by Leta Blake
No. It was time he was honest with himself. He should save some dignity and end the negotiations on his terms. Tell Jason’s parents that he refused to contract because he knew deep down Jason deserved children. That would be sufficient for them and held the benefit of being true.
But Vale wasn’t a fool. He knew he’d have to come clean with Jason altogether. The young man he’d come to know wouldn’t let him go for any reason other than the pitiless truth. If Jason chose to tell Vale’s secret to his parents, at least Vale knew they wouldn’t turn him in. They had too many secrets of their own to keep safe.
His chest felt heavy and he stifled a groan. Why had he ever let himself entertain the idea that Jason didn’t need to know about what had happened? He should have confessed his shameful secret at the beginning, no matter how it shattered his ego for Jason to know what he’d done. It would have saved them both the pain of severing this growing bond. They’d have never made the mistake of this beautiful, gorgeous night together. He’d never have known the joy of being in Jason’s arms and therefore never would have had to fully grieve it.
He’d have to break Jason’s heart tomorrow—and his own heart as well.
He’d already lost so much: his parents, his innocence, and now his career. Did he have to lose his alpha now, too? Now that he knew how wonderful Jason truly was, and how perfectly their bodies fit together? Now that he’d had a real glimpse of all they could be to each other?
The prickling burn of his upcoming heat stirred beneath his skin again. He shuddered against Jason who held him closer but slept on.
There was still the problem of his heat to resolve. Jason would revoke the contract offer as soon as he knew the truth, and Vale wasn’t going to let him give his first knot to an omega who didn’t deserve his bond.
CHAPTER TWENTY
“You’re not going to contract with him?” Yosef repeated Vale’s words back to him, staring him directly in the eye. “Have you lost your mind?”
They were alone in the back of a hired car on the way to Jason’s house to meet for what would be the final negotiations. The driver had put up the partition so they had some privacy. There was no time to spare; Vale needed Yosef to agree to do as he asked before they reached the Sabel residence.
Grief was a ringing, hollow thing. It was hard to believe relinquishing the tenuous hope he’d allowed himself to wrongly and dangerously indulge in could leave him so empty and raw.
“I’ve regained my mind,” Vale whispered.
Yosef groaned. “What happened? What changed? Up until now, you were content to let them be the ones to conclude that a surrogate would be best, and I’d thought, or hoped at any rate, that you were willing to contract with him if they backed off on the birth requirement. Is that not accurate?”
“It is, but things have changed.”
“What things?” Yosef’s eyebrows jumped like caterpillars.
Vale hesitated. He couldn’t explain how clarity had fallen on him as he’d held Jason sleeping in his arms the night before. How he’d understood with ruthless certainty that no matter what he yearned for, no matter how he wished for another outcome, he was never going to be the omega Jason Sabel deserved. He’d entertained the thought before. He’d known it was true. But he’d foolishly hoped he was wrong and allowed himself to imagine there might be a way…
Last night, though, he’d felt it in his bones: Jason was good, soul-deep good, and Vale was ruined, and he couldn’t let Jason’s life be tainted by that.
“What changed, Vale? Help me understand why you’re sabotaging this.”
“Last night, we…” Vale trailed off.
The bliss that’d washed over him and through him as they’d consummated the bond was hard to speak about. He didn’t know that he’d ever be able to compose a poem that would capture those tender, perfect feelings. He probably would never try. Remembering so much unspoiled joy once he’d destroyed Jason’s affection forever and rejected their bond would be soul-sickening. “We consummated the imprint.”
Yosef’s white brows twitched and he blinked in shock.
“I couldn’t stop myself. I lost control.”
“Pheromone delirium?”
“Yes, and…” He lowered his voice. “My heat is coming on. I don’t have much time now.”
“Wolf-god, Vale, then contract with Jason and be done with it.”
“No. I have to put an end to this farce before I ruin his life.”
