by K Carothers
He lowered his head toward hers, intending to brush a kiss on her cheek. But the alarm clock caught his eye, and he stared at the display in confusion. 5:02 a.m. He glanced up, and as soon as he saw the faint light of dawn behind the curtains he realized there was no mistake—he and Erin had spent the night together.
Just as that sank in, he heard the muffled buzz of his cell phone in the pocket of his pants on the floor, and concern immediately filled him. If someone was calling at this hour it had to be important. Jenna came to mind, and he hoped it had nothing to do with her. Erin would never forgive herself—or him.
He eased away from her and got up off the other side of the bed to retrieve the phone. By the time he fished it out of his pocket it had stopped vibrating, but he saw there was a missed call notification from Jeff Kilbride, the Chief of Police. There was also a voice mail notice with it, and when he listened to the message his concern turned to dread. The chief requested he call him back right away. It was urgent.
He walked into the bathroom, not wanting to wake Erin until he had to, and made the call. “Hey, Jeff, what’s going on?”
“I’m at Frank Murdock’s house,” the chief responded grimly. “I need you here as soon as possible.”
“The mayor’s place? What happened?”
“He came home this morning and found his wife dead—murdered. It’s—it’s pretty bad.”
“Jesus,” Luke whispered in shock. “I’ll be there right away.”
He left the bathroom and quickly threw his clothes on, then sat down on the edge of the bed next to Erin. She was lying on her belly now, with her face turned toward him. She’d slid her left arm up over the pillow behind her, where his head had been only moments ago, and her right hand was curled up against the side of her face, tangled in her hair.
He smiled tenderly down at her. He wished he could just sit there and enjoy the sight of her sleeping for a while. But he knew he couldn’t, so he gently squeezed her shoulder. “Erin.”
* * *
She was standing on the concrete parapet of Zakim Bridge over the Charles River in Boston. She gripped one of the steel cables that ran upward near her head, and held her hair away from her face with the other hand as she looked down into the water. She was making a scene, she knew, and that was so unlike her. But today she didn’t care. Today she felt…nothing. Jenna was dead and buried, and now she was back in Boston. Back to her empty, barren life.
Blue eyes the color of a summer sky floated through her mind. Luke Mathis. She’d felt an instant connection with him the day she returned to New Dublin and looked into his eyes for the first time in fourteen years. But while they were in his police car after the shooting, he told her about his wife and three daughters. His love for them had been obvious, and her heart had ached with longing when he’d shown her their pictures.
But right now nothing hurt. She was numb.
She continued to stare down at the water, and for the first time in as long as she could remember, she wasn’t afraid of it, even though she couldn’t swim. But then, that was the point, wasn’t it? It looked so peaceful down there, so welcoming, and she was tired of being alone. The last person who had ever really loved her was dead.
“Erin.”
She felt someone touch her shoulder, and she turned her head in surprise. Luke Mathis stood there behind her, his blue eyes filled with such tenderness that it took her breath away. She looked back down at the water and was afraid of it again. Hope blossomed inside her.
“Erin, honey, we’ve got to get going.”
She turned around with a smile, ready to go—and her smile died. Luke had disappeared, and Peter was there instead. He leaned forward, cupping her face in his hand, and lightly kissed her mouth.
“Peter,” she whispered in quiet despair.
He stepped back and held his hand out to her. She stared down at it, and pain tore through her, more agonizing than anything she’d ever felt before. Jenna and Luke were both gone.
She finally let the numbness envelop her again. She knew what Jenna would say—she was taking the easy way out. But she was just so tired of the pain. And God, she missed her friend. So she didn’t take Peter’s hand. She closed her eyes instead, and let herself fall back…
* * *
Erin’s eyes flew open in terror, her heart pounding in her chest. Then she saw Luke sitting there next to her on the bed, and overwhelming relief flooded her. She’d only been dreaming. But she quickly realized something was wrong. He was fully dressed, and there was a look of such anguish on his face…“What is it, Luke?” she asked, shaking off the last remnants of sleep. “What’s happened?”
You just ripped my heart out with a single word, he wanted to tell her. That’s what had just happened. So he’d been right after all—she was still in love with Peter Pryce.
He remembered calling the man a fool last night, and how she’d shaken her head, calling herself one instead. She’d been defending the bastard, even though he’d cheated on her. And she’d probably been thinking of him the whole time they were making love. It made him sick inside. But right now he had another mess to deal with. “The police chief just called. The mayor found his wife dead this morning, and it looks like murder, so I have to go. I’ll walk you to your car.”
“That’s horrible.” Erin glanced at the alarm clock as she started to sit up, and blinked in surprise. “Oh no. I left Jenna alone all night.”
She threw the covers back and scrambled past him out of bed, grabbing her phone off the nightstand. Then she hastily gathered her clothes and headed to the bathroom. “I—I’ll be ready in a minute.”
Luke stood up, scratching his stubble-roughened jaw in frustration. He hadn’t missed the way she’d avoided meeting his eyes before she fled the room, or the chagrined look that had been on her face—it was the same one he’d seen yesterday when she left the café. And now she’d rather be in the bathroom of all places than get dressed in front of him.
