by Ken Hansen
“Others like you?”
“Yes. You proclaimed the Light of Our Yesterdays. A bright white light has flashed in my eyes while I have seen and heard and understood images from what I can only describe as another world. The first time it happened was when I met you in Roma at the conference. I thought that is what you meant.” Tomadus stared down at his sandals. “Do you think I am insane?”
Isa began walking again. “What do you think this light is?”
“I do not know.”
“Someday, you will.”
Tomadus looked into Isa’s eyes. “How do you know this?”
“The same way that I know you will eventually believe in me.”
Pressing his lips together tightly, Tomadus blew his breath hard out his nose. “I do not wish to offend you, but may I be frank?”
“Of course.”
“I haven’t just seen images and heard things, I now have nearly complete memories of this other world, as if I lived there myself as another person in another time. I don’t even know how they got there. I certainly do not recall specific visions of all of these memories, yet there they are, invading my thoughts. Still, you said ‘yesterdays,’ and I know it is not truly our own yesterdays, not as far as I can tell. The world is so different, but it is not the past. In some ways it is more advanced than our own world—medicine for instance—but in other ways… I wonder. At first, I thought I was going insane. Now I just want an explanation.”
“How would this offend me?” Isa asked.
“Look, I remember that world almost as if I had lived there, including its history, its religions, its religious leaders. I remember much about Christianity, its history and its beliefs. Don’t you understand?”
“And so?”
“And so, don’t you remember it in just the same way?”
Isa stopped and turned toward him. “Why would you think so?”
“Isn’t that where you got the idea for your mission, for the Way, for many of your speeches?”
“From this other world?”
“Yes,” said Tomadus. “The connection is too strong to be denied. Look, what you are doing is wonderful. I have no intention of changing that. So what if it has been done before in this other world. I would never tell the others. Trust me. I just want to know I am not alone.”
“You will never be alone if you follow me.”
Tomadus frowned. Can I say it directly without shouting, “FRAUD?” This preacher did not deserve to be denounced. He was doing everything to help others, with nothing to help himself. So what if this gentle man had borrowed his life’s work from this other world? He’s using that knowledge for the good of mankind. What can smoke this out without the taint of blame? He smiled. “Are you not acting as Christ?”
Isa gently placed his hands on Tomadus’s shoulders. “God is truly with you, no matter what you may believe, no matter what you may think you understand. But you must not yet share this understanding, even with the Ten.”
Tomadus stared into Isa’s eyes. He can see into me, yet cannot understand my words. I don’t believe in Christ. He must know that. I don’t think I believed in Christ in the other world. Is it possible he really doesn’t see that other world? No, he borrows from it, doesn’t he? It cannot be coincidence, can it? Tomadus put his hands on Isa’s arms. “Please tell me directly so I may understand. What did you mean when you said ‘the light of our yesterdays?’”
“You know the answer in your heart already. I am the Light—the Light of Our Todays, the Light of Our Tomorrows, the Light of Our Yesterdays. When you understand the Light, you will understand me. When you understand its source, you will understand yourself. Now, will you stay with me?”
Tomadus pulled back from Isa, never diverting his eyes from the preacher. “I’m sorry, but I must attend to my company for a few days. And I may be gone longer on a trip to the Aztec Empire. If successful, perhaps I’ll be able to contribute a few talents to your cause.”
“We must talk more in the future about your devotion to making money. But the Aztec Empire is our destination for the winter as well. Perhaps you would accompany me.”
Tomadus cocked his head. “Perhaps. First, I need to stop in Tonquizalixco Tetepe to see a friend in need.”
“A friend in need?”
“Yes, I had tried to reach him after all these months to no avail. I finally reached a mutual friend and discovered he could probably use a little of your medicine.”
“My medicine?” Isa asked.
“Call it spiritual medicine. He has become despondent and disillusioned. You seem to have a way of rescuing the suffering from their mourning.”
“What is his name?”
“Yohanan.”
