by Ivy Smoak
“I’m not saying it does.” My breathing was growing uneven. I should have been backtracking, going back to make-believe, but I couldn’t stop myself. “And I’m not even talking about the movie. I mean all of this.” I gestured to the enormous living room. “This isn’t me. I like simple things. Homey things.”
“I know. It’s one of the many reasons why I love you.”
“Then why do we live here? What happened to me to make me say all of this was okay?”
He ran his fingers through his hair, and I had the oddest sensation that if he hadn’t, his fist would have gone through one of the walls.
“You fell in love with me,” he said. “We fell in love. And we made all these decisions together. You love it here. All our family and friends are here.”
“Oh, my parents live in New York?” I couldn’t imagine them leaving their jobs in Wilmington. They loved them. How strange.
“I meant everyone besides your parents.”
“I see.” This conversation was pointless. I never should have started it. “I think what you meant was that your family and friends are here. Not mine.”
“They're yours too.”
I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to throw all the stupid decorative pillows off the couch. But I heard my doctor’s voice in the back of my head. I was supposed to play along. Would me agreeing with James take away the worry line on his forehead? Would it really make everything smoother? Because it didn’t feel like it would for me. I took a deep breath. Pretending made it easier for everyone but me.
“Penny.” He stepped closer to me. Too close. His cologne was polluting my air supply.
“It’s fine,” I said. “I’m sorry I freaked out. I don’t have any of my own friends. Got it. What about Melissa, though? Did we lose touch?” The thought made me want to cry. I had been holding out hope to talk to her. It felt like she was the only one that could help me.
“Baby, my friends are your friends. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Honestly, they probably like you more than they like me.”
Did he expect me to laugh at that? “Awesome.” I tried to keep my voice light and upbeat.
It just made him sigh. “And you and Melissa are still friends. She was planning on coming to town when the…” his voice trailed off. “I mean, she’ll be here tomorrow. It was the earliest she could get off work.”
“Melissa’s coming?” I didn’t even have to pretend to be excited at that news. “That’s wonderful. She’ll stay with us, right?”
“We usually offer to put guests up in that the hotel down the street while they visit.”
“Why? This place seems big enough. Don’t we have any guest rooms?”
“Two actually. But we prefer our privacy.”
“Privacy for what? I’ll text her and let her know she can stay here.” I looked down at my shoulder and realized I didn’t have a backpack. Or a purse. Or any of my things. I turned in a circle. “Where’s my phone?”
“I want to be able to focus on just us for a little bit. I want to try to get you used to our lives. Together.”
Was he keeping me hostage here? I thought about how he said I couldn’t go for a run earlier. How he wouldn’t let anyone stay here with us. How he had taken away my phone. I stared at him. There were a lot of red flags. But what could it hurt to let this weird fantasy play out? Maybe if I let it, I’d be able to wake up. I’d be able to go back to a time where I didn’t know this man. “Okay.”
He lowered both his eyebrows as he stared at me.
The action made me swallow hard. I wasn’t sure I had ever seen anything so sexy in my entire life.
“Okay?” he asked. “That’s it? I’m used to you putting up a little more of a fight.”
I laughed. Finally something that sounded like me. “Sure. So what exactly did you want to do in this huge apartment all alone?”
This time he was the one that swallowed hard. I could tell because I had the pleasure of watching his Adam’s apple rise and fall. Maybe I was wrong before, because this was the new sexiest thing I had ever seen.
“How about we start with a tour?” he asked as he stepped closer to me.
“Mhm.” My voice came out weird and high-pitched. Had he seen me staring at him? I backed up and my butt collided with the couch behind me. “Okay, so…the living room.”
“You’ve always been very intelligent,” he said.