“What farce? You’re his Érosgápe. There’s nothing farcical about it.” Yosef took hold of his hand and said urgently, “Listen to me. I know you. You care for Jason. No matter what you say and what lies you’re telling yourself, I know deep down you long for him to love you unconditionally.”
“Why are you torturing me this way, Yosef? Don’t you understand that it doesn’t matter what I long for? I can’t have him.”
“You can. He’s a good man! You could be happy with him.”
“I could never be happy with him!” Vale exclaimed, his throat burning with the harsh lump lodged in it. “He’ll hate me when he discovers the truth about that second rebound heat. He’ll loathe me when he understands that he can’t have children with his Érosgápe because I was selfish and stupid.”
“How can you say that? It was instinct. You were in so much pain. Your suffering was unbearable. I was there.” Yosef teared up. “I’d have torn out my own heart to help you if it would have changed a thing.”
Vale clenched his eyes. “Excuses don’t change outcomes.”
“Fine then. Tell him. Give Jason the whole brutal truth and see what he does with it.” Yosef’s eyes pleaded with him. “Don’t make this choice for him. Respect him enough as a man—as your alpha—to let him prove your self-loathing wrong.”
Vale swallowed hard, his heart pounding ruthlessly in his hollow chest. The pain echoed inside, amplified with each word. “I am going to give him the truth. That’s the whole plan, don’t you see? It’s the only way to make sure he accepts my refusal to contract and moves on.”
“So you plan to break his heart? You want to hurt him?”
“I want him to be happy!”
“He’ll never be happy without you.”
Vale’s eyes filled with hot tears. “Children will make him happy. He’ll forget me when he looks into their smiling faces and hears them call him Father.”
“You’re so sure you’re unlovable, huh? Absolutely certain of it. It’s nearly an insult, after all the love Rosen, Urho, and I have thrown at you.”
“Stop. This isn’t about you. I know you love me. All of you. It’s about Jason and what’s right for him.”
“That’s a lie. It’s about your fear. You’re running scared. You’re going to hurt that boy in reactionary terror that he’s going to hurt you first. Why? He’s a good person, Vale. And you deserve him. Do you hear me? You deserve his love.”
Vale’s chest was crushed with the weight of his longing. He yearned for Yosef to be right. He wanted—more than he’d wanted anything in his entire life—to be the omega Jason deserved.
Vale could still see the wonder in Jason’s eyes as he’d entered him the night before. The awe he’d quivered in as they’d made love. He’d taken Jason’s adoration like a hungry animal knowing full well he’d never be given it at all if Jason knew the truth. He didn’t deserve him.
“I won’t saddle him with the scars of my past.”
Yosef let out a slow breath. “I beg you to reconsider.”
“I’m going to end this today.” The car neared the Sabel mansion. The houses around them grew bigger and posher. “There’s no time left to indulge in longings that can never be fulfilled. I have to prepare for my heat.”
“You’d take another after having Jason?”
Vale clenched Yosef’s fingers hard and didn’t address the question. “We’re nearly there. I need your promise that when I dismiss you from the negotiations, you’ll leave.”
“What are you going to do?”
&nb
sp; “I’m going to make sure that Jason never regrets this day. He’ll take a surrogate and be glad to see the last of me. I’ll say what I need to say—all true things, sadly—to make sure of it.”
Yosef studied him closely as the car slowed in front of the Sabel’s house. “All right. But I’m going to be honest with you, Vale. I think you’re wrong, and, for what it’s worth, my money’s on Jason surprising you.”
Vale sat at the Sabel-Hoff dining room table with Yosef at his side. He’d been mildly surprised negotiations hadn’t been called off after the drama of the night before. But Yule and Miner were nothing if not dedicated to Jason and his future, so despite everything, both of them sat at the table, too. They looked like they’d been up all night grieving, yet they were dressed and ready for business.
All the better since it was time that Vale put an end to his and Jason’s dreams.
