by Heather Long
Milo cut me a look. “Where?”
“Docks. Near Waterston and 105th.”
“Let’s go.” Milo followed me along with the others. We didn’t even make it to the edge of the park before Liam showed up. Rome’s twin wore a suit with a fancy patch on it for the school he’d been enrolled in. Sweat dampened his hair, and his tie was askew.
“Sorry,” he grumbled. “Took me a minute to slip out and get down here.” Since the school was on the far side of town, I was impressed. “Where we going?”
“Docks,” Rome answered him. “Freddie’s missing.”
Unlike me, Liam didn’t look like he was sporting a hangover. Dick. I was glad for the backup though. As we walked, he shucked off the tie he’d been wearing and stuffed it in his pocket.
“Nice outfit, man,” Kellan commented with a grin. He probably meant it, but Vaughn’s soft chuckle and Rome’s snort made me smile wider. Liam raised his middle finger at Kellan. But he wasn’t done as he added, “You’re gonna totally screw up that perfect attendance record.”
“Fuck you,” Liam said with a laugh. “And I left after attendance was taken, so unless one of the teachers gets his panties in a bunch, I’m in the clear.”
Fucker. They only took attendance once a day at his school. Must be nice. The thud in my head matched the pound of my heart as we moved together. Sure, we looked like a pack of troublemakers, but most of our neighborhood knew us, even Liam.
They left us alone. Even the cops tended to look past us. The beat cops at least. But we avoided them anyway. We’d had a run-in with a real bastard of one a couple of years earlier, and he’d gotten nightstick happy with me and Milo. The only reason we hadn’t fought back was he was a damn cop. If it hadn’t been for Mickey J, our asses would probably have ended up in juvey.
It was a hike, but we made it down there in an hour. A lot of this side of town had gone to shit over the years. It was like as the businesses shuttered, nothing new was added to replace them and the derelict buildings were left to rot.
“Which one?” Milo asked after we slid under the broken chain link fence. I pulled out a cigarette and tapped it as I studied the buildings.
“The one he used before is on the south side. You can see the water from it.”
“Split up?” Liam asked as he scanned the area. “We’ll hit more buildings.”
“Agreed,” Milo said. “Kellan and Vaughn, you guys head toward these first buildings, just do a sweep and keep an ear out for him. Rome and Liam, go to the north side, but on the far gate and work your way south. Jasper and I will find the building he knows and start there.”
“Everyone have their phones?” Kellan asked. Another gift from Liam—he’d bought us all cheap cell phones with limited minutes. It was a way to reach out in emergencies.
Okay Freddie, where the fuck are you?
Chapter 22
Jasper
Kellan had given me a look that said I was a sad sack when I planted myself on the sofa and kept watch for when she got back. We watched the game in silence. Freddie was still holed up in his room, having a pity party for one.
I’d checked on him earlier, but his embarrassment outweighed his need for approval at the moment, so in his room he wanted to stay. Something about being at the clinic had set him off. I asked what, but he didn’t want to tell me. I needed to talk to Emersyn about what they did. Maybe if I could figure it out, we could kick his ass back to NA.
If absolutely necessary, I’d go with him. It had done him good before. The fact I’d gone through three cigarettes in rapid succession had me shoving them away before I lit another.
“She texted that they were going to have dinner and Doc would drive her back,” Kellan said without looking up from the accounts book he’d been reconciling. “Rome’s probably working on something over near Doc’s building just in case.”
A door slammed and I sat up, but it was Vaughn—not Emersyn. He slowed when he saw me, and we stared at each other. The silence stretched, and I clamped my jaw shut. He pulled the knit cap off his head slowly, and the only sound came from the announcer on the television.
“Yeah, I’m going to do this shit in my room.” Kellan stood and shut the television off before leaving the remote on the table and grabbing his beer. “Just don’t fucking break the furniture or spread blood around. Pretty sure Sparrow likes your ugly ass faces the way they are. No rearranging.”
