by Patti Larsen
I don’t remember starting the engine or pulling out of the parking lot or even finally jerking the wheel over and stopping on the side of the road. I do remember sobbing into my hands for a solid minute out of sight of the park. Though by the time I hunted down an old fast food napkin to blow my nose and had myself back on the road for home, it was dark enough I had a headache from squinting into the twilight.
Sure, that’s where the headache came from.
When I finally parked in the driveway at Petunia’s, my hands had stopped shaking and I no longer had a deep hitch in my breathing. The last of the hiccups had gone away, too, and I even felt rather optimistic I might be able to pass out and maybe not have a nightmare dominated by bulging dead guy eyes for tonight at least.
I circled to the kitchen door, wanting to avoid my guests if possible, and not even really in the mood to talk to Daisy, though I’d have to eventually. My hope I could sneak inside and downstairs to my apartment, shower—with likely more sobbing and a bit of shaking thrown in for good measure—before pretending I was 100% so I could go back upstairs, didn’t turn out the way I planned.
Instead of a quick dodge through to quiet and solitude, I found myself face-to-face with the last person I expected, her eyes that matched mine so wide and worried I instantly lost my final shred of self-control and fell into my mother’s arms.
***
Chapter Fourteen
Honestly, I was half expecting her to reject me, considering the mood she’d been in lately. But I couldn’t help myself and, when Mom’s arms clutched me close, her familiar voice whispering in my ear soothing sounds mothers make when their children need comfort, it almost made things worse. I took a long few minutes to just hug her and cry and reconnect to the mom I loved so much while she not only allowed it, she encouraged me.
When I finally pulled away, snuffling and wiping at my nose, I realized we weren’t alone, that Daisy stood off to one side, holding a box of tissues in one hand she quickly rushed to offer me when Mom released her tight hold. I helped myself to several, blowing my nose and emptying the last of my stress into the soft sheets before hugging Mom again, kissing her cheek.
“Mom,” I whispered in her ear, “I’m so sorry about everything.”
“Fee,” she whispered back, “so am I.” She leaned away, blinking through her own wet lashes before turning to smile at Daisy with the barest amount of brittleness to her expression. Less faking her good humor and more an attempt to pretend she had it together, I think. For my benefit or not, it was just nice to have her there, to feel her hand slide down my arm and find my fingers while she tugged me against her hip. “I’m going to take Fiona downstairs and get her cleaned up.” She turned and shook her head at me, though without judgment, tsking softly. “Poor darling, we heard all about it. Are you okay?”
“I am now.” I let her lead me through the kitchen, meeting Daisy’s wide eyes on the way by, her subtle shrug of confusion at Mom’s change of heart, but the delight and mixed worry/anxiety/questioning that I knew would lead to the two of us huddled back up here in short order over coffee while I spilled everything. For now, I followed Mom down to my apartment, only noticing as I did the chubby, fawn creature who bumped into me several times, her head turned upward, black, triangle-shaped ears perked while she whined softly for my attention. I bent and scooped Petunia into my arms, her loss of several pounds the previous winter creeping back toward the portly despite my sign and thanks to the plethora of guests who gave in to her adorably pleading gaze about as far from my mind as could be, just grateful to hug my sweet pug as she gently licked my face.
Mom sat me down at the kitchen island, helping herself to a glass from the cupboard, pouring me a cold glass of water before coming to sit next to me. Her fingers stroked hair back from my cheeks, reminding me oddly of Matt with that gesture, though she distracted me from the memory when she spoke.
“Fee, I’m so sorry this happened to you again,” she said. “Did you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head, sipped the water, Petunia trying to lick the side of the glass from her perch in my lap. Unwilling to let her down just yet, I let her balance on my legs while I tried not to spill water all over her. “I really don’t,” I said with a heavy exhale, Lewis’s bugging eyes sharply in mental focus a moment. I coughed on a badly swallowed drop of liquid and took a second to clear my throat before setting the glass down and meeting Mom’s eyes. “I’d rather talk about you.”
