by Paul Vayro
Chapter Nine
“You look very intrigued Bobby. Is something outside?” Brick wandered over to Bobby Dazzler. The cheerful hero sat at the window that ran the length of the living area of Hugo’s ship. Take off had been smooth and uneventful. Brick had grown tired of poking the walls and sought entertainment in the guise of conversation. Hugo was in the cockpit, Spiritwind sat at the table deciding his menu for the day.
“Just the vast beauty of space.” Bobby didn’t remove his gaze from outside.
“It’s very dark out there. I’m surprised you can even see anything to call beautiful.” Brick leaned forward to get a closer look, twitching backwards as he banged his nose on the glass. He rubbed his nasal device, just in case it needed it.
“Nothingness is everything if you wish it so my pleasantly haired peer.”
“Are you saying meaningless rubbish in the hope it’s confused for wisdom, because I try that all the time and I can tell you it gets you nowhere.”
“What do you see through the glass portal?” Bobby invited Brick to look for himself.
“Now you’re asking.” Brick leaned in. “There’s a few lights over there I suppose, and a big, swirly gas thing, ooh and my reflection.”
“Do you know what I see?”
“Your reflection?” It was a good guess.
“Aside from that. I see billions of lives playing out countless roles and scenarios, experiencing a multitude of emotions at a thousand intensities. I see tears trickling in sorrow and anger, and the ripple of laughter as it flows through space. I see life in all its forms, the entire spectrum of existence. I see the simplicity that lies beneath the infinite complexity of being, and my pride is unbound to know I’m even the most insignificant part of something so glorious. It fills me the warmth only being alive can bring.” Bobby sighed in wonder.
“You see all that? I must be stood at the wrong angle.” Brick sat down with a new determination, slowly becoming lost in the view they swept past.
Spiritwind had settled on his days eating and searched for something new to occupy his time. He sat at a table in the loosely designated dining area. The cushioned seating had made it an obvious choice. Spotting a magazine rack he took the only object resting upon it: a manual of some kind. The cover was black and shone with the same pride as the ship. At certain angles an image suggested itself, but not enough could be seen at any one time to identify it. Spiritwind opened the book, only for a thin, green laser to shoot from it and strike him on the forehead. He reached for a baguette to ease the mild concern it caused, but his reach was halted by the introduction of music and appearance of a miniature 3-D image of the space ship on the table. Staring at the model the door opened. A four inch lady stepped out and sauntered down the emerging ramp. Spiritwind stared in confusion. The lady spoke.
“You speak English, correct?” Spiritwind nodded slowly. “Excellent. Then welcome to the sales manual for the Baroda Calypso Mark III: the fastest and most elegant craft on sale in the universe….”
“I thought this was the Chieftains Desire?” Spiritwind was unsure of the protocol for speaking to a manual. He wasn’t entirely convinced there’d even be a response. The lady stopped mid-speech. She appeared to be loading a reply.
“Baroda Calypso is the manufacturer’s model name. Once purchased you may feel free to name her anything you wish.” She smiled as though waiting to check Spiritwind understood. He glanced behind him to check a man in a false beard wasn’t about to jump out and reveal the practical joke at play. His eventual smile allowed her to carry on. “The Baroda Calypso is the ultimate way to travel. Almost invincible outer shell yet weighs no more than a baby’s fingernail. Can travel the entire length of the universe in less than four hours….” Spiritwind raised his hand apologetically. The sales lady stopped and smiled a smile that almost split her face in two. It clearly masked her irritation.
“How? I mean how does it travel across the universe so quickly? I thought the universe was bigger than any analogy can hope to relay.”
The same loading pause occurred again. The hostess flickered before acquiring glasses, a white coat, and an easel. She pointed at various diagrams while speaking. “Time is fundamentally based on perception, and perception is easily tricked. The Baroda Calypso is able to perceive time, and we have taken advantage of such a thing in the most ingenious of manners. We sent the craft on a lap of the galaxy, but before doing so we tweaked its time perception unit and made the ship think it had made the journey in just one second. After resetting its perception to normal, sheer belief that it could achieve such a thing allowed it do so for real. We can neither explain nor justify such a quirk, but we can use it as a major selling point and highlight that The Baroda Calypso can traverse the universe in just under four hours. Something, due to the time it takes to program, that very few ships can boast.” She beamed with a sense of personal achievement.
“Why not set it for a millisecond and travel the universe in a minute?” Spiritwind settled in to talking to a projection.
“You always need to leave time for a movie.” The smile asked for the next question.