I laughed and folded my arms across my chest as I looked around the room. My eyes landed on a framed piece of artwork above the fireplace. It looked like it was taken from the boardwalk of Rehoboth Beach. I used to love going there with my parents. I smiled, picturing myself walking along the boardwalk. I had always wished that I had someone to hold hands with. It always felt like I was the only single person in existence on those lazy summer nights. But I wasn’t alone right now. I wondered if I had told him that story.
“That painting is nice,” I said. “It reminds me of summer trips with my parents to the beach.”
“One of our first dates was a day trip to Rehoboth. We picked out this painting because it reminded us of that.”
I smiled. “You know, I always wished I had a boyfriend to walk along the boardwalk with.”
“I know.”
He knew? I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. He was staring at the painting like it was a distant memory. I had a million questions. Had we only ever been once? Did he like to play in the water or was he scared of sharks? And speaking of sharks, did he even like Shark Tank? Did we have the same hobbies? Did he truly love me?
“And now you have a husband to accompany you on the boardwalk.”
I laughed. “Accompany? That’s such a serious way to put it. It’s more of a skipping, dancing, twirling in the ocean breeze kind of boardwalk experience in my mind. I’m starting to think you don’t know how to have any fun.”
“Trust me, I know how to have a good time. Especially at the beach.”
“Why especially at the beach?”
“The first time we went together, we went skinny-dipping and some stupid kids stole your bikini.”
I laughed. “I strongly doubt I did something so reckless.” No favorite movie and skinny-dipping? Who the hell was this Penny Hunter person?
“Well, then maybe you’re the one that doesn’t know how to have any fun.” He raised his left eyebrow like he was challenging me.
I rolled my eyes. “You can have fun without public indecency.”
“But the best kind of fun is public indecency.”
“If you want to wind up behind bars. Thanks, but no thanks. I don’t want to end up in jail. My parents would kill me.”
“Your parents can’t exactly ground you anymore, Penny. You’re 26 years old.”
“Right.” Right! God, I’m 26 in this alternate reality! I could legally drink alcohol. Now that was something that would make this fantasy easier to digest. “Speaking of being old, we should like…make a toast or something. To…being married.”
James smiled. “Penny, you just stopped taking morphine yesterday. We should probably give it more time to flush out of your system.”
“But I feel fine.”
“That’s probably the morphine talking.”
“Oh come on. I’m a skinny-dipping jailbird. I’m sure I can handle my alcohol.” I wandered into the kitchen and was happy that he didn’t stop me. I opened up the stainless steel refrigerator and stared at the contents inside. Fresh fruits and vegetables jumped out from everywhere. I had never seen such a well-stocked fridge. And nothing was pre-made, it was all fresh ingredients. In the back corner I saw a bottle of white wine that was half empty. I grabbed it and opened up one of the cupboards. Only plates. Tons and tons of plates. Who had so many plates and what on earth were they all for?
“Next one over,” James said.
I opened up the next cabinet and pulled out two wine glasses.
“None for me,” he said from behind me.
Party for one then. I poured myself a glas
s and lifted it into the air as I turned to face him. “Here’s to being in love.” That was everything I’d ever wanted. And I had it. I could tell I did by the way he stared at me as I took my first sip. By the way his eyes lingered on my lips. By the way he so desperately wanted me to remember him.
I had never been in love before. I didn’t know what I was supposed to feel. Or what I should suspect. All I knew was that his gaze made me nervous. And when he touched me I felt like I had been zapped by a bug zapper. I took a huge gulp of my wine. “This is great.”
“I’m pretty sure that bottle has been open for weeks.”
“I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. This is actually my first glass of wine.” I swirled it in my glass as I looked down at the amber liquid. “So, we opened it before my accident? I mean…is that what it was? An accident? No one’s told me what happened.”
“It’s a conversation for another day. When you’re able to remember.”
“But what if I never remember?”
He shook his head. “You will.” But his tone screamed, “you have to.”
I took another sip of my wine. “It must have been something serious. I have scars on my stomach. And I’m…fat.”
“Baby, you are not fat.”
