by Heather Long
I checked my watch. “Two hours?” I was cutting it close.
“No problem,” Lainey told me, all confidence. “We’ll make it.”
“Have I said thank you yet?” As much as I was chewing on that hangnail again, I couldn’t emphasize enough what a lifesaver she was. I didn’t know what impulse drove me to call her three days ago, but when the tests turned pink one right after another, I’d thrown up—again—then her name popped into my head and I had my phone in my hand, calling her before I’d even registered choosing her contact.
“About ten times too many,” Lainey told me. The wind racing at us as she accelerated chased away the heat and the humidity.
She had no reason to even answer my call, much less make such hasty arrangements when I’d burst out with the “I need help.”
“Where does your grandfather think you are?”
“Visiting Andrea, she’ll cover for me,” she said with an easy smile. “Andrea’s stuck at the apartment this month in New York. She’s supposed to be going to her dad’s, but that douche canoe canceled at the last minute and Mom already had an appointment in Paris. So Andrea basically told them she’d be fine here and that I’d come and keep her company. Which I will, after we’re done.”
“Oh shit,” I swore. “Who is going to look after her if you’re…”
“She’ll be fine. The current governess is actually pretty biddable, and both the housekeeper and the cook accept bribes. So I paid them well, Andrea will be spoiled and actually get to do whatever she wants for a week, but if she rats me out, I’ll make sure they send her to boarding school in Switzerland.”
I didn’t pretend to understand her family politics, but one thing about Lainey I knew for damn certain… “You would never.”
“I know,” she said with a grin. “But Andrea needs both stick and carrot when it comes to cooperation at this age, and it’s more so she doesn’t call Adam if she gets bored. ’Cause then that prick will want to know why I’m not there and he’ll try to track me down. I don’t need that grief.”
Fair. “Thank you for going to so much trouble for me.”
“Girl, you’d do the same for me.”
In a heartbeat, but I wasn’t sure I had access to the resources to do it as easily as she did. Either way, I was fucking grateful.
When she said we’d make it, I didn’t think she’d meant she’d break every speed law leaving the city as she got on I-95 North. Her car zipped in and out of traffic smoothly, like we were in a race rather than just trying to get to an appointment.
Despite not having eaten or drunk anything for about twelve hours, I wasn’t hungry or thirsty. I couldn’t have anything anyway. When we pulled into the lot at the clinic and parked, she grinned at me. “See, thirty minutes to spare.”
“You’re crazy.”
“You fall, willingly, from great heights with just a bit of silk between you and going splat, and you call me crazy?” She raised her sunglasses and gave me a look.
Fair. I looked past her to the clinic, and everything in me clenched. She pressed a button, and the top rose on the car, sealing us inside with an element of privacy.
“Here,” she murmured, handing me a wallet. “My credit cards, and the ID you needed.”
“You had two days?”
“I know people,” she said. “And you need to make sure there’s no paper trail.”
I couldn’t swallow around the dryness in my throat. Unbuckling the seat belt, I reached over and hugged her. She returned it fiercely. If my uncle found out… No, I couldn’t risk it. He might actually kill me. Thanks to Lainey, I didn’t have to.
“I’m not asking, but if you ever feel like you can tell me, I’ll happily tell Adam and his dick friends it happened to me.”
I laughed as I pulled back. “You’d talk to Adam for me.”
With much drama, Lainey rolled her eyes. “Damn straight. We’ve managed this friendship thing without any parental support or approval. You’re my badass entertainer friend who doesn’t give two shits about bloodlines or protocol.”
If she only knew… “And you’re just my best friend.” Maybe my only real one, and even she didn’t know me. “I don’t…I don’t know how long this will take.”
“Doesn’t matter, I’ll be here. I’ll take you back to our exclusive spa after, and we’ll have all the chocolate, wine, and bad reality shows you want. Or we can have complete quiet. Whatever you need.”
I sucked in a noisy breath and then let it out. The tension riddled my muscles and my stomach rebelled, but I had nothing to vomit and I ignored it. I’d danced through pain and agony before.