“So where are all the gadgets and interesting things I can have a go of?”
Another pause followed as the easel disappeared and the scene zoomed in to a small scale model of the room they were all sat in. The lady reappeared inside and spoke once more. “Extras: The entire interior has been hand crafted from the finest materials……”
“Do I look middle aged?” Spiritwind hoped the manual understood his complaint. It did.
“With the Baroda Calypso in mind Powerflex used an entirely new approach to the problem of claustrophobia in space travel, not that you could ever feel such a thing in our spacious rooms. The air shower…” The presenter stood at the door that related to the one on Spiritwind’s left. “….gives the occupant a constant stream of fresh air to stand in. One burst is akin to the sensation of spending a full day in the most wondrous of fields.”
Spiritwind looked at the door. There was only action that lay in his near future. The bald hero stood in preparation to test the room, just as Brick wandered over.
“I like that Bobby fella.”
“He does seem nice. Do you want to keep the manual company while I go and have a look at something?” Spiritwind headed to the shower door.
“Manual? Compan….”The word remained unsaid as the same green bolt that had shot Spiritwind, slapped Brick. “..What was that? And who are you, you pretty, and quite literally, little thing?”
The bolt allowed Brick to see the model of the ship and the sales assistant. He embarrassed himself instantly.
“I’m designed to be pretty to make you more inclined to buy the ship.”
“Did you just answer me?” Brick had nothing but confusion.
“Of course. I presumed you were talking to me. Was I wrong?” The lady prepared an apology.
“Yes. No. Sort of.”
“Perhaps we should stick to topics relating to this, the most wonderful craft ever built. Minor chit chat with the opposite sex doesn’t appear to be your strength.”
“I’ll have you know my minor chit chat is legendary in some of the better minor chit chat circles.” Brick defended his honour. “Although why I’m defending myself against a book is another matter.”
“Is there anything you’d like to know about the craft you’re travelling on?” The sales manual sensed an awkward silence approaching.
“There is actually.”
“Great.” The smile betrayed her words.
“Why aren’t we floating around? The only reason man ever wanted to travel in space was to have a float around. Drink bubbles of water, do non-stop somersaults and the like.”
“The Baroda Calypso is fitted with the latest in gravity drives. Each molecule of air is fitted with small arms that either push or pull objects to the floor. The central computer automatically sets the level of manipulation to your home planet, so unless you would float around at home you won’t be doing so he
re.”
Brick squinted. He stood no chance of seeing a pair of miniscule arms. The momentary silence was broken by Hugo entering the room.
“Our path of righteousness has begun. It’s only a matter of time before we land on Velos 19 to discover the new evil that’s bereft in our universe.” Hugo cursed his clenched hand. Brick presumed the hand symbolised evil rather than actually being evil itself. The room’s population grew as Spiritwind re-entered, rosy faced and beaming.
“That shower’s brilliant.”
“You found the shower. Just one of the truly magnificent aspects incorporated into my carriage of justice. I see you’ve met the lovely, Savinia.” Hugo winked at the projected sales manual. She fainted with pleasure at such attention.
“How do you do that?” Brick turned around, suitably upset.
“I don’t do anything. They do it to themselves in my honour.” Hugo strode forward, hands on hips, face to the ceiling.
“Do you have a kitchen?” Spiritwind wished to store his snacks.
“You’ll find all the nutritional slabs you can handle in the room behind you.” Hugo continued to flex.
“Nutritional slabs? Is that a fancy space term for biscuits?”
“If by biscuits you mean the raw slabs of the materials needed to keep the body pumping then yes.”
“Do they come in bacon flavour?”
“No time for taste my friend. Savouring a flavour would merely slow down the process of getting the energy into our bodies so we can continue the fight.” The rallying fist was lost on Spiritwind, who had to sit down for a moment and think of a pie at the perfect eating temperature. Food without flavour? The universe was a farce.
“I’m starting to think you were right about him.” Spiritwind offered to support Brick’s decision to dislike Hugo.
“A successful crew is a happy crew, and I sense enough joy on board to defeat all the evil the universe could throw at us. I feel as proud as the first time I stretched this perfectly crafted suit across my exquisitely honed frame. Well done men.” Hugo turned with a flourish and returned to the cockpit. He revealed Bobby, who had been stood behind him. The trio looked at each other wondering if their input was needed in Hugo’s continual pantomime.
All the time Velos 19 sat in space, unsure of what approached it. Had it known it may have shrugged with ambivalence, although when a planet shrugs untold structural damage is caused, so perhaps it was best for all involved that it remained in ignorant bliss.
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