“I’m going to call bullshit on that no right or wrong answer part. But honestly, I liked kissing you. You’re still…you’re still Scott to me and it might take me a while to wrap my head around you not just being my friend anymore. Well, you’re still my friend, but you’re more.”
I was a reasonable public speaker, but no one would be able to tell by the way I was explaining myself to Scott. He was his quiet self, though, and just nodded, not minding my stumbling explanation. “Yeah, friends but more now. I liked kissing you too.”
I shouldn’t have been so relieved, but some of the stress I was carrying faded away. Nothing that had happened at the restaurant gave the impression he hadn’t wanted it, but it was such a big change. One that maybe should have happened a long time ago.
But then I would have had to have said something a long time ago.
And I was back to wishing Dare was still with us to give me or maybe us a push in the right direction. “Can I kiss you again?”
God, I sounded like a kid who was trying to figure out dating for the first time. The next step was going to be notes asking him to check yes or no.
Relief and something that looked like worry flashed over Scott’s face, but he nodded. “Please.”
“Yes” or “sure” would have meant agreement too, but “please”…there was something more personal about the word…more than just giving permission.
Please kiss me…it meant so much more as I played the words over in my head.
As I leaned forward, Scott mirrored my movement. Instinct took over as our heads turned and lips met. There wasn’t the passion and nerves that had run through me when Dare had directed us in the parking lot, but it was tender and…familiar almost. He wasn’t someone new I was trying to understand and learn. He wasn’t someone I was trying to see if we would fit.
I already knew we fit.
He was Scott…but he was quickly becoming my Scott.
One little word.
Chapter 8
Dare
The insistent chime of the phone as text messages came in woke me from a dead sleep. Groaning, I rolled over and grabbed blindly for the phone. It wasn’t too early because as I squinted and forced my eyes open I could see light peeking in from around the curtains.
My sweet nuts were up and worrying entirely too early.
Scott had messaged first but Ryan’s seemed to be longer so I read Scott’s first. I had a feeling I’d need coffee for Ryan’s.
You up?
Well, now I was, but I wasn’t going to respond with that. It was probably my fault for leaving the volume up so high.
Yes, got to work early today.
My alarm had been set to go off before too long, so no point in telling him anything else. Turning off the alarm, I forced myself to start moving and headed toward the bathroom. I was out in minutes, but it was enough time for Scott to have texted me again.
We’re still on for dinner and stuff tonight?
What was Scott concerned about, the dinner or the stuff? The stuff.
Yep, as long as that works for you.
Then, just to make sure he understood where I was at mentally, I sent him another quick text.
I had a good time last night.
As I made my way to the kitchen, I pulled up Ryan’s message. Where Scott liked to work his way up to divulging what he wanted and had that funny habit of answering a question with another question, Ryan sometimes just dived right into the conversation like I’d been around to hear the first part that had gone on in his head.
Don’t you I think I have to talk to Scott about the control thing before tonight? It just seems like the best idea. If we do more than kiss he’s got to know because I think it might be obvious then. Unless you don’t really want us to do that much. That’s kind of up to you but I’m open for more. I’m supposed to tell you that, right?
They both seemed calm and quiet but were so complex on the inside. Ryan just hid his worries and thoughts behind the mask but Scott actually seemed to have that deep silence go all the way through him. I had a feeling Ryan would be a talker during sex because once he opened up it released the floodgates.
We’ll do stuff when you’re ready. If you want to get it out in the open then we’ll do it this afternoon. Unless you want to talk to him by yourself?
Personally, I wasn’t sure what would be best. Delaying the conversation would only make things harder in the long run. I also wasn’t sure if I should be there or not. My first reaction was to insist we do it together so I could see their reactions and facilitate the conversation if necessary, but I didn’t want to cross the line from controlling to overcontrolling.
If it was just Ryan explaining to Scott what he liked, and how he and I saw parts of the relationship developing, then it wouldn’t be as difficult of a conversation. Scott was understanding and laid back so I couldn’t imagine him reacting badly to anything Ryan wanted, but since he had his own desires to open up about, I wasn’t sure how it would go.
As I started moving around the kitchen and getting the coffee ready, I set the phone down on the table for a few minutes. I heard the text messages start coming in quickly again and had to smile when I finally sat down at the table with a huge mug of coffee and a day-old muffin that was still pretty good.
Scott had finally messaged back and seemed to be slowly working his way through the same mental debate that Ryan was.
I was thinking about tonight. How did you see it going?
I was a terrible person so my first thought was to send him something dirty, but I knew that wasn't where his mind was at. Not yet, at least.
Do you mean the practical part of the date or the conversation?
Two could play the endless questions game.
Switching back to Ryan, I read his message and had to smile again.
NO! Unless I have to then I will but I don’t think this is something I want to do alone. I know Scott won’t think I’m crazy but I don’t know how to explain it and I don’t want to overshare but that’s not really possible if we’re dating…right?
So cute. I grinned as I responded.