Pain didn’t scare me.
I could do this.
I needed to do this.
“Ready?”
At her quiet question, I nodded and we let ourselves out of the car. My backpack, ID, and other items stayed in the vehicle. We walked into the clinic together, and I signed in. They took the ID and payment information without batting an eyelash. It was one of the few states that didn’t require any parental consent or notification. Lainey sat next to me as I filled out the paperwork, and I added her name as the person taking me home after.
The whole appointment and process took about ninety minutes from start to finish. After a birth control shot, I left with a sheet of instructions and a lot of cramps. Bless Lainey, the only thing she asked me after we got into the car was, “What do you need?”
I couldn’t tell her the truth, so I went with the next best thing. “I need carbs. A lot of them.”
Chapter 24
Emersyn
The wind blowing today was practically frigid, and I rather hoped Freddie didn’t freeze to death up here. A part of me was uneasy about leaving the door unlocked, but the guys did it all the time. There were only a couple of rats out in the warehouse when we left the clubhouse. The rats were also nowhere near that door.
Freddie grumbled as I headed for the ladder. He hadn’t wanted to come out. If anything, he’d seemed content to just stare sullenly at the television no matter what was on. The reality show marathon hadn’t even given him an inkling of his smile back. Maybe a change of scenery would help, but I wanted it to be something with no other people in case it was the people at the clinic that got to him.
The only reason he came with was because I said I wanted a smoke and I didn’t want to go up on the roof alone. First, that involved finding cigarettes, but I let myself into Jasper’s room and stole a pack from his dresser. Then I texted him to let him know I’d stolen them.
His response had been swift and teasing.
Jasper: It’s hardly stealing if you’re telling me. Let me know if you want a different brand.
Me: Your brand is fine.
Jasper: So you like me. Good to know.
I rolled my eyes, I couldn’t help it, and at the same time…
Me: Pretty sure we cleared that up last night.
Jasper: Pretty sure we asked a whole new set of questions. Shall we try to answer those tonight?
A shiver went straight through me at the flirting. It was weird and refreshing. I wasn’t entirely sure how to handle it, but at the same time, I wanted more.
Me: We’ll have to see what happens tonight.
There were no other messages, so I’d stored the phone in my pocket and borrowed one of his jackets as well to wear over Kestrel’s hoodie. We really needed to get me more clothes of my own. I had hesitated in the hall. I really needed to reach out to some people too.
Caution held me back.
For now.
Freddie climbed up behind me as I went up the ladder. I had to fight the urge to glance back at him. I flipped open the roof door easily enough and scooted right through it. Grunting, Freddie pulled himself after. We were both squinting in the sunlight, and fuck me, it was cold.
He shot me a look. “We could go back down into the warehouse for a smoke. Hell, you can smoke in the clubhouse, no one will care.”
“I don’t want to smoke with the ra
ts.” Not remotely a lie. “And I need some air.” Also, not a lie. As much as I hated to give him the out, I said, “But you don’t have to look after me. I know where the chairs are.”
His snort spoke volumes. We made our way across the roof to the bolted down chairs—a feature I truly appreciated now—and I curled up into one. It offered some shelter from the wind, but the cold was like a burn against my face.
It took three tries to get the cigarette lit. Freddie took the one I offered him and lit it up, then flipped open the top of the table and grinned at my surprise. There was a stove in there. It didn’t take much for him to fire it up.
“Thank fuck,” he said, talking around the cigarette while he adjusted some knobs. “If no one refilled the propane, we’d be shit out of luck.”
In almost no time though, heat wafted up, and while the breeze cut through it, there was also warmth on my face. I stared at Freddie, mouth agape. “Why the hell didn’t we light it the other night?”
“’Cause they wanted an excuse to snuggle you,” he said. “Besides, it wasn’t this cold. We only put it up here last year I think, when Jasper took to sulking on the roof.”