Isa smiled. “Of course, Yohanan. I will do what I can. We can meet the others in Tenochtitlan.”
Chapter 47
He was running toward Decima through a faceless, blurry crowd. He glanced ahead and saw Hugleikr up high, his huge head and orange hair bouncing to the cheers as he gestured to the multitude. Someone was climbing up the stairs. He desperately drove through the crowd, pushing the strangers aside. There, just a few yards away, he saw the device in her hands. “Stop!” he screamed. She smiled, ran and flipped the switch. Nothing happened. There was no sound but the repeated banging in his left ear.
Yohanan awoke with his clothes dripping in sweat. The red fox stared at him from the wall across the room. “Oh, hello, Decima,” he said.
He realized the banging was coming from the door of the shack. The familiar female voice said, “Yohanan, I know you are in there. Let me in.”
He wiped the cobwebs out of his eyes as he went to open the door. Decima stood there, beautiful as ever, but her beauty fell short of another standing beside her. The new woman smiled sweetly and lunged at him with arms open, “Yohanan!”
“Jochi!” He squeezed her tightly to him and did not let go. “I am so happy to see you, my dear sister.” He pulled away. “You cannot remain here. Tetepe is too dangerous. You must return to Roma.” He glared at Decima. “What have you done?”
“Vah! Don’t blame her,” said Jochi. “After all that’s happened, I needed to see you. She simply showed me the way. Let us put aside these troubles and have a few laughs like the old times. It has been too long.”
“I’m sorry, please come in.”
“You two should spend some time together. I’ll return tomorrow to see how things are going. I’ve brought some food,” Decima said, handing him a satchel.
“Can I at least get you some tea?” Yohanan asked.
“No thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Decima smiled and walked away into the forest.
“I’d love some tea. May I?” Jochi gestured to a chair by a table in the kitchen corner of the shack.
“Of course.” He put on a pot of water and joined her at the table. “You have grown quite beautiful these past ten years.”
She blushed. “The sun of Roma has been friendlier to my complexion than the shrapnel of Tetepe.” When Yohanan grimaced, she said, “I am sorry, brother. I didn’t mean—”
“No problem. You are right. This place is still a disaster. I’m so glad you were able to find a decent Romanus couple to take you away from it all.”
“You know you found them for me. You sent me away. I was a little girl. At the time I felt abandoned. But I came to understand why you did it. I just wish you had come with me. I have missed you so.”
“My place was here, amid the chaos. I still believe that, though I don’t know how. What a wreck I’ve made of this world.”
She gently grabbed his hands resting on the table. “It wasn’t your fault. I heard about it from Decima. You must let it go.”
As the pot began to whistle, he stood up to pour their cups. “I can’t. The nightmare will be with me always, just like the rubble of our house. The wounds don’t seem to heal.” He put the teabag in the cup of water and handed it to her, and then sat down with his own. “The wounds will never heal. The best I can
do is to find a clean bandage to staunch the bleeding. I’m searching for that now. The old bandage kept me alive, but I had to throw it away. It is dripping with blood—and not just my own. I need to find another way.”
Leaning forward, Jochi said quietly, “I can be your bandage, Yoh. Come back with me. Get out of this hell. I’m sure I can talk my former guardians into helping support you until you get on your feet.”
“The Romanus government will never let me live there. I would not wish to jeopardize your life there. It is dangerous enough for you to be here.”
“You’re exaggerating.”
“It has gotten worse, especially since the…the disaster.”
“I’m so sorry, Yoh.” She grabbed his hands. “Let me help.”
He smiled softly, nodded, then winked. “Well, you don’t look much like a bandage, but you’ll do as an antibiotic. You have already saved my life by coming.” He glanced over at Quintillus’s favorite shotgun hanging on the wall. “And since you are here, why don’t we go hunting for some dinner like in the old days?”
Jochi looked squeamish. “Decima brought us dinner. I’m not sure I could…”
“It will keep. Let’s go find a big pheasant like we did with Papa.”
“Papa would never let me come, remember? I stayed home by the fire where it was warm.”
