by DW Cee
Laughter spilled out and I couldn’t contain it. Jamie retaliated by poking the cream cheese filling from his index finger into my ear.
“Eew! I can’t believe you just did that. That’s gross!” Sometimes this guy reminded me of those boys back in elementary school who threw a ball at my head for no other reason than to get my attention. “You know this is all out war.” I used my scariest voice.
Within seconds, I grabbed the pastry bag filled with softened cream cheese, confectioner sugar, and butter and piped a generous dollop on my hand and ran my hands through Jamie’s hair.
“Nasty!” Jamie yelled out. "How am I going to get this out of my hair?”
I howled but quickly screamed, “Uncle!” when I saw the bowl of cream coming my way.
“Uncle!” Both hands were raised as well.
Jamie stopped and howled with me.
“This is so gross, Olivia. What do I do now?”
“At least you can take a shower. What am I to do about my ear? How do I get it out without shoving it further down my ear canal? Come on. Let’s go upstairs. You can use the shower while I attempt to clean my ear.”
Jamie did his thing while I used Q-tip after Q-tip scooping away the cream.
“Here, let me help you.” Cleanly showered and in Paul’s clothes again, Jamie performed surgery on my ear. After taking out all the cream, he took some rubbing alcohol and sanitized my ear thoroughly.
“Thanks. I think my ear is cleaner now than it’s ever been.”
“What are we watching tonight?”
“I am choosing between Ocean’s Twelve and Meet the Fockers.”
“I’ve been dying to see Meet the Fockers. Great choice. I’ll stay. Where’s the popcorn? I’ll pop ‘em.”
My surly face greeted his happy one.
“Who said you could stay? After putting slimy substance in my ear, did you think you’d be welcomed to hang out with me? Plus, I’m watching Oceans Twelve. I’m in the mood for Brad Pitt tonight.”
“I don’t know what you women find so attractive about that guy.”
“Oh, he’s only insanely good looking.”
I walked into the TV room and Jamie not only followed, but also sat right next to me.
“Go to the other side of the sofa,” I commanded, “Or the other sofa all together.”
“Why?”
“I like to lay down when I’m watching a movie. That way, if I’m sleepy, I can just fall asleep.”
“Whatever.” He answered but didn’t move. “Hey, you never explained to me why you cry whenever you see baby Paul.”
“Oh.” I wished he hadn’t brought that up. I didn’t like thinking about my own baby.
“Do you not want to talk about it?” He looked remorseful.
“No, I’ll tell you. The day of the car accident, we were coming back from an OB appointment. I was pregnant again and it was our first appointment. The accident took both Paul and the baby from me.”
This time Jamie looked like he was about to cry.
“You’re not supposed to tear up at this story. You’re totally spoiling my Brad mood tonight.” I tried to lighten the both of us up.
“How far along were you?”
“Not very.”
“How come you guys waited so long to have another one?”
“I got pregnant several times before but… Anyhow, that’s why baby Paul is a double whammy for me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m okay. Shall we call it a night?”
“No. Let’s watch. I have it all set up.”
Jamie moved to the end of the couch for me so I could push a pillow against him and lay on the rest of the sofa. He draped a blanket over me and caressed my hair while we watched the trailers.
One second I saw Brad Pitt and George Clooney on the screen, then next thing I knew, Jamie was gently waking me up.
“Is the movie over?”
“Yeah,” he chuckled. “You were out before the movie even started.”
“Shucks. Did Brad look hot?”
“Not as hot as Ben Stiller. I changed out the movie.”
“Good. I can hang out with Brad tomorrow night. Are you leaving?”
“Do you need me to stay? Will you be okay by yourself?”
“I’ll be fine. Thank you for dinner and for being a friend.”
We didn’t know what to do once Jamie was at the door. There was an awkward goodbye with an even more awkward hug and kiss on the cheek.
The house felt empty without all my loved ones. I missed Paul, Dani, my mother and… maybe even Jamie, though I didn’t consider him one of my loves. It was nice having him here tonight.
The phone rang and I was hesitant to pick it up. My calendar was empty today but I didn’t want to make anymore plans with Jamie. It was far too enjoyable and it was not proper for me to enjoy myself so soon after Paul passed away. I went about the day trying hard not to think about him.
Near evening, the phone rang again and after four purposely missed calls, it was time to talk to the person I missed most today.
“Hi Jamie.”
“Hi. Where have you been all day?”
“I’ve been working from home.”
“How come you didn’t answer your phone?”
I had to lie. “I had on my headset and didn’t hear the phone ring. Did you call?” I was a terrible liar.
“Yes!” His tone explained that he didn’t buy the lie but he moved on with our conversation. “What are you doing for dinner?”
“I have a date.” I proudly announced.
“A what?”
“A date.”
“What do you mean a date? You didn’t tell me you were seeing anyone today. When did you plan this date?” He sounded unhappy. I was glad – kind of.
“He called and we made plans about an hour ago.”
“How come you answered this person’s call but not mine? Anyhow, who is this guy?”
That was a good question. What to say… “Um, he called the home line and I guess I heard it.” That wasn’t a lie.