Since we’re dating I think the TMI thing isn’t something you need to worry about. Talking to him is better than making him guess what you want. I don’t mind being there when you talk to him. We’ll sit down and do it when I get there so you don’t spend the whole date worrying.
So they both didn’t spend the whole date worrying.
Going back to Scott, I had to shake my head.
Do you think it would be okay if I said conversation?
How they could be so similar and refuse to see it was beyond me. As I texted him back, I just hoped we were all on the same page. If Scott wanted to talk to Ryan by himself, or wasn’t ready to talk at all, it could get difficult.
Yes, as long as you’re ready. I think conversations would be a good thing. If we do any more than kiss it will be obvious something is up. We’ll either look awkward because we’re overthinking it or he’ll think you’re not into it.
I was probably pushing him. But it seemed to be what he wanted, so I didn’t feel too badly. He’d spent the last week debating what to do. With the first date ending up going so well, I thought it’d given him the little nudge he needed to take things to the next level.
Scott texted back immediately as I took a sip of coffee and broke off a piece of muffin. If I didn’t pay attention I’d have to leave for work without getting any breakfast at all, and signing for a living didn’t leave me a lot of time to eat on the job.
Do you think I’m ready?
I had to laugh. Luckily, he kept going before I could tease him about his questions again.
I don’t want to start things on a lie. That never works.
I had a feeling he’d been down that road before. Scott wasn’t as forthcoming as Ryan was with details of his past. But from what he’d said, guys hadn’t reacted well to a big, handsome guy like Scott being a less than aggressive lover.
Swallowing
more coffee, I thought about how to respond.
I think that means you’re ready. Only you know though. But wanting to make sure you start things off with us, especially Ryan, on the right foot feels like the right decision.
My mother’s voice was loud in my head. I didn’t think I was pushing him or “outing him” as she’d said, but I couldn’t tell anymore. I was too close to them both to make a strictly rational choice. I wanted to see them both happy and really talking to each other, but it had to be on their schedule and it wouldn’t be over rushed text messages. The time I had to talk was rapidly dwindling so I had to wrap it up.
Going back to Ryan, I wanted to give him a hug but a few words would have to do.
I have to get ready for work but why don’t you go back to sleep for a bit, sexy? I have a feeling you’ve been up thinking about this for a while. We’ll talk when I get over there later but I don’t want you to worry.
Switching over to Scott, I tried to give him the same instructions.
How early did you wake up? And no answering questions with questions, handsome. I want you to get more rest later. You don’t want to be tired when I get there do you?
I wanted to make sure they wouldn’t worry all day but I had a feeling it wouldn’t be possible. As I cleaned up, they texted back with silly excuses about how early they got up. Giving them both instructions to go back to bed, I sent them one final matching text.
It’s going to be fine. He’s your best friend and that’s not going to change.
****
People had told me before that my job had to be easy. But they’d never tried standing quietly for hours and waving their arms around the whole time. Even with breaks, acting as a sign language interpreter could be exhausting. As I headed over to Scott and Ryan’s place, I was grateful that it’d only been for a couple of hours.
I had a feeling I was going to need my energy. I just wished I knew if it was going to be for passion or for endless awkward silence. With my guys, it could go either way.
I’d texted them on my breaks. Thankfully, they’d both gone back to bed for a while and the day hadn’t been too strained. They seemed to have stayed busy running errands and cleaning the house. It sounded like they weren’t stress eaters but stress cleaners.
Which might be helpful in the long run. With three people in a relationship I knew things wouldn’t always be smooth sailing, but it would be easy to see when one of them was upset. I’d just have to watch out for someone obsessively cleaning. Like what Scott had done to the kitchen and Ryan had evidently done to the bathroom.
They were each convinced the other had no idea they were stressed because they’d both used me as an excuse for the impromptu scrubbing.
I just wished I knew that I was doing the right thing, and that I hadn’t pushed them. I’d made it clear that we couldn’t go very far sexually without having some long conversations but I’d also said I’d wait. I’d spelled that out to each of them several times over the last week when we’d been talking and texting.
The more logical side of my brain kept pointing out that they’d had plenty of time to walk away and they’d initiated a lot of the conversation. It’d also seemed like they’d been ready to take the next steps with or without me because they’d responded too perfectly that first night at the bar for it to have been something they were completely ignoring all along.
As I parked outside of their building, I leaned back in the seat and tried to picture what would happen. Neither were drama queens but they were the type to get easily hurt and try not to show it. If the talk went badly it could change things for us and for them.
I didn’t want to change their relationship…not really…I wanted to add to their friendship, not tear it apart.
Finally unwilling to mentally throw around what-if’s, I climbed out of the car and headed for the building. We wouldn’t figure things out by worrying or burying our heads in the sand, and that was what we all wanted…maybe in different ways and for different reasons, but we had the same goals.
