She panted harder at his words. “It should,” she corrected him. “You should respect me enough to understand the word, no.”
Ethan blinked at that, and just for a second, he paused. Shit, she was right. He should do that, shouldn’t he? So, why didn’t it matter to Ethan? What was wrong with the wiring in his brain that meant he didn’t care whether she liked it—whether she wanted it? Sure, it was grand if she did, but in the end, he was going to do whatever he wanted anyway.
Just like he always did.
Just like his father.
“Did he make you like this?” Her tone was half enraged and half sympathetic.
He tilted his head at her query, the question catching him off guard. Women didn’t usually interrogate him before he bundled them into the trunk of his car. But then, it had been proven time and time again, Lily wasn’t just any woman.
“Your father,” she elaborated. “Did he make you this way?”
“This isn’t about my father,” he growled, but even as the words left his lips, Ethan knew they were a lie.
It was about his father—it was always about his father, and it always would be unless Ethan could break the destructive cycle of violence the man had created.
“I want to help you,” she murmured, one trembling hand reaching for his chin as she spoke. “Sir, please. Let me help you. You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to be this person anymore.”
Ethan exhaled, although he couldn’t remember having taken a breath.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Lily. Not really. Not like he hurt her.”
There was no conscious decision to make the admission, yet somehow the words bled from his lips anyway, as though they had a life of their own.
Lily’s fingers reached the stubble at his chin, and he closed his eyes as she stroked the soft hair.
“I know,” she said in a soothing tone. “I know you don’t, and I know you never would, sir. Not like that. Not like your father did with your mum.”
A knot of pain constricted in his chest at the reference to his mother, and his eyes flew open as he caught his breath.
“You’re not him,” she insisted softly. “You’re not your father, Ethan. You’re your own man. You make your own choices.”
Ethan swallowed at the way she put that. He had made his own choices, and they’d mostly been callous, twisted and shit ones. Surely, he was to blame for those—not his father.
“When we have children of our own, I want to do a better job than him,” he admitted, reaching gently for the hand at his face.
“You will,” Lily reassured him. “I already know you will. You won’t make the same mistakes as your parents. Neither of us will.”
He smiled down at her—his sweet, little, Lily. Despite the way he’d tarnished her, she was still so young, so pretty and in so many ways, still so naive, and he loved her for all of it. For the hope she injected into his despair. For the light she emitted in his darkness.
“I love you, Lily,” he murmured, pulling her hard against him in an instant, and wrapping his arms around her as his lips descended.
Ethan’s mouth captured any response she was ready to give, his tongue delving between her lips and fucking her mouth into a sensual frenzy until Lily sagged into his body.
“Ethan,” she gasped when he finally drew away. “I love you, too. You know that.”
Trapping her face carefully between his palms, Ethan held her head steady as he gazed into her wide eyes.
“And that’s why you’re going to get into the trunk for me, Lily, without a fuss.”
Chapter Fifty-One
Lily
Her head was spinning and Lily could barely keep up. One moment he was so severe, and the next she had appeared to have reached his humanity, but then—bam—Ethan switched back to psycho mode again. It was all so confusing, but there was no time to contemplate it.
Ethan had her now, in his grasp and in his sights, and short of a bloody miracle, there was no way Lily was going to be able to fight him. The man was just too strong.
“Why?” she croaked, hating her pathetic tone as she tried to query his perverse logic. “Why must I go in there?”
His lips twitched at the question. “It’s part of your punishment,” he replied matter-of-factly. “Part of what you deserve for threatening to turn me in to the police. And I know you would have done, Lily—if I hadn’t have stopped you—I know you’d have gone to them.”
“For Jody, yes,” she admitted in a whisper. “But last night changed all that. You made me see the error of my ways.”
Lily could barely believe what she was telling him. Did Jody’s life mean so little that she was prepared to disregard it over one punishment? Her gaze flitted back to the trunk of the car again, her heart racing out of control at the prospect of what it would be like, stuck in there, all alone. How cold she would be, how lonely—how scared—and in that moment, Lily realized the truth. It wasn’t a matter of devaluing Jody’s life. It was a matter of preserving her own.
“Perhaps,” he muttered, not once breaking eye contact with her. “Or, perhaps you’re just telling me that because you’re shit scared of going in the trunk of my car?”
Lily lowered her hand, swallowing back the nervous tension that was coursing around her body. “Can you blame me, sir?” she snapped. “How can this be alright? How can it be normal to say you love me in one breath and then bundle me into your trunk in the next?”
Ethan’s brow arched again. “Perhaps it’s not normal,” he agreed. “I’ve never much cared for normality to be honest. I find it all so tiresome and dull. Maybe that’s another legacy of my childhood. Who knows.”
“You’re going to make me, aren’t you?”
All of a sudden, it all seemed so clear to Lily. She was going in there, and there was nothing she could do about it. Sure, she could try and fight. She could push and she could scream, but she knew Ethan, and when he got his hands on her, he would make her pay. Worse than last night. Worse than this.
A low sob caught in her throat at the thought.