“Who are you going out with and what are you doing?” I liked this glum tone.
“Ian is stopping by and having dinner with me before he goes to the baseball game with his friends.” I giggled as quietly as possible.
“Ian?” He sounded upset but relieved. “Why didn’t you say so? Can I come over for dinner too?”
“No,” I shot him down.
“Why not?” He sounded bitter.
“Because Ian misses Dani and he wants to come over and hang out with me to talk about her. If you’re here, it’ll ruin our ‘talk’.”
“Can I stop by after he leaves?”
“No. I have a date with Brad after Ian leaves.”
“Fine.” Sadly, he didn’t push it any further. If he’d pushed once more, I would’ve given in. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He hung up even before I got to say good bye.
All day Wednesday I went into the office to work so I wouldn’t have to think about Jamie. Rather than being tempted to pick up the phone when he called, I left my phone at home. It was presumptuous of me to assume that Jamie was going to call today and ask me to dinner again. But, as I walked in the door, I hoped that I had many missed calls.
The two blinking numbers made my day. Jamie had called around lunch time. I waited around not eating dinner hoping he would call again and invite me out. The phone didn’t ring. Disappointed, I put in the new DVD, popped some popcorn and watched my movie.
Early into the movie, the house phone rang and I was tempted to let it go but picked it up just in case it was Dani.
“Hello?”
“You’re home.” His voice brought a smile into my heart.
“I am. Where are you? How’d you get this number? I never gave it to you, did I?”
“Well, you never pick up your cell so I asked Meghan for your home number. Thought I might have better luck and I did. Where were you all day? I tried to meet you for lunch but you
didn’t answer your phone again.”
“Sorry. I left the phone at home… accidentally.” That last word was a total lie but I added it, not very convincingly. “Where are you?” Truly I hoped he’d answer “I’m almost at your house, come outside.”
“I just had dinner with my parents and I’m almost home.”
“Oh.” My hope deflated.
“What are you doing? Did you have dinner?”
“I’m watching Sideways and I have a bowl of popcorn I’m calling dinner.”
“Are you planning on watching every newly released DVD?"
“Yup.” That made us both laugh. “I don’t want to be alone and watching a movie makes me feel like there are a lot of people in the room.”
“Do you want me to…? Never mind. I’m tired of your rejections.”
“I haven’t ever rejected you.”
“Are you kidding me? You reject every one of my offers. Every good intention I have gets shot down without even a consideration.”
“What? Didn’t I have dinner with you on Monday? Didn’t you stay and watch a movie with me? I had plans already on Tuesday with Ian. I wasn’t saying no to you without reason.”
“Olivia, all I know is I’m always the one asking you to do something with me and you’re always the one pushing me away.”
I wanted to tell him he was wrong. I wanted to tell him how much I enjoyed being with him. But this conversation seemed highly inappropriate and highly out of place since he had a girlfriend and I was newly widowed. I stopped arguing.
“Jamie, I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye.”
“Wait…”
I hung up and went to bed.
“Wow. You’re actually calling me?” Jamie welcomed my phone call with a snide remark.
It took all the self control I had not to call the other ten times today and the last bit of courage to call right now, so his comment embarrassed me. I hung up on him. He phoned back immediately.
“Please tell me we had a bad connection and the line dropped. You didn’t purposely hang up on me, did you?”
I remained silent.
“Olivia? You did hang up on me.”
“I take the fifth,” I laughed.
“Why’d you call?”
“I wanted to let you know you don’t have to pick me up. The stadium is in between your location and mine. Let’s just meet there.”
“Too late. Seth and I are almost at your house. Come outside.”
“What happened to ringing a doorbell and picking up a girl? I know we’re not dating and it’s not like I’m expecting flowers or anything but why do I always have to stand outside and wait for you? I feel like a little girl waiting for the school bus.”
He laughed. “You are adorable. See you soon.”
Since I said it, I had to mean it and wait inside the house. I paced from room to room. Tonight was the first time Jamie and I had a formally planned event, even if it was with a group of friends. He took longer than I expected to show up at my door. I listened intently for the honking to call me out.
Ding Dong.
I had to laugh. He did as I asked, albeit grudgingly.
I opened the door to an elegant bouquet of calla lilies.
“Is this for me?” I assumed.
“No, it’s for Meghan but I thought I’d taunt you with them,” he guffawed. I shut the door and walked to his car ahead of him disregarding the flowers. I wasn’t in the mood for his taunting. I had really looked forward to this evening.
“Wait. You need to put these in water. I brought them for you."
Ignoring his rants, I introduced myself to Seth who was cracking up at his best friend’s expense and sat in the back seat.
“You’re a difficult woman.” Jamie was upset. “Here.” He then shoved the flowers onto my lap.
“Thank you.” I answered softly. “Calla Lilies are my favorite. They’re beautiful.”
Noticing that Jamie was still upset with me, I tried to make amends but couldn’t get a word in with Seth asking so many questions. When we got to the stadium, Jamie walked giant steps ahead of us. It was a relief to see Meghan and George already seated next to our seats.