I frowned at that description. The question of why he was sulking died unspoken on my lips. Probing Freddie for information on the others seemed…wrong. “Well, I’m glad they did.”
The hand he used to hold his cigarette shook. Not from the cold, or at least I didn’t think so.
“What do you need?” I’d wrestled with the question all morning. I wanted to help. While I might not be able to do much, Freddie needed to know someone was in his corner.
“Why do you care?” The question probably hurt more than it should. “You know what, Boo-Boo, just ignore me. I’m a fucking dick like this. I could almost be Jasper.” A ghost of a smile touched his lips.
“Almost,” I said. “But you look more like you hate yourself than the rest of the world.”
He wrinkled his nose. “Maybe. I hate a lot of things right now. As for what I need? I could do an eight-ball, that’d be sweet. But I figure you aren’t going to go for that, and the guys would kill me.”
“No, they wouldn’t.”
He shrugged. “Fine, but they’d want to. Anyway, what about a blowjob? Yeah, I think I need a blowjob.” There was just the barest glimmer of meanness in the humor flashing in his eyes. He didn’t even give me a chance to respond before he said, “Fuck a goddamn motherfucking duck in the rubber hole with a rubber dick, dammit.”
Okay, my mouth fell open that time, then Freddie slapped himself in the head and the crack of sound made me wince.
“Boo-Boo, don’t ask me questions right now. I’m begging you. I think you’re the best fucking thing I’ve ever seen, and I already look like a pathetic jackass loser who can’t do shit right except maybe make you laugh. I’d like to hold on to that illusion. At least for a little while.”
Instead of responding right away, I took another drag and considered how to address it. “Okay, but I’m running out of things to talk about. If I can’t ask questions, you’re going to get bored and leave me.”
It was a gamble.
“Fuck,” Freddie said, his cigarette already finished, and when he reached for the pack on my lap, I passed it over to him. “Fine. You’re right and you are not boring, Boo-Boo. Not even a little bit. Did I mention that I’m proud you figured out where Jasper hides his cigarettes?”
“They were hidden? Not a very good hiding spot if they’re in the top of the drawer.”
Freddie paused, just before he lit the lighter, and stared at me. “Huh.”
“What? Sorry, that was another question.”
“Oh, what hell,” Freddie grumbled and flung himself back in the chair. Cigarette lit, he exhaled a long stream of smoke. “Just, he used to hide them somewhere else. So if they’re in the drawer, means he’s probably hoarding something else.”
“Do I want to know why he hoarded cigarettes?”
“Yeah, Raptor fucking hates them. Gives Jasper shit about it all the time. Or he used to, you know, before…”
“Before?”
Freddie gave me a wan but real grin, and I rolled my eyes. “Fine, no questions. Tell me about the hoarding.”
“Oh, that I can do.” He warmed a bit. “I know where they all stash their stuff. It’s kind of fun to be the runt sometimes.”
“You’re not the runt.”
“Ha,” he said with a bark of laughter that at least verged on being real. “I am. I don’t have trade skills like Kel, I’m not a strategist or a moneymaker like Jas and Liam, definitely not an artist like Rome or Vaughn. Mostly, I’m the loser everyone takes pity on. Or sometimes, I’m the funny guy.”
“Well, does this pity party have room for one more at the table, because if we want to compare being runts, I’m way smaller than you.”
He stared at me a beat, then snickered. “You have a point.”
“Thank you. Besides, pity parties by yourself are boring. Who brings the booze?”
His lips twitched. “So, do you want to know what they hoard or not?”
“Is it giving away big secrets?” Because to be fair, I had a fair set of my own and I didn’t want to pry into their business without them knowing. Hell, we still hadn’t cleared up why they took me in the first place and maybe they never would. Maybe they’d just seen me that day at the theater and it had been some kind of kismet.
Course, that didn’t explain how Kestrel became my driver, because I knew my uncle. He would have used a private company. He always hired private. He wanted to be able to control them. Just like he controlled…
“Hey,” Freddie said, shattering the dark thoughts. “Where’d you go?”