Their attorney, Bisme Freet, had been there when Yosef and Vale had first arrived, but he’d excused himself after opening the meeting. “Yule and Miner would like to talk with you alone,” was all he said. “I’ll return later, if it’s appropriate.”
That’d been curious enough, but it became even more so once it was clear that Jason wasn’t late. He simply wasn’t coming. At least, not yet.
“Jason will join us later,” Yule said, and his voice was a dead, raspy thing, containing none of the jovial warmth from the first time they’d met.
“He agreed to that?” Vale asked, surprised. When they’d parted ways the night before, Jason had barely been willing to go. Insisting that since they’d consummated the imprint, he might as well stay the night and they could go to the negotiations together.
Vale, desperate to be alone with this distress so he could grieve what was to come, had insisted that Jason’s parents would be furious if they did that, and so Jason had reluctantly gone on his way. Now he wondered what had happened once Jason was home and if he’d even need to reject the contract. Perhaps Yule had plans of his own.
“Jason? Agree to let us talk to you alone? I don’t think so.” Yule smiled, and for the first time that morning, Vale saw a flash of warmth in his eyes. “He’s set on you, and if he knew you were here, nothing would keep him away.”
Miner met Vale’s eyes with a cool appraisal. Clearly, he wasn’t happy with Vale, either. “He thinks negotiations start at noon. He’s been sent across town for refreshments, since we are quite suddenly out of anything decent to serve.”
“I see.”
“Miner isn’t happy that I’ve arranged this meeting without Jason, but given how many choices he’s made with regards to our son and our lives without consulting me lately, I think turnabout is fair play.”
Vale raised his brows, and next to him Yosef cleared his throat.
“You have every right to refuse my next request, and if you do, then I’ll disclose the same information as I would if you granted it, but I’d like you to send your counsel away for a little while. There are some things I’d like to talk over with you and you alone.”
Yosef put his hand on Vale’s arm and shook his head.
“Go on, Yosef,” Vale said quietly. His heart ached, but everything was going to plan—better, actually. “I’ll be fine here.”
“I can’t in good conscience approve of any of this, Vale.”
Vale smiled at him reassuringly and insisted. “Go.”
Yosef whispered in Vale’s ear, “They could blackmail you or try to frame you in some way—”
Vale cut him off. “That’s not what this is about. It’s fine. I know what I’m doing. Please wait in the hallway.”
Yosef packed up his stack of papers, muttering under his breath. “This is a fool’s move and so is everything else you have up your sleeve.”
Vale remained silent, blood cold and tongue ashen.
Yosef sighed. “I’ll be in the hallway if you need me.”
Vale waited until the door was entirely shut before he turned to Miner and Yule. “If this is about last night—”
“It is,” Yule cut him off. “I don’t know what Jason told you about why he left our house, but whatever he said, whatever you know, we’d like your assurance it will remain confidential, no matter how things turn out at the negotiation table today.”
Vale stared at them. “This is about…oh. I thought…well, I see.”
“You thought?”
“I thought you were going to confront me about what Jason and I might or might not have done when he was at my house last night.” Through his misery, Vale patted himself on the back mentally for not completely admitting that they’d violated all protocols and consummated their status as Érosgápe without signing a contract.
Yule’s eyes hardened slightly, but Miner’s mouth turned up at the edges, his hazel eyes glowing a bit.
“I’m sure you and my son violated every last protocol in the bunch, but at this point, I don’t give a damn about any of that,” Yule bit out.
Miner looked at him approvingly.
Yule stared hard at Vale. “You see, we have a situation. Miner is pregnant.”
Vale nodded and said, “Jason told me.”
“And did he also tell you that we are at odds about it?”
“He did.”
“And what will you do with this information?”
Vale frowned at Miner. “What do you mean? I don’t understand.”
“Will you go the authorities? Should I prevail over Miner’s wrongheaded madness and convince him to terminate this pregnancy before it kills him, what will you do?”
“I…” Vale stared at him. “I’d do nothing. Why would you bring this up?”
