Indelible Love Series + Entwined Bundle

by DW Cee

  I shook my head no as an answer to his question. Our conversation had turned awfully intimate for two friends, especially since one of the friends had a girlfriend.

  “There is no way I could compare myself to Paul in your eyes but I’m psyched you feel so close to me. Olivia, I…”

  “Hey! Oh my gosh! Take a look at the jumbotron!” Meghan yelled out.

  On the giant TV screen was an image of the two of us in deep conversation with a heart shaped clip art around our faces. We were on the kiss cam! I was mortified. Quickly I turned my face away from Jamie and hoped the cameraman would move on to a real couple. But, the image on the jumbotron didn’t change. The cameraman patiently waited for us to kiss. Jamie leaned in with a wicked grin. He enjoyed this opportunity. I pulled away – but not too far.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Trying to kiss you. The entire stadium is waiting for us to kiss.” I looked up again. It was true. The camera stayed.

  Pressure mounting I leaned in just a tiny bit towards Jamie’s lips. I expected a quick peck on the lips but what happened was an entirely different scenario. Jamie’s soft lips met me and instantly grabbed onto mine. Butterflies soared. Our first kiss – sweet, tender, luscious, absolute heaven.

  Before my eyes fully opened from the bliss of our first kiss, Jamie pulled me back in and kissed me again – ardently, breathlessly, much more passionately. Our lips clung to one another as if our lives depended upon it. I couldn’t let go. I didn’t want to let go. This kiss was an admission of what I’d been feeling for some time. I was falling in love with this man and this kiss confessed my feelings to all who were watching.

  Olivia? What are you doing? I heard myself ask. What was I doing? I was intimate with someone other than my husband. I admitted to myself that I had fallen in love with someone other than Paul. He had only just left us. Betrayal. That’s what it was – betrayal.

  Pulling away from the kiss, I cried, “I’m sorry,” and ran up the steps.

  “Olivia.” Jamie ran up after me. “Stop… Wait…” He pulled me back to him as I got to the concourse. “Where are you going?”

  “I’m sorry, Jamie. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I need to go home.” I professed, hoping not to go into panic mode as I usually did with difficult to handle situations.

  “Stop.” He pulled me to a halt again. “I’ll take you home.”

  “No. You go back and watch the game. I’ll go on my own.”

  “You’re being ridiculous. You know there’s no way you can get home on your own from this stadium. Stay here.” He talked to me like I was a little child and he was admonishing me to follow his instruction. “I’m going to let everyone know we’re going home.”

  I didn’t answer him.

  “Olivia? Stay here!” He warned again and ran back into the tunnel.

  I thought about leaving. I thought about hiding. I thought about crying right here amidst hundreds of people.

  “Good, you’re still here.” Jamie panted looking relieved. “Let’s go.” He grabbed my hand and we walked hand in hand all the way to the car. “You want to talk?” He asked once we got on the freeway.

  My head shook no.

  Silently I dreaded the conversation that needed to take place once we got me home. Why had I kissed him? Why had I acknowledged my attraction to him? The chest tightening I’d expected sooner spread through my body now and I opened the window in the middle of the freeway to get some air.

  “Olivia. You okay?”

  I shook my head no again.

  “We’re almost home. Can you hang on just a bit longer?”

  I nodded my head yes this time, put my head out into the cold air and talked to Paul.

  Paul. Please forgive me. I love you so much and I never ever thought I would do anything to hurt you but I broke your heart today. I was intimate with another man. I think I’m in love with this man. I’m so sorry, Paul. What should I do? Paul, please tell me what you want me to do. I wish I could be with you right now. That wouldn’t be fair to Dani if we both left her, huh? I wish I could hear your voice just one more time. I miss you, Paul.

  Back at the house my heart pounded at the imminent conversation. In the kitchen I busied myself any way I could – all in the name of avoidance.

