"I've wanted to do that all summer," Eric confessed and then kissed the tip of my nose sweetly, his arms still wrapped around my waist.
"Me too," I replied, incapable of stringing together a sentence, even if I tried.
"I couldn't let you leave without kissing you. I would have spent the next year kicking myself!"
"I'm glad you didn't." I finally let my hand drop away from my mouth, still blushing about the moment. I wanted to do that again and again and again.
Eric interrupted my wayward thoughts. "Come with me," he pleaded, taking me by the hand. He walked over to the punch table and bent down, grabbing a western blanket that was hiding underneath. He then proceeded to lead me just off to the side of the clearing to where the stream gurgled as it made its way over the rocks.
I visualized each section of my life, the one with my father and the one with Eric, intersecting within that stream. Two possibilities for the future—what I knew and what I wanted. I wondered where I would one day end up. Like the traveling water, where would I finally stop?
Setting out the blanket on the ground, Eric made sure I was seated and comfortable. It was sweet to see him so attentive.
"Cake?" he offered
"Yes, please." I nodded up at his silhouette standing above me.
He ran back to the clearing and returned lightning fast, holding two plates of cake and two cups of punch held precariously in his hands. The strains of the jazz music could be heard emanating from the clearing as we ate Ava's cake.
"I remembered everything but forks," he laughed.
"It's fine. No, it's more than fine–it's perfect. Besides who needs forks?" I joked as I picked another piece of cake up with my fingers.
"True," Eric smiled, finishing his cake and licking the icing from his fingers. He set our empty plates aside before saying, "Come here." He motioned for me to move closer and I complied, all too eager to be near him. He laid back, pulling me down with him, my head nestled onto his shoulder.
"Will you come back next summer?" I asked.
"Of course. If you're here then so am I," Eric promised. "I think, even more than meeting you and getting to know my grandpa better, I think I've come to know myself better this summer."
"Really? How so?" I asked, as I pushed up on one elbow to peer down at him.
"Well, I see what my grandpa does and how he helps people. I want to do that–to help people that need it."
"So, you want to become a pastor?" I raised a brow. Not that being a pastor was a bad thing, but looking at the stunning young man beside me, I never thought a man of the church could be so... handsome.
"Ha, no! I don't think that's my calling at all. My thoughts are too uncouth for that, even though I’m working hard on changing my mindset. What I mean is, I've been thinking about something along the lines of social work. Maybe with the youth or even a few overseas trips to poorer countries, helping build homes or something. I guess, the more time I spend with my grandfather, the more I believe that God exists. Anyway, it's just an idea right now."
"I think it's a great idea. I mean we all have a purpose, right? Maybe social work is your life's purpose. What's the point of life if we never leave a footprint? If we never do something of value or help another human being if we have the power to do so. And since I met Pastor Graham, and he gave me that white bible, I’ve been reading it, and it made me question things, like if there’s no God, then what is our purpose in life? What are we really trying to achieve, if we just die and there’s nothing after it?” I finished, smiling down at him. I could make out that he was grinning back at me. Even with his eyes hidden by the darkness, I could feel their intensity and I blushed, looking away.
"Ash, that was kind of deep," he put out there.
I slapped at his shoulder. "Don't mock me," I scolded.
He reached up and cupped my cheek, forcing my face to look his way. "I would never mock you," he said. I believed him.
We laid there beside that stream talking and occasionally kissing. I recounted all the places I had lived and worked. Eric spoke about all the trouble he had gotten into over the years and his father's bike shop.
But I had to know something that I had been longing for an answer to, so I straight out asked, "Eric, I don't mean to pry, but I would love to hear more about your mother. I mean, if you want to talk about her. I've just never heard you or your grandfather speak about her is all." For a brief moment, I felt as if I might have overstepped the mark as silence took up space between us.
As he began to talk, I breathed a sigh of relief. "My ma was great. Honestly, one of the greatest ladies a person could ever know. She once told me the story about how she met my dad and how Grandad was so upset the day she told him she was leaving Ligonier to go live with my father. Can't say I blame him for being angry. My dad was part of a notorious biker club after all. My ma... she was sweet and innocent." He went silent.
I wanted to know more so I nudged him on. "But how exactly did they meet?"
Coming out of his own memories, he returned to the story. "Oh right, well, my father and some of his brothers from The Heathens Motorcycle Club were on a run and stopped in at Ligonier for the night. My mother was just finishing up at the real estate office she worked for and closing up. When she looked across the street from the office front, she saw my father getting off his bike at the gas station." Eric laughed as if the story was one he had kept close to his heart. "Ma said the moment my dad took his helmet off and looked her way it was bam! Bam, bam, bam! Instant love. My father took her out the next night and stayed around for a few weeks, much to my grandfather's dismay. Three weeks later, my mother followed him back to Memphis and two months after that, they were married."
"So, your ma was a true old lady, huh?" I knew a little from the few books I had read over the years. That kind of lifestyle definitely wasn't an option for me, if it was how I had seen it depicted.