I’d learned that they’d had the same apartment since they’d gotten out of school. Both of them had made it clear it wasn’t fancy but they weren’t ready to find someplace new. They’d given different excuses, but to me it’d boiled down to them not wanting to risk upsetting the balance they had. Moving meant the chance that they might end up going in different directions.
I could understand their fears, but their apartment was designed for poor college kids, not two professionals with good jobs. The small building was long and only had two levels with just a staircase to access the second floor. The paint was peeling and the overall feel was dingy. The fact that there were two teenagers making what looked to be a drug deal farther down the complex made it all the more interesting.
Once we were all on the same page with needs and desires, we were going to talk about their living conditions. I wasn’t controlling beyond what my partner, or in this case partners, wanted but this was ridiculous—especially since they both knew there was a problem.
As I got closer to their unit, the door opened and I saw two heads pop out. They seemed to be having a quiet shoving match and I didn’t even attempt to hide how funny they were. “Are we putting on a comedy show for the neighbors?”
Ryan snickered and Scott blushed but they stilled and straightened. Ryan spoke first. “He wanted to open the door first and I said we needed to wait until you knocked.”
Scott scoffed and shoved his elbow into Ryan’s side. “Liar.”
Laughing, I walked up to the door and gave them both quick pecks. “Are you going to invite me in?”
They both blushed and stepped back, inviting me in as Scott mumbled a low apology. As I entered the apartment I saw that while the outside of the building looked rough, they’d clearly taken care of their place. It was a home, not just some place they lived. After a small entryway, it opened up into the living room. A large couch took up one long wall with a TV opposite it, but it was the pictures and little touches that made it feel like a home. Their home.
Almost every picture was of the two of them, even what looked like vacation pictures and possibly drunk selfies on the wall over the couch. If I’d met them for the first time in their house, at a party or just hanging out, I’d have thought they were clearly a couple. Everything in the house screamed family…not roommates.
“You’ve got a great place.” They were still waiting awkwardly by the door, so I smiled and went back over to them, sliding into the tight space between them. They each reached out a hand to hold me. “Don’t I get a more exciting greeting than that?”
They moved closer in unison, pressing their bodies tighter against mine. It was a delicious feeling of being almost trapped but knowing that they were mine and were doing it because they were trying to please me. It was a perfect mix of control and a hint of submission that I knew most people wouldn’t understand but I loved.
From the outside looking in, it would seem like they were in charge and could do whatever they wanted with me, but that wasn’t the truth. It wouldn’t ever matter to me what other people thought—I’d moved past that years ago—but even if I was the only one who understood their submission, it would be wonderful.
Ryan was pressed against my back so it was Scott who leaned down to kiss me. As he got closer, he stilled and I could see his mind whirling. His voice came out low but I could hear the underlying worry in it. “Can I kiss you?”
“Yes, handsome. I want to feel your lips pressed against mine.” He wanted to ask permission and maybe almost needed to ask for it to feel right, but with Ryan standing there he was second-guessing himself.
It wasn’t an odd question or out of place, so there wasn’t anything to worry about, but with the conversation fresh in both of their minds I knew they were both overly focused on it.
With my permission, Scott’s lips started getting closer, and when I stretched up to make it easier on him we were suddenly kissing. For Scott, that little bit of me taking charge
was enough that it took it from a simple kiss to something more erotic. He gave a low moan as our lips and tongues moved against each other and I could feel his body stiffening. I couldn’t wait to see how beautifully he reacted when there was nothing holding us back and no one had to be careful of what the other thought.
When I finally let him pull back, he was breathless and his gaze had a hazy look that said how easily my handsome man would fall into subspace. Giving Scott a smile, I reached up and touched his cheek. “That’s a much better way to say hello.”
Turning in their arms, I leaned back against Scott and looked up at Ryan. I wanted to tease him about the way he’d been rocking his erection against me, but with our conversation still unsaid, it might come out meaner than I’d intended, so I kept it to myself.
But god…the things we could do if he liked getting himself off by rubbing up against me.
“Come here and give me a proper hello, sexy.” I knew he could see some of the things I wanted to say in my eyes because he blushed as he leaned down to kiss me.
When our lips touched I reached up and stretched so I could wrap my arms around his neck comfortably. Softness and strength poured out of him but it was that hint of begging in his kiss that made me moan. He desperately wanted someone else to take charge and just let everything else go.
I threaded my fingers up through his hair and poured everything I was feeling into the kiss. My emotions weren’t easy to define at this stage of our relationship but he needed to know he wasn’t alone.
Neither of them were, no matter how worried they were.
As our kiss eased and pulled away, I smiled up at Ryan. “That’s much better.”
They both stepped back as I started to move. Reaching for their hands, I gave them a squeeze. “I can’t wait for dinner and to hang out with you guys tonight, but I think we have a few things to talk about first. Let’s go sit down.”
Two quiet subs followed me over to the couch, both steadfastly refusing to look at the other. Refusing to believe the worst, I knew it would be stressful, but once everything got out in the open we could finally move forward.
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