by Ingrid Diaz
“I’ll be back,” I said and slammed the door behind me, leaving a very curious Nicole behind.
Ò
“Alix.”
“Huh?”
“You’re making me dizzy.”
I stopped mid-pace and smiled apologetically at Jessica. Then went ahead and took a seat on one of the bean bag chairs she had randomly strewn about the place. If you must know, I chose the black one. “So, what do you think?”
“About?”
“The ozone layer,” I replied dryly.
Jessica quirked a brow in my direction. She was sitting on the floor, leaning against the back of her couch. I don’t know why she didn’t just sit on it. “I suppose I like it.”
I sent her what I hoped was a dirty look. “Focus,” I instructed. “Valerie. Alix. Confusion. Help.”
Jessica shifted uncomfortably. “I really don’t think I’m the one you should be talking to about this.”
Still sitting, I used my legs and feet to drag myself closer to her. This proved to be harder than I originally intended, but it’s amazing what one won’t do just to keep from having to get up. Finally, I was sitting in front of her. “Just tell me . . . what do you think I should do?”
She was silent for a long while. Finally, she met my gaze. “I think you should follow your heart.”
I blinked, stood up, and resumed my pacing. “Follow my heart? My heart is stationary, Jessica. It goes nowhere. How am I supposed to follow it?” I ran both hands through my hair in an attempt to rein in my frustration. When that didn’t help, I stopped. “Okay. I’ll just do this the rational way.” I walked to Jessica’s desk and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen.
“What are you doing?”
A moment later, I was back in the bean bag chair. “I’m going to make a list of pros and cons.” I said this very matter-of-factly, then shrugged. “I saw it on Friends. You know when Ross . . . nevermind.” I drew a line down the middle of the page and labeled each side accordingly.
Jessica watched me for about five seconds. “Alix. Is this really necessary?”
“Well, you’re not helping any,” I replied pointedly. “If you would give me some concrete advice then maybe I wouldn’t have to resort to this kind of behavior.”
She grabbed the paper and the pen away from me and put it out of my reach. “Alix, listen to me. You’re going to take a deep breath and then you’re going to get back down from Cloud Aerosmith.”
I took a deep breath, but was a bit more hesitant to give up my lovely apartment on Cloud A. It had a beautiful view. And Cloud 9 was within drifting distance. “All right. I’m calm. I’m grounded. Lay it on me.”
“Close your eyes,” she instructed, grabbing a hold of my hands.
I frowned slightly, then complied. “Is this some kind of guided meditation? ’Cause I tend to have trouble reaching that happy place—”
“Alix . . .”
“Sorry. Okay.” I kept my eyes closed.
“Now. Do you want to be with Valerie? Yes or no.”
I was about to protest but she interrupted me.
“Yes or no, Al. C’mon.”
I sighed. “Yes.”
She let go of my hands, and I opened my eyes. “Well, there you go,” she said, as if everything was incredibly obvious.
I bit my lip thoughtfully. And I guessed it was.
Ò
I believe, and I’m adamant about this, that dresses and high heels cloud the mind. Because I was definitely not thinking clearly when I’d shown up at her apartment wearing the atrocious attire Jessica had stuck me in. Had I been thinking clearly, I would’ve gone home to change, and then visited her. Then perhaps I wouldn’t have walked out of her apartment the moment she put the words “love” and “you” in the same sentence and directed them toward me.
This is what I was thinking while I stared at the number 413 on Valerie’s door. Daydreaming is the most sincere form of procrastination.
I pushed a strand of hair out of my eyes and knocked on the door. Several times. I kicked it once. I even did the hokey pokey and still nothing.
It didn’t immediately occur to me that she might not be home.
Not feeling patient enough to sit around and wait for her, I went straight for plan B.
On my walk to Whispers I went over what I’d decided. I could give us another shot. But we needed ground rules. Lots of ground rules. Perhaps maybe some underground rules to go with the ground rules.
I walked into the club feeling confident. And a bit excited because I’d finally come to a decision I could live with. We’d just take it slow. Very slow. So slow in fact, that it would give off the illusion that we were going backwards instead of forwards.
I’d expected to find Valerie at the bar, but she wasn’t there. The club was relatively empty, and scanning the crowd proved simple, but fruitless.
“Can I get you something?”
I turned to the bartender. “Nothing to drink thanks,” I said. Before she had a chance to move away, I added, “But, uh, can you tell me when Valerie is working next?”
The woman studied me for a moment, her eyes narrowing. She looked vaguely familiar though I couldn’t really place her. “Valerie quit a few days ago.”
I’m sure I did a double-take. “What?”
She nodded. “Sorry to say.”
I placed my hands firmly on the bar top, trying desperately to hang on to my fleeting self-control. “Why did she quit? Did she get a better job somewhere else?”
“She was leaving for New York.”
I blinked a few times as if by clearing my vision I could somehow clear my hearing as well. Or at least, change what I’d just heard into something that . . . Suddenly, her words hit home. “What?” This I nearly yelled.
Brown eyes regarded me curiously. “Are you a friend of Val’s?”