Picking up the empty black bag lying on the floor, he walked over to the Jacuzzi and threw the vibrator into the bag with a little more force than necessary, not bothering to take the batteries out. He’d stop by the hotel with new ones another day. Then he opened the drain to the Jacuzzi and couldn’t help but remember last night. He hoped to God she wasn’t going to tell him she was sorry about it all, because he was sure that would take care of what was left of his heart.
* * *
Erin threw her clothes on the floor and leaned over the bathroom sink, fighting another wave of nausea. The world had started spinning as soon as she’d gotten out of bed, and she’d thought she was going to lose whatever contents were left in her stomach right then and there. She just hoped Luke hadn’t seen it in her face, which looked almost as green as the color of her eyes. He seemed distressed enough about the mayor’s wife. She didn’t want him to think she’d been drunk after all—although she probably had been more than a little drunk. She’d never had one Long Island Iced Tea before, much less three “extra longs,” as Chase had called them. And now she was paying for it with the first hangover of her life.
Groaning softly, she turned on the faucet and splashed her face with cold water until the nausea and dizziness let up some. Then she briefly dried off, moving her head as little as possible, and sent a quick text to Jenna, feeling equally sick that she’d left her alone all night. She could just imagine her friend falling and breaking one of her fragile bones, and then lying there in pain, with no one to help her…
Erin let out another groan at the thought and bent down to grab her clothes. But that made the spinning worse, and the nausea hit her harder than ever. Bile rose in her throat, and she dropped to her knees in front of the toilet, sure she was going to be sick this time. But nothing came up, and so she just knelt there, hovering over the toilet in helpless misery.
Then she heard the brief ding of an incoming text on her phone. Jenna.<
br />
After a moment she tentatively reached for the phone and read the message:
Just about to sit on the porch and
watch the sunrise. I figured you
were still with Luke. Can’t wait
to hear all about it!!!
Erin almost smiled, despite her misery. The nausea eased a little and she finally managed to stand up and get dressed.
* * *
Luke stood near the bathroom with Erin’s things, waiting for her to finish. The door was mostly closed, but he’d still heard her muffled groans. And each one cut through him like a knife. There was no question in his mind now that she was indeed sorry about everything.
When she eventually came out, he handed her the bags without meeting her eyes, and they left the hotel in silence.
Erin’s head throbbed as they walked to her car. She needed water and aspirin badly. It figured the best night of her life had to end with murder and a hangover. She was glad Luke seemed too preoccupied with the murder part to notice that she was even hungover.
They reached her car, and Erin opened the driver’s side door, tossing her bags inside. Then she turned back to Luke, pasting a smile on her face that ended up looking more like a grimace.
Luke flinched when he saw it. “Go home and get some sleep, Erin,” he said irritably. And without another word, he walked away.
Erin stood there, stunned. She watched him head across the parking lot to his truck, sure he’d turn around and say something more. But he didn’t.
She finally slid into the driver’s seat and stared out the front window, still in shock. He hadn’t said goodbye, or anything about seeing her again, despite everything that had happened between them last night. He wouldn’t even look at her.
She suddenly knew a lot more was wrong than either murder or a hangover could explain. She remembered the expression on Luke’s face this morning, the wounded look in his eyes…That look had nothing to do with news of a murder, she realized. And she couldn’t believe he would have acted the way he just did over a hangover. No, she must have done something else, something that had hurt him deeply. But what?
She went over it all in her mind. When she’d fallen asleep in his arms last night everything had felt so right, so perfect. Had she said something in her sleep? She knew she had a tendency to do that. But she couldn’t imagine saying anything that would have upset him so badly.
Then she remembered the dream. And that’s when it hit her. There was something she could have said when she’d been caught in that muddled state between dreams and consciousness. And the more she thought about it, the more certain she was that she really had said it.
“Oh God,” she groaned, closing her eyes as another wave of nausea came over her. She’d ruined the best night of her life by saying her ex-husband’s name in a dream—no, in a nightmare. And one that had even ended with her choosing death over him. But Luke didn’t know that.
She wanted to chase him down now and tell him, but she knew she couldn’t. He had more pressing matters to deal with. And how was she supposed to put something like that into a text message or a voicemail? She would have to wait until she could talk to him directly and explain. If he would ever talk to her again, that is.
She let out a dispirited sigh and started the car. “Leave it to you, Erin.” Then she began the long drive home, stopping for water and aspirin at a gas station along the way. But nothing was going to help her heart at the moment.
* * *
“Hello there, stranger.”
Erin looked up as she started to climb the porch steps. Jenna was sitting in a chair near the top grinning down at her.
“Hey, Jen,” she responded bleakly.
Jenna’s smile immediately faded. “Oh no. What’s wrong?”
Erin eased herself into the chair next to Jenna’s. “I screwed things up big time.”
“Oh, Erin.” Jenna reached over and squeezed her arm. “You’re dealing with a really complicated issue. You and Luke probably just need to take things a little slower, that’s all.”