“Well, then, you have something to learn.”
Chapter 48
The last sprinkles of sunlight were edging over the western Tetepian horizon when Yohanan came out of the woods holding Quintillus’s favorite shotgun on his right shoulder. Jochi carried the fat pheasant he had shot.
“I’ll start preparing the bird,” she said. “You get some more wood for the fire.”
As Yohanan gathered split logs from the stack behind the shack, he saw two familiar figures emerge from the forest. He quickly dropped the wood and took up the shotgun. As the men drew closer, he recognized Tomadus, his elaborately stenciled crimson robes betraying him as a Romanus technologist. The man next to him wore a simple white robe. Robes were not favored here; otherwise, that man would have fit right in as one of those desperately poor Jews of Tetepe.
“Tomadus, what are you doing here?” Yohanan asked.
“A fine way to welcome a friend.”
“I am sorry. I don’t get many visitors these days.” The two shook hands. He looked at the man in the white robes. “And this is?”
“Isa, of the Palestinian Province. Isa, this is Yohanan, of the Tetepian hunting lodge, it seems.”
Yohanan bowed his head for a moment and then reached his hand out to the stranger. “Welcome.” Yohanan looked right at Isa’s eyes. They were strangely gentle, comforting almost, but piercing, nonetheless. It was as if he were looking deep inside you, searching not for trouble, but for some pearl of goodness within that you did not even know existed. The eyes filled Yohanan with such warmth that he did not wish to look away.
“It is good to meet you, Yohanan. Tomadus has told me much about you.”
“Please, come on in. You are both welcome for dinner.”
They scrambled into the cabin, and there was Jochi tending to dinner preparations at the hearth. She turned and faced them, her cheerful smile doing its best to brighten up the dim interior of the shack.
Yohanan gestured toward the men. “This is Tomadus, a Romanus merchant and technologist, and Isa, who I am told comes from Palestine. Gentlemen, this is my sister, Jochi, who now hails from a prominent Romanus family herself.”
“Stop it, Yoh.” She laughed and then returned her gaze to the two men. “I am but a Tetepian in Romanus clothing, and not even that when I am here.”
Yohanan had not seen that look on her before. Had Isa mesmerized her as much as him? Yohanan turned around and saw the same starlit gaze returned by Tomadus, which was peculiar on its own.
Tomadus stepped forward and bowed with his right hand to his chest. “I am delighted to meet you, madam, although the moment I saw you my heart began leaping as if I had seen you before.” Isa repeated the gesture and Jochi nodded simply at both. Tomadus continued with a slightly pinched tone, “Yohanan, I was not aware your sister was living in Roma. I wish I had known.” He turned back to Jochi. “I remember your picture, of course, although you were so much younger then.”
The words had not been out of his mouth for more than an instant when Tomadus must have realized his mistake, for there could only be one picture. “Oh, I am so sorry, madam,” he said with a slight nod. He turned to her brother and nodded, “Yohanan.” He looked back at Jochi. “Jochi, I am a clumsy fool. Please forgive my carelessness.”
“No need, sir,” Jochi said. “Unfortunately, it is how people seem to know me.” She was still staring, not at Tomadus, but at Isa.
Noticing this, Yohanan turned to Isa, took him by the elbow and began to escort him to the small sitting area on the other side of the room. “My sister has been living in Roma for nearly ten years now. Quintillus of Roma was kind enough to find her some guardians who took her away from this.” He looked down. “He is no longer with us.”
“Yes. My condolences.”
“Thank you. Now, please, sit down. We don’t have much here, but we will try to make it comfortable for dinner tonight. Tell me, Tomadus, why have you come to the backwoods of the hinterlands?”
“Let me be frank,” Tomadus began. “I saw what happened to Decima’s father on the visi-scan. I do not know the details, nor do I wish to. I tried to reach you, but could only reach her. She said you have withdrawn from your movement and fallen into some kind of depression. You remain in this remote cabin though the Juteslams do not pursue you. Decima seemed to be desperate to help you, so she asked if I could visit you. I brought a friend who I think can help.”