Biting back a sarcastic remark, I said, “Something like that. Do you know when she was planning to leave?”
“Not a clue. Last I talked to her was a few days ago, but I’d bet on anything she’s gone by now.”
I looked around, feeling desperate. No crying. No crying. “Do you know where in New York she was going?”
I could tell by the way she looked at me that she had an answer but it didn’t appear like she was going to give it to me.
“Please,” I said, noting the touch of desperation in my voice. I tried not to cringe at this. “It’s really important.”
The woman stared at me for a second longer, then grabbed a napkin and pen from under the bar and wrote something down. “Her brother’s apartment in New York. That’s where she told me she was going to stay.” She hesitated, then handed it over.
“Thank you,” I said. Had there not been a counter between us, I would’ve hugged the woman. “I really appreciate this.”
She nodded. “No problem.”
As I left the club, it didn’t even occur to me to wonder how this woman knew the address by heart.
Ò
“I need to go to New York,” I announced, throwing open the door to Jessica’s room without bothering to knock.
“Alix!” Jessica and Mathew chorused.
“Whoops.” I did an immediate U-turn and headed out into the hall. This is not shaping up to be a good day. I tried not to shudder.
A couple of minutes later, the door opened and Jessica was standing there, dressed and a little annoyed.
“Sorry,” I said, crossing into the room. “You should really put a sock on the door or something. Where’s Mathew?”
“Shower.”
I decided that I should start talking before Jessica killed me. “I need to go to New York.”
“Like . . . for your birthday?”
“No, I mean, I need to go to New York now. Valerie’s gone.”
That got her attention. “What?”
“Gone,” I repeated. “As in, no longer here. As in, now entirely elsewhere.”
Jessica shook her head. “And you want to do what? Follow her to New York
? Stand in the middle of Times Square shouting her name? Pass out flyers with her picture on them?”
I smiled at the thought, then dug in my pocket and came up with the napkin. “I know where she’s staying. Detective work pays off.”
Jessica crossed the room to sit at the edge of the waterbed. “Alix, this is crazy.”
Mathew walked out of the bathroom at that moment, dressed elegantly in a navy blue bathrobe. “Hey, Al. Excellent timing.”
“You know I do my best,” I said, giving him my most charming smile.
He smiled. “What’s going on?”
“She wants to follow Valerie to New York,” Jessica told him.
Suddenly, I felt like I was eleven years old and asking my parents for permission to go on a school trip.
“What about school?” Mathew asked.
I frowned at both of them. They’d make wonderful parents some day, I was just glad they weren’t mine. “Okay, let me put it another way. I’m going to New York.”
Mathew and Jessica exchanged a look.
Then Jessica said, “We’re coming with you.”
“That’s really not necessary,” I argued. “I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”
They exchanged another look, and I started to get annoyed.
Impatiently, I folded my arms. “Are you going to help me or am I going to have to prostitute myself on the streets of Ft. Lauderdale in exchange for a plane ticket?”
Ò
The next day I sat impatiently in the terminal waiting for Jessica who had dropped me off and said she’d “be right back.” Half an hour later, she was still not back and I was getting annoyed. But then, there she was, running in my direction. What I wasn’t counting on was the bald-headed girl running behind her.
Rising to my feet, I frowned as they reached me. I looked at Jade. “What are you doing here?” I noticed then that she was dragging along a suitcase.
“I’m going with you,” Jade said, somewhat gleefully, and waved a boarding pass in the air. She motioned to Jessica with her head. “She made the arrangements.”
Jessica nodded. “Oh, and—” She took out her wallet. “Credit cards. You should only need one but just in case.”
She handed over like five of them. I arched an eyebrow as I sorted through them. “Bloomingdale’s?”
“You never know.”
Why were my friends insane? I stuck the credit cards in my wallet. “Is that it, Mom?”
“Do you have cash on you?”
I nodded. “Stop worrying.”
She hugged me tightly. “Call the second you get there. And be careful.”
It was a good thing I hadn’t decided to go away to college. I wasn’t entirely sure she’d be able to handle it. “I’ll be in touch,” I assured her.
Eventually, Jade and I managed to make our way down to the gate, where passengers were already boarding.
Half an hour later, we were safely in the air. Or at least, I hoped it was safely.
“So what are you going to do once you track Valerie down?”
“I have no idea,” I said. “But I’m sure I can wing it.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
I glanced at her. “Well, it’s a little late now.”
“It’s never too late.”
I frowned. “Do you think this is a bad idea?”
She shrugged. “What I think doesn’t matter. Love, romance, the whole bit is a load of bollocks, if you ask me. So I wouldn’t go by what I think.” She smiled crookedly. “But truthfully, this whole thing, you flying off to New York to find her, it’s corny as hell but I think it’s kind of cool. And not just because I get to tag along. Love kind of suits you. Weirdly enough.”
“Thanks,” I said, and suddenly felt uneasy. Ever since I’d found out about Valerie leaving the only thing I could think about was running after her. But what if she didn’t want me to run after her? What if she had someone else there?
