by Mona Ingram
“Sounds like a good idea.” Brett peered into the distance, where the water slowly crept back toward the shore. He looked at Jenna, who smiled and nodded. “Jenna and I will follow; don’t get too far ahead.”
Jenna kicked off her shoes and then walked down the stairs that stretched the width of the deck. Piles of shells sat at the end of each step, bleached by the sun. The warm sand soothed her feet and for a moment she wondered at the luck – good and bad – that had brought her here.
Shoeless, Brett padded up behind her. There was something oddly intimate about standing here with him, even though they were in the open where anyone on the beach could see them.
“A penny for your thoughts.” His husky voice sent tingles of desire racing through her veins.
I want you to hold me, she thought. I want to lean back against you and absorb your strength. I want to tell you how much I’m starting to care for you.
But she couldn’t say any of those things.
“I was just thinking,” she said around the lump in her throat, “that it looks different from here.” She looked back to find him watching her intently.
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve driven through the little town,” she said, gesturing vaguely to the left. “I went down to the park and walked on the beach, but this is... I don’t know how to explain it... I feel as though we’re the only ones for miles. There aren’t even any footprints on the sand.” She smiled up at him. “Except Danny’s, of course.”
“I know what you mean,” he said, nodding toward his son who was crouched down examining something in the sand. “We only just got here and already I’m dreading the thought of leaving on Monday.” He acknowledged an excited wave from Danny. “Come on, let’s go out there and enjoy it.”
Warm water swirled around their feet as the tide came in. As Danny splashed happily in the shallows chasing a school of minnows, Jenna was glad she’d insisted that he put on his bathing suit.
“Why is the water so warm, Daddy?”
“Because the sun has been warming the sand all afternoon, and now the water is coming in over the hot sand.”
“It’s like a bath tub,” he said, walking alongside them for a few seconds until something else caught his attention and he ran off.
Brett reached for her hand. “Thank you for giving me my son back.” There was a catch in his voice.
“You never lost him,” she said softly, giving his hand a light squeeze. “He loves you with all his heart. Much like his mother, I would imagine.”
He came to a sudden stop and released her hand. Something dark flickered over his features and for a moment she thought he might be angry with her. The incoming tide swirled around their feet and lapped at the bottom of their slacks, but neither noticed.
“No,” he said, staring into the distance. “Not like his mother at all.” She hadn’t heard his voice like that before... a heartbreaking combination of anger and sadness. “Danny knows how to campaign for what he wants like any little boy, but at least he does it honestly.”
There was an underlying narrative going on here... something Jenna didn’t know anything about. She remained silent.
He continued walking. “You must be wondering what I’m talking about.” He checked on Danny’s position and Jenna sensed he didn’t want to be overheard. They were closer to the beach house than she realized and he motioned toward the broad steps. “Let’s sit,” he said.
“Do I have to come in now?” Danny called.
“No, Son. But stay where we can see you, okay?”
Brett’s gaze drifted out over the incoming water and settled on the distant mountains. “Arisa was from Thailand,” he said eventually. “Danny’s mother.”
Jenna nodded.
A lopsided grin tugged at his mouth, as though he were trying to find something good to remember. “We met just as I was finishing my residency. She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. When she smiled at me, it was as if the sun had come out.” He searched the beach for Danny. “I see that smile every time I look at Danny, but that’s as far as the similarities go.”
He picked up one of the sand dollars from the steps and rubbed it between his thumb and forefinger, testing the rough texture.
“It was partly my fault,” he said after a few moments. “I always wanted to be the best possible doctor I could be.” He glanced up quickly. “A lot of people assume we do it for the money, and perhaps some do, but not me. Maybe it was because I knew I had a big inheritance coming that I wanted to prove myself. I wanted to do more than just take up space.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “I’m probably not even making sense.”
“You’re making sense,” she said quietly. “More than you realize.”
“Okay then.” He continued to stare at the sand dollar. “Our life seemed perfect, as least I thought it was. Arisa was a great wife; she ran the household impeccably, and she never complained about my long hours. When Danny came along, I thought my life was complete.” He shook the sand dollar and grains of sand drifted out of the hole in the bottom.
He continued. “She got a lung infection and had to be hospitalized for several weeks. Danny was around five at the time. Anyway, as a result of her being laid up, I had to handle the money for a while, and that was when I realized she’d been sending money to Thailand for several years.” He rose and took several impatient steps around the deck. “I would have given her money to send back if I’d known, but she did it without telling me. She handled all of our day to day finances so I had no inkling of what was going on. When she got home from the hospital and I asked her about it, she denied it at first.” He looked away. “Then she told me what she really wanted. She wanted a divorce and to move back to Thailand. Evidently she’d been corresponding with a man there... someone she’d known before.” He sat down heavily and hung his head between his knees. “Maybe if I hadn’t been so focused on work... if I’d spent more time at home... I’ve asked myself all those questions a million times, but I’ll never know.”
“What about Danny?” Jenna didn’t want to interrupt, but she couldn’t bear not knowing. “Did she want to take him back with her?”