"Ha, no way. I mean, technically yes, by club rules. My ma never quite fit in with the club. Sure, everyone loved and protected her, but she wore bright sundresses and sang Doris Day tunes, a terrible choice and way too outdated even for her, and she sold real estate. She never did anything illegal; she was good to the bone. When... she passed away from breast cancer just over two years ago, my father wasn't the same. I think he wished he had been a better man for her. So, after her funeral, he turned in his patch, which isn't something you do, but the brothers understood cause they loved my ma, Alice, so much. My father, Alec, still owns the bike shop and works on all the brothers' gear, but he doesn't ride with them anymore. So that's my parents’ story and up until a few months ago, I never believed the part about love at first sight."
I sat quietly, remaining enraptured as Eric continued to tell stories of his past. He lived such a normal life. He even pulled out his cellphone, something I was not allowed to have, and showed me games, Facebook, and so much more I had never seen before. Why anyone would want a face page in which everyone could see everything about you was strange, I deemed. I knew my thought process and awe over every day things Eric took for granted showed what an uneducated life I had lived. There was so much I hadn't got to experience due to my father's controlling behavior. Tonight was mine, though. No one could ever take this away from me.
"So, tell me more about you. Let's hear about your mother," Eric asked in return.
I had let Eric believe my mother passed away, just like his, but I knew I needed to come clean about my misdirection. "Eric, I may have led you to believe my mother died, but from what I know, she's alive and well somewhere. Well, at least that's what my father told me."
Eric pulled me closer, tucking me tighter into the crook of his arm. "Impossible. I refuse to believe anyone would leave a girl as amazing as you," he comforted with sweet words.
"Well, like I said, that's what my father told me, but I don't know. Sometimes I think he might have done something to her. He's mean enough. It's just… something doesn't sit right," I sighed. Many nights over the past few
years, I had thought of all the possibilities as to why my mother wasn't around.
"Do you remember her?"
"No, I don't. I wish I did. Sometimes I think things and wonder if it was a memory, like brown wavy hair blowing from a car window, the smell of pancakes when we are at Ava's for breakfast, things like that, but I just don't know. I don't have any photos of her, nor does my father. If I passed her in the street, I would have no clue it was her."
Eric squeezed me to his side as we let our truths settle in. "Okay, enough with the mothers for tonight. Let's enjoy what is left of quite simply the best night of my life. I think you and I should start a yearly tradition and meet here during the last week of August," Eric stated.
My heart beat fast with joy, happiness, and... love. "It's a date!" I leaned over and brushed my lips against his, not wanting this perfect moment in my life to end.
I struggled to believe that the man beside me wanted to see me again. No, that's not true. I could feel the way he wanted me, it mirrored how I felt about him. He made me feel like it was okay to just be myself. When we spoke, he was genuinely interested in what I had to say, not amusing me just to pass the time. What I did know was that no one could feel the way I felt about this amazing man who walked into my life and flipped it upside down. He had become the reason why I smiled each morning as my eyes opened.
We kissed until I couldn't breathe a moment longer. He was intoxicating. I could stay wrapped in his arms for an eternity and never utter a single complaint.
"I think we should stop, Ash," Eric groaned, pulling away from my lips and falling back onto the blanket.
I mewled at the loss of contact as I followed him down, laying across his chest, peppering kisses along his jaw. "I don't want to," I complained as I continued to make my way back to his lips. I stopped and lightly gripped his chin. "I don't want to stop Eric, please. I want to be with you."
I waited for a sign that he was feeling the same way. The night was perfect and I knew without a doubt where I wanted it to go. I wanted my first time to be with someone who made me feel like I could fly when I was with him and I knew no one else could make me feel like that except for Eric.
I could sense the internal war going on in his mind as he lay still and silent below me. "Babe, you're killing me right now,” he sighed, as he gently gripped my upper arms and rolled me to the side. Eric ran a his thumb down the side of my face, and softly kissed my lips. “A few months ago, I would have jumped at the chance, and never would have thought twice. But well, I accepted Christ into my life the other day, it’s changed me Ash.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I mean thats a big thing.” Eric sat up and rested his hands on his knees, staring straight ahead. I sat up to meet him. “I guess I’m still trying to figure out what it all means. Things have changed so fast for me. Coming here, meeting you, getting to know my family better and finding God, well… it’s a lot to take in.
“But are you happy Eric?” I asked. He looked over at me and nodded, then placed his arm around my shoulders pulling me into his side. Kissing my temple, I shut my eyes and took in the peaceful moment. “I’m so happy, I don’t have words to describe it Ashley. But going all the way with you, it just doesn’t feel like the right time. You deserve to be treasured and adored, when the time is right. I mean… am I making any sense?”
“Perfect sense,” I replied, and wrapped my arms about his waist. “That doesn’t mean we can’t lay here and enjoy the rest of the night together right?” I asked. He laughed and pulled me back down so we were laying on the blanket, our bodies melded together. “You’re not going anywhere.” And with that I closed my eyes and said a silent, Thank you, just in case God was listening.
Chapter Twelve
Ashley
I woke with a start. The sky peering through the trees began to turn gray, the sunrise not far behind. I had only been asleep for maybe an hour, but even that had been too long. The sound of the birds wakening in the trees rang out through the woods and I knew I needed to start my trek back to the campsite. I shook Eric, who woke slowly.