Jade touched my arm gently. “Are you okay?”
“I have no idea,” I responded. “But I guess we’ll find out.”
Chapter 2
still Alix
The plane managed to land without crashing, and for that I was thankful. We grabbed a cab from Newark Airport to New York and instructed the driver to deposit us at a nice hotel. He drove around for a while, trying to decide on which hotel would be best suited for our needs. I thought it was sweet of him to take the time to do that.
He finally settled on the Hilton. Or the Hyatt. It was one of those “H” names. Maybe it was the Holiday Inn. I was way too preoccupied to notice.
Our suite consisted of adjoining rooms and as I stood there pacing around my section, Jade entered. “So, what’s the plan? Or are we just winging it?”
I fell back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling for a few moments before answering. “I guess I just show up.”
Jade sat down on the bed beside me. “Don’t you think she’s going to find this just a wee bit obsessive?”
“So what’s your suggestion? That I parade aimlessly around Manhattan in the off-chance that I’ll bump into her somewhere, and then say, ‘Gee, fancy meeting you here’?”
Jade grinned. “You’re right. Now matter what you do, it’s going to seem obsessive.” She patted my knee.
“Thanks.”
“Any time.”
“So what are you going to do tonight?”
Jade appeared surprised. She stood, then walked to the window, spreading her arms toward the view outside. “Alix, look around. This is New York! What am I not going to do tonight.”
I grinned at Jade’s enthusiasm. I wished I could share in the excitement, but I’d barely even noticed the view. “I’m going to shower . . . and then . . . I’m going to find Valerie.”
Jade stared at me, shaking her head. “My friend, you’ve got more balls than the entire NBA.”
I chose to take that as a compliment.
Ò
The cab dropped me off across the street from the address the woman at Whispers had given me. It hadn’t occurred to me to wonder if it was the right address. That is, until I heard the taxi screech away. I found myself standing alone in the middle of the sidewalk, staring up at an unfamiliar building, wondering how the hell I’d gotten there.
I stood there for a long moment, trying to rehearse the speech I’d been rewriting over and over in my mind.
Across the street, a figure caught my eye. I frowned suddenly, wondering why I felt compelled to stare at her. It looked like Valerie . . . but it couldn’t be . . . Valerie didn’t have dark hair . . .
The figure turned into the building.
Oh . . . God . . .
I sprinted across the street, not caring if I got run over on the way there. Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately depending on how things turned out, I made it safely to the other side. Once inside the building, I looked around until I caught a flash of black hair disappear around the corner. I dashed in that direction, rounded the corner, and found myself face to face with Valerie.
For what seemed like ages, neither of us said anything. She was looking at me as though she couldn’t believe she was really seeing me. And I was looking at her like . . . Well, I’m not sure how I was looking at her, but I’m sure she could tell you. Finally, I broke the silence. “I bet you’re wondering what I’m doing here . . .”
Valerie’s face was unreadable as always. “Actually I was wondering if you’d noticed that you’re in an elevator.”
I blinked a few times, then saw the doors to the elevator swoosh closed and felt the box-object-of-death begin its ascent. I swallowed, leaning back against the wall and holding on for dear life. Please don’t let me die. Please don’t let me die.
Bing!
I shut my eyes and screamed, “Oh shit, we’re going to die!”
The doors swooshed open.
“My floor,” Valerie announced.
I peered out through one eye, then the other. “Oh.” With as much dign
ity as I could muster, I stepped out into the hall.
Silently, I followed Valerie down the dimly lit corridor, focusing intently on the dark blue carpet at my feet.
Once inside the apartment, we stared awkwardly at one another.
“Okay, now I’m wondering why you’re here,” Valerie said.
I took a deep breath. “And what an excellent question that is. It’s a funny story, really. I went to see you and you weren’t home. So I went to Whispers and I was informed of your departure. And I thought, ‘Hey, I’ve always wanted to see New York in the fall.’ So, here I am.”
“And you just happened to be walking by this building?”
“Uh . . .” I ran a hand through my hair nervously. “Well, someone might have clued me in as to where you were staying . . .”
Valerie sighed. “Alix, why are you here?”
“I wanted to thank you for the picture.”
“That’s what you flew all the way here to tell me?”
“No,” I admitted, suddenly wishing she’d offered me a drink. “I didn’t want things to end how they did.”
“So how did you want them to end?”
I stared at her, trying to put my thoughts into words somehow. “Well, . . . you know . . . without the . . . um . . . I didn’t want them to end. Not really. Not with this kind of finality.”
Her expression remained impassive but I could swear she looked surprised for a second. “What are you trying to say?”
Instead of answering, I said, “When did you dye your hair?”
She didn’t seem surprised by the change in conversation. “Yesterday, the second I got here. I never felt quite right as a blonde.”
She didn’t ask if I liked it, so I didn’t say anything. But I liked it a lot. And here I’d thought she couldn’t get any hotter. I cleared my throat. I knew I had to answer her question but now my actions were starting to seem crazy. Obsessive, even. What was I doing there?