Brent shook his head. “I don’t know. The night she told me about going back was the night we went out to that dinner party. Custody issues didn’t come up, but I would have fought for him, and I’m fairly sure I would have won.”
“I’m sorry, Brett.” Jenna didn’t know what else to say.
He nodded absently. “How can you live with someone for five years and not know what’s in their heart? How could I have been so blind?”
Jenna had asked herself the same question many times this past couple of weeks. But this wasn’t about her.
“One thing I’ve learned,” she said, nodding to herself, “is that we don’t really know what’s going on in someone else’s head.” She chanced a sideways look at Brett, who was still staring at the deck beneath his feet. “Or their heart, but I can almost guarantee you one thing.” He turned his head. “She loved you, Brett. I don’t quite know how to say this, so I’ll be blunt. You’re an insanely attractive man. You have a good job and you have money; that counts for a lot with some people, but you’re much more than that. You’re a good person.” She shrugged. “So you got a little off track with Danny recently, but you never stopped loving him. You stopped loving yourself, and he suffered the consequences.” He was looking at her oddly, but she didn’t regret speaking. “But I’m sure Arisa loved you, at least in the beginning.”
“That’s what she said.” His voice was hoarse. “The man she’d been corresponding with had been her childhood sweetheart and she’d thought he was married. But he tracked her down and... well, you can figure out the rest.”
“Thank goodness Danny didn’t have to experience a divorce. I don’t think his little heart would have survived.” Jenna realized how this must have sounded. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, but he has loving memories of his mother, and that’s so im
portant.” She offered a tentative smile. “You’ve done that part right. And speaking of Danny, here he comes.”
Danny arrived on the deck with an armful of driftwood. He’d chosen uniquely shaped small pieces, having been inspired by a hanging he’d spotted two houses down the beach.
“We make holes in these,” he explained, arranging and re-arranging them on the deck. “And put a string through them and hang them up. It looks nice, Daddy, it really does.”
“I can see that it would.” Brett sorted through the remaining pieces. “We should be able to find some string, but I’m not sure about making the holes.”
“I saw a workbench in the garage,” said Jenna. “Maybe your friend has a drill. In the meantime, I’m going to organize dinner. Is spaghetti okay for you guys?”
“Sounds good,” said Brett, not raising his head. “Danny and I will be around.”
As Jenna was slathering garlic butter on French bread she heard the high-pitched whine of a drill. Good, they’d found a way to make holes. She’d spotted a low-hanging tree branch off to the side of the house where a mobile made of driftwood would show beautifully. The notion of Brett and Danny working together on it brought a smile to her face and she realized that in spite of the uncertainties in her life, she was happier than she’d been for a long time.
But this happiness wouldn’t last forever. She knew that, and suddenly the day lost some of its sparkle. This little interlude in her life would be over when Danny went back to school. The thought was enough to bring tears to her eyes, but she refused to give in. The best course of action would be to remind herself – at least once a day – that this was only a temporary job. That had been the agreement, and what she wanted... wasn’t it?
Chapter Twelve
“SEE?” DANNY CAME INTO the kitchen, proudly holding the mobile. “What do you think?”
Jenna’ managed to hide her surprise. She’d expected some pieces of wood dangling on a string, but Danny’s creation revealed artistic talent. “It’s very attractive,” she said. “How did you...” She examined it more closely. “Oh, I see. You tied knots to hold the pieces of wood in place.” They appeared to float on the string. “Let me go get my camera and I can take a picture of you holding it.”
They went outside and she took several shots of Danny proudly displaying his new creation. “You could hang it over there,” she said, indicating the low-hanging branch. “What do you think?”
“That would be perfect.” Brett’s voice surprised her and she turned to see him lounging against the doorway, watching them. “As long as Danny approves.”
Danny shrugged, evidently more interested in collecting and assembling than choosing a display spot. “Is it okay if I look for more driftwood?”
“It’s up to Jenna.” Brett smiled down at her. “Can dinner wait?”
“Sure,” she said, and Danny ran off. “I was going to ask you if you’d like a drink.”
“I’m not sure what Scotty has in the house...”
“I brought some Calvados for you and some soft drinks.”
“Then that sounds wonderful.” He pulled a couple of Adirondack chairs out into the middle of the deck. “We can watch Danny from here.”
Unsure what to expect, Jenna was silent when she handed him the glass.
He took a large swallow. “Thank you for bringing this,” he said, swirling the remaining liquid. “For someone who doubted their qualifications to be a housekeeper, you’re doing remarkably well.”
Jenna tried not to let on that his comment hurt. Was he trying to warn her off? Trying to pull back after their earlier closeness? Or was she reading too much into a simple compliment?
He set down his glass very carefully on the flat arm of the chair and allowed his head to fall back. Did he have any idea how appealing he was, sitting there with his long legs stretched out, bare feet dusted with a few remaining grains of sand?
“But then you’ve become so much more than a housekeeper, haven’t you?”
Startled, she looked over at him. His eyes were closed.
“When you came into our house that first night, I had no idea how much you’d change our lives, how much we’d come to rely on you.”