I fought to swallow the lump in my throat before it threatened to choke me. My cigarette had gone out, so I coughed to cover for a moment and then reached for the pack.
“Maybe that was enough,” he commented, and I bared my teeth at him.
“Yeah yeah,” he said, this time with a real laugh. “I’m hysterical. But where did you go?”
“If I can’t ask questions, neither should you.”
“Yet, you keep asking them.”
“I’ll stop,” I promised, crossing my heart before I lit the second cigarette. The drag on it helped some, but the images of my uncle were too sharp. Too…fresh, like I’d just seen him, rather than the months it had been. Then that hit me, and it helped some. It had been months.
Maybe he was still determined to find me, but right now? Right now, I was free of him.
“Kel hoards the best weed,” Freddie said. “He knows all the right people, and sometimes they pay him in the good stuff. Vaughn’s got stimulants, but I’d bet money those have been moved, and before you worry, he’s not a junkie. He needs them to stay focused if he pulls a double at the tattoo parlor. You do not want your tattoo artist falling asleep while they’re drawing on you.”
That made sense.
“Rome’s a little weirder, but weird cool not weird bad or anything. He hoards candy. Butterscotch candies were the big ones he always kept. You could find them anywhere in his room. Pockets of his jackets. His pants. It was kind of hilarious. He used to wash them in his clothes.”
“Oh man.”
“Also, peanut butter candies. Those are another big one. Not just peanuts, peanut butter. Then there are these weird truffle things he got into last year. Like, so expensive, you have to go to one of those fancy shops uptown to find them.”
“Kalouda’s?”
“That’s it,” Freddie said, almost warming to his topic. “Crazy ass expensive, but he always gets a whole box. Who pays three hundred bucks for some candy?”
I frowned, but I didn’t answer him. There had been an article about me the previous year. The reporter had wanted to talk to me as one of the youngest members of the company, and they’d ended up reorienting the article on me rather than the whole company. Eric had been pissed. He’d been mentioned as barely a footnote with the appellation of ‘current par
tner’ like they expected him to be replaced.
A box of those chocolates had been on my dresser. Lainey sent them so I’d have something sinful and fun. I loved them and they were ridiculously overpriced, but more, they were from her. I’d loved every damn morsel of them, extra calories be damned.
The same article had also listed my favorite kind of ballet shoe.
That…explained a lot.
“People who love exquisite chocolate,” I offered up with a wry smile, and Freddie cackled, some of the doom and gloom around him dispelling.
“I should have known it was something you loved.” But he didn’t dive further into that. Instead, he said, “Liam used to always have the best booze when he lived with us. You wanted a nice whiskey, he’d have it in stock. His tastes are almost as snooty as yours in chocolate.”
I wrinkled my nose. “What do you horde?”
Freddie looked me dead in the eye and said, “Porn. Wanna see my collection?”
“See, and here I thought you’d say something like hookers and blow.”
Freddie laughed. A real one this time, as he put out his smoke. That real glimpse of him eased some of the worry I’d had since they’d disappeared with Freddie to the clinic.
“Would you fall over from shock if I asked if any of the porn was any good?”
“Nope,” Freddie said, this time with an honest grin. “But I would need you to tell me how you define good. For example, have you ever seen two dicks in one hole?”
I laughed. “Pretty sure it’s all subjective.”
“Woo! Next binge-watch session—porn.” He gave me a sly look. “Wondering how Vaughn and Jasper will respond to that with you in the room?”
My face heated. I wasn’t before. “I am now.”
He was still laughing when I swatted his arm.
“Just for that, you’re going to come down and dance with me.”
“Woah…Freddie doesn’t dance. Unless it’s the horizontal mambo, and I got your pelvic tilt right here, a little bump and grind action.” It was like he’d been rebuilding his walls while we sat there, and I’d helped him glue them back together. I couldn’t fault him though. We all needed our walls. His play leer accompanied his body contortions.