  “Do you want to talk now?” Jamie asked cautiously. Still unsure of what to say, my lips stayed shut.

  “Okay. Let me start. Please just listen to what I have to say before you make any objections. Okay?” His eyes searched for an answer that wasn’t there. “I love you, Olivia.” He stood right in front of me and pulled his arms around my waist. My heart melted into him and our bodies fit perfectly against one another. “You put a spell on me the first night I came here. It’s no wonder Paul asked you to marry him ten minutes of knowing you. You are an addictive woman.” His impish grin and suggestive tone brought out laughter from my solemn face.

  “That’s original. I’ve never heard that one before.” I squirmed away but his arms dead bolted around my body.

  “Whenever I think about you I get giddy like I’m some ten year old boy crushing on a girl for the first time. All day long, memories of you pop up everywhere and I count down the minutes till I can see you again. I’ve never been so infatuated with a woman as I am with you. I’m insanely in love with you – like I want to be with you all day and night, like I want to be with you forever, like I just started living the moment we met. Am I making myself clear? Do you understand what I’m feeling?”

  I had to laugh at his confession. It was so heartfelt and yet so elementary schoolish.

  “I pour my heart out to you and you laugh?”

  “I’m sorry. I’ve just never heard so many clichés in one breath.”

  “Clichés?” He started to get upset.

  “Okay. Let me talk now. This,” I said pointing back and forth between us, "can’t work.”

  He finally let go of me and walked away angry.

  “I start out by telling you how much I love you and you start out by laughing at my profession, calling it trite, then squashing any hope I have by saying it can’t work? Forget addictive, you are just cruel.”

  “Jamie.” I went and grabbed his hand and sat him down on a chair. “There are too many reasons why we can’t work."

  “I don’t see any.”

  “Let me spell out a few. First, I’ve been married, have an eighteen year old daughter and am still in love with Paul.”

  “I don’t care that you’ve been married. I think Dani is great – plus she’s an adult now, not some little girl you need to take care of anymore. As for Paul, you’ll always love him, and I’m okay with that. I’m not asking you to let go of him. He was your life for the last eighteen years. I wouldn’t dream of taking that away from you.”

  “Second,” trying not to think about his rebuttals, “you have a girlfriend whom you’ve loved for the last three years. You can’t just let her go and believe you don’t love her anymore.”

  “Melinda and I are not together anymore. I’ve been trying to break up with her since Dani’s softball game. She hasn’t quite let me go yet, but I’m working on that."

  “Third, you are much younger than I am. You should marry someone like Melinda, start fresh, have lots of kids and be happy. I have too much baggage. I don’t want you to always be in Paul’s shadow. That’s not fair to you. You’re too special to be treated like that.”

  “Who says I will be in Paul’s shadow? I told you I don’t mind Paul being in your heart for the rest of your life but I plan on taking up more real estate in that heart of yours than he will. I don’t care what your baggage is – we’ll sort that out together and throw away what’s not needed anymore. If you know that I’m special, why don’t you give us a chance?”

  “Jamie…” I guess I had to tell him before he won me over with his arguments. He was very convincing – though it probably wouldn’t take much to convince me. “You told me when I first met you that you wanted to have a lot of kids.”
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  “Yeah…”

  “Well, I can’t have kids anymore.”

  “Sure you can. You’re only forty. Women have kids well into their forties.” He stopped briefly. “Do you not want anymore kids? I thought with baby Paul and all, you wanted more children.”

  “I would love to have more kids but the accident took that away from me. The doctors have told me it would be nearly impossible for me to get pregnant again.”

  Jamie’s face sank along with his hope. This initial reaction explained how much he wanted a family and no matter how “addictive” I was, it couldn’t weigh heavier than creating his own family.