Vaughn and I both jerked a look at Kellan as he tipped the beer up for a drink.
“Fuck you, Kes,” Vaughn growled out.
“Not my type.” He smirked. “Play nice, boys.” Then he left the room and headed for the stairs.
Vaughn focused on me once more. “Do you care if I get a beer before you start your bitchin’, or do you want to go straight to fists? I don’t plan on wasting the beer.”
“You’re a real dick,” I grumbled. “Go get your fucking beer.”
He chuckled. The asshole.
I downed the rest of my own beer, then lit a cigarette. Maybe if I had it in my hand, it would keep me from punching him in his smug face. I’d told Emersyn I would try to be less of an asshole and not start fights.
Didn’t say I wouldn’t let him start it and then dive in. Course, Vaughn didn’t usually start the damn fights. Fucker.
Not saying a word, he dropped to sit in the chair and spread out his legs like he had all the time in the world. His expression was damn near serene. Well, if I’d been merrily fucking Emersyn to my heart’s content, I’d probably be fucking serene too.
“You want to just spit it out?” Vaughn asked.
“Not particularly,” I groused. I hated the knotted tangle of emotion gnawing away in my gut. “You fucked her.”
“I did,” he said.
“When you knew how I felt,” I said slowly, glaring at him. “You did it anyway.”
“Hawk, I love you like a brother, but you’re not fucking stupid. We all want her. We have for a long time. You are not the only one who cares.” He raised his bottle and pointed it at me. “And I want her to trust us. We fucked ourselves when we took her how we did, and before you tell me we had to, I don’t disagree. That asshole needed to die, slowly and painfully. But she didn’t deserve the terror and the worry.”
No, she hadn’t.
“She didn’t deserve you being a dick to everybody because you want to piss on her leg and mark your territory.”
I glared at him before stabbing the cigarette out. “I don’t just want to fuck her.”
“Me neither,” Vaughn said. “I want to take care of her.”
Goddammit. “I want to date her. I want…” A lot of things.
“You realize it doesn’t matter what either of us want, right?” He tipped his beer up and knocked the whole thing back before adding, “It only matters what she wants, and eventually, Raptor. ’Cause I’m not sure any of us are gonna survive when he finds out.”
The weight dropped onto my shoulders, and I pinched the bridge of my nose. My pulse throbbed in my head. “We’ll deal with it.” We’d figure it out. “But I’m not backing off of her.” Not now. Not when she’d shown serious interest. Even if I’d seen her coming apart in Vaughn’s arms. Even if he’d tasted her pleasure.
“Are you telling me to back off?” The weariness in that question made me look up. Fighting with my brothers wasn’t my favorite thing to do. But this wasn’t over just anything.
“No,” I said slowly “I would love it if all of you did, but Kel’s got his eye on her. Rome’s nuts for her. That dick Liam keeps sniffing around.” Like he thought I hadn’t noticed how often he’d started popping up now that she was here. Then having Rome take her to his place?
Asshole.
At least him I got to pummel before Emersyn asked me to not do it anymore. I ground my teeth. “Doc wants her too.”
Vaughn chuckled. “I don’t know a red-blooded man alive that wouldn’t want her.”
“You’re okay with it?”
“With you guys?�
�� Vaughn shrugged. “It’s always been us against the world. Now it can be us with her, against the world.”
That…didn’t sound so bad.
“Just try not to scare her off by being an asshole,” he continued as he stood. “Is she here, by the way?”
“Nope, she’s still with Doc.”
His jaw tightened just a fraction and that shouldn’t have pleased me, but it did. At least he wasn’t totally immune to jealousy. “Okay. I’m gonna grab a shower.”
“And I’m waiting up for her, so don’t make any plans like crawling into her bed naked.”
Vaughn chuckled. “Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.” He left the empty bottle on the table as he headed for the stairs. “And if she’s not back here in an hour, we go get her.”
