by Paul Vayro
Chapter Forty Five
The crews of The Little Tub of Fun and Spanish Counterpart stepped back into the foyer on Velos 19. Sid remained on The Magwanvu's shoulders. The scene that met them couldn't be more different from their original administration based visit. The desks were nowhere to be seen, partly through their removal but in the main due to the all consuming party that engulfed every platform except for a central plinth. Only one familiar figure stood atop it, winking and pointing at the crowd. Chieftains Desire's speed was unrivalled and Hugo had made full use of it to arrive back first.
Dandara fumed as the rest of the group stood as awkwardly as any sober, new arrival at a party in full flow. Not counting Jam who was already on his third cocktail. As they remained in gawping place a passer-by saw the chance to release a burst of drunken joy.
"Isn't it wonderful that Hugo Cortizone exists? We would truly be doomed without him. Praise Hugo and all he does." The reveller disappeared back into the crowd, decreeing his love for the lycra clad chunk at the centre of the room's praise.
"Excuse me." Dandara pulled the shoulder of the nearest person to her, spinning them round to face her. "Could I be so kind as to ask exactly what Hugo Cortizone has done to warrant his own plinth?" The sickened tone stole the pleasant intention from the words.
"He's saved the day, again. He's my hero, and I'm a hero in my own right don't you know."
"Oh really, he's saved the universe has he? Have you heard anything about an accomplice or two, or nine?"
"Dear me no, Hugo always works alone. It's his boldest asset, except perhaps for boldness itself."
"Right, we'll see about this." Dandara turned to the rest of the group. Spiritwind had found a plate of buffet food, Brick was being ignored by a woman of Amazonian stature, Bettina shrugged her understanding with a cocktail in each hand, Bobby fed off the joy of the room, Jam was dancing with somebody's back, and The Magwanvu felt pleased nobody was paying it any attention. Dandara grabbed the thrice confused hero and stormed through the crowd. The rest followed, Brick Spiritwind and Bettina acquiring and downing numerous drinks along the way.
The nature of the crowd allowed sifting through without any problems, until a cordon of guards stopped them twenty feet from the plinth.
"Restricted zone Miss; can't let you through." The guard's hat wouldn't allow eye contact but his tone said enough about how seriously he took his role.
"Restricted for those that saved the universe?" Dandara wasn't about to turn away.
"It is Miss. We honour our heroes here."
"Then let us through to be honoured."
"Excuse me." Brick had his own point to raise. "Isn't Hugo Cortizone unrivalled in his heroic prowess?" Brick tried to eat the cherry from his latest tipple. It slipped away to the obscurity of the floor.
"He is sir, greatest active hero in the known ethos, something for us all to look up to." A tear of pride welled in the guard's throat.
"Then surely he can protect himself. He doesn't need you lot. Plus anything that thinks it could have a serious go at him would surely consider you guys nothing more than a cold starter?" Brick abandoned any plan he had started concerning the retrieval of his cherry.
"It's more of a token gesture if I'm honest sir. The illusion of security surrounds our everyday lives. We're no different here at the Hero's Council."
"The illusion we use to combat the illusion of fear we are peddled? But surely there is no fear to take grip within a Hall of Heroes?" Spiritwind shuffled into the vicinity of the conversation. Three of his sausages on a stick had lost their accompanying pineapple, donated to a passing stallion jawed hero.
"You'd be surprised how many of these burly brutes are scared of the dark sir. Many a light is left on in our residences of a night." Dandara gave up with the guard and focused on attracting Hugo's attention directly.
"I suppose the dark is the base fear of all our lives, the great unknown. And what is more fearful than the unknown?" Brick tipped an imaginary hat.
"Except the fear of knowledge." Spiritwind joined the debate. "That's the complete opposite of the unknown."
"Who fears knowledge?" Both Brick and the guard were hooked.
"Everybody, you don't want to be seen as a swot by the world. A flawed swot perhaps, but nobody likes a know it all......"
Dandara had finally managed to catch Hugo's gaze. After his initial reluctance to acknowledge her presence he responded. Dandara's stare was a potent weapon. Through a series of facial expressions and gestures she'd assured the heroic Adonis that everyone would find out about his little picnic if they weren't all on stage by his side in the next thirty seconds. And if he even tried to pass them off as delivery men bringing Sid to the plinth she'd reveal the whole story of how he ended up there in the tabloids, and begin a smearing campaign he couldn't begin to fathom. Of all the beings Hugo had bettered a woman's fury was not a beast he faced with confidence.
Hugo turned to the crowd and spoke with honour towards the room as a whole. "At last they are here." The ultimate hero pointed down towards Dandara et al, instructing the guards to allow them through. Gradually the crowd realised somebody was being introduced and Hugo wasn't attempting to inspire a celebration conga line. The stage hand put down his 'Guzzle Bucket' and shone the spotlight on the emerging group, momentarily blinding the guard Brick and Spiritwind had been philosophising with.