The way he said “baby” made goosebumps rise on my skin. Did he often call me that? I liked the way it sounded. “Baby.” I smiled. “No one’s ever called me that.” I awkwardly cleared my throat. “Besides you, I mean. You call me that.”
“I do.”
I smiled at him. “I like it.” And I really did. It made me feel special. Safe. Warm. I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “So how about that tour?” I grabbed the bottle of wine to bring with me. I told myself that it was because I’d need to refill my glass again soon. But maybe a small piece of me was worried that I wouldn’t keep my hands to myself. And I needed to keep my hands to myself. Fantasy or not, I didn’t know this man. My reaction to him didn’t make any sense. Technically I was kind of sort of still dating Austin. And I wasn’t a cheater. That was Austin’s job. I really should break up with that prick.
Maybe this was all a dream to motivate me to move on. A dream to show me that there was someone out there for me that was better than Austin. I followed James out of the kitchen and tried not to sigh at the sight of him. Hopefully that someone that was out there for me would be as sexy as my fake husband.
Chapter 9
Thursday
Most parts of this life would be easy to adjust to. A penthouse apartment that overlooked Central Park made the idea of being stuck in a city I hated a little more appealing. And my closet? I stared at the organized rows of dresses. I had never seen so many designer clothes. Everything in this apartment, even the closets, was over the top lavish.
But there were also secrets. A couple locked doors. Nails in the walls that held nothing at all. Like something important had been removed from existence. It was unnerving that I had no idea what it was.
And then there was James. He was the epitome of unnerving. In a lot of ways, he wasn't even my type. Or maybe he was, but he was just a little too old for me to realize it. He didn't exactly look that old, but he certainly acted older than me. He even refused to drink with me. I had to finish the bottle of wine alone. It kind of seemed like he had a stick up his perfect butt. Every time I looked at him, he was studying me seriously instead of smiling. His smiles were short. His laughter shorter.
I took one more glance at the contents of the closet. There were more shoes than I could even count. Mostly high heels. Everything looked amazing, but honestly, all I wanted to do was change out of this stiff dress into something actually comfortable. Were there any unsophisticated clothes in here? Leggings? Tank tops? Anything that would cover me from head to foot so I felt safe around James tonight?
I knew I was dilly-dallying. But as soon as I found something to wear to sleep, I’d actually have to crawl into bed with a stranger. My attempts at suggesting I stay in a guest room were all immediately thwarted. And he didn’t seem to take the hint that maybe he should sleep in one of them. It was his house. I couldn’t force him. I bit the inside of my lip. Where were the freaking sweatpants?
“Your nightgowns are in the second drawer from the top,” James said from the master bedroom.
Nightgowns? What was I, 80 years old? I’ll wear a pair of pajamas to bed, thank you very much. I opened up the drawer and looked down at the silk and lace scraps of material. These weren’t big enough to be nightgowns. I was pretty sure the last nightgown I owned had been flannel and floor length. I could picture myself wearing it on Christmas morning. No way in hell was I wearing one of these skimpy things.
“Where are all my favorite pajamas?” I asked and turned around.
James was leaning against the doorjamb with his arms folded across his chest. Staring. Always staring. “You don’t own any pajamas.”
“What about my favorite ones with the little panda bears all over them?”
He just stared at me. “I’ve never seen them.”
“What about a pair of sweatpants?” I was capable of compromise.
“You don’t own any of those either.”
“Seriously? They’re like my go-to thing to comfort me after a bad day. Well, that and ice cream.”
“The ice cream I know. But usually you come to me to be comforted. The sweatpants probably just aren’t necessary anymore.”
Oh. That was sweet. However, it didn’t take away from the fact that I was sweatpants-less in a time of crisis.
“I’ll let you change.” He left me alone in the huge closet.
