“What?” She reached out, hooking her fingers into his shirt. “Shouldn’t have what?”
“Kissed you.”
“Fuck you.” She let go of his shirt and sidestepped away from him. “It’s exhausting shifting from one extreme to another. Every time I think we’re making progress, you retreat further the next moment. Damn it, Frost. We both have baggage, we both have some shit in the past we might not like, but it doesn’t define us. You’re so tangled up with whatever you’ve done you can’t move on. Well, that’s on you. I won’t keep going back and forth with you. I thought it was supposed to be easier for shifters. Your beast knows I’m your mate, so why are you fighting this? Shouldn’t I be the one pulling away?”
“I’m not thinking straight, otherwise I wouldn’t put you in this position.” Angry at himself, he clenched his fists. It was supposed to be easier for him. He recognized his mate and his bear accepted it, but he was balking, making this harder than it shoulder have been. “You deserve better than me, which is why I shouldn’t be here.”
“You say that, and then you kiss me. You’re conflicted and damn it if I’m not starting to sound like a broken record. Maybe if you open up to me, this won’t be so hard on you. Stop pushing me away and talk to me Frost.”
“I can’t put it into words.” Unable to meet her gaze he leaned against the wall. She was right, he was screwing this up. His bear wanted her. Hell, even his human side wanted her, yet he was terrified to let her in. He hadn’t expected to be so conflicted when he found his mate, maybe because he always figured he’d end up with another shifter, like his parents. Another shifter would understand his actions. He wasn’t sure Alicia would and there was no way he could keep his past from her. Not that he truly wanted to if they were going to be mated.
“You said before if I accepted this mating, I’d see it like a movie. What did you mean?”
“As we become one, part of my polar bear imprints on your soul and part of you joins with mine. We will know everything about each other. Most describe it like a movie. We see the good and bad of our mate. There will be no secrets between us when it’s complete.” He let out a breath before bringing his gaze back to her. “Now do you see why I’m fighting this?”
“You’re scared and maybe part of you feels that your past makes you unworthy of mating.” Frustration seeped from her as she shifted her weight from leg to leg. “I don’t know what happened because you won’t tell me, but I don’t believe we were brought together if we weren’t meant to be. It seems to me mating is an honor. Those who are brought together should hold onto each other with all their might.”
“It is, but…”
“There’s no ‘buts’ in this. You said it yourself, you’re all in or you’re not.” She shook her head. “As conflicted as you are, I’m not even sure why you came here, but I think it’s time you left.”
“Alic—”
“It’s been a long day. Please leave.” She cut him off. “We’re going around in circles, and it’s exhausting. I don’t have the energy to do it anymore. Not tonight at least. Maybe you need to sleep on it. We can talk tomorrow.”
Knowing he’d outstayed his welcome, he nodded. “Goodnight, Alicia.”
“Goodnight.”
As he turned away, she sank down onto the bed, the sadness flooding through the room like rogue waves. He had done this to her. Not knowing what to say to change the emotions pouring off her, he left.
I screw up everything, even mating.
As the wind howled heavy snow fell from the sky as if someone was dumping buckets of it down upon Alicia. The snow was already up to her knees as she struggled forward. The two-story brick house in front of her wasn’t one she recognized but she was drawn to it. Movement caught her attention, and she glance to her side. There stood a polar bear, his fur gleaming with freshly fallen snow. As their gazes met, she could see Frost’s deep brown eyes staring back at her.
“This can’t be real. It’s all in my mind, I’m dreaming.” Still she reached out toward him, teasing her fingers along his fur. The silky strands slid through her fingers and as if the touch had completed the connection between them, she could hear him in her mind.
Come.
“Where?” Even as she asked the bear started toward the house. His large frame had no problem getting through the thick snow, but she did. As she trekked through the deep snow piles she tried to take in the area. Even through the snow she could see there was nothing around. This house stood alone, surrounded by nothing but trees. Unable to see Frost through the snow she put more effort into crossing the yard and let out a heavy puff of air. “You could have at least waited for me.”