Fuck yes. Then I could tell her it was all Vaughn’s idea. “Done.” He threw me a peace sign and then disappeared up the stairs. I still wanted to kick him in the nuts for touching her, but I didn’t want to kill him anymore. The desire to pound him bloody or shoot him had ridden me the night I found them until I had to leave. I’d had to get the hell out of here before I did something we’d all regret.
The door opened again thirty minutes later, and she walked through the door. At her expression, wide-eyed and a little pale, I stood. I’d kill him. “Are you all right?”
“Fine,” she said, pulling off the hoodie. “Just a lot of rats working out there, and it was kind of creepy with it being dark.”
Dammit, I was an asshole. I should have thought of that. “Sorry,” I said, circling the table. “Maybe next time, you text us, then one of us will meet you at the door.” If any of the rats looked at her sideways, we’d deal with it.
“You don’t mind if there’s a next time?” The unguarded question floored me. I loved her whisky brown eyes with the hint of gold around the edges. It had to be an optical illusion, but I didn’t give a fuck.
“Do I mind if you go out with Doc?” I clarified, and she raised her brows. “Yeah, I mind.” It was the truth. “But I won’t stop you.” No matter how much I wanted. “So, if or when there’s a next time and you’re out and coming back without one of us, text.”
Doc should have fucking walked her all the way to the door. Her sudden smile cracked my bad mood into a dozen pieces. “Thank you,” she said. “I really appreciate that.”
“I’m trying.”
“I know you are,” she said softly. “And that means more than you realize.”
“You wanna…sit for a bit with me? I can get you a drink. Then we can talk?” And I just got awkward as fuck. What the hell was wrong with me? I had moves.
“I’d like that, and I’d kill for a cigarette too.” I didn’t hesitate. I got the pack and pulled out one for her and lit it before passing it over. When her lips wrapped around the same tip I’d just touched with mine, all my blood fled south.
“Beer. Coming right up.” I had to adjust myself to a little more comfortable position. She’d taken up residence on the sofa, right on the center cushion, so I dropped back onto the seat I’d had before. “Here you go.”
“Thank you.”
“Should I ask how it was?” That was a question you asked, right? “How your night went?”
She eyed me over the bottle as she raised it and then frowned a little before taking a drink. It wasn’t until she lowered it that she said, “It was good. I like talking to Mickey.”
Oh, do not fucking call him that. I bit that thought back before it could escape and tried to swallow it. The lump of it got stuck in my throat but I pressed on. “Good.”
Her smile ticked a little higher. “Thank you for trying, Jasper, but you don’t have to hurt yourself at the same time.”
I frowned. “I’m not…”
“Biting your tongue so hard there’s got to be blood in your mouth?” Her raised brows dared me to say otherwise.
“Fine, I don’t like it. In fact, I fucking hate that you enjoy talking to Mickey.” I half spat his name. “But I made you a promise and I’m going to stick to it.”
When she settled her hand against my cheek, I went totally still. Her palm was chilly from holding the bottle. “Thank you. That means a great deal to me. I enjoy talking to Mickey because he never seems to judge a single word I say. Even when I talk about leaving.”
My gut bottomed out. Rather than snap, I ground my teeth together and pulled back a bit to grab my phone. Even if I’d rather touch her and be touched by her, I needed to get my shit together. Leaving was a bad idea. We hadn’t tracked the actual source of the threats yet.
We had some feelers out, and there were people who owed us, big time, who were looking.
“I saw pictures of you there, at his place. Pictures of you and the guys. When you were younger.”
That didn’t surprise me. Mickey—Oh fuck no, I was not giving him that consideration. Doc had always been something of a damn sap. “We knew him when we were younger. He grew up here in the neighborhood. Used to look out for some of the younger kids when they got into trouble.”
“Did you get into trouble?” The innocence in that question ribboned around the amusement. She knew the answer, but at the same time, how could she possibly fathom the depth of it?
“More than once,” I admitted. Turning on the sofa, I faced her. With my knee touching hers, I leaned on the back of the sofa and studied her. “Tell me about this conversation regarding leaving.”