She wrinkled her nose at me, patting my hand, seemed to retreat a moment before returning to nod at me with a faint, embarrassed smile. “I’ve been… difficult,” she said. Laughed a bit too brightly, cheeks pinking. “Oh, Fee. I’ve been so foolish.”
“Mom,” I said, “you were purposely betrayed and then publically humiliated for something that wasn’t your fault.” Defensive of my mother? You betcha. “You earned the time you needed to sort it out.”
But Mom wasn’t having that. “No,” she said, frown forming between her green eyes. “No, Fee, I acted very badly, both to you and your father and I feel terribly about it.” She bit her lower lip, hand trembling where it sat on mine. Wow, this was the same woman who lost her crap on me just yesterday. What happened? “There’s no excuse for the way I handled that particular disaster. And I wanted to apologize.”
I was dying to ask her what changed, but from the way she wavered on the edge of her own breakdown I decided to leave that particular conversation for another day. I was just happy to have my mother back, thanks. “Accepted,” I said, “for what that’s worth.”
Mom beamed then, flashing a big smile. “I know you’ve found alternatives, considering how close the wedding is.” She shifted on the stool, pulling her hand back, folding both in her lap, though her index fingers twitched like she contained some emotion she couldn’t quite hide completely. “But if you need any help at all, I’m happy to contribute. Just say the word.”
Okay, so much for not asking. “Mom, of course, I’d love that.” Would I. While I was positive we had things well in hand, having my mother to oversee the food would take a massive weight off my shoulders, a weight I didn’t realize I carried until I felt it lift and leave me. Not to mention I could finally broach the partner subject I’d been aching to have with her and Daisy. Another huge smile from her lit her up like a sun from within while I smiled back in wonder. “What changed your mind?”
Mom hesitated long enough I knew she didn’t want to talk about it. “I had a visitor this morning,” she said. And stopped. “Doesn’t matter who.” Another pause, a deep breath. “Needless to say, that conversation helped me see how silly I’ve been.” Her faint laugh shook. “I’ve been torturing myself for nothing. And it has nothing to do with the show or the wedding or anything else. It’s been all about me, Fee, and my doubts about what I want to do next.”
Whoever it was talked Mom from the ledge? I owed them big time. Made me sad, though, knowing I hadn’t been able to help her, that it took someone else to do so. Funny how the lives of those I loved actually unfolded around me without my knowledge, assistance or consent. Imagine that—they had their own existence that had nothing to do with me. Snort.
“Mom, I’m sorry, but the cake…” Surely she knew it had already been ordered this close to the date?
Mom shrugged, smiled like it didn’t matter, authentic enough I believed it didn’t. “I just want to help, honey,” she said.
“Have you talked to Dad?” That would be the icing on my very own dessert, thank you very much. But from the way she flinched, how her smile faded and she refused to meet my eyes for a long moment I knew she hadn’t yet.
“He’s busy working,” she said, lower lip trembling just enough I knew that conversation would be harder for Mom to broach than this one had been. “Fee, we’ve said such horrible things to each other.” The faint wail behind her words caught up short as she stopped, lips clamping together. “Things I’ve said.” That came out in a whisper. “He’ll never forgive me.”
Petunia protested as I set her down and hugged Mom, the two of us awkwardly hanging off the sides of the stools where we perched, clinging to each other while I squeezed her tight.
“Dad loves you,” I said, knowing my thick voice gave away my emotions as much as my embrace’s desperate edge. “He just wants you to be happy.”
I waited a heartbeat or two, gave her time to answer, but when she didn’t I drew a breath to prod her. Too late, apparently. Mom let me go and stood, brushing at the front of her jeans with both hands before nodding toward my bedroom.
“We can talk about all of this later,” she said. “I’m being selfish and you’ve been through so much today, sweetie.” She pulled me to my feet. “You need a hot shower and some dinner,” she said, brusquely Mom again, the mother I adored taking over, her familiar tone pushing me to my feet and moving me with just her words. “I’ll make you something myself.”