As she complained, the scene changed. No longer was she standing out in the snow, instead she was standing inside a spacious living room. Two young girls huddled in the corner, tears streaming down their face as they sat frozen by the horrors unfolding. Their parents sat a few feet away tied to kitchen chairs, beaten and bloody, as two men stood in front of them.
Quickly Alicia took in their condition. Blood coated the woman’s pajamas from what appeared to be numerous stab wounds to the chest, her lip was bleeding, and her face was swollen, but she was alive. The man was worse. There was a gunshot wound to the stomach, his face was bloody, and from the angle of his arm, it appeared broken. Neither of them would survive much longer if she couldn’t find a way to help.
“I’m going to get you out of here.” Alicia crouched next to the girls and reached toward the rope tied around their wrists. Her fingers went through them. “No!” Frantically she reached for them again, trying to do something, but nothing worked. Not only could she not touch them, it was as if they couldn’t see or hear her either.
Realization dawned on her as she turned back to face the rest of the room. No one could see her. “I’m the ghost, not them.” Fear knotted her stomach as she scanned the room. There were no exits, just four white walls. It didn’t make sense. How had any of them gotten into the room?
“Let’s just kill them so we can get out of here.” The younger of the two men raised his rifle until it was pointed at the mother.
“I’m not done with them yet.” The other swung a sledgehammer, bringing it down on the father’s knee in one quick movement.
Grunts was all that could be heard behind the gag. Still she could see the agony in his eyes. “This isn’t happening. It’s a dream…a nightmare, nothing more.” What kind of screwed up dream was she having where she had to watch this family be murdered while she could do nothing? Reaching down, she pinched her arm, hoping to wake up before things got worse.
A snarl echoed through the space as Frost charged forward still in animal form. Frost! Her mind screamed as she watched him tackle the man with the sledgehammer. His mouth went for the man’s throat as a gunshot blast rocked the house. The noise echoed through the room until she couldn’t hear anything but a ringing in her ears.
Blood seeped onto Frost’s fur, staining it red. She rose from where she was, moving toward him. He’d seen her outside, she’d even touched him. She wasn’t sure he still could, but she had to try to help him. Before she could move, he rose up, blood dripping from his mouth, as the first man laid unmoving on the floor.
On hind legs, he snatched the gun from the other man, tossing it down on the floor before letting out a roar. The man staggered back, his eyes wide as he stared at Frost.
In one quick move, Frost shot a paw out, claws digging into the man’s chest, leaving behind long ragged wounds. Before the man could cry out Frost was on him. His mouth bit into the man’s arm, tugging as his front paws rested on the man’s chest, keeping him in place. Blood splattered on the white walls and pooled on the floor, turning the room into a bloodbath. Instead of being appalled at what she was witnessing, she leaned back against the wall relieved someone had come to their aid.
The oldest of the two girls scooted across the floor until she was squatting next to her father’s chair. “Daddy…” Her voice was soft and full of
tears as she tugged at the thick ropes holding him in place.
“Kni…” Coughing, blood spilled from his lips.
She must have understood as she reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a pocketknife. Her gaze shot between the commotion with Frost and the other man and her father as she sawed away at the ropes. Seconds seemed like minutes before he grunted, breaking through the remaining rope.
“Help your mother.” His body shook as white and dark gray fur sprouted from his pores. Shrinking down until he settled on four legs revealing a hundred and fifty-pound snow leopard. Favoring his back leg he staggered toward the body of the first man.
Stunned Alicia sat there unable to move or look away as Frost and the father ensured the safety of their kind. By the time they were finished, there was very little left of the intruders. Frost’s white fur was now stained with blood as he glanced at the mother, her arms around her tearful daughters.
“You saved them.” She glanced up at Frost, but instead of acknowledging her, he strolled toward the wall. The doorway that hadn’t been there before reappeared allowing him to leave the room filled with bloodshed.