I turned back around. What kind of uptight woman had I become? No sweatpants or comfy pajamas. The horror of it all. I lifted up one of the silky nightgowns. It looked like something a porn star would wear. The t-shirts on James’ side of the closet were calling to me. At least they’d be long enough to cover my ass. I grabbed a black one off the hanger and quickly changed.
I studied my reflection in the mirror. Simple. Unsexy. I smiled to myself. I had always loved in romantic comedies when the female lead wore the hero's shirt to bed. It seemed chic and sexy…my thoughts came to a halt. I didn’t want to be sexy. I wanted to be the opposite of sexy. I wanted to be frumpy.
My eyes scanned the closet once more but I didn’t see a better alternative. God, please already be asleep. I stepped out of the closet, tugging at the hem of the shirt, hoping to lower it even more.
James was sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. He looked exhausted. But his eyes lit up when he saw me. Like I had done something to make him happy, even though all I had done was stolen one of his t-shirts.
“I’m sorry, I should have asked.” I stopped pulling on the fabric. “It just seemed more comfortable than those…nightgowns.” I had almost lost my words because he had chosen that moment to sit up straight. He had lost his shirt and was only wearing a pair of boxers. And he was perfect. Every cut of muscle on his stomach made him look like a Greek God. His arms were lean and strong. His skin was even perfectly tanned.
“It’s fine. Really.” He smiled at me staring at him. And this smile didn’t look concerned or tinged with sadness. He looked genuinely happy.
“Alright. So…” my voice trailed off. “I guess that’s my side.” I pointed to the opposite side of the bed that he was sitting, trying my best not to keep ogling him.
“Unless you’d prefer here,” he said.
“No, that’s okay.” I walked over to my side of the bed and pushed back the sheets. I figured once he fell asleep, I’d slip out of bed and go sleep on the couch downstairs. Or maybe I’d take the time to figure out how to unlock one of the doors down the hall. Or find some of the pictures that had been removed from the walls.
I slid into bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. I felt him staring at me before he switched off the lights. The bed sagged slightly when he climbed in, but he didn’t try to come on my side.
I kept my
eyes open, waiting for them to adjust to the darkness. Hints of his cologne swirled around me. I'd had too much to drink tonight. Or maybe it was his cologne intoxicating me. But words spilled out of me to fill the silence. “I’m glad I married you,” I said. And not Austin. What a nightmare that would have been.
“Me too.” His words sounded harsh and broken, like maybe he was holding back tears.
The sound made tears well in my own eyes. “I’m trying. To remember.” I wasn’t sure if that was true. But it would be tomorrow. I needed to do a better job pretending. I didn’t want to break him any more than he was broken.
“This is hard for me too,” he said into the darkness.
“I know.” My voice was quiet. I remembered waking up in my hospital bed with his arms wrapped around me. I had thought he was Austin. But if I was being honest, I had never felt that content in Austin’s arms. It was like my body knew it belonged to this man, but my heart and head didn’t understand. But I wanted to feel comforted again. And I didn’t have any sweatpants in this apartment. I slid my hand into the middle of the bed.
Even though the act had been silent, it was like James could tell I was reaching for him. His hand slid toward mine. Just the tips of our fingers touched. But it felt momentous to me.
Chapter 10
Friday
I half expected to wake up in the cocoon of warmth that only James’ arms seemed to provide. But I wasn’t tucked into his side when I opened my eyes. His smell was still all around me though. I sighed. So I was still stuck in this alternate reality. I took a deep breath. Why was I comforted by the smell of him?
“Morning, hot stuff,” said a deep, unfamiliar voice.
I screamed at the top of my lungs as I fell off the bed in a pathetic attempt to get away.
“Shit. You okay?”
I looked up at the face staring down at me. It was the man that looked similar to James. His brother. I couldn’t remember his name. “What are you doing in my bed?” Was this a brother thing? Them showing up in inappropriate places?
“I promised James I’d watch you. And when I got here last night you were already sleeping.” He climbed off the bed and stuck his hand out for me to help me to my feet.