He rolled his head toward her, and in the light of the late afternoon, his eyes were almost black. “I’ve never told anyone about what happened with Arisa,” he said softly. “Nobody.” He picked up his glass and emptied it. “Thank you for listening.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Jenna’s voice was barely more than a whisper. “But I’m glad I was here to listen.”
“After that, I promised myself no one would ever hurt me again.” A smile hovered over his features, but couldn’t find a place to land. “And I’ve done pretty well. I haven’t let anyone get too close.” He turned and studied her as though memorizing her features. “So if I seem distant sometimes, I hope you’ll understand.”
“I understand,” she murmured, fighting the tremor in her voice. She understood that she’d come dangerously close to giving away her feelings. The notion that she’d almost ruined everything left her trembling, and a small but insistent headache began to build in her temples.
She rose abruptly, almost spilling her can of soda in her haste. “You know,” she said, forcing herself to speak lightly, “I’m getting a headache. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go to my room.” She stumbled toward the French doors, blinking back tears of frustration and embarrassment. “You can cook the pasta, can’t you? The garlic bread is in the oven and the spaghetti sauce is on the stove. There’s nothing to it.” She was babbling, but all she could think of was that she needed to get away from those knowing eyes. She would not let him see her fall apart.
“Jenna.” He was standing behind her, but she refused to turn around. “Have I done something wrong?”
She pressed her fingers against her temple to hide her eyes. “Not at all,” she said, keeping her tone even. “I just need to lie down.” Without looking back, she headed for the bedroom she’d chosen earlier. She wouldn’t be able to sleep, but she desperately needed the time alone to pull herself together.
She woke up a couple of hours later. Rolling over, she looked through a crack in the bedroom curtains. The back of the house faced the dense forest, but judging by the pale light, it was probably around seven. So much for not sleeping.
Calmer now, she stared at the ceiling and replayed her earlier conversation with Brett. His willingness to confide in her – and no one else – was a great compliment. In a couple of short weeks he’d come to trust her, and for that she was thankful. It wasn’t his fault that she’d misinterpreted his trust for affection. She let out a strangled laugh when she thought how close she’d come to saying something foolish. When had she forgotten that this was a job? If she lost the job because of a one-sided crush, then she would have only herself to blame. Hopefully Brett believed her little fib about the headache and had managed dinner without her.
She swung her feet out of bed and padded over to the ensuite bathroom.
“Don’t blow this,” she said to the reflection in the mirror. “He doesn’t feel the same about you, so get back on your feet and on with your life.”
But surely she wasn’t the only one who felt the spark between them every time they touched.
“Stop this nonsense,” she scowled into the mirror. “It’s all in your imagination. He’s not interested.”
The woman who looked back didn’t believe a word of it.
“ARE YOU SURE SHE’S okay? Maybe I should knock on her door.” It was the third time Danny had asked about Jenna. “She always eats with us.”
Brett glanced toward the back of the house. He had no idea what had happened earlier, but he was willing to give Jenna some space. “She’ll come out when she’s ready,” he assured Danny. “How did you like your spaghetti?”
Danny shrugged. “Okay, I guess. It doesn’t taste the same without Jenna here.”
And that was the whole problem, thought Brett. It had tak
en so little time for the three of them to become a family of sorts. Not for the first time, he wondered about asking her to stay longer. But she’d made it clear that being a housekeeper wasn’t her career of choice, and if she stayed on now, that would only be delaying the pain of her departure.
He paused, a forkful of spaghetti halfway to his mouth. Pain for whom? For Danny? For Jenna? Or for him?
These days he enjoyed coming downstairs in the morning... almost as much as he enjoyed coming home after work at night. His before-dinner drink with Jenna had quickly become part of their routine, but he had to admit that their after-dinner cup of tea was his favourite part of the day. They rarely discussed anything momentous, but it was in those quiet moments, after Danny was in bed and supposedly asleep, that Brett had found a new peace. It was a peace he’d never shared with Arisa, and it startled him to recognize that fact.
“How was the spaghetti?” Brett’s reverie was interrupted by Jenna, who stood smiling in the doorway. “Sorry about the headache.”
“It wasn’t the same without you.” Danny’s fork clattered in his plate and he wiped his mouth vigorously. “But it was good. Is there anything for dessert?”
Jenna tousled his hair affectionately. “Ice cream with chocolate sauce. How does that sound?”
“Yummy.” His bright little eyes regarded her cautiously. “Are we going to the kite festival tomorrow? Daddy says we won’t go if you’re sick.”
“Of course we’ll go.” Jenna chanced a look in Brett’s direction as she got out the ice cream. “Your dad and I brought you here just for that. Maybe we’ll have breakfast at a restaurant in town. I was reading about one that’s famous for their pancakes.” She placed a bowl of ice cream in front of Danny and made a show of smacking her lips. “I think I might have some of that.”
Brett jumped up. “We saved you some spaghetti.” He opened a pot and looked inside. “We mixed the sauce in with the pasta so it wouldn’t stick together.”
Jenna looked around and spotted a microwave. “Maybe later,” she said with a smile. She still hadn’t sat down. “I think I’ll eat my ice cream out on the deck.”