"What happened?" Eric rolled over, pulling me to him, not ready to fully wake up. I understood all too well, wanting to return to my slumber, wrapped in his arms, where it was safe. But I couldn't do it. I needed to get moving, an urgency within me.
"We must have fallen asleep!" I said frantically as I reluctantly left his hold. "I have to get back. My father is going to kill me."
I kissed his lips quickly, yet softly, a piece of my heart breaking knowing the night was over. I knew my father might possibly be irate that I never returned to camp, if in fact he managed to return to it at all. My greatest hope was that he fell asleep drunk in the back of the truck outside of Pesky's Bar last night and hadn't even noticed my absence. It was sad that I wanted my father passed out drunk in order to escape his wrath.
"Wait. Let me go with you," he offered, pulling away from me and sitting up, running a hand through his disheveled hair.
I could have sat there all day looking at his adorable, confused morning face. It was bliss thinking about waking up every morning with his sleepy features looking so adorable. Unfortunately, I didn't have the time.
"That would be the worst thing you could do right now. I mean, you have nothing to worry about, I assure you. I don't know what your grandfather said that day my father slapped me, but he hasn't laid a hand on me since. Honest, he won't hurt me, but he will be mad if he sees you," I warned.
"Will I see you again before you leave?" he looked at me anxiously.
"Of course," I replied, leaning in to kiss him. "I'll meet up with you later."
"Okay, then I guess I'll see you later," he responded, a little deflated. I went to stand up and Eric gently grabbed my wrist to stop me. I looked at him. "I have a weird feeling, Ash. I really don't think you should go back to your camp. I think you should come back to my grandfather's with me," he suggested, wearing a frown of concern between his brows.
I smiled and leaned over to gently stroke his face. "I'll be fine. But thank you for worrying. It's... sweet."
I kissed him once more and got to my feet before I changed my mind and really did go with him. I didn't want to test my father's patience more than I had been of late. I ran along the river, knowing where it would lead me if I followed the stream. I knew a lot of the woods, and I also knew the river would get me to the campsite in record time.
I stopped and turned quickly. "Eric?" I called.
He looked up at me, a spark of hope in his eyes, as if he thought I may have changed my mind and decided to go with him. "Yeah?"
"Thank you for this... for all of this. It was the nicest thing someone's ever done for me.” I blushed, bringing my hands up to my cheeks.
"I'd do it all again in a heartbeat for you, Ash. Would it be crazy if I said I love you? Because I’m pretty sure I’m head over heels, hopelessly, crazy, madly in love with you.“ He smiled that one-sided grin I had dreamed about more times than I could count, and my heart burst wide open with his admission.
I couldn't stay and admire a moment longer, I couldn’t say a word at the joy I felt hearing that one word…Love. I couldn’t take the depth of it in at all, as there was an urgent rush within me, screaming for my feet to get moving. I promised myself that if everything was okay when I got back to camp, I would make it up to Eric for leaving in such haste. I left him there, and didn’t look back, I didn’t return the words I wanted to, the words I should have said also. I love you! So much it hurts!
As I raced along the river and then cut over it to the woods on the other side, all I could think about was what it would be like to wake up to Eric every morning. I wished with all my heart that could be my life. For now, I was still a few months away from legally being an adult and safe from my father's clutches. But I had my dreams until then, and I had last night to reminisce about forever.
I made it back to the campsite, the sun fully set. My father obviously wasn't drunk enough last night to pass out in his
truck because there he was waiting for me as I stepped into the clearing. The tent had been broken down and our belongings packed. When I saw his face twisted in fury, my heart broke and my stomach sank.
"Where were you?" he demanded, looking at me in my dress and my sleep-smeared make-up. "Where did you get that dress?"
"I borrowed it," I replied shakily, keeping my distance afraid to get too close.
"I told you we do not accept handouts!" he bellowed as he rushed towards me with rage-fueled strides. I knew what was coming and I tried to convince myself to run, but my body was frozen to the spot.
He stood just inches away, towering over me. "Where were you? With that boy again?" he snarled.
"Yes, I was," I held my head high and met his gaze. "Nothing happened. We just fell asleep."
"You just fell asleep? That's bull. You are turning out cheap, just like your mother!" he screamed, spittle hitting me in the face.
His words stung, but I tolerated them. I knew better than to speak back or defend myself, but what came next would leave me speechless, like every other time. "You will never see him again."
"You can't do that! I'll be eighteen in a few months. I'll legally be an adult," I retorted, realizing too late that back chat will get me nowhere.
"I am your father! I can do what I wish you stupid twit! You think you can get away from me?"
"I will see him again. I love him," I mumbled, more to myself than him. Yes, somehow I would get back to him. In that moment, I knew that if I left, I probably wouldn't be returning. I made a snap decision, realizing I had made a terrible mistake returning to the campsite. I turned to run, but my father was quicker, reaching out and grabbing my left arm. He swiveled me around, both his hands gripping my shoulders brusquely.
Where She Was Loved Page 7