teacher.
I heard some of them talking when I went to my locker this afternoon. They were very quiet, but I heard a word that sounded kind of like “Yuggoth.” Whatever else they were saying, it wasn’t in English.
Tuesday, March 17, 1970
Mr. Tsugaroo kept Mr. Wicker’s fish tank, but all the fish are gone. Now there’s some kind of big, black lumpy thing with feelers. It’s called a Nylgarr. Mr. Tsugaroo says it used to be native to an area in the South Pacific, but because of “accelerated evolution,” whatever that means, they live in all the oceans now, and even some lakes. They can survive in saltwater or freshwater. Lots of other schools have them too. It’s pretty ugly, but also kind of cool. It mostly just sits still and se
ems to be listening, as if it could really listen to a boring teacher! Sometimes it shoots out this long tube that opens up to look like a trumpet. I don’t think I’d want to swim in the water where these things are.
Friday, June 5, 1970
It’s the last day of school, and I’m really glad summer vacation is starting. Still, this year wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be when all the new teachers came. They were weird and very strict, but at least they weren’t mean. Unless you acted up, like Jack Curry always did. I don’t know what ever happened to him when they sent him to the office, but he sure did change. For several weeks, he didn’t say a word, not to anyone. I never did like him, but I kind of felt sorry for him. Now they say he’s been sent to a hospital for some kind of psychiatric thing. Mr. Tsugaroo says he may never come out.
Anyway, this year, I’m really going to miss having Charles to go to the pool with. I’ll probably hang out with Joe Albemarle. Joe said Mr. Tsugaroo got him to take the Nylgarr home with him for the summer. He didn’t really want to, but he gets some kind of extra credit for taking care of it. I hope he doesn’t bring it to the pool and drop it in or anything, ha ha! Knowing Joe, that’s the kind of thing he’d do.
Thursday, July 16, 1970
It’s been a year since Apollo 11 went to the moon and vanished without a trace. There were lots of memorial services today, and President Nixon gave a speech about restarting the space program. Mom and I watched a little of it on TV, but they didn’t show any of the pictures of those UFOs or whatever they were. Went to the pool with Joe, and he wants me to bring the Nylgarr to my house because he’s tired of taking care of it. He says it’s boring, but he acts kind of like he’s afraid of it. Like that really makes me want to take it. Maybe I will, though, just because it’d be something different.
Saturday, July 18, 1970
I brought the Nylgarr home and I call it Admiral Nelson. Since Joe didn’t keep it for the entire summer, I hope I’ll get some extra science credit too. It’s got these big black eyes that stare, kind of the same way my teachers did, ha ha. It’s funny, though, they’re not like fish eyes that just look out at anything, it’s like they follow me around whenever I’m in the room. That’s probably why Joe didn’t like it. Mom doesn’t like it either, but Dad said if I get extra credit, he’s all for it.
I have to feed it raw meat. It won’t eat anything else, I guess.
Saturday, July 25, 1970
Since I brought Admiral Nelson home, I have been having these dreams every single night, and they’re almost like being awake. It feels like I somehow switch places with it, and I think about things I never do when I’m awake. Last night I dreamed I was swimming around in pitch darkness, but there was this little blue light in the water with me, and it was very pretty. It was a little scary but I didn’t want to get out of the water. A voice that sounded almost like a woman singing said that, since we went to the moon, they know the time is right. I don’t know who “they” were or what time it was, but it made me feel nervous and excited at the same time, kind of like when I start the first day of school.
Sunday, August 16, 1970
I keep having dreams about working number puzzles, which are very difficult, but somehow I do the math in my head, and the puzzles become these colorful, moving shapes that end up fitting together. It doesn’t sound exciting or interesting when I write it down, but in the middle of the night, it’s like when the puzzle starts out, I’m nervous and uncomfortable, but every part that comes together makes me feel calm and peaceful. And I always feel like Admiral Nelson is watching me, but not in a bad way. Whenever I solve a puzzle, he shoots out that trumpet thing, and it makes a noise like that woman singing I’ve heard in my dreams.
Monday, September 7, 1970
I started 7th grade today. I’m now at Albert Hartmann Middle School, which is across town instead of in the neighborhood. But all the teachers are the same ones I had last year, plus a couple of new ones. I got my extra credit for keeping Admiral Nelson, at least! Joe got sent to the office for passing it off on me. He said he didn’t get in trouble, though, they just said he might need some kind of counseling.
I got put in advanced science and advanced math because of my “aptitude.” Mr. Tsugaroo told us this year the advanced class will be studying mostly physics and astronomy. And in math, it’s algebra and trigonometry, which has to do with angles. I don’t think school is going to be as much fun as it used to be, but from what they tell me, this is exactly the kind of stuff I’ll need to learn if I want to become an astronaut.
