by Ivy Smoak
“No. I told you, they’re for security reasons. I doubt he ever watches you. At least not without your permission.” She winked at me.
Gross. “He just has other people look at me?” I lowered my voice. “There’s a camera in my freaking bathroom. You can get arrested for shit like that.”
“That’s only if you put a camera in a public bathroom…”
“That’s beside the point.”
Melissa sighed. “If you tripped and fell in the bathroom, you’d be happy there were cameras so you wouldn’t bleed out. Bathrooms can be very dangerous places. Just think of everything that could go wrong. Razor accidents, drowning, accidental choking by toothbrush.” She laughed, but I was no longer paying attention to her.
I bit the inside of my lip. She was right. Bathrooms could be dangerous. And she had just given me a brilliant idea. Or an awful one. Really it was just brilliantly awful. An accident would definitely draw the two security guards away from the front door and give me time to escape. Their sole purpose was apparently to protect me. It was devious and perfect and…impossible. But now that the thought was in my head, it wouldn’t go away.
I looked back up at the camera. I wasn’t even really upset about the cameras monitoring me at all times. It wasn’t like anyone was going to be watching me for much longer. I was upset because the cameras were an issue for my escape. The security guards were most likely watching me right now. I looked away from the camera.
My plan was already running wild in my mind. When I was little, I played an epic April Fool’s Day prank on my dad. The toilet in the downstairs bathroom had an issue with overflowing. So I poured a cup of water on the floor outside of the bathroom and then locked myself inside. I screamed about the toilet overflowing and pretended to panic instead of letting my dad come in and fix it. He almost broke the door down. Needless to say, I never played a prank ever again because of how upset he got.
Melissa’s idea about bleeding out in the bathroom had given me a similar idea. I could pretend to lock myself in the bathroom and cause some kind of distraction that would draw the security guards away from the front door. If I hid downstairs, maybe it would give me enough time to slip out undetected. There was just one issue. The stupid bathroom camera. And all the other cameras. They’d see me walking around prepping everything and they’d also know for a fact that I wasn’t in the bathroom. Unless…
“I need to pee,” I said.
“Um. Okay.” Melissa gave me a weird look.
“I’ll be right back!” My voice came out weird and high-pitched. Stop it. I practically ran out of the kitchen to avoid her scrutiny.
I glanced around the bathroom. It definitely seemed like there was only one camera. This could work. All I needed was to move the camera. And get some kind of disguise. First things first. I began humming and started to pull down my pants like I was about to use the toilet, but then paused and stared at the camera. I shook my head like I was truly disgusted that there were people watching my every move. Which was easy to do, because I didn’t even have to pretend. I even gave the camera the middle finger for good measure. Please believe I’m just pissed about you watching me. I climbed on top of the sink and pushed the camera toward the wall so that it was no longer monitoring the bathroom.
I walked over to the tub. I didn’t want to cause anyone distress, but I couldn’t think of a better option. It wasn’t like James would just let me walk away. There was an air of desperation around him. I felt bad for thinking it. I felt worse when I turned the faucet on in the bathtub and plugged the drain.
It probably wasn’t the best idea, but it was the only one I could think of. I had been in here long enough. They’d be suspicious that I had irritable bowel syndrome if I took much longer. I slipped out of the bathroom and glanced around the master bedroom one last time. There were definitely no cameras pointed at the bathroom door. I locked the door from the inside, and closed it as quietly as I could.
I didn’t know how much time I had, but it probably wasn’t much. The tub would overflow soon. And I needed to hide. I walked as quickly as I could out of the room and down the stairs.
“Penny?” Melissa said from the kitchen. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?”
“Sure. You pick one. I’m going to ask Josh if he wants to watch too.” Smooth. I ran to the guest room, knocked on the door, and opened it before he had time to answer.
“Um…hey, Penny,” Josh said as he looked up from his laptop. He was sitting on the bed working. “I heard Melissa ask about watching a movie. I’ll be out in a few minutes. Just gotta send one last email.”
“It’s freezing in here,” I said.
He looked back up from his screen. “Yeah? It feels fine to me.”
“Oh, good. Could I borrow your hoodie then?”
“My hoodie?” He looked at me like I had asked to borrow something much weirder than a sweatshirt.
It wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t even the weirdest thing I was going to ask him for. Give it to me, I silently pleaded.
“I guess,” he said. He pulled it off and tossed it at me.
I quickly pulled it on over my shirt. “That helped a little, but geez, it’s still freezing. Our air conditioning must be broken in the way that it won’t turn off. Can I borrow your pants too?”
This time he stared at me like I had asked to borrow his pants. Which made sense, because I had. I'd earned his stare this time.
“Um…no.”
I laughed awkwardly. “Why? They’re just pants.”
“They wouldn’t even fit you.”
“I know. That’s the point. They’ll be big and comfy…”
“I pack light, Penny. I didn’t bring a million outfits with me like Melissa did.” He laughed. “I can’t just give you my pants.”
“Please?”
He just stared at me.
“I don’t have any comfy clothes here. And I’m so freaking cold. And all I want in the entire world is a warm pair of sweatpants to make me feel normal again.”