“He asked me if I still wanted to go,” she said softly. “At one point, I asked him to help me escape.”
The tension snapped through me, but her featherlight fingers on my thigh yanked me back toward her.
“And I’m telling you this, not to piss you off, but to clarify a couple of things. I’d asked him to help me. He kept telling me none of you would hurt me, but I still wanted to escape.”
I waited.
“Now? Maybe not as much.” That wasn’t a full admission, but she frowned as if she were mulling her choice of words. “I don’t know where I’d go, and being here has been safe enough. But…”
“But this wasn’t your plan,” I said softly. Kellan had been saying that all along. She didn’t belong in our world. He was right—she didn’t. But I wanted to make a place for her. Especially if she wanted to stay.
“No.” She shook her head. “I have different options now, especially since I’m not a prisoner. But I might need to get a job…”
“You don’t need to.”
“I do. You guys have been taking care of me, but I have to plan for what’s next, if I figure that out. Until then, I’ll just…”
“You’ll stay here. You’ll have a place here, and we can help you figure it out.” That hopefully didn’t come out desperate, even if it felt a tad on the desperate side. “I don’t want you to leave.”
Emersyn lifted her gaze and locked on mine. I forgot what it was like to take a deep breath as she stared at me. It felt like she was reaching into my soul and examining it. Fuck, I hoped I was worthy.
“Why?” The quiet question ricocheted through me.
“Because I care,” I confessed. It was about all I could tell her of the truth until we talked to Raptor. Granted, I’d broken nearly every other tenant where that was concerned, what would be one more? The same difference between a friend who messed up for the right reasons and a raging asshole. The little voice in the back of my head supplied the answer readily. “Because your safety and your happiness are important to me.” To all of us, but I wasn’t going to speak for them right now.
“I want to own you,” I added quietly, and she blinked. For a split second, something akin to fear flashed in her eyes and her pupils swelled to the size of saucers. “Not like a possession,” I quickly added and took her nerveless, limp hand in mine as she continued to stare at me. “And I’d kill anyone who tried to chain you up. But I do want you to just be mine. I don’t…I don’t want to share you with my brothers.”
“Oh.” She exhaled the single syllable on a shaky breath.
>
“Are you all right?” Concern swelled within me. Her hand was like ice. The words she’d snarled at us the other day when we’d gotten back from Liam’s echoed quietly in the back of my mind. She’d been shackled and caged her whole life. “You can tell me,” I promised her. “Whatever it is, I’ll take care of it.”
Another smile curled her lips. “Thank you for that. For wanting to make it better.”
“Always.” I frowned. Then with care, I reached up to push the hair back from her face. “Can I do anything now?”
“Give me a hug?” The request startled me, and I plucked the bottle out of her hands and then tugged her to me, right into my lap. Her arms threaded around me, and I wrapped mine around her. She was so damn tiny. There was almost nothing to her and I didn’t want to hurt her by squeezing too tight, but at the same time, I never wanted to let go.
When she buried her face against my neck, the soft hush of her breathing tickled. I raised a hand to stroke her hair. I’d fucked up when I said I wanted to own her. Something about that messed with her. I filed that away for later. Right now, I needed to fix what I’d fucked up.
“I know I said I want you for myself,” I murmured softly. “You confuse the hell out of me, Swan. You’re beauty and elegance, but you’re also fire and rage. In my mind, you’re fragile…”
A soft laugh escaped her, but the sound could equally be a sob. “And the reality?”
“So much better, still fragile, but a strength that cannot be defined.” I needed Vaughn’s poetry or Rome’s simple, cut to the heart of it observations. “You’re nothing like I imagined, and at the same time, you’re everything I imagined.”
Emersyn pulled back slowly, and I forced my arms to loosen instead of keeping her softness pressed against me. “You know I can’t be both, right?”
It was my turn to laugh. “Who says?”
“Well, logic.”
“Fuck logic.” I shrugged. “You’re both to me, Swan. Beauty and power. Grace and strength. Flower and fire.”