While I could have argued and tried to convince her I was fine, I wasn’t. As selfish as it was, I needed my mom. So, I caved and headed for the bathroom, my aching heart sighing in relief I had my mother back.
***
Chapter Fifteen
By the time I showered, pulled a brush through the snarly unhappiness of my thick, auburn hair and dressed in a few layers of fluffy fleece while my shocky body struggled to get warm, Mom had whipped up a lovely dinner of fresh pasta and garlic bread, while Daisy quietly guided the new staff out of the kitchen so Mom and I could be alone. I found I missed the grumpy old ladies who used to work for me, both Betty and Mary Jones retired officially four weeks ago, though they’d agreed to come back from time to time if I needed their help. Things had changed so much, the new cook, Clara, and the four young chamber maids whose names I was still trying to recall (like pinning tails on a donkey sometimes and more often than not got wrong or mixed up) firmly placed on Daisy’s list of things to handle so Fee didn’t lose her mind.
I really didn’t know what I’d do without her. It seemed like the business stuff—the renovations, managing social media, bookings and keeping Petunia’s and the annex supplied—took up so much time I barely had a minute to talk to guests or get to know the staff. I did know I wasn’t 100% happy with Clara’s cooking, though I didn’t want to second guess Daisy and with business booming I was kind of low on options.
That was, until Mom handed me this golden opportunity I couldn’t pass up.
“How is the new staff working out?” She had that perfect mix of curiosity and longing in her tone that told me I had an opening to further relief beyond assistance with the wedding.
“Mom,” I said, knowing I sounded desperate and hoping I didn’t push the tone over the edge too far, “I need your help.”
The expression on her face told me I’d said exactly the right thing. “Sweetie, anything,” she said.
“Clara can handle Petunia’s.” At least, I hoped so. Daisy rejoined us, sitting next to me and nodding with a smile, but hers was strained.
“It’s the annex,” Daisy said, shaking out her dark blonde hair, gray eyes worried. “I haven’t been able to find anyone to run the kitchen.” She pursed her full lips, a faintly guilty look on her face. “I’ve tried, Fee, but the area is tapped out.”
I patted her hand. “You’ve done amazingly,” I said. “I’d never have made this work without you.” Her return smile was stronger, but she immediately spun on Mom as if worried the chance at nabbing my mother would disappear in a flash.
“Lucy, you have to take over,” Daisy gushed. “You’re the only one who can do it.”
Mom seemed utterly shocked by that revelation and while I knew we’d be okay if she turned us down—we’d manage somehow, we always did, despite my worries about wearing out eventually—seeing her light up in delight and then settle into Mom to the rescue mode was about as perfect an outcome as I could have asked for.
“You just say the word, girls,” she said, ladling some food out for Daisy, too. “I’m yours.”
Daisy beamed at her, grasping Mom’s hand in hers. “You’re a lifesaver.”
She wasn’t the only one. And sitting there, with the two women I loved most in the world open to possibility, I finally had the chance to broach the idea that had been lurking in my mind and heart for months.
“I can’t do this alone,” I said, throwing that admission at them without a trace of self-recrimination, not meaning to sound whiny and hoping I didn’t. Mom and Daisy both looked startled, but when my bestie tried to reassure me I silenced her with a quick, tired smile. “Just listen, okay?” She nodded, Mom pausing to pay attention, while I sat back from my dinner and sighed. “I leaped into this annex thing, thinking I could do it all. But Day, without you, seriously.” I exhaled heavily, tension making my shoulders ache. “This whole place would have fallen apart before now.” I turned to Mom. “I realized not so long ago I don’t need employees. I need partners.” Wide eyes met mine. “And I want the two of you to be those partners.”
Mom gaped at me while Daisy gasped.
“Fee, Petunia’s is yours.” I’d never seen my best friend so utterly flabbergasted. Expected this reaction, anticipated it. “You don’t need me.” There was that flash of doubt in her I’d been seeing the last few months, that I knew was going to be my main battle with her. It started when she tried to convince me she wasn’t smart enough to figure out Grandmother Iris’s puzzle, and hadn’t gotten better. While I had as yet to source the real cause, it didn’t matter, not at this moment. “Not that way. I’m happy to help. But partners?”