  “It’s okay. I’m okay with that.” Jamie tried to recover from the initial disappointment. He wasn’t a good liar. “The doctors didn’t say you 100% could not have kids. They just said it would be hard. There’s got to be some medicine or procedure. We’ll still be able to create a family.” He had tears in his eyes. Unsure of whether it was because I was rejecting him or because he knew he’d one day leave me to have kids with someone else, I hugged him and we comforted each other.

  “Can we please try?” He begged. “Let’s just date and see where this goes. I can’t let you go. I love you with all my heart. You must feel it too.” His lips covered mine again and the doubt was gone. All the contradictions of feelings versus reality got washed up in the torrid embrace. If only it were this simple. If only a kiss could erase the hurt that might happen if we decided to love one another. With desire overtaking frustration, I let go and we found ourselves tangled up in bed waking up to a beautiful morning.

  The guilt.

  The guilt of having led on Jamie.

  The guilt of having cheated on Paul.

  The guilt of having experienced such adoration and pleasure.

  Jamie still asleep, I walked into the kitchen and called Mom.

  “Hey, Mom. How are you?”

  “Olivia. You’re up early. How have you been without Dani?”

  “I’ve been doing well. It hasn’t been as difficult as I thought it might be. What are you doing?”

  “I’ve made myself a cup of tea and I’m reading the paper. What brings you to call me at this hour? Something wrong?”

  I sighed. “I just cheated on Paul. I’m in love with someone already.” The words blurted themselves out.

  “Is it this young man, Jamie, I keep hearing about?”

  “Who told you?”

  “Well, Dani has spoken highly of him and you’ve mentioned him several times in our conversations as well. You seemed quite fond of him. What did you do to cheat on Paul?”

  “Are you laughing at me?” Either I was hallucinating or Mom was not taking our conversation very seriously.

  “No, honey. I’m not.” She was. “Tell me about this act of adultery.” The mocking continued.

  “Don’t be shocked. I love Jamie and we kind of ended up together last night. Already, there is love and lust in my heart.”

  Mom laughed again. “What does that mean, kind of ended up together last night? Did he spend the night in your house watching a movie with you as he has already done in the past, or did he spend the night in your room and in your bed with you?”

  “Mother!” My retired mother was making fun of my love life.

  “Olivia. You are a grown woman with an adult child and a husband who left this world. You can do whatever you like. You did not commit adultery because you don’t have a husband anymore. If you love this Jamie and see a future with him, then I say love him all you like.”

  “Here lies the problem… I don’t see a future for him. He’s young. I can’t have kids anymore and he wants a family. That’s not fair to him.”

  “That’s also his choice. You don’t need to make that decision for him. If he chooses you over having a family of his own, then allow it. You don’t have to agonize over it already.”

  “But I don’t want to get hurt if I let myself go and he doesn’t choose me in the end.”

  “It sounds like you’ve already let yourself go. You’re not the type to simply jump into a relationship or bed with someone you aren’t in love with and see a future with.”

  “Mother, you can be so coarse at times. So you think I should give this a try?”

  “Yes.” Jamie came up behind me and embraced me. “Who are you talking to?” he whispered. “Dani?”

  “My mother,” I mouthed.

  He pulled the phone out of my hand. “Hello Olivia’s mother. Please tell your daughter to give us a chance. I’ll be good to her. I’ll do my best to treat her as well as Paul did.” Jamie laughed a few seconds into the conversation. “Yeah, I know. He’s a legend in this part of the country. I have high standards to live up to. But in all seriousness, I love your daughter. I want to spend at least the next fifty years with her. She just needs to let go of her fear.” Jamie stayed silent for a while again. “We’ll work on the children situation. There are miracle workers out there. We’ll deal with that when the time comes. Have a great day. I hope to meet you soon. Bye.” He hung up the phone again without letting me say goodbye to my mother.

  “Why do you keep doing that?”

  “Doing what?”

  “Having the last word with my family and not letting me say goodbye?”

  “It was your mom who said goodbye first. She didn’t ask to talk to you again. She’s fantastic, by the way. She wants you married off again.”