“Wait!” Rising from the floor, she ran after him. By the time she got to the front door, Frost had already disappeared into the blizzard outside.
She glanced back at the family, the father had now joined his wife and daughters. Somehow, she knew everything was going to turn out okay for them. Thanks to Frost, they’d be able to live their lives and raise their daughters.
Even without much sleep, Frost’s first training session was going better than he expected, though exhaustion was creeping in. Dropping onto the bench, he grabbed his water bottle and took a long drink. He watched as Carran strolled into the dome. He shot Brooklynn a quick smile before heading toward Frost. Evie. She was supposed to be with Bethany—the mate of the Alaskan Tigers Lieutenant Raja—being introduced to the rest of the clan while he was training, yet something about Carran’s demeanor warned Frost something was wrong.
“Alicia’s leaving.” Carran stated as he came to stand near Frost.
“What?” Frost shot off the bench, spilling water down the front of his shirt. “When? Where is she?”
“Tabitha sent me to warn you. Alicia is in their quarters. She wants to leave now, not in a few days like they discussed last night. What happened between you two?”
“Shit.” He glanced at the mat where two of his teammates were sparring. Training wasn’t over, but he couldn’t wait. “I have to go to her.”
“What’s going on?” Brooklynn strolled over to them, and as she joined them, Carran held out his arm, waiting for her to slip up against him before tightening the embrace.
“Tabitha sent me to get Frost. It’s Alicia. She wants to leave.” He pressed a kiss to his mate’s forehead. “Can you spare him for a bit?”
“Mating always seems to throw a wrench in things,” she teased. “Go make things right with her before we end up having to chase her across the country.”
“I’ll be right behind you,” Carran told him.
Not needing to be told twice, he jogged toward the exit. The thought of losing her jarred him enough to know he wasn’t willing to let that happen.
You’re my mate, Alicia, I’ll be damned if I let you go without a fight and certainly not after how we left things last night.
Chapter Sixteen
The early morning hours were spent playing through the conversation Alicia had with Ty until she was sure she had considered every possible outcome. Still it couldn’t have prepared her for being in front of him. The Alpha was intimidating, even when he had his arm around his mate looking relaxed.
“You’re not thinking clearly. If you leave here, you’re going to put a target on your back.” Ty shook his head.
“I’ve already made up my mind. You can’t force me to stay,” Alicia snapped, refusing to back down. If she was going to leave, she needed to stay strong and not allow anyone to convince her to stay. Ty might be Alpha around here, but he wasn’t hers. She was a human with no ties to the community or to any shifter and it left her without the desire to please him. She might have submitted the previous night, allowing him time to determine what kind of risk she might be taking, but she wasn’t about to again. Now she had something more important to attend to. She had to find someone, more like she had to find a certain family. Maybe that would change things.
“Listen to him, Alicia.” Tabitha urged. “Lorcan knows you’re alive, and he wants you. He’s not going to give up until he finds you.”
“Why? I don’t even know who he is. What could he possibly want with me?” The thought made her stomach sink.
“He blames you for how things turned out with Roxanne. You are also a loose end from their dealings with Lou. Once you’re dead, he’ll get his revenge and tie everything up into a nice bow.” Tabitha reached down to the e-tablet lying on the kitchen counter and held it out to her. “If you don’t believe us, watch the video he sent.”
“Alicia.” Frost’s voice had her spinning around before she could take the offered tablet.
“Why are you here?” Confused, she glanced back to Ty and Tabitha. She wasn’t sure how shifter groups worked. Could Frost have already committed to Ty and the Alaskan Tigers? If so, did the connection allow Ty to summon Frost, bringing him here to convince her to stay?
“You.” He crossed into the kitchen, coming closer to her.
“It doesn’t matter. My mind is made up. I’m leaving.” The conviction seemed to drain out of her as she fought her body’s reaction to his presence.