“Smart girl,” he told her, those blue eyes unblinking as they studied her. “You’re going in there, alright. The only question is, do I need to gag and bind you first?”
Lily gasped at the prospect. Fuck, the last thing she wanted was to be unable to move or speak while she was in there. That would be unthinkable.
“Please, no!” Her voice was barely a whimper, but he smiled as he heard it.
She blinked at that. He actually smiled at her distress? What the fuck had she done? Lily had married the devil.
“I don’t think I’m that important, little one,” he said with a grin. “And anyway, you know I don’t believe in all that crap.”
“But I do,” she panted. “Deep down I do, Ethan. You know I’ve been to church with my parents for years.”
His eyes widened at her last defense. “I know you said you despised going,” he replied. “Is that the same thing?”
Lily glanced away from the intensity of his stare for a moment. Was it the same thing? Or, had she been unwittingly indoctrinated into the same beliefs as her parents? Was that their legacy to their only daughter?
“Maybe I haven’t enjoyed going recently,” she admitted. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t believe in it, sir, because in my heart, I think I do.”
He shook his head. “You’re entitled to your beliefs, little one, but you know I’ll never share them.”
She sighed, uncertain why she was pushing this religious agenda. All of a sudden, it seemed critical. It was the only point Ethan had shown any willingness to discuss, and her right to believe what she chose was the only thing he had conceded.
“If I go in, then you’ll forgive me for wanting to go to the police?”
Lily’s mind reeled at the sound of the query. What the fuck was she saying? Was she bartering with him about this when the answer should be no? Hadn’t she already told him that?
Ethan smiled wryly. Lily reckon
ed he could hear her every thought, but he was choosing not to respond.
“If you go in without a fuss, then yes, little one,” he assured her. “That means no screaming, no fighting me—no theatrics.”
“But, how will I breathe?”
She was panicking now. Full blown dread was expanding in her chest and making it harder and harder to take another breath.
“You’ll be fine. Humans can survive long periods in small spaces without suffocating, and anyway, you know I wouldn’t let that happen to you, Lily.”
She blinked up at him. Did she know that? Could she truly have trust in a man who wanted to treat her this way?
“Yes,” he said emphatically. “It’s just like the leash, Lily. When I have you bound and naked and gagged at my feet, you have to trust that I’ll stop before too long—that I’ll free you again. It’s just like that.”
Lily pulled in a shaky breath. It didn’t feel just like that.
“But that was different.” She was practically hyperventilating now, the image of herself shut into the dark, enclosed space making her feel nauseous. “You were always with me, sir, and even when I couldn’t talk, I could still communicate with you.”
She closed her eyes, pushing away the smug image of his handsome face. Why was she even contemplating this? Why wasn’t she kicking and screaming, and running?
Because you know what will happen if you do. A nagging little voice in her head which was not Ethan’s goaded. You know he’ll chase you. You know he’ll catch you. You know he’ll make you suffer.
“Oh God,” she sobbed, lifting her hands to her face as though the gesture would somehow help. “Oh, God, Ethan, please. I can’t.”
“It’s your choice, Lily.” His voice was absurdly calm. Irritatingly so… “All yours.”
He shifted away from her to open the trunk, leaving her personal space for the first time since they’d left the café. Lily watched the lid rise, her heart hammering in her chest.
She knew what this was. This was a test.
Ethan was testing her.
He had let go of her on purpose—to see how she’d react—would she yield to him again and be complicit in her own fate, or would she run, like every instinct in her body was telling her to do? Maybe she could make it back to the café again and get help? Maybe if she screamed loud enough one of the employees inside would hear her? Maybe she could make it to the road and flag down a passing motorist?
Maybe, maybe, maybe. The word echoed around her head like a mantra.
Lily’s gaze flitted to Ethan’s. He hadn’t moved from his spot beside the trunk. Those strong arms were folded across his chest, and he regarded her expectantly. He was waiting for her to make her choice. Waiting to be either incredibly proud or exceptionally disappointed. And all the while, Lily stood there, rising from her place against the car. Her body was alive with tension, the apprehension heightening her every sense as she took in the full expanse of the parking lot. Ethan had parked as far away from the building as possible, and it would be one hell of a sprint back there. She’d never been much of a runner, and you didn’t have to be an intellectual to figure out who was the fitter of the two of them, or who had the longer stride.
It was Ethan.
Ethan would win the race.
Ethan would always win.
So, why was she even considering the contest?
Because, you have to. There was that voice again—the one in her mind—the one that wasn’t Ethan’s. You have to consider it, Lily. You have to survive.
He won’t hurt me, she protested, lowering her gaze as she argued with a monologue created by her own head. Christ, Lily was losing it. She was really losing it.
Won’t hurt you? The voice was little more than a hiss. What was last night then? Didn’t he hurt you? And did he give a shit as he fucked you over and over?
“Stop it!”
Shit, she’d said that aloud, and as she glanced up at Ethan’s amused face, Lily realized she was crying. Hot, fast tears fell from her tired eyes, and she didn’t even know what she was crying for. Was it for her? For Ethan? For Jody?
“Lily.”
Ethan didn’t sound angry as he called to her, but she met his gaze, nonetheless.