  “We’re not even dating, Jamie. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” I warned.

  “Um… I don’t see you as the type of woman who sleeps with a man you aren’t in love with. Was Paul your first?”

  “A bit personal, don’t you think?”

  “Well, last night was more than a bit personal. Aren’t we at that personal juncture?”

  “Oh my gosh, what have I done?” I asked in part jest and part seriousness. “We spend one night together and you think I’ve given you carte blanche.”

  His head tilted back and laughter filled the room from the both of us.

  “I have to run.” Jamie muttered with his lips approaching mine. “I’d love to see the expression on George’s face when I walk into the office with the same clothes from last night’s game, but I’m going to assume that’s not what you want.”

  “You want some breakfast?”

  “No. I have an early meeting. I should get home and change. I love you.” He responded with the most tender kiss.

  I accepted the kiss but couldn’t commit verbally.

  “You can’t verbally admit that you love me yet?” He teased. “It’s alright. I’ll take your bodily admission instead. Can I come back tonight?”

  “If I said no will you not come back?”

  Laughter echoed down the hallway only to be silenced by the closing door.

  “Are you coming over this morning to tell me what happened between you and Jamie last night or do I need to lug the twins over to your place, playpen, play toys, diapers and all?”

  “Meghan, you’re so funny. I’ll be over in half an hour. You need anything?”

  “Bring some of your baked goods. Nursing twins takes a lot out of you.”

  “Alright.”

  Perhaps Meghan would be able to convince me not to date Jamie, but instead, to continue his life with Melinda. Perhaps I will listen to her argument and make a rash decision. I needed someone to talk some sense into me.

  “Talk!” Meghan hurried me into the living room. I quickly picked up baby Paul. “You know, Nellie’s going to grow up resenting her godmother for loving her brother more than her.”

  “Oh Nellie, I love you just as much.” I picked her up with the free arm. “You are so beautiful.”

  “Put the kids down. You and I need to talk.”

  Doing as I was told, I put the kids in their playpens and kept mum just to see Meghan's reaction.

  “Well?” Exasperated, her eyes bugged out.

  “Well…nothing. We went home, talked, and then we parted…this morning.”

 
“What? You parted this morning? As in, he spent the night?” Meghan had to process my ten word sentence. “He spent the night like the time he stayed with you when Dani went to prom?”

  A smile tugged at my lips as I shook my head no.

  “He spent the night as in you guys spent it together…like in bed, together?”

  A vivid memory of last night made another smile trickle out.

  “I shouldn’t have gotten that carried away.” I confessed. “I was explaining to Jamie all the reasons why we can’t work and next thing I knew, the sun was coming up and there was a man sleeping next to me. I’m in so much trouble, Meghan. I think I love Jamie. Actually, I know I love Jamie. What shall I do?”

  “What do you mean, what shall you do? You date, fall madly in love and maybe even remarry.”

  “You know it’s not that easy.”

  “Sure it is. What’s so difficult about it? Did Jamie break up with Melinda?”

  “Kind of. He says he tried but she wouldn’t allow it. He’s going to try again.”

  “Good. I never thought they belonged together. They were always awkward with one another. Jamie looked like he was walking on eggshells with her. I knew he was smitten with you from day one.”

  “And how did you know that?”

  “Didn’t he take you to dinner then go to the baseball game with you and Dani?”

  “Yeah, but that’s because Dani invited him.”

  “Well, George was floored to see him there. I guess he didn’t expect to see his best friend’s seat occupied by another man.”

  “Oh, you won’t tell George any of this, will you?”

  “No. I won’t. George about had a heart attack when he saw you two kiss. He thinks Jamie is taking advantage of your vulnerable status but I told him to wake up and smell the chemistry. He won’t believe me. He thinks you’re going to die a widow because no one can replace Paul.”

  “Paul. Ugh! I’m cheating on Paul. What shall I do? How do I end this with Jamie?”