So, yay for me.
All in all, it was a pretty good day.
1972
Wednesday, February 16, 1972
Things are heating up in Vietnam. We’ve been “carpet bombing” the enemy, and President Nixon is threatening a major offensive that he says will alter all the maps. My folks are afraid something really terrible is going to happen, something that could affect us even over here. I don’t know if they’re talking about some kind of nuclear war or what, but even at school the teachers are telling us we need to be prepared for “something different.”
School has been hard, hard, HARD. Especially the math. I swear, the kind of work we’re doing is like those dreams I used to have, except there’s no “magic” solution to them. I have to work them out, like figuring out angles in three dimensions, projecting curvilinear coordinates, all kinds of complicated stuff. Mr. Wicker used to say it’s enough to make the Pope cuss.
Monday, February 21, 1972
It was no joke! We set off some kind of weapon today and North Vietnam is gone. Completely gone. It’s top-secret, so they wouldn’t say exactly what it was, but it came from outer space, and they say it was a “surgical strike,” it just vaporized every living thing inside the country but didn’t blow up everything else. Miss Glarkyn put on the classroom TVs at school so we could watch the news, but some kids’ parents came to pick them up because they were afraid we’re about to get into a big war. But President Nixon came on and said the governments of Russia and China are staying out of it. Dad says it’s because we can do the same thing anywhere, to anyone. He makes it sound like a bad thing.
For the first time in a few years, I heard the word “Yuggoth” again. Mr. Tsugaroo said it when he was speaking his language to another teacher. I know that’s what he said. For sure, Mr. Wicker knew what he was talking about, that Yuggoth is something weird and something important.
Mom and Dad don’t talk a lot anymore, but before I went to bed, Dad said there’s going to be a lot riding on my generation. I don’t even know what that means.
1974
Tuesday, July 16, 1974
Hey, it’s my 16th birthday, and I got my driver’s license today. Mom and Dad took us to dinner at the Bonsoir Steak House for my birthday dinner, and I got to drive the station wagon. I asked Marybeth Hensley if she’d go out on Friday, maybe to the movies, and she said she would. I’ve got enough money from working at Globman’s General to take us out for a nice dinner too. First time ever taking a girl out with a car of my own to use. Hell, yeah.
Saw a shooting star tonight right after we got home from dinner. Biggest, brightest thing I’ve ever seen. I was coming up the back stairs, saw a flash, and there it was, sailing across the sky, leaving a big black trail of smoke. Looked kind of like it was heading toward Lake Lure, over behind Tuckahoe Road. Mom and Dad didn’t see it, but afterward Mom said she felt something, like the ground shaking. Wonder if it actually landed somewhere nearby? That would be damn cool.
Thursday, July 18, 1974
Nothing to report on that meteor I saw. Probably didn’t even come down around here.
Wednesday, July 24, 1974
Well, this is news. Looks like there are Nylgarrs living in Lake Lure. Tom Lewis was down there fishing this morning and found a bunch of them. He didn’t catch them with his rod and reel, as they don’t even eat worms (just raw meat), he just saw them near the banks. He came by here to tell me about them, so I d
rove the station wagon down to the lake to check them out. There were about a dozen of them in the cove near Browning’s Creek. It’s so strange how they’ll watch you, and sometimes shoot out those trumpets they have. Tom seems to be scared of them too, but since I took care of Admiral Nelson, they don’t really bother me.
Friday, August 9, 1974
President Nixon resigned today, and Vice-President Marsh is now the president.
I went over to Joe’s for a while tonight. We watched the news with his parents, which was boring, except that President Marsh promised to make the space program his number one priority. He said we will be going back to the moon very soon, and then on to Mars and beyond. Since Russia and China are now on the same side as us, all the scientists are getting together to share data, which means we’ll go into outer space farther and sooner than we could have before. Dr. Albemarle said it sounded like a crock of shit. He used to be in the Air Force, so I don’t know, maybe he knows what he’s talking about, but more and more, I feel like I want to go to outer space. It’s a calling, I guess you’d say. And to me, all these plans sound like a good thing.
Thursday, October 31, 1974
I’ve been having really weird dreams again, like when I kept Admiral Nelson. Just before the sun came up this morning, I heard some weird scuttling noises outside my window, and something that sounded like a woman singing. I believe the Nylgarr are coming out of the lake. I didn’t think they could live outside the water, but maybe they can. “Accelerated evolution,” like Mr. Tsugaroo used to say?
It was Halloween, and of course I’m too old for trick-or-treating, but I do kind of miss it. I did watch “Frankenstein,” “Dracula,” and “The Mummy” on the Fright Night movie special. Those were fun, at least.
Through a Mythos Darkly Page 21