“Have you made your choice? Are you going to be my good girl?”
Good girl.
Those words resonated somewhere deep inside Lily. She had been a good girl once. She’d always behaved. She’d done well at school, and she’d rarely answered back to her parents. What the fuck had happened to that girl? How had she come flying off the rails so badly? Was it all just the Ethan-effect—could she really blame him for it all?
She pulled in another breath, wiping the tears away with the back of her hand. Lily didn’t have any answers, and the weight of all the questions and the emotions were weighing her down, pinning her into a tight space, just like the lid of that damn trunk was going to do if Ethan got her in there.
In that split second, Lily made up her mind.
She wasn’t going in there. She couldn’t.
She wouldn’t.
Her gaze darted back to Ethan’s, trying to ascertain whether he’d heard the thought, but as their eyes locked, her head was already screaming at her to run—to take what little advantage she had in terms of proximity to the café—and get there first.
“Don’t, Lily,” she heard Ethan say, and somewhere in her head, she registered the sadness in his tone, but it didn’t make any difference.
She was already moving, running for the dirty brick building with everything she had, and she didn’t have to look back to know Ethan was after her. He’d be right there with her, gaining on her, waiting for her to slip up and fall.
And he’d be seething.
Chapter Fifty-Two
Ethan
If Ethan could have shaken his head while he ran, he would have done. Lily’s thoughts had been one hundred per cent accurate. She was either going to please or disappoint him, and a part of him was crushed at the decision she had ended up making. Crushed, but not surprised. This was Lily, after all, and she was much like him—she never took the easy route.
His lungs burned as he chased after her, already certain in his own mind that he’d reach her, though the spike of adrenaline that flooded his system suggested he was more than aware of the jeopardy of the situation. If Lily did reach the café, screaming and crying about being bundled into his trunk, that was going to cause him no end of shit. Shit he didn’t want to deal with.
Ethan sped up, pushing every ounce of energy he had down into his legs so they could close the distance between him and his willful little woman. He was on her a moment later, his arms catching hold of her shirt, and yanking her body to an abrupt halt.
“No!” Lily screeched, no doubt intentionally making as much noise as she possibly could now that she knew the game was up. “Get off me!”
He pulled her against his body, instinctively wrapping his palm over her mouth to quell the noise. The gesture was scarily reminiscent of the way Ethan had chosen to subdue Lily in his lounge all those weeks ago, but the comparison was irrelevant. This was different. Now they were out in the open, and the probability of someone seeing or hearing them was exponentially greater. That threat meant he had to act fast.
“You know the score by now,” he growled into the side of her face.
Terrified, green eyes searched for his face, and for a moment she slacked against his frame, but then, as though the full weight of her predicament had landed over her again, Lily began to move. She kicked at his shins and tried to yell beneath his hand, the behavior as predictable as her poor decision had been.
“That’s enough, Lily,” he snarled, already manhandling her diminutive frame back toward the car.
Lily’s eyes widened in panic, her mouth finally falling silent, but that didn’t mean her head had done so.
No! The word resonated from her thoughts as clearly as her voice had done previously. Please, please, no!
He gl
anced down at her face as best he could as he dragged her body in the direction of the waiting trunk. “You should have thought about that before you chose to run, beautiful.”
Ethan paused for a moment, allowing her feet to find the gravel again. “And now, it’s too late.”
She blinked at him, evidently petrified. It didn’t give Ethan much pleasure seeing Lily this way. Well, not as much as it would have done with another woman in the past, but she had forced his hand. He’d given her the choice, and she’d made the wrong one. The consequence being that he had to follow through with his threat. He had to gag and restrain her again and get her into that trunk.
Please don’t bind me, her thoughts pleaded. I’ll be good. I’ll get in on my own. Just please—not the gag and the ropes again.
It’s too late for that, he insisted. You knew what you were doing when you made a break for it. Didn’t you?
She sniffed, her chest heaving at his question. Yes, sir, her thoughts admitted. I knew.
Ethan closed his eyes for a second, trying to imagine a life where this conflict wasn’t going to be the inevitable outcome, but he couldn’t. He’d only known the darkness for so long, even Lily’s light couldn’t chase it away. Not completely.
“How about this?” he whispered, calmer now that Lily’s body was more compliant. “If you cooperate then I’ll keep the ropes loose?”
And the gag? Her thoughts sounded desperate. Do I have to have the gag, sir?
“That’s the best offer you’re getting,” he told her, lifting his chin to check they were still alone in the parking lot.
Fortunately, the place was deserted, and Lily’s cries hadn’t seemed to make it inside the café.
“Take it or leave it, Lily.”
I can’t be tied up in the trunk, she thought miserably. Please, sir. No.
Ethan sighed, shaking his head. This conversation was clearly going nowhere. He moved fast, releasing her mouth in a second and circling her body before swooping to throw Lily over his shoulder. She yelped at the sudden change of tact, her hands beating at his back as he strode the remaining distance to the open trunk.
Fallen: (A Psychological Dark Romance) (The Dark Necessities Prequels Book 2) Page 27