“If it seriously means that much to you, why don’t you just borrow a pair of sweats from James?”
“I don’t want his. I want nothing to do with him.”
He pressed his lips together as he stared at me. And then he shook his head. “Fine. Turn around will you?”
I turned away from the bed. In a few seconds, I felt a rolled up ball of sweatpants hit my back. “Thank you!” I pulled them on over my workout leggings. “I’ll let you get back to work.”
“Eh, I’ll just come watch the movie after I put on another pair of pants.” He set his laptop to the side. “Work can wait until tomorrow.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Your work is important.” I literally had no idea what he did for a living. Hopefully it was important. “Plus, Melissa’s going to be mad I stole your pants. Let me go explain everything to her. And I’ll let you know when it’s safe to come out.”
He laughed. “You’re probably right about her being about mad about the pants. Okay, fine. I need a minute to change anyway.” His bottom half was under the covers, but I knew for a fact that he was pants-less.
“Great. Just…stay here until I say you can come out.”
There was that strange look again. “Okay.”
I lifted the hood on the hoodie. “See you.” I realized it was weird to say goodbye like that when I was supposed to see him again in a few minutes. But it was goodbye. And he had helped me tremendously in my escape. This was the perfect disguise. The security team would think I was still in the guest room and that Josh was the one trolloping around the house.
“Is Josh com…” Melissa’s voice trailed off when she saw me. “What the hell are you wearing?”
“No, Josh isn’t coming. He’s working, remember? Don’t bother him.”
“It was your idea. Seriously, Penny, why are you wearing his clothes?”
“I suddenly got really cold.”
“So you thought it was appr
opriate to borrow my boyfriend’s pants? What is wrong with you?”
A big part of my plan’s chance at success was mass confusion. It seemed to be working. I just had no idea why she was so upset about this. Did I make a habit of borrowing her boyfriend’s pants? I doubted it. “Chill.”
She glared at me like I was the devil. “You want me to chill? How about you take his pants off?”
“No. He gave them to me. And I’m cold. Actually, I’m so cold that I’m just going to go take a bath to try to warm up. I’ll leave his pants outside the bathroom door for you, psycho.”
“I’m not a psycho for not wanting you in my boyfriend’s pants.”
I laughed. “It’s not a big deal.”
“It is to me. You always do this.” Her anger was gone. It looked like she was about to cry.
What had I done to her? I suddenly actually felt cold. I tucked my hands into the front pocket of the hoodie. The more I learned about the person I had become, the more I hated her. I didn’t know how I had become this monster. All I knew was that Penny Hunter was clearly not a good person. It was just more reason to leave. “I’m sorry. I’ll take them off. Just give me a few minutes, okay?” I left the room without waiting for a response.
When I got to my room, I pulled the duffel bag over my shoulder. I was about to go hide when I realized this was exactly what a monster would do. Leaving without saying anything was harsh. I didn’t want James to worry, I wanted him to let me go. I grabbed a piece of paper off the nightstand and left a quick note.
James,
I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. This is better for both of us. Please forget about me.
-Penny
I dropped it in front of the bathroom door and then ran out of the room. My whole body froze when I heard James’ voice from downstairs. Him being home ruined everything. Shit, shit, shit!
“I assumed you knew,” he said.
“Why would you assume that? I was completely blindsided today, James,” Melissa said. “You asked me to help her try to remember you, but how can I possibly do that when I don’t know anything about you.”
“She never told you?”
“No.” They were both quiet for a moment. “So it’s true? You’re an addict?”
“I…I’m good right now.”
“You don’t look good, James. Honestly, you look terrible and…”
“How do you think you’d look if Josh almost died? I’m dealing as best I can. And I’m not using.”
“Do you swear?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Because you’ll need your A-game tonight. Penny’s lost her freaking mind. She stole Josh’s pants and then pretended it wasn’t weird at all and then ran away to take a bath because apparently she’s freezing cold.”
“She never takes baths.”
“Yeah, well, she’s not exactly acting like herself. God, I barely recognize her. I’ve known her longer with you two together than I ever knew her when she was single. I’m used to you two being solid.”
“I’m going to go check on her.”
“Let me,” Melissa said with a sigh. “She used to always wear Tyler’s sweatpants when she’d come over. I may have snapped at her because it reminded me of that.”
Man of my dreams Tyler? I bet I did want to be in his pants. I almost laughed at the thought. There was no way I had tried to steal Melissa’s boyfriend. She had to know that.
James laughed. “Yeah. I hated when she’d do that too.”
“Why didn’t you tell her to stop then? You could have saved me from a huge fight we had.”
“I was trying to be less...possessive. I trusted her.”
“So not cool, James.”
There was a pause.
“I noticed that you used the past tense there,” Melissa said.
“I’m trying to hold on.” He sounded so defeated. “But I’m tired. I want to wake up and for all of this to be over.”
Me too.
“Well, let me go check on her. Sit down and relax. That’s why I came…to help.”
“Thanks, Melissa.”
“I’ll be right back.”