"Behold our bounty." Hugo continued to garner the hall's attention. Half the room realised something was occurring while the other half continued the party. Murmuring spread and the mood consumed them, ripples of applause breaking out, started by Hugo. Dandara led the unlikely joint heroes into the public glare.
"These heroes were there as I vanquished......" Dandara's stare emerged, straight at Hugo. ".....I mean they aided me....." The intensity increased. "....Together we toiled as...." A kick from the lady hero became necessary to correct Hugo's memory. "....We acted as equals....." It would have to do. "....in our quest to rid the universe of this evil."
The Magwanvu dropped Sid in a heap. His size ensured minimal interest from those at the back, plus people were far more intrigued by the triple hero's co-ordinated movements. The Magwanvu recognised the usual wave of curiosity that met it and nullified it with an answer. "We are three separate beings sharing one collective expressive." They waved as one.
"Aaaaaaaah." The crowd responded together before breakaway questions emerged amongst the gathering. "That must be very frustrating." "How do they go to the toilet?" "What do the ladies make of such a quirk?" "Birth must have been a nightmare." Etc.
The Magwanvu shrugged and walked back to the others. They'd suddenly realised the whole Hall of Heroes were focused on them. Brick wished he'd spent more time practising his juggling. A party trick right now would go down a treat.
Hugo strode purposefully towards the forlorn heap of Sid, lifting him by his helmet for all to see. Irish Delirium watched on from his private balcony, a sensation he hadn't felt for many millennia niggled the nape of his neck. Unstirred memories fluttered, refusing to be pinned down. They were quickly joined by a drive that hadn't been triggered for an age. The weathered hero stared at the silver figure, all his thoughts drawn towards it for some unknown reason.
"Cast your eyes upon the beast that declared war on good. May he be held as an example to all evil that you will never conquer us, but continue to try if you dare."
The forces of the universe believe in fairness, and the power of hero timing runs directly alongside its evil counterpart. In perfect demonstration of this Sid's mind awoke, but not his eyes, curious why there was no floor beneath his feet. The general ambience being detected by his senses made it difficult to believe he remained in his Underground Tower. Rather than panic he bided his time, first listening to the sounds that surrounded him then peering through one eye to confirm his thoughts. He was indeed in The Mythical Hall of Heroes on Velos 19.
Sid struggled to keep his cackle of realisation from escaping his mouth, but remaining limp a plan for
med: if he could release his body from his helmet he would fall onto the plinth, head fully exposed. He could warp the minds of every hero in the universe in one swoop and paralyse the entire army of good with terror.
Hugo continued to swing the armoured warrior, allowing the whole room to see. It fell into Sid's trap perfectly, loosening the miniature terror's helmet with every ooh and aah of the crowd. Sid had to use all his restraint to avoid clapping and kicking his feet in excitement at having the last laugh.
A few brief moments later, and with an added shuffling of the neck back and forth, Sid was all but free. Only his chin held him in place. One snotty glance to the ceiling and he'd be released, and every hero would be imprisoned in their own mental torture forever. The fiery tempered nemesis waited until he dangled over one spot. He didn't wish to release himself and end up tumbling off the plinth and into the crowd.
Hugo eventually came to a stand-still in order to begin another of his many monologues. Sid had heard enough and overwhelmed the room with his own words of doom.
"You weak minded morons." Sid had to admit the positioning of his chin did nothing to enhance his voice. He came across far more nasal than normal. "You have the arrogance to celebrate victory before the battle has truly begun. Now you shall see the true power of evil as you bow to its greatest weapon: FEAR." Sid released his chin and began his descent to glory, only to be shouted down by a voice of bolder virtue.
"SHIELD YOUR EYES." Everyone obeyed the authoritative voice instinctively, except Brick and Spiritwind who instantly wondered if they had a decent excuse for whatever they'd been caught doing. It was a natural reaction to all authoritative shouting they heard. The owner of the tone, Irish Delirium, swung through the air on a strategically placed, ornate chandelier; his other hand contained a quickly acquired dustbin. Sid turned mid-air to see who had shouted. The imposing figure of Irish eclipsed his view as it landed with a punch directly on top of Sid's head. Instantly unconscious Sid became one with the stage as Irish, with eyes still closed, swung the bin and covered his capture.
"You may look once more." Irish alerted the party. They opened their eyes to find Irish standing next to an upturned bin with a curious blue glow dribbling from beneath it.
"That was brilliant." Brick would have clapped if it wouldn't result in spilling the three drinks he struggled to hold.
"It really was." Spiritwind wasn't one to clap at the best of times.