“Not yet.” There seemed to be no room for argument in his tone making part of her want to agree.
“No.” She shook her head, forcing herself to look away from him. “Ty…please understand I can’t stay. Tabitha—”
“You were right.” Frost took her hand into his, pulling her attention back to him. “Last night you said I was afraid. You were right. I’m terrified to let you in, to let you see the person I was. To have you witness the rage that boiled within me until I wasn’t sure I’d ever come back from it. By making sure Evie was safe, I failed to save my parents when we were attacked. That decision changed me. I thought hunting them down and killing them would make things right. Besides caring for Evie, making those assholes suffer became my mission. I hunted them until one night I found them. They were attacking another family, only this time the kids were there watching as they tortured the parents. I killed them. It wasn’t as clean as a shot to the head. I wanted them to suffer as my parents had. I tore them limb from limb, and I never regretted that decision until you came into my life. Now I do, because you’ll see me at my worst.”
“Frost…” The pain in his eyes tightened her chest, making her go to him. Nearing him she placed her hand on his chest and stared into his eyes. “I’ve also seen you at your best. I tried to tell you before your past made you the man you are. It’s not going to change what I think of you.”
“I’m a murderer.” His voice was low as if he waited for those words to sink in enough for her to pull away.
“No.” She brought her hand up to cup his face. “You sought revenge, and in a way you got that, but you also saved another family. How could I hold that against you? I couldn’t. You saved them, and because of you, two young girls still have their parents.”
“How did you know they were girls? I never told anyone that detail before.” His brows were knitted in confusion as he stared at her.
“I don’t know how to explain it. I um…I think I saw them.” Even as he stood in front of her, his hands at his side, the closeness comforted her. As her fingers teased along the curve of his cheek she wanted to give in to his demand to stay. It also affected her until she wanted nothing more than to feel his arms around her, protecting her from what might still be hunting her. Needing to think clearly, she forced herself to pull back from him, ending the connection.
“What do you mean you saw them?” Ty’s question had her glancing ove
r her shoulder toward the Alpha.
“Not physically, it was…this is going to sound insane.”
“Insane?” Tabitha chuckled softly. “After the last few days full of shifters, witches, and magick, this can’t be any more unusual.”
“Well no, I guess not.” Alicia turned back to Frost. “Last night after you left, I curled up on the bed. I don’t think I slept, but I wasn’t awake either. It was like a haze. I was standing outside in what seemed like the blizzard of the century. The snow was coming down fast and the wind was so strong. I could see it blowing my hair, but I couldn’t feel the chill. It was as if I was there, but I wasn’t really. Drawn to this two-story brickhouse in front of me, I couldn’t stop myself from going closer. Blood…”
“No, it’s not possible.” Frost stared passed her toward Ty. “How? It’s not possible for my kind. Is this because I’ve committed to the Alaskan Tigers?”
“I’ve never heard this happening before,” Ty’s voice came from behind her, but she didn’t turn toward him.
“Don’t blame him or the clan. This isn’t because of them, this is between us.” For the second time in the last few minutes, Alicia found herself at a loss for words. She wasn’t sure how to describe what happened.
“It’s like your animal already visited her, imprinting on her without the mating being complete, and allowed her to see this.” Ty came around the counter, closer to them, allowing her to see him while still focused on Frost. “During this vision could you see Frost or his polar bear?”
“His bear.” A smile curled the corners of her lips. “It was beautiful. He stood there next to me, almost encouraging me to continue while offering comfort. The moment I looked into the polar bears eyes, I knew it was you. I can’t really explain it but there was never any fear.”
“This shouldn’t be possible.” Uneasy, Frost ran his hand through his hair.
“Something similar happened once before with Lou. I thought it was a dream until the next day at the office. He knew something was off and wouldn’t let it go until I told him. After I explained what I saw he told me sometimes when a shifter wants to tell someone something but hesitates, their beast takes it upon themselves. His wolf explained to me why he left his…clan? Is that the right word?”
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