“Yes,” I said, as firmly as I could, wishing she could see herself the way I saw her. “Here’s how I’m imagining it.” I pushed a salt shaker into the middle of the counter, pepper beside it, sugar bowl following as I spoke. “There’s three arms to this project now. The bed and breakfast,” that was sugar, “the bulk of the work and stress for Petunia’s to this point. Only made all the more complicated with the rooms at the annex.” I tapped the top of the bowl with my fork, making it ring softly. “But now there’s events.” Salt joined the fat bottomed container while I thought about all the calls we’d been getting lately about parties and more weddings and a seemingly endless march of requests for special occasion celebrations I hated to turn down. “And, third, is catering.” Hello, pepper shaker. The three china pieces snuggled together between us, Mom and Daisy staring at them like they had no idea what they were. “Between the three of us, I think we’ve got it covered.” I looked up then, met their eyes while they exchanged looks before turning their attention back to me. “You’re crazy to say yes,” I laughed then. “I bit off a giant bite of holy crap with this renovation. And I’m absolutely aware of that fact.” The thought of dealing with everything alone made me want to throw up. Never mind dead bodies, the stress of the last five months? I was kidding myself if I thought sleepless nights came from death and not impending fear of disaster and failure. “But if you’re willing to partner with me, I know we can make it work.”
Mom inhaled, paused. “Fee,” she said, voice warbling slightly, “I don’t want to steal your thunder.”
I laughed at that, sagged against the counter in front of me. “Mom,” I said, “I’ve been dying to ask you, even when it was just Petunia’s. I didn’t originally because I knew you were perfectly capable of finding your own awesome to do. Then the stupid show happened, and…” I left that hanging, turned to Daisy. “As for you, same thing.” I hadn’t wanted to saddle her with Petunia’s despite how awesome she’d been from day one. But she seemed to have chosen to stay. Who was I to argue when I needed her to? “I’m not above begging.”
Daisy’s hesitation continued. “I can’t afford to buy in, Fee,” she said, flushing. “You’ve put so much money into this renovation, I wouldn’t want to take advantage of that.”
Mom’s nod echoed my bestie’s sentiment. “I can pull from my pension for both of us,” she said, patting Daisy’s hand.
Right. They had no idea I’d already thought this t
hrough. “I’m not asking either of you to cough up anything,” I said. “I’ll retain ownership in the original Petunia’s and will keep the equity I invested in the annex. But we can share equally in the ownership and debt of the annex moving forward. I’ll take a larger share until that debt owed me is paid off.” I’d already had a brief chat with my accountant and lawyer about this very thing. All I needed was for these two to agree.
Daisy laughed herself, shaking her head in a dazed way that solidified into a smile so lovely I knew I’d finally helped her shed some of her doubt. She rose and came to my side, hugged me, pulled Mom into the embrace. “We’re going to own this town,” she said without a hint of malice.
Mom’s giggle, on the other hand? Adorably wicked and set me off, too.
A few tears and more hugs later and I let them go, the three of us grinning at each other like we’d just made a deal with the devil and got away with it. Well, maybe we had. Time would tell.
“Now,” Mom said, filling my plate one more time while Petunia licked her chops and waited for scraps to fall from the spoon, “Fiona Fleming, tell your mother about what happened today. And leave nothing out.”
***
Chapter Sixteen
It didn’t take me long to tell them what I knew, including the fact the two instigators of the protest had been staying right here at Petunia’s. I didn’t have time to worry about who’d been taking on Lewis’s things, not when Daisy immediately rose to offer a call to the sheriff’s office to let Crew know the dead man’s property was in our possession.
Right, I should have thought of that. Instead of letting her do the deed, I made her sit, leaving her chatting with Mom, and exited to the main foyer to make the call. Surely Crew knew by now that Lewis had been staying here, but I didn’t want him to think I was keeping anything from him.