Irish addressed the room. "Insidious Chi is not the simple megalomaniac he appears." The crowd gasped, nobody had seen a twist coming. "His presence alerted me to a feeling, a shimmer of dastardly intent I hadn't felt for many a moon. Not since my most active days had a being instilled something deep inside I fear I'll never forget. I speak of the aura of my long defeated nemesis. The beast I thought I had cast asunder for all time the day I stepped up to the grade of level five hero: Verros Flexx." The gathering didn't know what to do and murmured their confusion and shock. Irish Delirium had saved the universe from the attack of Verros Flexx an age ago. The beast had slithered away, presumed defeated and left to fade into history. It appeared he'd been plotting his second attempt.
"I believe Insidious Chi to be his second incarnation. There will not be a third." Everyone erupted in applause and poured themselves another drink. Nobody had expected live theatre as well as free booze.
"Photo for the statue your hero.....ness?" The official statue maker of Velos 19 hovered on his sculpting board, next to the plinth. A camera the size of two men's heads sat in his hands. He fiddled with the lens on the front as he asked.
"The honour's all yours boys, I merely tidied up the crumbs." Irish stood to one side to allow a clean shot of the group of heroes. Hugo instantly fell into a pose lifting his leg on to the upturned bin, folding his arms, and beaming a grin that could only be achieved through months of practice. The others didn't get quite the same chance to prepare.
"Smile." The statue maker snapped away regardless.
Dandara and Bettina had managed to stand by Hugo's side looking fairly relaxed as the flash kicked in, Bobby had been inspecting the bin and turned to face the camera as the button was pushed. His eternal smile feigned a prepared expression. Fortunately for Jam he'd been stood behind Hugo. As the number one hero lifted his leg to place it on the bin he framed the drunken saviour perfectly. Brick had realised at the last moment what was happening. Running to the front he'd tripped and would be preserved forever in mid-flight, cursing the knee of Hugo that was obscuring him. Spiritwind's face was cloaked by the baguette he'd been tucking in to, while The Magwanvu had been caught turning to its left, mid argument, behind Bettina.
"Lovely. I'll have that ready for tomorrow's ceremony." The statue maker floated away without any concern for the path of Brick's fall. Brick on the other hand grew ever more concerned as the upturned bin, filled his vision. Even with Hugo's smiling weight atop it, it flew away into the crowd. The well haired hero almost followed it, skidding to a halt halfway off the plinth. Everyone who had noticed gasped, glanced at the empty space then performed a double take. Sid had gone. Only a hole remained.
"We must pursue our foe." Hugo prepared to leap down the hole. Irish grabbed his arm and turned poetically to the crowd.
"Leave him be. Life is about balance. For one extreme to exist we must accept that at the other end of existence its weight is countered. We are the good of the universe but only because we have evil to battle. Without them we would be nothing, undefined, just bold men that are slightly better than average. The very notion of average would be skewed by our presence, for it is merely the middle line between extremes, so without extremes there is no middle." Irish continued staring at the ceiling. He realised he had as little clue as anyone else where his speech was heading, or what its point was. He continued in the hope something would surface. "And without a middle there are no extremes. Hence without evil there is no anything, and I for one am proud to be something." Irish held his arms outstretched in the hope people would presume a great point had been made, and that he had finished making it. It worked. Applause trickled at first before racing through a torrent of pleasure and into a crescendo of celebration at Sid's escape.
"Did he even say anything then because I'm not sure that made much sense?" Brick had dusted himself down and wandered back to Spiritwind.
"I don't think you need to make sense with a jaw-line like that." Spiritwind popped a chocolate covered peanut in his mouth. Irish overheard the two speaking, he realised they weren't drawn in by his glamour and felt a little silly in their honest presence.
The living legend shrugged off doubt and followed up his pointless speech with further instruction. "Enjoy the night and the feast of pleasure that comes with it. We shall convene here tomorrow for the official ceremony to say these people are great." The spotlight spun towards the heralded heroes, blinding Brick and Spiritwind for a moment. By the time they could see again the plinth was empty, except for the band that had truly saved the universe. Hugo had left, taking the focal point of the room with him. Irish had swung back to his balcony, making a note to research Brick and Spiritwind before their next encounter.
"What should we do now?" Spiritwind wondered about a plan.
"We're in a room filled with an adoring crowd, free drink and nibbles, and you're wondering what to do?" Brick had never been so disgusted.
"Just wanted to check we weren't going to let our new status make us all responsible or anything." Spiritwind finished his peanuts and searched the party with his eyes. He was sure he'd seen a full roast pig earlier.
"I do believe the only extra responsibility we've taken on is that to our fans, especially the ladies." Brick titled his head. It didn't give the cool appearance all those films had led him to believe.
"Obviously." Spiritwind watched Hugo pushing through the crowds, followed along by everyone's praise. The whole room stared after him, not a drop of attention being aimed their way. "Although they all appear to be showing our well deserved appreciation to H
ugo."
"Hmmmmmm." A collective noise of agreement concurred with Spiritwind's observation. The disappointment was universal, although Jam's was aimed at the discovery of a grey hair in his beard.
Contents