If Miner’s pregnancy terminated by unnatural means, he might never have known. Given Miner’s history, he would have assumed a miscarriage. And given his own, he’d never have pressed for more information on the matter. His stomach churned slowly.
Yule raked shaking fingers through his hair. “Because if Jason told you what I think he told you, then you have my entire family in your hands now. You know about the abortifacients?”
Vale swallowed hard. If he hadn’t already known, he did now. Yule was clearly out of his mind with distress for Miner and showing his cards all over the place. It was dangerous. For everyone. Especially Miner and Jason, and, subsequently, Vale.
“Wolf-god, man! Keep your mouth shut about such things,” Vale whispered urgently. He wasn’t going to give up his baby alpha just to lose him to the possible consequences of his father’s wild panic. “It’s too risky to talk about this openly.”
“Tell me what you plan to do with the information you have on my family!” Yule demanded, pounding the table.
Miner frowned and put his hand over Yule’s fingers, but he pulled away.
Vale’s heart stuttered. “I have little room to judge you and your choices—past and present. And believe me, there’s nothing that could possibly drag that information out of me. It would hurt everyone involved, including Jason.”
“And you. If you sign a contract with him. It’s only right that you know the risk.”
If Yule was trying to scare him off, he needn’t have bothered. “I don’t plan to contract with your son.”
Miner gasped, and Yule narrowed his eyes. “You consummated the imprinting last night,” he said accusingly. “But you don’t intend to contract with him? Why would you do that?”
“It will make it harder, for both of you,” Miner said, his brows crinkled over his dark-ringed eyes. “Nothing can compare to being with your Érosgápe.”
Vale wanted to dispute it, but he couldn’t. The intensity of what he’d experienced with Jason was unmatched by any sexual encounter he’d shared with any other alpha—even during heat. Refusing the contract felt like he was cleaving his soul in half. “At the time, it didn’t feel like a choice.” Or if it had, it’d felt like the only one.
Yule rubbed a hand over his face. “This is all going to hell.”
“I shouldn’t have allowed it,” Vale said, apologetic
ally, voice shaking earnestly. “I should have made him go home, but he was upset and…”
Miner nodded. “Omegas need to soothe their alphas.”
Yule snorted.
“Yes, I wanted to soothe him,” Vale agreed, rubbing his bearded chin. And I wanted him to love me the way I know I could love him. “But then things…”
“Enough. We remember.” Yule sighed. “I can’t believe I’m asking this next question. Two days ago, I was sure I wanted to convince Jason to take a surrogate, but…” He sighed. “Why don’t you want to contract with our son? Is it because of this situation? Or our history with illegally procured abortion drugs?”
Yule’s worry that he’d compromised his son’s happiness was touching, but Vale didn’t torture him by letting him cling to it. “No. I won’t contract with your son because it will only lead to regret, resentment, and sadness in the end. He deserves an omega his own age who can give him children.” The sob at the end of the sentence wasn’t for effect. It tore out of him like a hand had gripped his heart and tugged it free.
Miner’s jaw clenched and he leaned forward, shaking his head. “Nonsense. He’ll never be happy without you. You’ll never be happy without him. I don’t know what you’ve done in your past that you think you need to be punished for, but please don’t hurt my son out of your own self-loathing.”
Vale’s heart thudded dully somewhere outside his body. “You deserve grandchildren. He deserves a family. And I can’t give him that.”
“The word ‘family’ can mean a lot of different things,” Yule said gently.
“But it shouldn’t for Jason,” Vale whispered, eyes welling.
Miner’s shoulders slumped. “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.” He stared down at his own clenched hands on the table. “Jason wasn’t supposed to end up like this.”
“My point exactly,” Vale said, rising from the table, legs shaking. He lifted his chin to show his determination, even though it quivered. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t. He’ll have a good life. He’s a wonderful boy, like you said, Miner. He’ll make someone a wonderful alpha. I wish that someone was me, I truly do. But I won’t end up being the cause of his future pain and sadness.”