Yohanan replied, “Sorry that you have come all of this way. Jochi is helping me. I will be fine.”
“Then when will you return to Shenandoah?” Tomadus asked. “The people there need you.”
“They do not,” said Yohanan flatly. “I have failed as a leader. You were right, Tomadus, when we met a few months ago. The disaster confirmed it. Violence is not the answer. Yet I can find no good answers. I don’t even know the questions anymore. I am powerless to fight the Juteslams even though they remain evil. They kill and they murder. When we retaliate, more innocents die. The blood has flowed so deep that I can no longer wade through it. And so, here I sit, powerless in my shack, killing only wild animals for sustenance. I’m sorry.” He lowered his head and looked at the floor.
Isa said gently, “Do not be sorry for that, Yohanan, for you have come far. But you are still filled with much hatred for the Juteslams.”
“Of course. They are beasts.”
Isa leaned very close to Yohanan and said softly, “You must learn to love them.”
Yohanan glared at the gentle man. “Are you crazy? They killed my parents. They killed Quintillus. They have killed so many of my friends that I have lost count. How can I ever love them?”
“You speak of Juteslams as if they are all one person,” said Isa. “Did every Juteslam kill your parents? Did every Juteslam kill Quintillus or your friends? They have family and friends who have also died in this conflict. Until you love the Juteslams as people, you can never truly understand them. And until you understand them and they understand your people, you will always be at war, not just with them, but with yourself.”
Yohanan shook his head, his lips tightly drawn. “Look, I know Hugleikr and Skjöldr are mostly responsible for this. I have already begged God to forgive me for the deaths of innocent Juteslams. But I will not weep at the death of Skjöldr or Hugleikr. They deserve to die.”
“Can you condemn them to death by yourself?” Isa asked. “Are you the judge of their sins against God?”
“No, but I am the judge of their sins against my people.”
“Do not seek to judge others, Yohanan, for he who judges must himself be judged. A man who cannot forgive cannot be forgiven.”
Yohanan felt the
heat of Isa’s eyes penetrating his soul. Yes, I’m sorry, but at least I killed with justice as my guide. How can you ask this of me? He stared at the table legs and then closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, but I can never forgive them.”
Isa grabbed Yohanan’s hands gently. “Then you will always suffer. The pain you feel, that you have felt these many years, is masked by a glowing and growing hatred that blackens your soul. Lose the hatred, Yohanan, and reveal your own sorrow. Understand the sorrow, accept it, and convert it to love and forgiveness, not hatred and vengeance. It is only in this way that you can truly set your heart free.”
“Yohanan,” Tomadus said, “when we first met, you asked me to return when I found another way. Today you said you are searching for an answer and do not even know the questions. I brought Isa here because I think he could be the answer. He may be the other way you seek.”
Isa continued to hold Yohanan’s hands. Neither stirred, and the silence and connection between them seemed to unnerve Jochi. She walked over and began massaging her brother’s shoulders. “It’s easy for you two to say these things,” she said sharply. “You haven’t suffered the evil that my brother has endured throughout his lifetime. He saw his own parents…they…you wouldn’t understand. He will never forsake them. He will never forsake his people.”
Tomadus’s eyes squinted as he tilted his head. “Forsake them?” he asked. He opened and closed his eyes quickly as if he were trying to recover from the brightness of the sun. “Why would he forsake them?”
“You ask him to find another way…to turn against his past.”
“No,” Yohanan said softly. He released Isa’s right hand and reached up, gently grabbing her right hand in his and holding it to his cheek. A tear meandered from his opposite eye to his chin. “No, Jochi, Isa is right. The pain is so very deep, and I no longer know from where it comes. I fear my wounds bleed more than my own blood. Dear God what bandage could ever slow this intermingled liquid flowing out my veins? I am dead.”
Isa said softly, “By saying so, you have saved your life. Follow me and those wounds will heal, even if you die.”