“What’s with Jamie?” Meghan whispered in my ear. I chose to sit at the end with Meghan while Jamie sat at the other end of our short row.
“I don’t know. I think he’s upset with me.”
“Why?”
I shrugged my shoulders and stayed quiet for the first few innings.
“I’m hungry.” George got up in between the fourth and fifth inning. “Let’s go get something to eat.” Everyone got up with George but I decided to stay put.
“Do you want us to get something for you?” George asked.
“No. I’m okay. You guys get what you need.” I looked up at Jamie but he turned around just as I was trying to make eye contact. His brush off attitude broke my heart.
I couldn’t understand why it hurt so much that he was mad at me. This whole night was ridiculous. I had no reason to be hurt and no reason to think into my friendship with Jamie. Frustrated, I decided to call Paul’s mom in Africa. It could have been midnight over there but I knew they would welcome my call.
“Hello?”
“Hi Mom. How are you and Dad doing?”
“Hello sweetheart. We are doing well. How are you doing without Dani? The girls called us last night to say they were having a wonderful time with each other.”
“I’m okay. I should have planned to come see you this week while Dani was gone. That would have been a nice idea. Are you coming back here at all?”
“I think we have to stay in Africa. Do you and Dani want to come once summer begins?”
“Yes. I’d like that.”
“What’s the matter, Olivia?”
“Nothing’s the matter. Do I only call you when there’s something wrong? If so, I’m sorry.” I tried my best to sound spunky. “I’m really doing okay. Just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you both.”
“We miss you too. Call more often, alright?”
“I will. Bye.”
Our group came back with an armful of food. Meghan forced Jamie to walk down our row first which put him right next to me. Using my phone as a shield against having to face him, I started texting Dani in Boston to see how she was doing.
“Here.” A tray of food plopped onto my lap. His usual caring self availed; Jamie had brought me something to eat.
“Thanks but you really didn’t have to.” I answered quietly putting down the food.
“Is this your way of rejecting me again?” He was angry, still.
“I’m not rejecting anything. I don’t know why you’re so upset with me. I’m sorry about the incident with the flowers earlier but it doesn’t warrant you ignoring me the whole night.” It sounded like a good defense.
“Someone brings you flowers and you walk away without so much as a ‘thank you’ or ‘wow, these are nice’ or ‘how thoughtful of you’.”
He was right. I was mortified that he called me out on my selfishness. An apology was in order whether or not I wanted to say it. “I know I can be a brat at times and usually this side of me doesn’t come out except with Paul. I feel so comfortable with you I forget that you’re not my… husband. I was so looking forward to spending time with you. I guess I blew it. I’m sorry – really, really sorry. I’ve way overstepped what’s proper and improper with you. I won’t do that anymore.”
I choked on a tear, which Jamie didn’t look to have caught on to. “Excuse me.” I said and walked up to the bathroom.
Looking foolish loitering in the bathroom I tried hard not to think about what had just happened. Why had I compared him to Paul? Jamie wasn’t my husband and I’d never thought of him as my husband. My confession was stupid, over the top, and dismissible. Loneliness and vulnerability, that’s what was in my heart right now as I stood in the long concession line to spend more time away from Jamie.
“Can I sit with you?” I asked Meghan.
“Sure. Wh
at’s with the tension between you and Jamie? What are you arguing about?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Clearly it’s something. Look at the goofy grin on his face now. What happened to the scowl he had before you two spoke? And now that he’s grinning, why are you moping around?”
“I don’t know, Meghan. I’m very confused as to what’s going on. When I come over tomorrow, you’ll have to sort out my head for me.”
“I can sort it out for you right now.” Meghan flashed me a devilish smile.
“Olivia.” Jamie called me from the other end. I looked over in response.
“Come here.” He curled his finger at me.
I shook my head no.
“Come here,” he called more insistently with even more curling of the finger.
I shook my head no again.
“Who does that?” I heard him say to no one in particular. “Who says no when asked to come over?” He started laughing this time. “Shall I come over there so we can talk?” He sounded threatening so I walked over to him.
Jamie scooted us down a few seats so we could talk privately.
“Olivia?”
I watched the game.
“Olivia.” He turned my chin around to face him. “I’m sorry too for being mad at you. I’m not mad anymore.”
“Okay.”
“I was upset because you kept blowing me off all week. And then with the flowers and you not taking the food, I kind of lost it.”
"I apologized about the flowers already and as for the food, I don’t like hot dogs and I don’t drink beer. That’s why I put the food down. It had nothing to do with rejecting your kind gesture.”
“Oh,” was all he could say.
“Like I said earlier, I think I felt too relaxed with you and stepped beyond the acceptable norm of friendship. I apologize. I’ll keep my bad attitude to myself.”
Jamie still had his hand on my chin and his face was inches away from my face. “Olivia. Listen to me. I want you to feel comfortable with me and I find you being a brat… really cute,” he broke into a faint chuckle, “really darling, in fact.” I tried to pull myself away from his strong grip. He was kind of hurting my chin. “This entire week I’ve tried to spend some part of the day with you and you’ve been unavailable. Do you understand how much I looked forward to tonight?”