Erin reluctantly smiled at the misunderstanding. “The problem you’re referring to is about the only one I don’t have at the moment. Twenty minutes in a hotel room with Luke took care of that. And then he made sure it was fixed a few more times afterward.”
“Oh my…” Jenna’s eyes widened in surprise. “Well…”
Now Erin couldn’t help but laugh, even though it hurt to do it. “I can’t believe this is the second time I’ve said something to make you speechless in a matter of days. It’s kind of ironic that the first time was when I told you I had a problem with sex, and now the second time is when I tell you I don’t.”
“That’s because you really don’t.”
“I think you mean I really, really, really don’t.”
They looked at each other and burst out laughing. Then Erin groaned again. “Oh, my head, Jen. It hurts too much to laugh. I hope the aspirin kicks in soon.”
“You’re hungover,” Jenna said with a grin. “I’ve never seen that before, either.”
“Chase introduced me to Long Island Iced Tea last night. And now I don’t think I’ll ever be able to drink again. My parents would not be proud.”
Jenna looked at her in astonishment, and another laugh grudgingly escaped Erin. “Wow, I’ve made you speechless for the third time. This whole ‘opening up and letting people in’ business is proving to be very interesting. But I just figure if I can’t ignore my past I might as well find the humor in it—what little of it there is to find anyway.”
Jenna nodded. “That brings to mind one of my favorite quotes from Mark Twain: ‘The human race has only one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.’”
“I don’t think he knew about nuclear missiles back then.”
Jenna chuckled. “No, I suppose not. But laughter still is the best medicine, Dr. Pryce.”
“Not for a hangover, though. Believe me.”
“Is that what you were referring to when you said you screwed things up?”
“I wish that’s all it was,” Erin said, her voice filled with self-reproach. “I hadn’t meant to fall asleep last night. But I haven’t gotten much sleep lately. And then with the alcohol and, well—anyway, Luke woke me up this morning, and I’m pretty sure I said Peter’s name before I was completely awake.”
“Oh, Erin…You still have feelings for Peter, don’t you?”
“No, Jen,” Erin groaned. If Jenna would ask the question, there was no doubt Luke would think it. “I was having a bad dream—and now I’m living one. Luke wouldn’t even look at me when he left this morning…I don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me.”
Jenna gave her a reassuring smile. “The man’s been in love with you as far back as I can remember, Erin. Nothing is going to change that. Not even your marriage did, so saying Peter’s name when you were half-asleep certainly won’t. Yes, Luke was probably hurt by what you said, but he’ll get over it.”
“I don’t know. I keep thinking about that poem of yours—how there are only so many times a heart can be broken. What if he decides enough is enough?”
“Don’t let it be enough. Talk to him. Fight for him.” Jenna laughed wryly. “I feel like a broken record here. That’s exactly what I told Luke to do last night when he showed up at the front door looking for you.”
Erin’s expression softened. “He certainly came to the Shamrock ready for a fight. It’s a good thing Chase wasn’t there.”
“Why on earth did you go out with Chase to begin with?”
Erin told her what had happened the night before, minus a few of the more intimate details. She had no intention of opening up about those—she couldn’t even think about them without blushing, despite her hangover.
“Well, you certainly can’t say you’ve been bored since you came back here,” Jenna said in amusement
afterward. “And to think, I was worried about that.”
“I could never be bored with you here, Jen. In fact, I wouldn’t mind if things slowed down a little.” Erin’s lips quirked up slightly. “I know you said every head should be taken for a spin once in a while, but now mine is quite literally spinning.”
“It looks like I get to nurse the doctor back to health today,” Jenna teased. “But we’ll get you all patched up, I promise. And once you’re feeling better, I’ll have Luke come over, and you can patch things up with him. By tonight this will all be water under the bridge.”
“More like Long Island Iced Tea under the bridge,” Erin said with a grimace. “And I doubt he’s going to come over any time soon. The police chief called him this morning. The mayor found his wife dead, and they think she was murdered.”
“Oh no.” All the color left Jenna’s face.
“I’m sorry, Jen. Did you know her?”
“Yes, but not very well…Why—why do they think she was murdered?”
“I don’t know. Luke didn’t say. But then, he didn’t say much of anything to me this morning.”
“I can’t believe Tina’s dead,” Jenna whispered. “Some friends of mine just went to her fortieth birthday party a couple of weeks ago.”
“I feel bad for Connor. First the gunfight, and now this.” Erin turned to gaze at the horizon. The vivid yellow, orange, and red hues of a beautiful sunrise were bursting across the sky. Oh, what a beautiful hell indeed.
“Tina was Connor’s stepmother,” Jenna said. “And from what I’ve heard, she barely tolerated him. It’s sad, because I don’t think his real mother treats him any better. Her name is Meredith Armstrong. She’s a lawyer in town and a real you-know-what. Luke can’t stand her. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she had something to do with this. It’s a well-known fact that Tina broke up her marriage to Mayor Murdock.”
“Was Tina a lawyer too?”