Oh my God. I looked both ways and then ran to the hall closet and jumped inside. I didn’t even have time to close the door when I heard her footsteps on the stairs.
“Penny?” she called as she went into the bedroom.
Please work. Please don’t see me.
I heard her knock on the bathroom door. “Penny?”
Silence.
“Penny!” she screamed at the top of her lungs and banged on the bathroom door. “Penny, let me in!” She banged harder. “Open the fucking door, Penny!” More banging. “Josh! Josh, get help!” she screamed down the stairs. “Someone help!”
Commotion, shouting, footsteps pounding on the stairs.
“Penny!” James yelled. “Penny, open the door! Baby, please.” It sounded like he was dying. Like his heart was breaking.
I thought about what I had written and cringed. I told him I was sorry. I told him couldn’t do this anymore. That this was better for both of us. That he needed to forget about me.
“Penny!” Pure agony coated every syllable. “Penny, don’t do this! Let me in!”
I could barely understand him through his sobs. And I knew what he thought. I hadn’t meant the note to make it worse. But it had. He thought I was trying to kill myself. Maybe he thought I already had. Guilt seeped into my bones, paralyzing me. I should have been running. But I couldn’t make myself leave when he sounded so distraught. It physically pained me.
“I thought she was downstairs.” I recognized one of the security guard’s voices. “We saw Josh go into the room…” his voice trailed off. “When the hell did you go back downstairs?”
“I never left my room,” Josh said.
“Oh, fuck.” More footsteps on the stairs.
“Penny!” James yelled as he pounded his fist against the door. “You can’t leave me!” he sobbed. “Baby.”
I wanted to curl up in a ball and die in that closet. His pain tore me in two. His words shattered me. But the crack of wood breaking pulled me out of my trance. They were breaking the bathroom door, which meant they were about to see that I wasn’t in the bathroom.
It was now or never. I’m sorry. I burst out of the closet and ran as fast as I could. And I didn’t stop. I ran away from the pain in his voice. The pain in my chest. I ran as fast as I possibly could away from the life I didn’t want. I’m sorry, James. I’m so so sorry.
PART 2
Chapter 17
Saturday
I pressed my hand against the passenger window.
"Don't put me through that again, Penny." James kissed my neck as he moved my hips faster and faster.
"Never." His hands slid to my ass and he slammed his cock into me. I moaned as his fingers dug into my skin. I loved the way he knew exactly what to do to make me completely surrender my body to him. He pulled me closer to him.
"Promise me."
"I promise," I said breathlessly. It was a promise I knew I could keep.
The seat belt buckle hit my knee and I quickly pushed it aside. The angle in the car was awkward but the sensation of him inside me was all that mattered.
"You're mine," he growled.
"Yes! I'm yours!" I moaned.
Someone knocked on the car window, but all I could see was fogged up glass around my handprint.
The knocking grew louder.
My eyes flew open. I was alone in the car. And someone’s face was practically pressed against the driver’s side window. I jumped, slamming my elbow into the horn. “Sorry,” I mumbled, even though I knew the guy standing outside my car couldn’t hear me. My dream had felt so real. I could barely calm my rapid heartbeat just thinking about it. I took a deep breath. The dream meant nothing. I probably just had it because I was sleeping in a car. A car fantasy for my current predicament. It had nothing to actually do with James.
“Move it along!” he yelled through the
glass and pointed toward the exit of the parking lot.
I wiped the drool off the side of my face as I watched him walk away. He was wearing an apron with a logo that matched the pharmacy. I was lucky he hadn’t called the cops on me. But if I had been in a beat up old Chevy or something, he probably wouldn’t have even noticed me. Instead, I had accidentally swiped the most conspicuous car. When I pressed the unlock button in the parking garage I had cringed. I had basically stolen the Batmobile. So much for being discreet.
Which was exactly why I had pulled over in the middle of nowhere for a few minutes of shut-eye. I was hoping no one would notice. But a few minutes had quickly turned into a few hours. Fortunately, pharmacy man didn’t seem to be interested in calling the cops on me.
I put the key into the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot. I had no idea where I was going. No cell phone meant no GPS. But I was trying to stay off the highway so that there was less of a possibility of being pulled over. And I was generally heading south. I think.
There was only one realistic possibility of where I could go. My parents’ house. They were staying in the city as far as I knew, so they wouldn’t be home.
But the safety of my childhood home wasn’t calling to me. I watched the trees rushing by. It was summer. Not many students would be around campus. Maybe going back there would help jog my memory.
No. I didn’t want my memory to come back. I wanted to forget. I wanted to move on. But where else could I go? I looked down at the gas meter. I only had a quarter of a tank. Eventually my gas level would decide for me. That was the best way. Leave it to fate.
I drove for awhile longer and saw a sign for I-95. If anything felt like fate, that did. I was sick of the winding roads. I’d just be careful not to speed. And I’d at least know where I was.
I merged onto the highway. And despite trying to just drive for the purpose of getting farther away, I found myself following signs to Newark. It was like I was being drawn toward the University of New Castle. Maybe I just needed to see it for myself. See the changes around campus to further prove that I had lost seven years of my life.